Arina opened her eyes and gasped for air, like a freediver breaking the surface. At first she thought she had lost her sight, but gradually the darkness receded, revealing the outlines of the ceiling. However, the room remained shrouded in enough darkness; it was night time, though fairly illuminated by the moon.

She tried to shake off the strange stiffness that hindered her movement. Just like her vision, control over her body didn't return immediately.

Now that was some dream!.. She must have slept for a long time and very tight, judging how numb her body was... But that dream... Ninjas, jutsu, soul exchange... It all felt so realistic. Maxim will surely be amused when she tells him about it – omitting some of the details, naturally. It's not often that she managed to remember a dream so thoroughly – she could literally write it down.

Arina reached out her right hand, trying to find her phone to check the time. However, she couldn't locate her phone, and suddenly she realized with absolute clarity that none of this had been a dream. Then she caught a faint, almost forgotten, yet painfully familiar scent and realized that she wasn't even in her hotel room.

Already suspecting where she was and what would follow, she slowly turned her head to the right. Seeing a slightly shabby wall, she hesitantly, as if struggling with herself, looked to the left.

And there he was. Kakashi was sitting nearby, evidently waiting for her to wake up and look at him. Like a wolf in ambush...

Arina's eyes widened involuntarily, and her cheeks instantly flushed with an unsettling sense of foreboding. Though she couldn't quite understand why, the silver-haired man seemed to almost palpably radiate indignation. This was confirmed by the Sharingan flickering dimly in the semi-darkness – he didn't even bother to keep it shut.

Arina jolted up and lunged forward, intending to jump off the bed. But with a stifled shriek, she was swiftly sent back into the lying position.

"Where do you think you're going?" Kakashi spoke sternly, looming over her.

"What... what do you want from me?" Arina stammered in a voice that barely obeyed her, utterly terrified. Had he kidnapped her? Drugged her?

"And you have nothing else to say?" Kakashi pierced her with his gaze. "For instance: 'Thank you for not letting me commit a terribly foolish act'?"

Arina was startled. That's right. She jumped off the cliff... But how did he manage to save her?

"Were you spying on me?" she blurted out that ridiculous phrase after all.

Kakashi sighed, instantly losing his intimidating demeanour.

"No, I... Ah, never mind... Shit... I'm furious, but..." Kakashi leaned in and scooped the girl in his arms, pressing her so hard against the bed that she gasped. "How could you?.." he whispered with agony, burying his face in her hair. "We've been through this before..."

Tears welled up in Arina's eyes – not out of sentimentality, but because he had stopped her from carrying out her plan. She wasn't sure at all if she had the resolve to do it once more.

"At least back then, there was some hope... And now it's gone. Why... why did you do this? Who asked you? What... business is it... of yours?" She struggled furiously underneath him, trying to push him away and free herself.

Kakashi released her, but only enough to make a slight distance, so he could look into her eyes. His gaze was almost shooting lightning bolts again.

"What business it is of mine?" he nearly growled. "Tell me, do you really still not get it? Or are you just messing with me?"

Arina froze and swallowed involuntarily. She truly no longer understood anything, but she didn't want to admit it. So, she snapped back:

"It's none of your concern! And I asked you to leave me alone!" She resumed her resistance, but Kakashi held her in an iron grip.

"And like hell will I do that now!" he barked.

"You didn't even fulfil my previous request!" the girl almost shouted. "I know about the hotel bill! And I wouldn't be surprised if you've meddled in my life through other means!"

Kakashi's expression shifted again, a momentary flicker of embarrassment crossing his face before being swiftly replaced by stubborn resolve. He remembered her first days in Konoha, after she was released, as if it was just yesterday, and how helpless he felt trying to do anything to ease her condition, given that she wouldn't let him near her.

The first and last time he had dared to approach her, she hadn't even let him enter the room, and he sat there in the hallway for a long time after that, listening to her crying through the wall.

And then... He recalled how he bribed the staff into bringing her meals when she at first wouldn't leave her room, until she eventually started going to the dining hall. How he literally pleaded with Hiruzen to do something – absolutely anything – to get her out of her self-imposed confinement. In truth, the Hokage had quickly forgotten about the girl, which was not really surprising given his workload, and it took him five days to finally send Naruto after her, by which time Kakashi was ready to bash his head against the wall in despair...

The memory tightened its grip on his heart once more. He could have been by her side all that time... But yes, he had to act discreetly, through indirect means, not to hurt her feelings.

Kakashi drooped completely, and let out a sigh.

"Listen, I understand that you couldn't care less about me..." He stumbled over his words. Arina winced, biting her lip, but remained silent. "But what do you think Hiruzen-sama would have said if your plan had succeeded?"

"'Yay, one burden less'?" the girl responded immediately.

At this point, Kakashi had already covered his face with his hand, groaning aloud.

"Gods, who, who put all this into that lovely head of yours?.."

Arina looked at him wearily.

"Kakashi... I had two options: either end my anyway meaningless existence... or, in the best case scenario, fix everything. And I decided to try."

"We'll talk about the 'meaningless existence' later... But 'fix'?" Kakashi stared at her in surprise.

"Yes, because if I died here, I could have gone back..." Having said it out loud she instantly realized how unconvincing it sounded.

"Fabulous. And have you thought about where exactly you'd be going back? Is there even a 'you' in your world anymore? Or have you considered why this whole essence-swap thing happened in the first place and how it was accomplished? If it were that easy, they would have arranged a controlled clinical death for you, without any risks or..." Kakashi paused, his face contorting, "...unpleasant side effects like leaving a remarkable wet stain behind. But the fact is, we don't have all the necessary components to guarantee the desired outcome – let alone the means to reverse everything if it goes wrong!"

He fell silent, taking a deep breath. Arina remarked briefly that she'd probably never seen him so worked up before – not even back when he almost drowned her by accident.

It was clear that he was well informed about the progress of her situation as well. Despair overwhelmed her once again. How easily he broke down the nuances for her. So there really wasn't even the slightest chance?

"Then we're back to the first point," Arina said with frustration, taking advantage of Kakashi's momentary lapse and pushing him away. She turned onto her side, hugging herself and staring ahead. "No past, no present... and no future. I'm just a nobody. I'm a stranger here... I'll never truly belong..." She shivered.

Kakashi looked at her, clenching his teeth in agony. Then, cautiously, he reached out and touched her shoulder. Arina flinched at his touch and raised herself on the elbow.

"I... I think I'll be going home," she said, sitting up and wiping her completely dry eyes. She looked devastated and lost. "Thank you... And... I'm sorry for everything..."

Instead of a response, Kakashi pulled her close to him. Arina, stunned for a moment, suddenly seemed to drop the remnants of her courage and burst into tears, curling up and becoming even smaller than she was.

"I'll never see them again..." Kakashi managed to discern amidst her sobs. He closed his eyes wistfully and held her tighter, feeling the familiar heavy sensation in his chest. He couldn't ease her pain, but he felt it with her.

They sat like that for quite a while. Kakashi pulled the girl onto his lap and held her in his arms, gently swaying her as if she were a child, pressing his face against the top of her head. He didn't even attempt to say anything anymore – it was pointless. Besides, what could he, someone who had spent most of his life without a family at all, say in this situation? If the obvious was out of the question. And this was what made a turmoil brew inside him: why did Arina persistently refuse to consider him when addressing her life here, especially after everything they had been through together? Even if only as a friend?

Arina gradually calmed down and finally wiped her eyes with the tissues provided foresightedly by Kakashi. For a while, she simply lay quietly in his arms, as if resigning herself to the fact that he wouldn't be letting her go.

Kakashi, at the same time, was unable to calm down and finally, against his better judgment, dared to ask:

"Arina, tell me, why don't you want to accept me?"

His direct question made the girl nervous again. She tried to free herself, but Kakashi held onto her firmly.

"Why should I necessarily have to 'accept' you?" she grumbled then. "I haven't even seen your face! How am I supposed to feel about someone who doesn't trust me enough to show their face?"

"Is that all? No problem!" Kakashi responded with unexpected readiness, removing the fabric from his face. However, at this point Arina instantly shut her eyes, turned away, and in addition put her hands in front of her.

"No, don't!" she protested in panic. She had actually expected that her argument would disarm him instead.

For a moment Kakashi studied her fingers, frozen mere centimetres away from his face, as if contemplating something. Then suddenly, he leaned forward and touched them with his lips.

"Oh gods, Kakashi..." Arina withdrew her hands as if scalded, still looking away – as though seeing him would really obligate her to something.

"There. You don't want it yourself," Kakashi smiled bitterly, readjusting his mask.

Arina turned to him and cautiously opened one eye, then the other.

"So, what's the matter then?" Kakashi stared at her intently. "Enough with the evasion. The mask never seemed to bother you before."

Arina slumped and looked at him guiltily.

"I've already explained... I can't... Straight off like that..."

"'Straight off'?" Kakashi scoffed. "How much time it's been already..."

"... and besides, you shouldn't care about some strange girl," Arina continued, staring past him as if not hearing him. "Who am I, and who are you? Live your own life... It seemed to me that everything was fine by you..."

"And what made you think so?" Kakashi tilted his head slightly.

"I saw you with that... girl..." Arina barely whispered.

"You mean Yugao?" Kakashi's eyes widened, and he felt his hair stand on end at the back of his head.

"I don't know, a pretty girl with purple hair... she obviously suits you better... That's why I really don't understand why you..." She didn't finish her sentence.

"Gods, Arina... shit... you... did you really?.." Kakashi looked at her in horror.

Was it all because of that?

"It's none of my business, and I'm genuinely happy for you... for both of you." She tried to free herself again, feeling his fingers tightening around her.

Kakashi didn't move, even though he was completely devastated. He had an urge to tug at his hair. And if his hands hadn't been occupied, that's exactly what he would have been doing.

"Arina, that's Yugao, my junior colleague..." he groaned finally. "And if you saw us at that moment, oh... We were talking about me giving her time off... so she could spend her birthday with her love interest! And just to clarify – it's not me! She can sometimes be overly emotional and takes such liberties... And in fact, at that moment I was heading after you."

'And if I hadn't been dragged into that meeting straight after running into Yugao, I would never have let you anywhere near that cliff...'

Arina froze.

Finally, Kakashi managed to regain his composure and looked at her with deep emotion. Now, any moment now, she will understand everything, and everything would be fine... Everything would be as it was before...

However, once again, Arina tried to break free from Kakashi's grasp, feeling the tears welling up again. Foolish... she was so foolish!

"I really better go..." She bit her lip. "Let me go, please..."

"I think it's better that you stay here, with me, tonight," Kakashi said gently.

"Why do you even bother with me? I don't deserve it..." the girl sobbed in despair.

"Let me decide that for myself..." the young man whispered.

He turned and shifted to lie down and pulled her with him gently, then pressed her to him once again.

Arina had no more strength to resist, as if their conversation had completely drained her, and she almost instantly fell into a deep slumber, resting her forehead against Kakashi's chest.

Kakashi covered her with the edge of the blanket and tried settling himself comfortably. He pressed his lips against the top of Arina's head through the fabric of his mask and closed his eyes wearily. It had been so long since he had felt her like this... And now her warmth, her unique scent – she was right there... so close... Yet still out of reach for him...

And she was willing to give up her life just to try to find a way back home...

What is this fate? Why did almost everyone who was especially dear to him somehow end this way?... Will there ever be an end to this vicious circle?

But was it really true that what happened today was partly because Arina saw him together with Yugao? Was it one more push towards that desperate step? How absurd... But they had resolved everything, so why didn't she calm down?

Although, at the mere thought of possibly losing her forever, Kakashi still felt sick every time, though it was all over already. He opened his eyes again and looked miserably over Arina's head at his right hand, which was bandaged, not very neatly, in haste, to the wrist. The bandages should have been replaced long ago... Underneath the bandages were his torn palm and fingers, with which he had tried, for a brief but excruciatingly long time, to grasp onto the stone wall as he was falling down with Arina. They would probably remind him of that dreadful day for a long time.

☙ ❦ ❧

Arina came around – there was no other way to describe it, for her sleep was akin to a fainting spell – in the deep night, feeling Kakashi's warmth enveloping her. He was sleeping next to her and was not even disturbed by her noticeably flinching upon awakening.

She stared for a long time at the contour of his face, barely discernible in the darkness, feeling her heart wring. His warmth, his arms around her, felt so comforting... and yet...

'Why don't you want to accept me?'

She would have been glad to peacefully live her new life, but the past wouldn't let go. Or was it that she couldn't let go of the past? Was she unable to accept that it was all over? Afraid of losing – and, what's more, to betray what little had remained of her past life?

And now, as she reached out her hand with gratitude to caress the face of the man who had saved her multiple times and who, despite everything, stubbornly continued to care for her and show incredible patience, an image of Maxim suddenly appeared before her eyes. It wasn't as clear as before, but it was enough to make Arina retract her hand as if she had been burned. Feeling tears welling up rapidly, she clenched her teeth and closed her eyes tightly. Why, why was this happening?

Kakashi woke up after all. Sensing the girl's tension and assuming that she was once again reliving what had happened, he pulled her closer, trying to comfort her, and gave her a discreet kiss on the top of her head.

This only made Arina feel worse. However, fearing another heartfelt conversation, she gathered all her willpower and remained silent, not uttering another sound.

She spent the rest of the night on edge, occasionally drifting into an agitated and fitful sleep, only to wake up again and find herself torn apart once more: in the arms of the man she was drawn to, but against whom a part of her seemed to resist.

She barely endured until morning, and as soon as the dawn broke, she freed herself from Kakashi's arms and left.

Kakashi himself understood that the girl was strained to the limit, so he let her go with hardly any hesitation. By that point, he felt no joy at all about their proximity, feeling almost disgusted by himself.