The rain crashes down around us, even penetrating the overhead cover provided by the closely knit branches. The damp air and the persistent droplets of rain beginning to dapple my fur make me feel claustrophobic, even cold, despite the moderate temperature, but all of it is overcome by a sense of overwhelming numbness.
"T-that's yours?"
Sky nods. Khrys draws closer to her side, wings spread out defensively and four stubby arms wrapped around her side with the same tender kindness his two human ones once held. He's even shorter than her now than he was before, but she looks so meek in the moment that she seems to curl in on herself like a leaf in the middle of winter, colorless and broken. She chokes on her own breath and his eyes, multifaceted, turn from my face and the glint of my predator teeth and refocus on her. She is a stained glass mural in his refracted mirrors, something made holy and beautiful. Even without pupils or any of the human gestures we'd subconsciously become accustomed to using to gauge emotion, I can feel their trust in a glorious outpour of emotion, harder than any rainstorm.
Lilly shoots me a quick glance, filled with longing and an unexpected regret.
As if in response, Sky collapses onto Khrys, one wing still curved slightly about the egg.
I take a step forwards and fall down onto my knees for eye level. They're taller than I remember, but there's still a noticeable size difference between us. It's enough to make me uneasy.
"Why didn't you tell anyone?"
"Mutiny." Sky whispers, the egg rocking as her wings do. They seem fragile as Khrys's, dew touched and shuddering.
Seeing our confusion, Khrys clarifies, "Not everyone was united as they seemed back in Kalos. The urge to return home pulled at all of us, sure, but we had planted roots and it seemed for a while as if some of us were just going to stay, no matter what that entailed. We... we made our decision because we knew if a third of the main team dropped out, things would have become complicated. We did it for her." He pauses, the resolve in his voice crumbling. "It was just harder than we had anticipated." He holds Sky tighter as her unsteady breath shakes her whole body. The egg shines a pale silver and almost muddied green in the distant light of the rainstorm.
"Your child is going to live." Lilly decrees. "All of this is going to be over within the next year and then we'll have an ending worth living in. I know it must have taken a lot of bravery to come back, but I promise that all hell will come down on anyone who threatens this family... and that includes our youngest member."
She looks to me as if asking for reassurance or back up, though I can't tell which. I don't have her way with words, at least not when I'm called upon directly, and right now I can't think of a thing to say that vocalizes how grateful I am to have them as teammates. I want to embrace them, but my claws are heavy on both my hands and they look so, so fragile.
Instead, I just nod. "Thank you," I say, trying not to let my voice crack at the end. "I don't know what we would do without you. Both of you."
Khrys forces a smile, one fang tilted upwards. Without the addition of eyebrows and with his antennae static, it looks forced and almost alien, but the gesture is there. "We just did what we know you would have done."
Lilly's tail gem glows a violent red. "W-we should get you back to the group."
I nod in agreement.
"Right then." Khrys picks up the egg, and Sky almost grabs for it back, but she strikes out with her wings instead of the small claws on top of her top wings or her feet. The confusion of limbs disorients her again, and I realize just how much they've given up to come here, child aside. Still, we make our way back to the tree with haste and are met by the other two members of what's come to be the 'core team'. Dill has his mouth out in the rain and is catching raindrops on his tongue while Toxis waits under the tree's shade, staring after him with an amused expression. As I help Sky and Khrys under the tree, I look around and begin mentally taking census to find an alarming amount of heads are nowhere to be seen.
"What's going on?" I ask, my voice more of a growl than I expected.
Dill looks up from guzzling rain, shaking himself off. "Half of us were hungry, so we kind of took a vote without you aaaand now Ferro, Millie, and Shika are trying to scope out the land to find berry bushes. I doubt they'll find anything, but..."
"They're out in the forest?" Lilly asks.
Dill's eyes widen in the picture of innocence. "I voted against it. So did Toxis. It was maaaaainly the new guys who voted, you know, the new and the old guys. The guys who didn't live that long. Those guys. Oh yeah, Rage didn't vote. At first I thought it was because he doesn't have hands anymore but he's just been twitching for a while and staring straight ahead. Do you think he needs water or something? I mean, there is water, but it's not a lot of water. You know what I mean."
I snort embers. "Hold on. You didn't try to stop them?"
"N-no? I mean, it was a majority. What authority do I have over half the group?"
"Mine." I snarl.
"Oh." Dill's fins fall against the side of his face. "I guess that would have been something. We never set up a hierarchy, did we? Psh, government. So, why were you out, anyways?"
"Sky's pregnant." Lilly says.
"She is?" Toxis asks, trying to feign surprise. "Sounds risky, given circumstance."
"See, this is why we never adopted." Dill sighs without the least bit of concern, his fins flapping against the side of his face.
"Dill, you would be the least qualified parent on the face of this planet." Toxis places a single claw under his chin, and Dill's tail swings back and forth.
"I would make an incredible stay at home dad." Dill retorts. "Just get me a tie and a book of dad jokes and I'd be all set. Wait, aren't all dad jokes just puns? I can do puns. Give me a topic. Let's do puns right now-"
"Cut it out!" Lilly snaps. "This is the worst possible time for you two to be bantering about dad jokes. Now, which way did they go?"
"She's right. Make outs later. Rescue mission now." Toxis says with a wink that sets Dill's tail wagging even faster. He points to the right. "Saw 'em go that way not long ago. Should we come?"
"We need you to make sure no one else leaves." I reply. Given their track record, this is a terrible idea, but we're understaffed and half the team is underqualified. No one's had battle experience in over a year and quarter of the team is newly evolved. Guess we're doing this alone. "Lilly, let's go."
Lilly gives me a stiff nod and we take off into the woods together. It's obvious near immediately that she can't keep up, and her fastest pace is an uneasy wobble with long strides. She looks up at me like a lost Growlithe, ears laid back against the side of her heads, and I try to grab my hand in hers. Keratin scrapes keratin and neither of us can maintain a grip, so dragging her along is not an option.
"You should go on without me." she admits.
"I'm going to need a light," I reply, "if it gets too dark."
It's a stupid response but she lights up anyways, a soft red glow shimmering on the trees around us. She takes a few more steps, shivering, then looks back at me again. "Bronze, you can set yourself on fire."
"In this weather?" I shake myself off a bit. "Not happening. Anyways, no matter what happens, I want you at my back. I know this sounds ridiculous, but out of everyone on the team, you've always been the one I could trust most." I kneel close to her level, and she steps back just as the others have, as if they're facing a bonfire and not a teammate.
"Of course," She's looking past me, searching for something I can't describe or reach out to. Instead we end up just moving along in silence, uneasiness colder than the leaves between my feet.
There's something missing here.
My ears flatten.
"I think I see them up ahead." Lilly taps my arm, and I flare up, whirling around. Sure enough, three brownish shapes converge in the distance in a clearing up ahead. Ferro has a large number of berries loaded onto a large piece of bark, which is situated atop his new, massive tail. Hershey- I mean Shika- has managed to get her horns covered in dirt and vine tendrils, and Millie just looks pissed. As we grow closer, I notice scorch marks amongst her usual spots.
"So, y'all still think fightin' a Houndoom seems like a bright idea?" Millie asks.
"Houndoom aren't even native to the Illex forest." Shika says, staring ahead at the trees. "We've either stumbled upon some massive deep forest gang or there's some kind of timeline alteration."
"A what now?"
"Yeesh, Shika, you're a nerd. Speak in plain terms for the lady, won't you?" Ferro teases.
"Someone or something has been tampering with Johto itself. Theoretically." Shika says quickly.
"Well, that settles it. It's the Houndoom gangs." Millie turns around to notice Lilly and I standing there, probably looking a little less than pleased with the ordeal. "Howdy?"
"Care to explain what's going on here?" I ask, tapping my foot against the ground.
Ferro turns, the berries shuffling as the bark turns with his tail, but they're remarkably safe on his tail. His ears flatten as he pulls himself upright onto his back paws. "Nice day for a walk. How's the power couple doing?"
"Great, great, but we're dealing with a minor inconvenience right now. Someone... not naming names... ran out of camp without telling us and we had to go out into the pouring rain to find them."
Ferro looks to Hershey and Shika, who have little to say. He gulps, but his tone is stern as he speaks: "We're hungry, Bronze."
"You could have waited for us." I reply, aggravated.
"Technically, we are herbivores. We could graze if we... if we needed to." Lilly says, though her expression indicates this is the last thing she'd ever do or plan on doing.
"I'm not giving up all my dignity yet and eating other Pokemon is out of the question. Face it, we need a plan and we need one fast." Shika says. If she could cross her arms, she probably would.
"You're right." I say. "I don't plan on eating tonight, nor will many of us, but we can't depend on Pokemon physiology to cover us tomorrow. If you three want to help set up foraging patrols tomorrow while we make plans, I'd be more than happy to assist. Just don't run off again- we don't know what's out there. A Houndoom pack isn't anything to mess around with."
Ferro sighs in resignation, and Shika is shivering. Millie rolls her eyes and passes us, waving a cloven hoof. The others follow, and it appears we've reached a satisfactory conclusion.
We walk back in near silence, less out of aggression or bitterness and more out of a lack of anything to say. Everyone has something to think about and food isn't the only thing that pulls at us tonight, we all know it. The 'we' in and of itself is terrifying. We might have been together in Kalos, but we had teams, jobs, families, even... Tonight, we've left all of that behind. I feel like I'm breathing for the first time in years, but the nagging regret refuses to dissipate.
Lilly is nervous.
I don't want to go back to the tree tonight, and seeing it in the distance, encircled in part by Rage, makes me feel sick to my stomach. It's crowded, hot, and almost suffocating in the responsibility it offers. This is a burden I'm not ready to bear yet and everyone seems to know it.
"You want to get out of here?" I ask Lilly. Her ears twitch.
Ferro weasels in around us and pops out in front, smirking. "Oh ho ho, look who's leaving camp now! Seriously guys? Seriously?"
"Relax, Lilly and I are going to go sit under a tree a few feet from here. Everyone else is free to spread out as well, as long as you're close enough to see from the main tree." I call the last sentence out to the others, who perk up, though no one seems in all that much of a hurry.
"Fine, you two go cool down." Ferro says, then when we don't respond, he adds, "Cool down. Fire type." He moves his arms from the rain to me as to illustrate the joke.
"Now that we have Oran berries on hand, I can and will punch you, Ferro." I reply grimly.
"Mhm. A 'thank you' would suffice in the future." Ferro waves his tail, threatening to throw off everything on it, and then races away towards the tree with berries in tow. He moves like a bolt of lightning, sleek and natural, and I try to remember if I ever got down on all fours as a Typhlosion. I don't want to try tonight, but it's something to at least take into consideration.
I turn at the last minute as we pull up to the tree, just close enough to hear Dill and Toxis laughing and to see Shell, Dusty, and Gaia making flower crowns out of damp daisies. I guide Lilly to a nearby tree that seems to twist and writhe as it moves upwards into the mess of clouds above, but it still provides ample shelter. The leaves fall down in clusters, and I recognize the tree from some hazy memory of a book I saw in Elm's lab.
"Willow." I whisper. "Houndooms aren't the only thing you don't usually find in this forest."
Lilly nods, and falls back against the trunk. "Feels familiar. Comfortable." She settles herself in, eyes twinkling. "We're home."
My fur settles on my back, damp, twisted, and heavy. I forgot how much rain sucks when you have a pelt, but it's real and that in and of itself is more than I can say for the last year or so. I missed this place as it is- the boring, unfortunate details of reality never work quite the same in daydreams. "I think it just dawned on me that this is real. I dreamed about it so often that it's hard to really let it sink in." I tell her.
"Is it everything you'd been hoping for?" she asks, looking out on the rain.
"It will be when we find Ashley. I can't do this for much longer."
"You're doing fine," she reassures me.
I shake my head, the events of the day still dark on my mind. "Pokemon aren't supposed to rule over Pokemon. No one will ever see me as an authority figure because I'm on their level, regardless of seniority or fighting ability. It's just... not something we do. It makes me want my team back." I groan, thinking of Shruikan, Nephthys, Ginger, and Pacifica with a sad kind of wistfulness. Their memory is like an old wound, one that no longer hurts yet still carries within it a sense of longing I can't shake.
Lilly pauses. "I miss them already."
"Me too," I murmur, "but I was willing to give whatever it took for this. I didn't think twice."
"You didn't? I must have made the decision a thousand times. On the last day, they were... they were dead to me, Bronze. They were so upset and I knew in that moment that whatever we had broke the second that awful bird collapsed on Chrona. I can trace it down to the second her lifeforce left mine. Doesn't that... doesn't knowing we left all that behind you eat at you?"
"I do, but I know that my team is better cared for now then they ever would have been with me." I smile, though Lilly doesn't echo the sentiment. "They're with Shauna."
A bolt of lightning streaks the sky between branches and Lilly gasps, as if seized by the lightning herself. A memory, distant as the storm clouds, rolls through my mind and I pull her closer.
"Shauna," she whispers. "We're never going to see her again either... and I... and she..." A whine rises in her throat, close to the noise Sky made after her confession. It doesn't break into the same sobbing, however, and chokes itself out in her throat instead.
I remember the regret on her face just earlier today, and my head begins to spin. The closed hands on long walks in the forest in Kalos. How distant she seemed in our later encounters, our fights... Shauna's sudden decision to travel with us.
I can feel her presence with us, the hole where she would have been, suddenly as if it had been gouged into the air. Lilly's breathing shudders and I can feel a keen heartbreak in every bit of it and I think of Lilly, steadfast companion, the light in the darkness, my reason for all of this... Lilly with someone else. Lilly in love.
No. Lilly wouldn't.
"She and you." I test the air between us.
"It didn't go anywhere."
Lilly would.
The single moment Khrys and Sky shared suddenly has more weight than anything else, in this moment. It promises security I didn't know I didn't have. "I couldn't. I had you." Lilly adds.
"Always," I say, the echo of it buzzing off my tongue and in my throat. It's not a promise anymore, it's an open question, but she takes it in earnest.
"I had to tell you now. I don't want this to build up forever in between us. We're a team." She adds hastily, then places a hoof on my leftmost claw, "You're not... angry, are you?"
"No." The fire burning in my throat is cold, and it threatens to choke out my own oxygen supply. I am a fire devoid of fuel. If this is what my closest friends have been keeping from me, why would I ever expect even something small as allegiance from teammates I'm nowhere near as close as?
No, I'm not angry.
I have no idea what I am.
"I hope she finds someone. Someone who's ... someone who's kinder than I am, smarter... braver... someone who deserves her." She draws her hand back, and her cloven hooves fit between each other best they can, the smooth surfaces sliding off each other so that they never quite find that perfect fit. The look in her eyes, that familiar loneliness, only brightens that awful internal flame. I feel nearly as guilty as I do hurt.
Deserves? I cut myself off before my thoughts grow selfish. Taking a deep breath, I smirk, "Kinder than you?"
"Stop." she teases, hitting me with the aforementioned hooves. The rain pours on not far from us.
"And smarter, too? Braver than the Ampharos who just nearly took down an entire league in close to a year and destroyed a criminal organization while she was at it?" I can taste something like blood in my mouth.
"No, really. Stop."
(A/N: Fire and light. When it rains, it pours.)
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