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dan

To say the holidays were miserable for Dan would be the understatement of the century.

They were completely awful. So bad to the point that Dan began to count down to today: the day school resumed for his final year.

The holidays were okay when he was out with his friends, or at their houses, but when Dan was stuck at home by himself or worse, with his parents, he just wanted to scream so someone would hear his cries.

And then there was Phil. Phil didn't speak to Dan again after that last day, and in a way, Dan was kind of happy about that. He liked what Phil's last words to him were, but there were times when all Dan wanted to do was run to Phil's house and just he with him.

He knows he isn't over Phil, and part of him will probably always care deeply for him. But that isn't a problem anymore, Dan watched from his windows last week as Phil stood out the front of his house, his bags packed before he headed off to travel a while before he has to start university in the city.

It took all of Dan's will that day to stop himself from running over to Phil, but then he decided that maybe if he never says goodbye, Phil will never really leave.

But he did leave, and Dan is left in his world of blurry faces with no sanity other than when he shuts his eyes and pictures Phil's bright, blue eyes.

Dan walks downstairs, showered and dressed for school, his brown fringe shorter and straightened. He sits at the breakfast bar on the metal stools, quickly shoveling spoonfuls of cereal into his mouth. He wants to leave the house as soon as he can.

Ten minutes later, Dan is just about to run out the door when his mother stops him, grabbing onto his arm. Dan almost wants to wretch her hand off him. How dare she touch him with her filthy hands which have been god knows where?

"Dan, it's been the entire holidays and I've hardly seen you! And now you're rushing out to school? When is there time for your mother?" She asks.

Dan scowls. He's been holding back all holidays with his parents, trying to be tolerant, to be ignorant but he can't take it anymore. He simply can't. He pulls his arm roughly out of her grip.

"I'm happier when I'm not at home. You're never home anyway," Dan snaps.

"It's not easy with work Dan, you have to understand that," His mother says.

You find time to bang these random guys behind your husband's back! Dan wants to scream at her, but he bites his tongue.

"If you wanted to spend time with me, then you'd make time," Dan says simply before turning and walking out the door and shutting it in his mother's face.

Dan huffs, reaching into the front pocket of his jeans and pulling out his phone. He untangles his earphones as he walks before putting them into his ears. He scrolls through his music library before settling on a Twenty One Pilots song.

'I know what you think in the morning...'

Dan sighs, wishing he was wearing a hoodie so he could shove his hands in the pockets of it - his jeans pockets are occupied with his phone and a packet of chewing gum. But summer is just ending so it is nowhere near cool enough for sweaters. Dan is already quite warm in his jeans.

When he arrives at school, it seems strange. There's all these new younger kids, and no older ones. No Louise, no Zoe, no Phil...

"Hey guys," Dan says as he approaches Pj and Alfie.

"Don't mind Alfie, he's grumpy and missing Zoe," Pj laughs, nudging Alfie with his elbow, who just huffs in response, "I can't believe it's our last year at school ever!"

"I know, is there any new kids in our year?" Caspar asks, approaching them, "I want to make new friends!"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that there's a couple new kids," Pj says, looking around, "but I can't spot yet."

They continue to chat until the bell rings, and Dan starts to walk off but soon bumps into a significantly shorter person who is dressed in black jeans and a plain t shirt with short, brown hair and a beanie on his head.

"Oh, hi, sorry," he says all at once.

Dan frowns. "You don't sound like you're from around here. Are you new?"

"Uh yeah, I'm originally from America. And yes, I'm new. I was supposed to graduate last year but... I never finished. Long story," he says, scratching the back of his neck, "anyway, I'm Connor."

"Dan," Dan replies, "do you want me to show you around?"

Connor pauses for a second, mumbling 'I swear I've heard that name before.'

"Yeah, that'd be great thanks," Connor replies brightly, looking back up, "I have art now by the looks."

"So do I, follow me," Dan says, and Connor walks beside him.

They get on pretty well, talking and laughing, and for a second, Dan stops missing Phil. But then when Dan realises that, his thoughts drift back to Phil. Later in the day, he walks past his old English classroom, looking inside and staring at the desk at the back which he shared with Phil.

He sighs sadly, turning away and shutting the classroom door. This is his life now, and it does not have Phil in it.

So he's just going to have to make the most of the other amazing people he does have in his life, like Pj, Caspar, Alfie, and now Connor.

But none of them have a face.

***

When Dan gets home, he can hear the yelling from out the front of his house. He pauses, not wanting to walk inside, but it was beginning to rain, so he had to.

He slips in as quietly as he can possibly manage and cringes as he listens to his parents bicker. They haven't been home at the same time for a while. Dan can smell something else as well - the strong, familiar smell of alcohol.

He peeks around the corner into his kitchen, where his parents are both holding glasses of alcohol and yelling at each other about an endless list of things. Dan feels something inside him snap, and he walks in between them, grabbing the glasses out of their hands and smashing them on the floor.

"Dan! What the-" his father starts, looking at his son in shock and confusion.

"No, you will fucking listen to me for once!" Dan yells.

"Dan there's no-" his mother interrupts.

"I said SHUT UP!" Dan yells, "I have tried to ignore it, tried to look past it, but you two are the fucking worst parents in the world! ALL YOU DO IS YELL WHEN YOU'RE AT HOME, WHICH IS NEVER ANYWAY! I AM ALWAYS BY MYSELF AND YOU DON'T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT ME!"

"Dan, that's not true..." His mother starts.

"Yes it is! Tell me, when is the last time either of you spent time with me?" Dan asks, looking angrily between them, and they both remain silent, guilt flickering through their eyes.

"Exactly," Dan snaps, "and don't think that I don't know what you both do. I'm not an idiot."

Dan storms out, but turns back, grabbing the bottle of wine which was sitting on the bench behind them and walking out again. He pauses around the corner, listening.

"What does he mean what we do?" His mother asks sharply.

"Don't look at me! He said we anyway!"

Dan sighs and walks back outside, disgusted and tired of his parents. He doesn't even care that it's raining anymore, he just walks around to the side of his house, leaning against the exterior and drowning his sorrows with the alcohol.

After the bottle is empty, Dan's gaze drifts up to Phil's window, and his heart fills with grief and anger. He smashes the battle against the side of his house, not caring when some of the shattered glass rebounds and slices into bits of his skin.

Dan looks down at his hands, which have beads of blood gathering in various places. He sinks to the ground, on top of the broken glass, but his jeans partially protect his legs.

Dan sighs heavily, angry with himself.

He truly did think that this year would be better.

***

phil

Phil looks down at his phone, which his ringing in his hands.

He answers the call, bringing the phone up to his ear.

"Connor, how was your first day?" Phil asks.

"Great, it was good to be back in a classroom. And I met a few nice people," Connor answers.

"That's great," Phil says, "are my parents okay?"

Phil's parents and Connor had really hit it off when Phil bought him home. They straight away welcomed him into their house, and probably like Connor better than Phil, but he can't really blame them for that.

"Yeah, they do miss you Phil," Connor says.

Phil snorts. "Sure. Anyway, why'd you ring?"

"Well, I met this guy today, and his name sounded familiar. I thought I'd heard you mention him," Connor says.

"What's his name then?"

"Dan."

Phil freezes. There was no escape from Dan. Even though Phil was in an entirely different country - he was travelling in America - the name Dan still had to pop up, and Phil knew it would be the same one. But Phil wants Dan to have a fresh start without him.

Because Phil still is not entirely safe - Shane was bailed out of jail after no real evidence was found, so he is still out there. But Phil figures that if he just avoids his old neighbourhood where Shane could be lurking, he'll be fine.

"No, never mentioned a Dan," Phil says vaguely.

"I swear you have-"

"Nope, listen Connor I gotta go. But call me soon, and I'm glad you liked school," Phil says quickly before hanging up, throwing his phone onto the hotel bed and sighing deeply.

He wonders how Dan is going. He knows Dan will be better off without him - as everybody is. Phil's thoughts are interrupted by his phone ringing yet again, this time by an unknown number.

"Hello?" Phil asks cautiously.

"Phil," A familiar voice says, making Phil freeze, "I know you called the cops on us."

"What? Shane! I never did I swear," Phil says, frowning, "I'm not that much of an idiot."

"Yeah, but I know you wanted out," Shane says accusingly.

"I did, but don't you think if I was going to call the cops, I would've done it a while ago?" Phil argues.

"Good point," Shane says, "but I'm still not entirely convinced."

"So...?" Phil asks, "what do you want Shane?"

"If you did call the police Lester, then you're a threat."

"I told you I didn't Shane!" Phil yells.

"Well, you'll have to prove to me you didn't," Shane says, "because whoever did make the call is a threat."

"But- that could be anyone!" Phil cries.

"No, it's someone with inside information."

"So you want me to find who did make the call?" Phil asks, running a hand through his hair.

"Bingo."

"And if I don't?" Phil asks.

"Well, then I'll assume it was you, and then you and your boy toy can pay," Shane says, "I'll give you two months to prove it wasn't you."

And then the line goes dead. Phil throws his phone onto his bed, tugging at his hair and screaming angrily. Is there no happy ending for him? Does he ever get to escape this? Phil is constantly having to protect others - especially Dan. Even from miles away, Phil is still trying to keep Dan safe.

That's all Phil has seemed to be doing lately. Dan Howell was still everywhere, but during keeping Dan safe, Phil's life is just increasingly worsening rapidly.

Ever since he met Dan it's just been one giant mess after another, but for some reason, he still can't stop thinking about him.

***************

an// hello hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! THANKS SO MUCH FOR 21k reads :D and nearly 200 votes on the last chapter! I couldn't believe it got to over 100 votes IN LESS THAN A DAY! That's honestly insane.

150 votes and 90 comments for a new chapter.

Also, I probably won't update until after Christmas, so MERRY CHRISTMAS IF I DON'T UPDATE BEFORE THEN!! (I may try to update for a Christmas present for y'all if I can and if the goal is reached by then ;D)

Anyway, thanks so much for all your support, you're all so amazing! I'm so grateful. And your comments are always hilarious. ^_^