9. Selfish

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You sat in your bed feeling sympathetic for Jimin.  Seeing him like that, his cheerful self was usual, and seeing him sad was something you never expected to see.

His cheeky smile full of love and happiness, radiated in your mind, slowly being clouded by his sad expression.

Have you ever thought that these eyes hold on to much more than you could ever imagine, Y/n?

You thought of his words as he stared at you.  What did Jimin hold?  What type of pain?  You wondered.  Do I want to understand?  So much overwhelmed you.

You struggled to hold composure thinking about Taehyung when he first saw you. The pain and sorrow that lingered in his eyes as he was drawn to the blood. You thought about Jungkook. The painful lust in his eyes whenever he saw you, or smelled you. Jimin on the other hand, you barely knew anything about.

Do I know what it means to be human?  No.  Physically I may be half-human, half-wolf.  But inside, I am a whole monster.

You closed your eyes falling into your dark memories.




You shot up screaming in pain and agony.  Coughing out blood, you held onto your chest in pain.  You sat in your bed shivering as your sight darkened to bloody red.

Your body was pulsing in anger. The thought of superiority and destruction overtook your thoughts as if a whole new personality came about. Your senses grew sensitive especially your nose to scents and your ears to sound.

You tugged a hand in your hair listening to fast footsteps running down the hall, making their way to you. You could smell the worry and frustration off of them. The door to your room flew open and Dae ran in.

He stopped seeing your amber eyes. His eyes widened seeing the blood that laid on your bedsheets and clothing. Blood slowly started to drip down the side of your face. Removing your hand from your hair, you looked at the claw covered in the scarlet liquid.

Dae immediately reacted grabbing your wrists and pinning your hands above your head forcing you to lay back in bed. "Y/n! Stop trying to hurt yourself!"

Hurt yourself? You could barely understand how you felt. You were starving, you were in pain, you felt nauseas.  All of your emotions were driving you crazy.  Everything around you, felt against you.

"I...I'm going to kill you!" You screamed at him as your canines came out.  He started to slowly growl at you.  You watched a hint of his poking in between his lips.

A loud horrifying roar erupted from the door of your room. You felt your body yield to the voice. The antagonistic side to you was petrified. Your brother immediately let go of you kneeling on one knee.

It was your father.

You directed your attention to the door and immediately felt your body force itself on the ground before him. You kneeled beside Dae which had clear fear glued to him.

Your father had such a powerful voice, one that held many. His voice was more than powerful. It was overbearingly superior. You watched his eyes glow the scarlet colour of the blood that painted your clothing.

He brought his attention toward you. "You will never learn, will you Y/n." He was angry. You had lost control, again. "How can the alpha have a daughter as primitive, impuissant and deranged like you? This is getting outrageous. I don't know how long I can wait for you to get in control of your lust. Your brother didn't have trouble doing such, at all."

"Father please. She only has a hard time because she was born deficient due to me. She will be able to master her abilities in due time." Dae spoke up for you.

Your brother was the only one who tried to protect you from monsters like your father.

Depressing that he couldn't protect you from the horrors of yourself.


You opened your eyes resining to reality.  The memory felt as if it truly played in real life, which only took a few seconds to flash in your mind.

Unease grew in your heart.  You wanted to know why Jimin turned.  What dramatic moment in his life forced his life to turn?  You couldn't help but visualize his sad eyes.

It must be, really painful.

You slipped off your bed, trailing out your room, slowly making your way to Jimin's room.  As you inched closer, the sound of your heart grew louder and louder in your ears.

You weren't ready for it, but you were going to make an effort to hear it.

This was the step to understanding all of them. To realize maybe that you all weren't different to begin with.

You slowly knocked on the door to Jimin's room. You listened to his footsteps on the other side of the door brew close. The door slowly opened revealing the light-browned haired man.  His eyes met yours and he smirked.  "You are curious, about me?"

"I took some thought in what you said before and I want to make an effort to hear and understand.  I want to start with you."  You said shyly and he giggled a bit.

"Ha!  Jungkook will be so jealous!"  He opened the door letting you enter into his room.  It was nothing of a surprise.  His room had a very cool tone, full of greys and whites.  He plopped on his bed and patted the spot next to him. 

You sat down politely turning your head to Jimin.  You can see the unease past his toothy smile. You could smell the tainting emotion off of him, which made you slightly gag.

"You can smell me. You know I never get all rattled up like this. Doesn't it worry you a little?" He gave a weak grin.  You were curious but weren't surprised.  You didn't believe that becoming a blood hungry creature would be easy.  Honestly, you thought the complete opposite.

"I've witnessed worse.  I'm not scared of the past, Jimin."  You told him straight up, slightly biting your lip.

Jimin started to smile widely, "Have you ever questioned what it means to be human?" He stared at you with itching curiosity, "Emotions, Y/n.  To feel makes you human.  I can see and feel the unease growing in you as you sit beside me."

"I'm far from human."  You stated bluntly, and he continued to giggle as you denied his claims.

He sighed slightly resting back.  "Having emotions isn't bad.  Feelings makes us unique. What I am—what the rest of us are, we don't need to experience feelings. As much as it makes us human, feelings make you realize how lonely it is, in this afterlife. Just like Jungkook, I just...shut it off. I don't feel anything. It doesn't hurt anymore."

The unease in you grew as Jimin's eyes only spoke one emotion,

Pain.

He didn't want to admit it, but he didn't want to speak about his situation. It must have been a bad memory, but you wanted to know what made Park Jimin so hard.

Learning about them, could make you understand their species much more. Jeon Jungkook grew interest within you. You couldn't help it.

"Jimin, stop avoiding. I came here to learn, to understand more. I want to know what your eyes hold." You gave him a sincere look and he couldn't help but laugh a bit.

"I'm not avoiding anything, Y/n. Understanding means you will take others pain into you. To truly feel and know what we've gone through." He continued, "Even I can tell, you have untamed demons that live inside you." Jimin read you like a book. You didn't have to be as close to Jimin as you were Taehyung. Jimin just knew, and understood you. Even when you didn't want him to.

"Jimin..." You gave him a look, urging him to tell. His whole demeanour changed. He was now serious, with a bit of anger, frustration and sorrow.

"It's not fun, having the chance to remember how you died." He ran a hand through is light hair. He sat up straight ready to tell his story. He slowly started to laugh in frustration. "This is so embarrassing. My death isn't noble, it's selfish."

His eyes could see yours, now full of concern. "If you look at me like that, I'm not going to tell you anything." He growled and you sighed.

"Jimin, if it's hard to look at me and tell me, turn around and speak. I just, I just want to know." You already had slight suspicion what Jimin was getting at. How his death commenced. How it was selfish.  "I still want to know."

Jimin looked you in the eyes once more, hesitantly turning his body so he couldn't see your face. You could tell he felt embarrassed, so embarrassed that he had to turn from you so he'd feel comfortable speaking to you.

"Growing up, I was always told that when you die, depending on how you choose to spend your life, determines whether you are granted into Heaven or descend to Hell." You watched as he ran a hand through his hair. You could feel tension arise but not heated. It was a lingering one full of pain. "I decided to spend my life being innocent, I guess? I always encouraged others, I never put anyone down, what I did was for the good. Of course I got mad at times, but what I did with my life was based on pure intentions."

Jimin, innocent? I could see that even with the wall he tries to hold between everyone. "I don't understand. If you were pure and innocent, how could you even die? I mean if you meant no harm to anyone, then harm wouldn't come your way, no?"

He chuckled a bit, "You are wrong. People don't care. Humans are selfish." He tilted his head up, "I was insecure about my looks."

Park Jimin? Insecure about his looks. He's so hot and cute at the same time. How? "But you—umm—how? You are gorgeous."

"When I was young, I was chubby and it especially shown in my face. I did feel it was normal to be insecure and I slowly started to work on it. If you think of bad things, bad things happen. They did. And I got bullied for my looks." His tone turned into more of a sigh.  "The ones around me would always say, 'It will pass.  They will stop.'  But things continued to get worse, and it led to starving. I truly lost myself." You watched as his head fell into his hands. You froze feeling the complete change in Jimin's demeanour.

It felt as if you were experiencing it with him.  When he met his breaking point.  "W..What happened next?"

He placed his hand on his shoulder slowly massaging into it, "Everyday, I felt pain.  It was emotional mental pain.  Eventually, I started to take pills in hope the pain would stop.  It didn't.  I started to take more pills than I should've.  Then one night, the pills were too much."  His voice suddenly gone light as it cracked.  "Jin hyung, was at the hospital they rushed me into.  I did die, but he gave me a second chance.  He wasn't like the people who told me 'things would change,' he was willing to help and make me a better person for myself."

Throughout all this, you couldn't believe that Jimin had such a twisted and sad past.  "With the power you accumulated, did you...did you kill the bullies?"

"I tried.  Jin hyung showed me that it didn't make me better than them.  It would be a pain if have to live with.  I started to keep myself fed with blood and stuff.  Of course I wish and hope they rot in hell, but I question if they can live with their mistakes.  They've probably still talked badly about me when I died but that shows how more and more pathetic they are."

You felt for Jimin, truly.  You moved closer to him, wrapping your arms around him from behind him and resting your head on his shoulder.

"Y-Y/n!  That's not necessary!"  He was all flustered and a bit confused by the intentions of your actions but you didn't let go. 

"It's crazy how you are nervous from a hug when you full on kissed me."  You stated.

He settled a bit before speaking again.  "I told you Y/n, I'm emotionless."  He reminded you but you still held on.

You closed your eyes resting onto him, "Just a little longer."

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