Freen

There was a palpable pang in the depths of my heart as I sat my butt in the cold metal chair in the bar counter. Becky's words keep repeating inside my head breaking my heart into a million pieces. It was not my intention to scare her away nor to broadcast my love like that but my idiocy just put me in this damn situation.

It hurts.

But I know the pain I felt was not even halves of what I did to Becky. I broke her over and over again, everyday I ruin her heart. Yet only with that statement i'm already crawling away? That's absurd, I can't just give up because she told me i'm a memory she don't wanna experience again. It hurts how I can totally see in her eyes the gates that put me out the door of her heart. It hurts to be lock out of her own comfort because I hurt her badly.

"Give me another marsala please." I demanded. The bartender look at me cautiously hesitant to give me another drink since it's gonna be my sixth glass and everything around me started spinning already.

"I'm not gonna give you that ma'am, marsala has one of the highest alcohol content and i'm afraid it will make your more intoxicated in a matter of few chugs." He replied.

"Oh come on! Fucking give me that!" My head was spinning yet my communication skills is still at it's finest.

"Ma'am i'm sorry. I'm just worried about you, you're a sexy lady and every man's eyes are on you right now. You're  like a little sister to me. You look like my sister." He explained, I rolled my eyes at him before pulling his collar.

"Well if I am like a little sister then please help me forget the pain in here." I pointed at my heart which his eyes directly follows. When he realized what I mean, he sighed and pulled himself away from me before pouring me a glass of the drink that I wanted. And indeed after a few seconds the dizziness I felt heightened.

I closed my eyes, my hands traveled on the metal band around my neck hidden behind my shirt. My fingers traces the circular bond dangling in my chest.

It was our wedding ring.

Becky gaved it back before she left Thailand, she place it on her bedside table with a letter under it. My fingers rubbed the cold metal as my eyes darted at the memories four years ago.

Flashback

I was sitting on the porch watching the pouring rain hitting the windows, my legs cross over each other and a book resting on the table. It was storming, the sky outside was dull and dark while it shred a silent cries. On the kitchen was Becky, cooking something to warm our stomachs from the freezing atmosphere.

She was humming. Singing even. I can hear her angelic voice from afar, her sweet melody added to the perfect ambiance i've been embracing. Then suddenly, the humming stop indicating that she is busy doing something else. Just as I flip the page to the next, her voice elided in the porch.

"Freen?" I heard her footsteps, probably looking for me.

"In here." I replied, my eyes are glued to the book i've been reading.

"We should uh—eat now."

"I'll be there soon." She only nodded in response before going back to the kitchen. Placing my book neatly back on the shelves, I stumbled upon a journal tuck in between my books.

The Life of Rebecca Patricia Armstrong

It was hers, it was decorated with vintage flowers and a beautiful calligraphy was sculpted on it's cover page that I doubted she made herself because her penmanship is terrible. Very terrible.

I look at it cautiously, torn between the thought of opening it or just leaving it aside.  Not wanting to invade her personal privacy, I tuck back the journal in the shelves before walking towards the kitchen.

"Hey."

"Hey." I replied. Laid on the table was a very delicious smelling somtam, salmon and hot pot. It was well decorated. Sitting on the adjacent chair, I took the spoon and started tasting the food she prepared, her eyes waiting for my internal reaction.

"Uh—how does it taste?" She asked.

"It was terrible."

Her eyes widen. Embarrassed from the sudden comment before reaching down in the somtam trying to move it away from me. "I'm sorry, i'll put this aside for you."

I held her hand reprimanding her from taking it. " No!"

"What?" She asked. " But you said you didn't like it?"

"I said it's terrible. It's terribly yummy. Let me finish my sentence." I replied before digging in on the food not minding her reaction because i'm sure i'm gonna turn red if I see her face.

Once we were done eating, she kept the dishes and washed it on the sink while I clean the table. After that I nestled on the couch watching the rapid droplet of water.

"Do you love rains?" She inquired. Her voice was eager for an answer.

"Yes, but sometimes I don't." I replied.

"Why?"

"It'll make us sick."

"It won't make you sick, how did you know that?" I sighed shooting her a glance before darting back on the outside.

"Because people always got sick after the rain."

"How did you know if you haven't try?" She asked. She was too talkative much for my liking. For the last nine months that we have been married this is the first time she tried taking the risk to talk to me.

"I don't have to try." I replied. Before I know it, I was dragged out of the house , Becky was laughing her ass out as the raindrops soak my shirt. We are now drench by the rain, Becky was too happy under it while I shiver from the cold.

"Becky! What the fuck?" She only laughed at me and stick her tongue out. " We will get sick!"

"No we won't! We have a strong immune system."

"Rebecca!"

"What? Are you afraid of being sick? How come a big boss is afraid of catching a cold?" She asked.

"Because no one will take care of me when I get sick!" I replied, my pitch a little higher for her to hear me because she ran on the other side.

She stopped. Walked closer to me and our eyes met. " Then I will take care of you when you will get sick." She whispered. Her hand tracing mine before she drag me again. Damn it! What's with people dragging me around? " Let's dance."

"What?"

"I said let's dance."

"I can't dance."

"Then i'll teach you how to do it." She took my hand, placing it on her neck while her hands travelled down the small of my back pulling me a little too close to her. The warmth of her body radiating creating a comfort in mine the shivers I felt vanished as her figure sway me under the rain. Her smile never leaving her lips, and her eyes never looking away from mine.

"There." She whispered when I mastered the steps. For a spilt second, our nose touches when she pulled me close, her breathing fanning my face, our body dances in a melody that only us have heard.

Underneath the sky laid a lovely lady, the woman who embraces me underneath the rain. She is laughing, face covered in water droplets falling on her cheeks down to her chin, her smile was contagious and communicable, her smile was infectious that it  cause my lips to purse too. Her beauty was insanely ethereal that it pushed me into senility.  She was perfect, too perfect for me, to precious to be suffering from my indignation.

Once her brown eyes lock with mine, my heart skipped a bit and the flames ignited. There was something in her eyes that keep me hypnotize, she keep doing it again and again, even without knowing she has this effect in me. With a silent trace of her fingertips on my cheeks, I pulled back. I pulled away from her.

"I'm sorry... I can't do this." I whispered before running out of the garden towards the house. My heart was beating too fast, she keep doing this. And I am no novice in this kind of sensation.

I'm starting to harbor feelings towards the woman, and I am not prepared to be burned by this love.

End of Flashback

"Hi." A voice spoke beside me. And when I opened my eyes, only then I realize that another presence was sitting on the other chair. She was looking at me, her smile reaching her ear. " I'm Engfa." She introduces prompting her hand for a handshake but I didn't take it.

"I'm not interested." I replied. The woman is pretty, gorgeous even, but I can't let anyone come near me again now that i'm winning Becky back.

"Oh feisty. I like that." She replied.

"What do you want?"

"I just wanna be friends with you... Is that prohibited?" She inquired. Her voice was provocative and her eyes were undressing me. " So what's your name?"

"Freen." I replied curtly.

"Nice name you got there." I only nodded not wanting to engage into another long conversation. "You're a pretty lady yet why are you alone?"

"Pretty ladies don't need pets following them around." I boldly replied.  I badly wanna dismiss this conversation but this woman was persistent. 

As the music turned into something spicy and intimate, everyone in the center started dancing and grinding with whoever the hell they are with. I scanned my eyes on the area, then suddenly... My eyes stopped when I saw a familiar figure.

Becky?

It was Becky! She was wearing a black dress, the slit was showing a lot of her skin and she was dancing with a man who roamed his hand on her waist. She was feeling the beat, until her eyes shut open and met mine.

She was shocked at first, her eyes darting over the woman beside me and then her lips turned into a smirk. Shit! She was dancing sensually with the guy and the guy behind her was enjoying it too much.

"Do you wanna dance?" I asked Engfa who was slightly surprise with the sudden inquiry.

"That's so random." She laughed.

"Just tell me if you wanna dance or not so I can find someone who wanted to." I snapped. Engfa nodded taking my hand in hers pulling me into the crowded center. She put her hands on my waist and mine on her neck.

"Are you good in dancing?" She asked.

"Not totally... But I can dance." I replied. Engfa and I started swaying not caring about the people around us. Becky locked eyes with mine and she glared at me she she saw me dancing too.

Did she think she can only play this game? Well baby I do too.

Regardless of the dizziness I felt, the way I swayed my hips are still perfect. Engfa keep complimenting me, she swirl me around pulling me back to her body and whispering on my ears compliments that boost my confidence. I was holding her nape, her hands was laying on my waist and her lips was nearly kissing my neck.

When I opened my eyes again, Becky was no longer in the dancefloor, her figure disappeared and it's hard for me to find her in the middle of this bustling crowds.

"I guess that's enough. Let's go back now." Engfa shook her head refusing to go back, instead, she swayed me sensually, her hands roaming around my body down to my ass but not totally touching it, she was so into the dance that she pulled me closer kissing my neck. Her tongue tracing my skin... When suddenly, in a span of seconds we are already yanked away from each other.

"Fuck! Who are you?" I heard Engfa snapped.

"I'm the person who will pull your hair out of your head if you don't keep your hands in your pocket." It was Becky. She was holding Engfa's hand in place while her eyes shoot daggers at the woman. " You. Sarocha." My hair rose at the sudden coldness of her voice. " Let's go home. " In one swift moment, I was already drag out of the bar and only then the intoxication takes place as I slumped down on my feet. My head is too painful. With the heaviness of my lids, I saw Becky wrapping her arms around my body before guiding me into the car. But before she close the door, she came close into my ear and whispered.

"You're a very bad girl Sarocha."