Weekend At Bobby's 

"What's another way to kill a lamia?" Dean asked as Bobby answered the phone.

"Well, what happened to the silver knife blessed by a priest?" Bobby asked.

I looked down at the dead priest.

"It didn't pan out. What's Plan B?" Dean asked. 

Suddenly, Sam was thrown across the room and into the wall.

"Ooh, that's gotta hurt." I said.

"Come on, Bobby, get the lead out." Dean paused for a moment. "Church. A rectory."

"Salt. Rosemary." Dean told me.

I moved to the kitchen, which was the next room over. I dug through the cabinets. I poured both into a bowl.

"He said to cook well or sauté or whatever." Dean said, grabbing the bowl and tossing the herbs at the lamia.

"Why did you do that? We were supposed to cook well!" I said.

"Suck it, Si." Dean pulled the gas-powered stove from the wall, grabbed the pipe from the back. He pulled out his lighter. "Sammy, fire in the hole!" He flicked on his lighter and flames shot forward and caught the lamia.

_____

The bathroom door creaked open and Dean slipped inside. "Hey, baby, you okay?"

"Yeah, why?" I asked, undoing my towel and unwrapping it from my body.

"Just checking in." I watched as Dean's eyes traced over my body in the mirror. They lingered on the fingerprints on my hips, the small bruises on my thighs, the similar ones on my breasts. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, Dean, you didn't."

"I shouldn't have been so--"

"I'm not fragile, Dean. I'd rather see this when I look in the mirror than what I did before. At least these marks come from love." I traced the one by my hip. "It's not the same."

_____

"Hey, Dean, you alright?" Bobby answered the phone. Dean and I sat at the table. Sam was outside. Night had fallen by now.

"Yeah. Yeah. The lamia grilled up fine." Dean said. 

"I sense a 'but' coming."

"It's Sam, Bobby." Dean admitted. "It's just he's different. You know, I get it. You go through something like that and you change." He glanced at me as I flipped the page of the book I was reading. "Something's not right to me."

"Dean--" Bobby began.

"I've got questions. About that year, you saw him and I didn't--"

"Dean--I got another call."

"You what?"

"Just hang on. I gotta take this, it's important."

"More important than Sam?"

"Yes, Dean, sometimes people have other things to worry about. Don't take offence, baby. He's just got a life of his own." I told him.

"Bobby?" Dean asked. 

"Here, have an M&M." I grabbed a red one from the bag that sat before me and held it out to him. "It'll make you feel better."

"Will it?" Dean asked.

"Maybe."

"You still there, Dean?" Bobby asked.

"Bobby, what the hell?" Dean quipped. 

"I--Sorry."

"You know, you are the one person besides Si that I can talk to about this stuff." Dean said. "About Sam. I mean, I don't even know which was is up right now. Bobby? Hello?"

"I hear you, son. It just ain't a good time."

"Yeah, okay. You know what, forget it." Dean said, standing and moving to sit on the bed. "I mean, I'm baring my soul like a freaking girl here and, uh, and you got stuff to do. That's fine. Seriously, a little selfish. It's not all about you."

"Dean Winchester. Whoa, hey, watch your tone. He's busy." I told Dean, shutting my book.

"Where's your brother?" Bobby asked. 

"Outside." Dean answered. 

"Get him."

____

"You're on speaker, Bobby." Dean told him. He and I sat on one bed as Sam sat on the other. 

"Sam, Dean, Saige? I love you like my own. I do. But sometimes--" Bobby paused. "Sometimes you three are the whiniest, most self-absorbed sons of bitches I ever met. I'm selfish? Me? I do everything for you. Everything. You need some lore scrounged up? You need your asses pulled out of the fire? You need a babysitter? You need someone to bitch to about each other? You call me and I come through. Every damn time. And what do I get for it? Jack with a side of squat."

"Bobby--" Dean began.

"Do I sound like I'm done?" Bobby snapped.  "Now, look, I know you got issues. God knows I know. But I got a news flash for you. You ain't the center of the universe. Now it may have slipped your mind that Crowley owns my soul and the meter is running. And I will be damned if I am gonna sit around and be damned! So how about you three sack up and help me for once?"

"Bobby, all you gotta do is ask." Sam told him.

"Anything you need, we're there." Dean added.

"Whatever it is, Bobby, we're here for you." I said.

_____

"So, wait, you have a picture of Bobby and Crowley kissing?" I asked as Millie leaned over the seat, phone in hand. 

"Yeah, it's crazy. I saved it. Here." Millie handed me her phone. 

"Holy crap." I said. "You were right."

"I know."

"How are you two so calm?" Dean asked, eyes jumping around the plane. Evie sat in his lap, perfectly content and not paying any attention to the world around her. 

"Because we're going to Scotland and if we're lucky, I'll talk you into another trip after we get this over with. I'm thinking Hawaii." I said, bouncing Aurora on my knee. Wyatt and Eli were in the row behind us with Sam and Millie. 

______

"Hiya, Crowley." Dean said as we stood over the grave of Fergus MacLeod aka Crowley himself. 

"Dean. It's been a long time. We should get together." Crowley's voice crackled through the speaker. "I heard Betty is back. How is the Hedgehog?"

"I'm good. Wonderful, even." I said.

"Sure. We'll have to do that when we get back." Dean told the demon.

"Back?" Crowley repeated. 

"Yeah, we took a little vacation, went international." Dean stated. "The kids love it here. In fact, we're in your neck of the woods. Did you really used to wear a skirt?"

"A kilt." Crowley corrected. "I had very athletic calves."

"You also sold your soul for a bigger dick, literally, so..." Millie mumbled. "That's funny."

"What's the game?" Crowley asked.

"Dominoes." Dean said. "In fact, we just dug yours up." He looked down at the skeleton sitting before us. 

"This is ridiculous. The whole burning a demons bones thing, it's a myth." Crowley stated, though he was lying.

"I know an employee of yours who'd disagree." I faintly heard Bobby's reply.

"That's where she got to."

"You demons. You think you're something special. But you're just spirits. Twisted, perverted, evil spirits. But end of the day, you're nothing but ghosts with an ego. We torch your bones, you go up in flames."

Dean flicked his lighter one, a small flame shooting up. "You hear that, Crowley? That's me flicking my Bic for you."

Millie and I shared a look. "Am I the problem or did that sound...vaguely dirty?" I asked.

"Your bones for my soul." Bobby said. "Going once." He paused. "Going twice."

"Bullocks." Crowley muttered. 

A few minutes passed before a voice made me look over. "Hmm, there are you have four goblins now? You two just never stop. What are you, rabbits?" Crowley asked. "I believe those are mine." He pointed to the bones.

"Hi!" Evie waved her hand. 

Wyatt was less sociable and looked at the demon skeptically.

"You know, now that I think about it, maybe I'll just napalm your ass anyhow." Dean said, flicking on the lighter.

"Dean, he's a dick, but a deal's a deal." Sam said.

"I don't need you to fight my battles for me, Moose. Get bent." Crowley told him before gathering his skeleton and placing it into the briefcase. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a little hell to raise. Goodbye, Goblins." He waved at Evie and Wyatt. Eve waved back. Wyatt didn't.

____

"I appreciate you four lending a hand." Bobby said through the speaker of the phone.

"Hey, anytime we get to punk Crowley works for us." Dean replied as he drove down the road.

"Still, knowing how much you love flying the friendly skies, I guess a nine-hour plane trip was no picnic." Bobby stated.

"He whined more than the kids, actually." I said, leaning forward. "Other than that...."

"What'd he do, drink his way through it?" Bobby asked.

"I was fine." Dean lied.

"No. He white-knuckled his way through four puke bags." Sam answered. 

"Well, at least I was sober. I had to be. I have kids." Dean rambled. "Some nutjob decided to try something, I was ready. I had a fork."

I smiled, shaking my head. "That's my big, manly protector right there. Ready to shank a flight attendant with a plastic fork."

"Listen, um....about the thing I said earlier." Bobby said, voice turning serious. "I was in a tough spot and I guess--"

"You were right, Bobby." Sam cut him off. "We take you for granted."

"You've been cleaning up our messes for years." Dean added. "Without you, I don't even wanna think about where me and Sam would've ended up."

"Yeah, seriously, Bobby, thank you." I said. "You've been like a father to us."

"Okay, then let's roll the credits on this chick flick." Bobby said. "You have a safe flight. And try some of the local grub. I hear it's exotic."

"Yeah, no, definitely." Dean replied. "We are. I hear they have an Olive Garden."

"We came all the way to Scotland for Olive Garden?" I asked. "I don't think so."

"We're going to Olive Garden." Dean insisted as Sam hung up.

"Then when we board the plane, it's going to Hawaii." 

"In your dreams, Si."

"I bought a new bikini."

"....That's not fair."

"So Hawaii?"

"...Fine."