"You ok?" Dean asked raising an eyebrow taking in the look on your face.

"What? Uh yeah, yeah I'm fine" you gave him a small smile and looked down at the food you had not touched in your plate.

"You don't really look like it, though" he said with a small smirk "Maybe letting Sammy cook you wasn't a good idea, huh?" he asked again trying to lighten the mood - although you were the one supposed to do that, especially after all of the things that had happened lately.

"He's not really the best cook, not at least better than you but no, it's not that. The (y/f/f)'s really good to be honest. I guess I'm just- really lost in thoughts, that's all." you said with a small shrug.

"Hmh and what would you be thinking about?" he asked and took a bite of your food.

You fake glared at him but couldn't stop the smile that spread on your lips at his cheeky smile. It wasn't 100% real Dean smile and you knew that he was well aware of it too, but you were going to let it slip.

"Uh just things" you said shrugging and looked down at your wrapped hand.

"Does it hurt?" Dean's voice filled with worry made you look up at him.

"Uh no not really. It's ok, mostly thanks to you. If it wasn't for you coming so quickly to my aid then I would be left with a pretty bad burn right now" you said in a soft voice and you saw a small smile on his lips.

"I didn't do anything major, (Y/n). There is no way I would let you get hurt anyway" he said with a small shrug a half smile.

"Are you sure you're ok now, though?" he said and before waiting for an answer he got up from his seat and was by your side, taking your hand in his and slightly removing the bandages out of the way so that he would take a look at it.

"I-I'm ok, Dean" you whispered.

"So it seems, but it's probably going to leave a scar. Just a small reminder. Not really noticeable but still-" he said with a small shrug and you frowned "-No worries, though. It will just make you look even cuter" he winked at you with a smirk that you could clearly see it was fake.

"Thanks, I guess" you let out a light chuckle that you didn't really mean.

You were about to remove your hand from his grasp but before you could do so, he took hold of it (holding you from the wrist that did not have a burn), grasping more tightly, and quickly pulled you to him, his lips immediately coming in contact with your cheek in a soft kiss. The kind of kiss that you usually share with him during moments of comfort, when you really could no say lots of things out loud. Those kinds of kisses always brought peace within you but now they made you feel guilty as well.

He rested his forehead against the side of your head and you dared closed your eyes for a second to enjoy just his close presence.

"Alright, so how about I make you something else to eat, huh?" he asked in a low and rough voice, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles. All you could do was nod, you didn't really trust your voice right now.

He kissed your forehead and let go of your hand to move to the other side of the table, ready to make you something else to eat.

You just stood there, breathing in and out, not really knowing what more you could do. You felt your heart hammer in your chest, just like it always did when Dean was present in the room, but at the same time it felt tight when you thought of Sam. All of the things he had told you and all of the things you had come to realize. You shook your head and biting your lip you looked down at your hands. It broke you to even think about it but you knew that there was no other way. You had to-
"So, you didn't really tell me what you were thinking about earlier?" Dean's voice made you look at him.

"Uh well-" you swallowed the lump in your throat, this was going to be hard "-I was thinking about some things and I uh- I believe I have taken a decision you should know about" you said and looked at him straight in the eyes, back straight and face almost blank; trying desperately not to show how you felt and clenching your fists under the table to do so.

"Really? And what's that?" he asked looking back at the pan.

"I uh- I think I'm gonna leave the bunker" you said in a low but firm voice.

"Oh really?" he said casually, glancing at you for a second "You gonna go to your hometown?" he asked and you couldn't help the frown on your face.

It actually hurt if you were honest. He seemed so... indifferent to what you had just told him and you basically didn't expect that from Dean. Maybe you were wrong after all. Maybe you didn't mean anything to him, anyway, and what you had actually decided was the best choice after all.

Maybe this was for the best anyway.

"I don't know, maybe...?" it came out as more like a question but you didn't care, anyway.

"Ok so... how long will you be gone? Are you going to come back soon?" he asked, handing you the food he had made and adding some on his own plate; sitting opposite you.

Oh.

"I-" you took in a deep breath and looked at him deep in the eyes, now understanding that he hadn't grasped what you meant which made you both happy (that he actually didn't want to get rid of you and that you did mean something to him) and sad (because the hardest moment was just about to come).

"I'm not, Dean" you breathed out and saw a frown set on his face.

He opened his mouth but you beat him at it "I'm leaving the bunker for good" you said with all the determination you could muster.

"What?" it was barely audible but you did hear it, just like the pain in his voice.

"I- I have decided that- that I want to stop hunting. I-I know it's impossible-" you let out a laugh "-but hey, maybe I can do it after all? You managed that with Lisa, right?" it hurt you to even think about his time with her, mostly because it felt as if he had chosen her over you.

"I- I decided that I want to stop doing this, I know it is hard but- there are other hunters out there, better than me, that will do this, save people, and- and I want to stop, Dean. It was great while it lasted - if I can really call it that way with all the death and pain surrounding us but I- I've had enough Dean. I was really happy to have met you and Sam, you literally changed my life for the better, too. But I- I want to stop hunting and get away from this life. I want out, Dean. And- the only way to do so is leave the bunker, get a house at a small town, find a job and-" you started explaining while literally feeling your heart crumble at the sight of the look on Dean's face.

"Cut off all ties with us?" he said in a rough and harsh voice.

"I-" you swallowed the lump in your throat "It is the only way. I really feel sad as well but- I want out Dean. Out of hunting, out of the bunker, out of this life, you know? And I just- I'm sorry, but I've made my mind" you said as firmly as you could.

"So you are just going to leave? Up and go? Just like that? After all these years you're going to leave us?" he looked at you with pleading eyes "Me?" he breathed out in addition and you bit your tongue to not tell him that that's exactly what he did when he left you to go live with Lisa without knowing how much it actually hurt. But that was a whole different issue.

"You're joking right? Please tell me you're joking. You've got to be joking" the pleading tone in his voice made your heart ache.

"I'm sorry, but I've made my decision. I know you'll understand at some point" you muttered and got up from your seat, Dean didn't miss a beat to do so.

"Understand what? That you come and tell me you want to leave for good and I have to accept that? That all these years we've lived together and been through so much did not matter to you even in the least bit? That you want me just to accept the fact that you are leaving, forgetting about me and Sam and that we have- I have to live with the fact that you are somewhere in this fucking world living your apple pie life away from me? That this is what you really want? To leave me? To leave Sam? To leave me? The both of us behind, not even so asking for our opinion as if we never mattered to you? As if none of us ever meant to you anything? What the fucking hell do you want me to understand?!" he all-but-shouted and you had to hold yourself from taking it all back at that moment. Especially when you saw all the emotional pain in his eyes... other than anger.

"I know this is hard Dean but-" you started speaking but he cut you off.

"Hard? You think that this is hard? Hard doesn't even begin to cover it, (Y/n)! You want me to just fucking accept that you're leaving us- meand that's it?! Not even caring about what will happen to Sammy or me? How do you think we will be able to go on without you (Y/n)?!... How will I be able to go on without you?" he ended up saying in a low voice and you could swear you heard his voice crack, as if he was fighting to keep in tears.

"You will, I know you can. You're a fighter Dean and I know you can do this. Believe me it's for the best. I have gathered my things so I will be gone in the next two hours... I hate saying this but... goodbye Dean. I hope you have a good life or whatever you want to, at least. Wish you the best, you deserve it." you forced a smile on your face as you tried to keep the tears from rolling, mostly because of the look on Dean's face.

"Goodbye" you whispered and without waiting an answer you turned and started making your way towards your room. The sooner you were away from Dean... the worse. You knew that it was never going to be better being away from him but maybe for him and Sam, for the two of them, it was the best thing you could do.

You looked down as you walked, heavy silence surrounding you until of course Dean decided to break it and make you stop dead in your tracks, your blood running cold.

"I love you" he said in a cracking, raspy and above all desperate voice.

You bit your trembling lip, and clenched your fists so tight you were sure your knuckles were white. You closed your glistening-with-tears eyes and took in a shaky breath. You could literally hear your heart drum in your ears, jumping as if it wanted to come out of your chest. You felt tears about to fall down your cheeks but fought with all your will to keep them in. You both wanted and feared to hear Dean say it. You knew that if he did there would be no going back for you but you had to do this. You had to keep walking, away from him... for him.

And so you did.

Gathering all your willpower you opened your eyes and took another step away from him. And another. And another. And another. And-

"Didn't you hear me?!" he once again said, making you stop "I said I love you." it literally broke your heart to hear him, let alone want to see his face.

But you had to. And you did.

You turned around to face him.

"I heard you Dean" you said without any emotion in your voice, trying desperately not to show how much it hurt you as well.

"Well?" he looked at you with an expecting look, hoping that you would say something - because he could clearly see your inner fight "Aren't you going to say something?" he asked and you bit your lip to keep yourself from running in his arms and telling him the same.

"Like what?" you asked him with raised eyebrows.

"Anything, (Y/n). Anything damn it!" he said and you could see tears welling up in his eyes.

All the emotional pain and exhaustion that he tried to keep away all this time because of The Mark and everything else was wearing off and you could clearly see it.

"I don't really know what you expect me to say, Dean. What do you want me to say? That this changes things? That this changeseverything? That this makes me change my mind? That I want to stay? That I will stay?... That I love you too?" you breathed out but remained as stoic as you could.

"I'm sorry, Dean... But I don't" you added and you could swear you felt a shot of electricity run through you as you saw the look of hurt flash through Dean's eyes.

It hurt more than you could ever imagine to tell him that you basically did not feel anything about him when you loved him more than your own life or anything else, for that matter. It honestly broke you.

"Very well" he said, trying to look unaffected and that he was handling it well but you could see through it. You could see through him. He was hurting. Bad.

"I can't really keep you back, now, can I? You are free to leave." he said and for a moment you contemplated taking back all you had just said.

"Leave!" he roared and your eyes widened, not only at the anger but also... the pain in his voice.

You quickly turned and made your way to your room, wanting desperately to hide the tears that had welled up in your eyes. A single tears had rolled when you heard him shout at you but it was mostly because you were scared of what he was going to do after you had left.

You really wished you could stay. You really wished could walk back to him, wrap your arms around him and tell him how you really felt. To tell him how much you loved him. How much he meant to you.
But you knew better.

That would be both his and Sam's undoing and you did not wish for that.

You would never wish for that.

And if it had to be you that would walk away to protect them, then so be it. You were willing to tear your heart apart if that meant that you got to protect the two people you loved most in your life. You were willing to put yourself into an endless torment if that meant that the bond between Dean and Sam would not be broken. You were willing to deny the love you felt for Dean as long as you knew that he and Sam were alright.

~~~

You let out a shaky breath as you put your things, the little you had, in the trunk of your car. You slammed it shut and slowly made your way to the driver's seat, keys in hand, but you honestly dreaded to get inside the car and... leave for good.

You put your hands on top of the hood and looked at the cars surrounding you, the Impala parked just next to your car. You let yourself smile at remembering all the moments, special moments, you had shared with the boys in that car. You had known them for so long that it seemed impossible for you to now think of a moment in your life when you were without them. All the laughter you shared, all the lame jokes you shared mostly with Dean, all of the silly fights between him and Sam that you would always laugh your butt off at, all of the time you had to put up with Dean's music that you secretly liked and all the times you made him listen to some of your own, all were shared in that car and it brought tears in your eyes that you had to say goodbye to it as well.

It felt as if somebody had plunged a knife in your heart and instead of being dead you were alive and felt all the pain as they kept twisting and twisting the knife in your chest. And now that you realized it... it was you that had stabbed the knife in your heart. It was you that was bringing all this pain on yourself.

But you knew there was no other way.

With a violent shake of your head you averted your eyes from the car you were used to calling home after all these years and buried your face in your arms that rested on the hood of your own car.

You clenched your fists and gritting your teeth, you moved away and opened the door to get it. The sooner you were away from this place the sooner you would get rid of these feelings and thoughts. Especially the thought of how Dean was right now and how Sam would react when he found out (when he returned from his morning jogging).

Oh Sam.

"(Y/n)!" as if on cue his voice was heard and you cursed under your breath because you knew that things were about to get harder.

Taking in a breath you turned to face him "Hey Sammy"

"(Y/n), thank God you're still here" he said trying to catch his breath "I-I just came back and found Dean drinking and- and I asked him and he- he told me you're- you're leaving?" it came out as a question when he saw the keys in your hand and the driver's door open.

"Yeah, Sam. I'm leaving" you said averting your eyes from him.

"What?" he breathed out "But- But you can't (Y/n). You- you just can't leave. You can't leave us like that"

"I am tired of this, Sam. I want to stop hunting. I don't think I can do it anymore" you gave him the same excuse you had given to Dean just about an hour ago.

"But- but you can stop being a hunter and still live here with us. You won't have to come in hunts with us, just help in the research- if you want to of course. You could stay clear from that too, if you feel like it. But- but you don't have to go. You don't have to leave, (Y/n). Please don't leave." he pleaded, taking hold of your hand and dragging you a few feet away from your car; all the while looking at you with puppy eyes- although you would admit he looked more like a kicked puppy, pleading for its owner to take him back.

"I'm sorry, Sam. But- I want to start a new life. I want to leave everything behind me, not only hunting. That's the only way I will make it. I really am sorry but I've made my decision. Goodbye Sam, and thanks for all the great memories. I will cherish them forever" you ended up mumbling and averted your eyes from Sam's face; his shocked as well as hurt face you were sure was going to hunt your dreams.

Your hand slipped from his grasp and you turned your back to him, ready to make your way to your car.

"I'm in love with you" you heard his desperate voice break the cold silence that had surrounded you just like warm rays of sun in the dark, slipping from his lips like honey.

Oh how you wanted a taste of that.

You smiled, even if a tear rolled down your cheek.

"No, no you're not." you said shaking your head and continuing your way to your car.

"What? Yes, (Y/n). Yes I am. Please, please don't leave." he said in a desperate voice tone, taking hold of your arm and turning you to envelope you in his arms.

"Sam" you could only say.

"P-Please. Don't leave me. Don't leave me, (Y/n)" you heard him mumble as his face was buried in your hair, yours in his chest.

"I need you. Please. I-I can't make it without you. Please just stay, I-I know we can work this out. Please just- don't leave me (Y/n). I love you. I love you so much" you could hear the desperation in his voice and how it cracked when he asked of you to not leave him.

"I can't lose you, too. Not you" he added in a trembling voice, hugging you as tightly as possible; scared that if he so much as dared to loosen his grip you would slip away from him.

You bit your lip to hold the tears in and clenched your fists in his plaid shirt, trying to savor even the least bit of his scent.

"Please" he said in a low voice, barely above a whisper, as you pulled slightly away.

You knew you had lost the fight to keeping the tears in when you saw Sam's tear-stained face. His eyes red and puffy from crying but what hurt the most was the pain and desperation that was evident in his features.

You slowly brought a hand up and brushed a few strands of hair out of his face, choking on a sob when you heard Sam taking in a shaky breath. You cupped his cheek with your hand and rubbed it with your thumb while he closed his eyes and leaned into your touch.

You stood on your tiptoes and leaning in close to him you pressed your lips on his other cheek in a painfully slow kiss. You rested your forehead against the side of