After what felt like sourness and an arching back, I recollected my sight to focus on the walls around me, something steady.

Something secure.

Although as my gaze began to wander, they caught sight of a book beside myself.

The cover was darker with golden strings lacing the books edges and center. Before, I didn't think too much of this book. Now, all it did to me was mental anguish. There were things I wished to leave unexplored.

To tame a monster, you must gain their trust and faith in you.

Then next is their blind loyalty as they ought not to stab you in the back. Make them believe you can rely on them.

Finally, you are free to use them as you will.

"Finally, you are free to use them as you will" Whether or not that was an actual field guide to monsters, it gave me a feeling that it wasn't about monsters.

It wasn't about an animal per se, more likely human, a different kind of monster: me.

I recalled snippets of memories from my childhood.

The ones where I got caught up in between the pages of a book. It wasn't any book, "Wild creatures and how to tame them." was disguised by a dust jacket. I  frowned and noticed an odd wirling sensation in my chest. It wasn't excitement.

Between the few seconds, I stole glances in the forbidden book as though it was my forbidden fruit, my heart thundered in my chest, my ears throbbed so loud, I couldn't drown it out. I hated it.

In a moment of desperation that struck like a lightning through me, I tossed the book away. Mid air it hit a shelf, and I  When the realization sunk in what I had just done, my heart grew heavy as my gaze wasn't teared away from the book. Not only had I managed to crumple pages, but there was the teared dust jacket. Like our relationship, torn apart by faults were my virtues couldn't fix it. With age and experience, which gathered in my mind, I could articulate the sensation as fear and uncertainty.

All I could recall in front of me was a furious Lisa. I suppressed the memory of her stern face. The clenched jaw, the agitated posture, and her sharp inhale before she striked me past the cheek. The stinging, hot sensation burned into my skin as a reminder that I shan't snuck around anymore. All younger me could do was cower against the bookshelf into that little ball.

Hope.

That was all I gathered.

And hope that it was going to be all over soon. That the striking talons would turn back into the soft caresses. It would all be okay, 'she didn't mean it.' she—the decade younger version of myself chanted mentally until her limbs dropped from exhaustion. Until Lisa stopped after the second strike. However, then, inflicted a silent treatment for hours before the bottle placed in her hand found its way into my mouth, forcefully that was.

A bitter, sharp taste that left an insipid trail of iron in my mouth.

I don't remember if I tried to retch it up when the heavier caughing appeared, whether or not I vomited afterward wasn't clear, but my memory was done for.

"You're such a brat to deal with, ripping an unscathed, perfect shaped unique. Like my son.." she mumbled, "Raz— my son shouldn't have been killed unsolicited. Especially not by your inhuman parents. God complex personalities are such a hassle to deal with, " she mumbled. Then she took a trouselof hair and dragged my body across the floor as my mind slowly stressed in the opposite direction. More and more images fled and faded. Until there wasn't a flicker I could recall of the incident. The only reminder after no longer recalling were my bruises.

Meanwhile, Jean came in. Keep in mind that she was responsible like anyone else. She kneeled down, "you need to work on your discipline." she said. Her eyes scanned over the parts I rubbed in confusion while I simultaneously hoped it would ease anything and exchange the pain for wellbeing.

Then again, there were a few instances with less recollection. I didn't consider anything else the norm.

Average was alien.

Is alien.

The blonde haired blue-eyed knight stroked my cheek and patted my head. She smiled gently, warm, sweet.

"I know, you don't have to tell me, but dear Y/n should know better." The purple librarian muttered as she sorted books back into their respective shelves.

"I wasn't talking about the child, Lisa." she retorted as a sigh heaved her chest.

Lisa snapped her head back towards Jean. "What?" she asked, her voice low with laced heavy breath.

"I don't condemn those same actions in a child as I do with adults."

And such a memory suppressed until now, just like the potion ought to do. But, why now? Why did it only now reappear.

Razor.. I read a file about him.

The prohibition to kill vampire's was only set in tact a few weeks after his death.

Sucrose came in, "You're awake.." She said as though it was more of a question than an observation.

"How long was I out for?" I asked.

"2 weeks." she sighed, "you should take a look at this." she pulled a leather wrapped book out and placed it in my hands.

"Also, there is a newsletter section you should read."

I unfolded the books leather band.

The government has instructed a public execution of a vampire who led a shelter for provertty-stricken people.

Despite the anti killing law, which they have breached during this incident. Said announcement stirred chaos and fright.

As expected, it worked out. The public wasn't taking the changes too keen. Actually, they were not delighted at all. Since the rogue vampires took their part in making the days worse, their decisions for revolt led to a major screw up. A power play where the order had to prove their influence but admitst this, they made a mistake. Blinded by everything, attempting to show the dominance. To breach the one policy publicly, which they have assured, would never happen.

Yet it did, and I agreed to do so.

Hmm, odd, right? When you decide to kill with no hesitation, it was the one thing I have not had ever. It was my one lasting virtue, and I grasped on like a maniac.

Day 1

My son, Razor, has been bitten, I should ought not to worry as his Foster parent and concentrate on a solution. Yet I cannot help myself. It is hard to do so when I fed him as a little child, taught him, and guided his first heartbreak, which was quite difficult to fathom as it was a tragic journey of loss. I even groomed him for his first social event, his debute where he was bitten. It was weren't my decisions which brought him there.

Hope.

There will be hope.

I know it.

Day 2
He has been nothing but thirsting. Yes, I don't know what to do. I went through every of my few hundred books. There should've been one, but there wasn't. What am I supposed to do? There is hope. There must be hope.

Day 3
Razor had an encounter with a married couple—hunters. They injured him lethal. Right in the heart.

Day 4
My son is dead.

All that was left from the liquid soaked pages was one sentence. It wrenched my gut. It was crinkly, brown, and shed with a mix of tears and crimson.

day 5
I want to stop my utter pathetic existence.

Day 6
I don't know what to do anymore. Why has he been taken from me?

Day 7
I found a good position in the order they have killed my son through.
A librarian, fit for my tastes.

Day 8
Varka was merely a puppet amongst everyone, the true problem has been everyone who voted for the law to be postponed.

Day 9

Day ???
I have taken in a child. She is not as bad as I considered. Her potential us unlimited. I shall mend her into a weapon of the order. Her pain is going to suffice as my crutch on vengeance until her bittersweet death follows.

Just like my repetitive journey, of lies, betrayal, and self oppression, she had her share of concealed anguish.

I recognized that those pages weren't written after one another. There wasn't a certain leap between them. It was chaos just like her.

—;—

ErRoR - Temporary system change

"So," Y/n began, "how do we do this?" she asked. She turned her gaze to Diluc and Venti who contemplated what to do.

"We need to kill a vampire." she said. The feisty stare in her eyes. It was magnificent how a mortal like her, who ought to be calmer in the presence of immortals, which could kill her if she suggested this. Her voice was so calm and steady, it sent a shiver down his spine, how serious she was about this.

"So, you want to risk killing one of our kind?" Diluc said, narrowing his eyes. "You're not making any friends with that, Y/n."

"I'm not looking for friends. I'm looking for allies." her voice was as sharp and cold as ever. She came off as cool and narrow-minded to Venti, yet he saw the beauty of a sharp blade.

"No," he paused. "She's right. We have to outsmart them." Venti said. Diluc raised a brow as he starred at Venti with wide eyes.

"Are you out of your mind? She could get a blood mark from that." Diluc sighed, Y/n didn't hide her concern. For the fraction of a second, her facade melted as her lips parted, hesitating to retort.

"We'll convince them to kill," Venti said, to ease the tension. He understood the gears that rattled through Y/n's mind. He had caught onto her little  schemes.

"I'll stage the kill."

Icy. Beautiful. Gracious. Poisonous mortal.

"And I'll be the murdered." Venti said.

—;—

He lost track of tike in the underground. It was dark, gloomy, and damp. Venti didn't know how to deal with the quiet. Any other moment in his life had been filled with tunes and vocals, yet this silence after thousands of years drove him mad.

What was he supposed to do with silence? He could reach for far more when he listened to a harmonious tune.

When footsteps halled on the stairs, his head snapped towards the noise. Sharp, cruel minded, slightly tipsy Y/n came down and brought him a etiquette. 

"I know you're barbatos. Trust me, and my dramatic scheme to bring the corruption to a downfall."

His dreams, the visions he got, of her, plagued his sleep. It wouldn't stop, even after he drew and wrote of her. Future snippets, but never enough to tell where it led.

A hopeless loop.

—;—

He stroked her hair as though it was silk. A soft and nice sensation, one he wished not to let go off.

"Do you know, there is a public kill that fell under the radar?" he asked, a sigh heaved from his chest.

The hunter shook her head. How could she? The system was foul.

"Listen close to this tragic tale," he smiled, melancholically, "Once there was a mighty and loyal captain, from a not so far away land. She had a wife whom she dearly loved."

"And there is certainly a bitter twist to it?" she asked, soft as the tunes tye winds left in his ears. The cries of joy and laughter when a blessing was fulfilled.

"Well, youre right, my warrior." he said, "After her wife died she lost it, or so they say. Others said she was undead and some unsolicited hunter killed her."

"Tragic," she mumbled.

Yes, tragic.

He contemplated, would they end up like them? Lovers rifted to cries and ruins by fate? Or could their history be changed.

—;—

INTERLUDE—(02): of humanity
Amber

A red bow, long hair and swift as the animals of the forest. Alike to a monster in the forest, listened to a tranquil soul, solace was ought to be given to him.

"So that's one of the reasons they covered this whole thing up as no more killings towards vampires? Powerful people like lady ningguang were affected and killed. No peace or anything." Amber scoffed, the anger boiled in her veins. A fiery gaze of the same heat like the arrow she drilled through the puppets chest.

An act of chaos.

As if there were anyone who would take an offense. Not even the woman, who killed the vampire "shelter" leader, would have shed a tear. The hatred seeped through her eyes.

She took care of the injured Samurai. His back was lined with sharp and abyss deep.

He winced, hee fingers laced thw bandages, tighter than she would have figured. Another wince gave away her mistake.

She shot him a soft smile and loosened them.

"Beidou is dead, an explosion took her out. Suicide by nature of a broken heart and a loss of sanity" the soft spoken samurai whispered, his vocals were incoherent.

——✧･ﾟ: ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆
RAINEE's NOTE;
since I forgot to put the foreshadowing about wild animals and how to tame them in an earlier chapter, I'll be transparent with yall rq and say that now it just turned into a trauma thing where she suppressed it through some additional help of screwing with memory potions? (Desperate attempt to flick the plottwist)

And Venti pov is back ayyyy<333

The reader is seen as more beautiful in his pov and I noticed a few new vocabularies for descriptions.

Also, I have started yet another project. A cruel prince series will hopefully come since I have had some insane ideas for oc works maybe.

I have this whole fic planned out, and despite being sick for the past two days, there wasn't enough content to get to 5k words...🥹

I also got into tsitp AND idk man everyone says Belly and Conrad are such a great lovestory. When all I see is trauma. He's been hurting her throughout the seasons because of personal problems. Dude GO TO THERAPY, both of them 😭

Thoughts on this chapter?