"You are worthless! No one will love you!" You gritted your teeth holding onto your head.
You stood in front of the bathroom mirror staring at yourself. You had a new wound on your body imposed right on the side of your neck. The colour around your eyes got darker, and your skin seemed paler.
You looked terrible.
You had left Jungkook's room hours ago, just venturing around the mansion as your room was a crime scene.
You had checked in with the other guys, as Jungkook didn't leave his room. After your conversation, you felt embarrassed with yourself.
You always somehow managed to push people away.
"What the fuck! What's wrong with you?!" You screamed at yourself staring at the mirror.
Why were you so stubborn? Why were you always punishing yourself? What was with the voices in your head?
You had so many questions for yourself that you didn't want to answer. The past always consumed you and haunted you. You couldn't help but let it be.
"No one wants you. You were suppose to die in the womb!" The familiar voice kept screaming in your head disgusting threats, but you couldn't make of where they came from.
What the hell is this? Why this...voice?
You leaned over the sink. Your hands fell on the side of the sink, balling your hands into fists tightly.
You started to shake uncontrollably, your eyes bulging out of your head. Sweat beaded down your forehead. You tried to keep yourself calm, but you were seconds away from snapping.
You slowly raised your hands to your face digging your nails into your cheek, reminicing old pains.
"Life wasn't meant for you. You were so lucky to be born!"
"You will never carry this family's name!"
"You are a sorry excuse for a human being!"
You felt a pair of hands resting on your shoulders. You stood up turning your head to meet Jungkook's face. Your thoughts disappeared and you calmed down seeing him.
He frustrated you so much, but at the same time, you could feel that he understood you more than anyone.
His eyes widened at your face but slowly returned to normal with a bit of disappointment.
You turned to the mirror to see the scratch marks on your cheeks. You looked down at your hands seeing your claws that had emerged with trails of blood upon them. You placed your hands into fists once again digging your claws into the palms of your hands.
"I'm so tired of this!" Your voice cracked.
You bit your lip in frustration holding onto the pain, to keep your mind focused on anything but those voices.
It was all a reminder of how weak you were. You were tired of it all. You couldn't even recognize yourself anymore.
You stood there waiting for Jungkook's reaction.
He moved his hands from your shoulders sliding them down onto your waist. He tightly gripped them resting his chest onto your back. You could feel the heat of his breathing on your neck as he moved closer to you.
It's the blood. You thought expecting him to lick the blood off.
He turned your body to face him. His eyes were a crimson red staring into your eyes.
He rested his hands on the sink's counter at your sides behind you. You leaned back against the counter as his face moved closer to yours.
You turned away looking down at the side.
Jungkook stayed close to you, with his presence almost threatening you.
You closed your eyes tightly, "Just get on with it! We both know what you really want!"
It felt like you were there forever as moments passed by. You knew he wasn't good at controlling his thirst, and for some reason your blood drove him mad. You were technically leaking blood, you weren't hard to miss.
He sighed, "No."
He slowly stood straight. He moved his hands back to you lifting you on top of the counter beside the sink. He stood in front of you moving his hand back to your arms holding your elbows. His hands slid down to yours urging you to pry them open and you did.
You watched as your claws slowly retracted. He held your hands that were coated in blood. You looked back at his eyes and they were back to normal.
Did he learn how to control himself? You were surprised as he resisted his urge.
He moved to the sink and washed his hands ridding them of your blood. He went into the cabinet pulling out a rag. He ran it under warm water and rung the rag. He stood in front of you raising the rag to your left cheek, and gently wiped it.
You winced a bit from the friction of the rag and he continued to move as gentle as he could.
You felt a sense of security being with him and it made you feel worse about yourself and how you treated him. You were so stubborn with him and always tried to build up your walls. At your worse, he was always there.
"I-I...my mind is something else." You admitted breaking the silence.
Jungkook paused for a bit.
You tried to slowly open up. This was something you tried to keep under wraps for so long, but it was now starting to hurt you.
"Is this why you were acting weird that night I was in your room after..." Jungkook trailed off and you slightly blushed remembering the night you willing let him drink your blood.
"No? Maybe? I guess...?" You spoke still confused.
Jungkook continued to wipe the lingering blood from your body, from your hands.
This was so unlike him.
"Why are you even doing this?" You questioned. "This isn't like you. Seeing me like this, I wouldn't be surprised how much blood you would take from me."
He didn't speak as he moved to the sink rinsing the stained rag in the sink. He dropped it off to the side and leaned against the counter.
"Earlier, our talk wasn't right. I understand you have this perception of me, but I'm here to show you that I'm not like that." He moved closer to you resting his hand on your thigh, "Your blood is addicting, but that isn't my reason for feeling attracted to you."
Your eyes widened from his words. "You are what?"
"Let's go back to my room." He pushed himself off the counter.
You got down and followed him out the bathroom. Earlier you were frustrated and irritated going to his room, but now you were nervous.
What did he mean 'that isn't my reason for feeling attracted to you?' Was that his way of verbally confessing to me? You felt yourself stiffen up the closer you got into his room.
The moment you stepped in, Jungkook closed the door behind you.
You stared at his bed and you could feel bad memories consume you. Visions of screams, and blood corrupted your thoughts and you felt yourself shrinking. You combed your right hand into your hair holding your head tightly.
"What's going on with you? What about your mind is a problem?" He asked you standing in front of you.
You whimpered in pain, "I-I don't even know. It's all chopped up. It feels so familiar but I can't put the pieces together. It hurts living through this pain."
"You know, you let your past effect you future." He stated and you slowly regained stability.
"What?"
"I've never seen you like this. All I know is that you continue to let past thing define you and what You do now." He stated.
You shook your head, "You act like I choose this. It just happens!"
Of course your past made you always consider and speculate your future, but you were aware that these weren't something you brought up. You could barely understand them, yourself.
"You are trying to convince yourself that, but we both know that you've done things in your past that make you question yourself everyday. Seeing you in that house last time, you are experiencing trauma." He spoke and you sighed.
You crossed your arms, "I understand where you are coming from, but this is different. It's like my mind is trying to remember something that it can't remember."
"Then don't you think it's best to let it go?" He quickly spoke, "Maybe that's a sign it's best not to remember."
You stared at Jungkook carefully.
Why was he trying so hard to shut this down? 'Let it go?' Is he serious?
"Why are you acting like that? I'm being honest with you and you are telling me to forget?" You questioned him slowly growing angry. "Now you want to negate what I'm dealing with?!"
Jungkook started to pace around in frustration. He ran his hand through his hair.
"Negate? I'm trying to help you. Look at yourself! If I hadn't come, your face would've turned into a bloody mess." He moved close to you standing right in front of you. "Have you realized that all this thinking of the past affects your emotions? Makes you question how you feel about others? About me?"
You dropped your arms and Jungkook slowly held both of your hands.
He was acting different and you couldn't tell if his intentions were good or bad.
"Maybe. But if I understood what they—"
In a swift moment, Jungkook's hand cupped your face and he pressed his soft pink lips onto yours, melting away all your thoughts.
Your hands moved over his, holding them as you kissed.
After a few seconds, he slowly parted from you. You panted a bit, flustered.
"You talk too much." Jungkook spoke.
You couldn't stop staring at his dark orbs. You felt yourself drowning into him.
"I know."
That one kiss was amazing all in itself. You couldn't even focus your previous thoughts anymore, as you were lingering for more of him.
"A lot of things have happened. I understand you continue to struggle from somethings. Somethings I want to understand too, but I'm tired of being idle and patient." He spoke lowly.
As he held your face, he pressed his forehead against yours. Your cheeks continued to burn up at the anticipation and intensity between you two.
"Be mine, Y/n."
You could tell he was irritated and had some urgency towards you. For once he was confronting his emotions head on, and you found this confident dominant side to him alluring.
You could tell how much he didn't want to address you and your cloudy thoughts. He tried to push away the conversation and you couldn't understand why.
"I told you, I don't know—"
Jungkook's lips met yours again, and you could feel your heart practically screaming at you.
"Stop cutting me off.." You said softly, breaking the kiss.
"Stop thinking too much. You wouldn't let me kiss you like this so willingly. I know you feel something towards me. Stop letting the past make choices for you." He spoke with his forehead on yours.
Why was he trying to shut me up so much? The way he was acting made you suspect he knew more than he was leading on. Maybe he even knew why your thoughts were full of emptiness and confusion.
Though, this could be him trying to place you in a positive mindset. You couldn't be mad at him for trying to be so hard to get you past this.
"H-How do we do this then?" You stuttered accepting him.
Jungkook's arms wrapped around you. He pulled you close into an embrace. You stood there shocked.
He rested his head on your shoulder.
"You don't understand how happy I am right now."
With those words, a small smile played on your face.
I guess I'll be yours then.
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