I never thought keeping a relationship going would be so difficult. It's been about a month since we made up. Everything was fine. We were okay. Happy. Except for the past week. I didn't know why. He just seemed so distant again, but when I asked him what was wrong he just shrugged me off. Whatever was wrong, I would've gladly tried to take the burden off of him and carry it myself if it was that simple. Not just for him, but for my own selfish reasons too. So he could love me without his sadness being in the way. I don't care how heavy his sadness may be, I'd take it all in a heartbeat, as long as it means having him. 

I once told myself that if my boyfriend ever started acting distant and like he didn't want to be with me, I'd break it off. Maybe not for good, but at least for a bit. But I can't find it within myself to do that. I love him so much. Maybe more than I should. Once again, I feel like maybe my feelings are unrequited. Is he really in love with me? If we were traffic lights, I was green, but he was red. A red light with no hope of changing soon.

A/n

Mini chapter of some thoughts.

Also this is unchanged from the first time I wrote this story so yeah.

Okay, so weirdest thing, I was on Genius, looking at lyric interpretations for this song, and I came across a comment by a person named Saskia. And I just thought 'Oh hey cool someone has the same name as me.' And then I read the comment. Basically, it said that the Blue Neighbourhood (in the BN trilogy) is a neighbourhood that doesn't allow them to be themselves (queer). 

Anyways, I found that kinda weird because that's kinda what my story is about, AND my name is Saskia, so maybe it's some bizarre coincidence, but maybe it actually was someone reading this story. If it was, that's fine I don't really care. 

Have a good day!

~Saskia