Lately, I’ve been, I’ve been losing sleep,
Dreaming about the things that we could be,
But baby, I’ve been, I’ve been praying hard,
So no more counting dollars, we’ll be counting stars…

-          Counting Stars, by OneRepublic

(A/N- I suppose this verse of the song is appropriate for this chapter, you’ll see why. Except for the dollars bit- but I couldn’t really change it to ‘So no more counting pounds’, because it's not mine and that sounds a bit weird anyway.)

John

The morning of New Year’s Eve, I woke up to discover Sherlock just sliding back into bed after placing one of those ‘Do Not Disturb’ signs on the door outside. My still half-shut eyes met his, and he smiled at me and kissed my forehead lightly, the swelling on the bruise that sat on his lip having gone down quite a lot in the night.

“Good morning, love,” he whispered and slipped his arms around me again.

“Morning,” I mumbled, before glancing at the clock. Eleven-thirty six am? What on earth…?

“Gaaaah!” I exclaimed, sitting up, and he jumped a bit. “We missed breakfast!”

“Sorry, John, I just didn’t want to wake you up. You looked so tired,” he apologized, stroking my hair.

“No, no, it’s fine,” I rested my head on his warm shoulder. “So, what’re we doing today?” I asked.

He looked at the ceiling and exhaled. “I have absolutely no idea.”

“See where the wind takes us?”

“Don’t be silly, John, if there was enough wind to take us anywhere we’d be wise enough to stay inside,” he said.

“Oh, shut up,” I nudged him, laughing. After a bit of talking (and joking/bickering about the wind) we decided to just look around Cardiff, and maybe try out the Winter Wonderland Ferris Wheel that evening. After getting dressed and stepping outside, we bumped into Molly and Greg in the hallway. “So you’re finally up…” Greg asked, an eyebrow raised. “Have a bit of a late one, boys?” He grinned, and Molly put her hand over her mouth and giggled into it.

“If you mean chasing after a serial killer, then yes.”

“Um… Of course. So, was your dinner good?”

“Yes, thanks, it was fine. Good. Great. Amazing,” Sherlock seemed to start stammering, coming up with synonyms for words. He did this when he was nervous- but I knew he was going to tell me why later tonight or tomorrow why- at last, I was terribly anxious to find out.

“Are you alright, mate?” Greg looked a bit worried now, too.

“Mm, yeah, fine, thanks for asking,” he replied. “Got to run, see you later. Have a nice day!” He took my hand and began to pull me through the corridors. “Sherlock, wait!” Molly exclaimed. He swerved around.

“Greg needs a couple of your files for the case, would it be okay if you-”

“Um, just take this! They’re somewhere near the TV, use it to get anything else if you need it too. Bye!”

She thanked him and we dashed off.

“Sherlock?”

“Yes, John?”

“… Should I be worried, too?” I asked as we got inside the elevator. He turned to me and smiled skittishly.

“I don’t think- I don’t know. I hope not,” he replied, squeezing my hand. We walked out of the sliding doors again and down the street on a similar route to the one we had taken yesterday, but this time we went outside lots of little stalls selling things like fruit and crafts and stuff. Sherlock noticed as I glanced longingly at one of them. “Would you like a pancake, John?” he smiled at me. “That would be great, thanks.”

We both had ones with sugar and cinnamon, and sat on a bench in a park nearby to eat them. Pigeons and people passed us by and I could still hear carols being sung as we tucked into our crepes.

“Did you learn anything interesting from the space book last night, then?”

“I learnt how stars and constellations have very different names to what I call them, and there was a bit of mythological background to some of them too, but apart from that, no, not really.”

“Oh.”

“And stars are, um… pretty?”

“Here we go…”

People started to recognize us, pointing and whispering, some even taking pictures. I couldn’t help but laugh as Sherlock hid behind his pancake. “They can still see you, Sherlock,” I reminded him, my hand on his shoulder.

When we’d finished our food, we walked to the shopping centre and went inside for a bit, browsing the stores. I persuaded Sherlock to try on a very nice pair of jeans, which he decided to buy in the end as long as I got this dark blue sweater. A couple of hours later after we had had lunch (and had dodged a couple of interviewers trying to chase us through the shops), we found ourselves walking to the Winter Wonderland- Most of the rides were for children, and to my surprise I actually got Sherlock to go on the carousel. He was reluctant at first, but when he actually got on it he started laughing. I was sat on a horse next to him and I managed to get a picture on my phone.

“Oooohhh, shit,” he said when I showed it to him afterwards, then he disappeared for a few seconds to make a phone call, and then came back, before dragging me over to the ice rink. We entered the tent next to it. “Sherlock, I don’t think we can just-”

“There were cancellations,” he smiled. “Ever skated before?”

“A couple of times when I was a kid,” I replied. “You?”

“Nope. Mycroft was supposed to take me once, but he… Never mind,” Sherlock trailed off, clearly remembering something from his childhood. I put my arm around him as we waited in a queue to get our skates. He looked down at me and smiled. “Thanks.”

About half an hour later after struggling to get my skates on (and then having to help Sherlock) we were called onto the ice. It was already getting dark outside, being the middle of winter, and people surrounded the rink, taking pictures of their friends and families skating. Sherlock lifted up his coat collar, and then stepped proudly onto the ice- before falling flat on his face straight away. I sighed and pulled him up.

“Just hold my hand and grab the bar,” I said. “We’ll have to start slowly.” At that moment, a man in bright orange skates swooped past us, showing off to a group of girls on the outside and almost knocking us both off our feet. I held up a middle finger at him inside my coat pocket. Sherlock began to slip again, so I grabbed him quickly and laughed.

“Okay, so bend your knees a bit and lean forwards- no, not like that, you’ll fall. Okay, that’s better,” I guided him through the skating, step by step, and gradually, he began to let go of the rail.

Soon enough, we were skating rather fast, closer to the middle than before, Sherlock’s hand still gripping mine tight. “That usually takes people a couple of sessions…” I commented.

“What?” He asked.

“To get that good,” I replied, winking at him. He was skating fluently now, but still clinging onto me.

We were in the middle now with all of the fastest skaters, and it was more Sherlock pulling me along than me pulling him. There was no point in denying that he was a natural.

When we were called off and almost everyone else had left, it was approaching the end of a slow song. “Hang on, John, I want to try something,” he whispered, and before I could protest, he spun us both around, then caught me as I fell backwards, holding me in his arms and bending over me.

“Ice-dancing? God, you are full of surprises, aren’t you?” I laughed as he pulled me up to him and kissed me (to the slight applause of people around the rink who recognized us).

“Good that you’ve noticed that,” he said as his soft lips left mine and our eyes met for a moment before we left the ice rink. We gave our skates back and left, finding ourselves in front of the large Ferris wheel. “Fancy a go?” I asked Sherlock, who didn’t need to be asked twice. He pulled me along and we waited in line, looking up at the wheel sparkling with lights as the carriages circled its middle, going up and down gradually, sometimes stopping so people could overlook the city.

We got our own carriage after our wait, and we climbed in, sitting opposite eachother in the small space. The carriage slowly lifted up, stopping and starting as each group got into their own individual basket. We stopped at the top, and Sherlock and I looked out over the skyline and at the beautiful lights that echoed throughout the place- Sherlock fitting into it perfectly, and I thought to myself how absolutely crazy it was, how somehow, wherever we went, he always made it his city.

A few seconds later, we were kissing, wind blowing into the carriage and ruffling over my fingers which brushed through his soft curls. Noticing he was shaking slightly, I said between breaths “You’re not scared of heights, are you?” stroking the back of his head.

“No, of course not,” he replied, sucking on the bottom of my lip, before pulling away. “You look cold.” 

“I’m fine, Sherlock,” I protested, but he wouldn’t have any of it. He moved to sit beside me, causing the carriage to wobble a little bit, opened his coat and wrapped half of it around me, so we were both inside it. I felt a lot warmer now, and he leant his head on the top of mine, as we looked out over the city together.

When we got out later, Sherlock seemed slightly dizzy so I held him up as he staggered off the wheel, chuckling, even more so when he told me to shut up after I compared him to a seal pup because of this.

“So, where to next?” I asked him. We decided to go back to the shopping centre to find somewhere to eat. It was still fairly full, people gathering in groups to meet for New Year’s Eve.

We decided to go to T.G.I Friday’s again, and luckily there was one table left in outside part of the restaurant. I looked around us at the posters on the wall of different films, books and the giant statue of the hulk in the corner, as Sherlock put his hands in his usual thinking position under his chin, deep in consideration. He had barely touched his food.

“Sherlock, I thought you were hungry,” I said. He lowered his hands, then took a chip off my plate and ate it, smirking. “I do believe the general rules of dating allow me to do that,” he insisted. I sighed, but didn’t argue. He spluttered at the taste of the sauce that was on it, anyway.

“Ugh! What is that?!” he coughed, disgusted. I laughed at him, and gave him my untouched glass of water as he had finished his earlier. He took it gratefully and gulped down the whole thing. 

I managed to get him to eat half of his food, as not to be rude to the people working here. He seemed to be getting more and more anxious about whatever was on his mind- twitching and fiddling, barely talking at all. We left back in the direction of the hotel. It was going on nine o’clock now, and the streets were crowded with people rushing around to get home or to get out to party and greet the New Year. However, instead of going into the hotel, Sherlock walked me across the street. “Sherlock, where are we going?! The hotel’s that way!” I exclaimed.

Sherlock

“I know that,” I replied to John, smiling a bit. “Are you warm enough?” I asked as we crossed the road.

“Yes, why?” I saw him raise an eyebrow.

“You’ll see,” I put an arm around him anyway. When we got to the park gate, however, it was shut- I remember it was locked at about eight-ish. “Damn, we’ll have to go the long way round…” I complained.

“What? Sherlock, it’s shut!”

“Do come along, John,” I requested, and rushed us along until we reached the entrance to the Sophia Gardens, just along the river which ran between them and the park. I rushed us through there, John still looking rather confused, and we reached the bridge which stretched over across the shimmering waters to Bute Park on the other side. The two gates on the bridge were shut too, but I jumped over anyway after checking that nobody else was around. “Sherlock! What are you doing?!” John cried, perplexed. “Shh, just… come with me,” I helped him over and caught him on the first gate when he fell over a bit. We got over the next one, and I began to lead him forwards through the park and bare trees, until we reached a large clearing with a slight view of the castle. Heart pounding in my chest, I told myself to calm down…

I pulled my coat out behind me and sat down on top of it, beckoning John over to sit with me. “What the hell…,” he muttered. He sat down beside me and shifted uncomfortably.

“No, not there!” I pulled him into the coat and hugged him, absorbing his warmth. Calm down Sherlock, it’s going to be okay…

After a minute, he asked; “What are we doing here, Sherlock?” in a quiet, puzzled voice. I chuckled a bit, then explained myself a little bit. “I needed to show you something…”

“Okay… what?”

I locked eyes with him for a few minutes and smiled at him, before glancing at the sky. “Look up,” I ordered. He gasped, and I wasn’t surprised- it was even clearer than that of the previous night, each star glowing, and searing wholes through the darkness.

I moved a little bit closer to him and squinted at the sky, before shrugging off my coat sleeve and letting hang limply around my shoulder as I pointed upwards at a cluster of stars.

“See that there?” I asked, and he nodded slowly, still in awe of the beauty of the surrounding night. “That’s Cassiopeia.” I traced the outline of the constellation with my finger. He nodded, mouth hanging open, but turned to me and I realized that he wasn’t just in shock of the beauty of the stars anymore.

“Constellations, Sherlock?” He looked up at me with a loving and surprised expression. “What’s gotten into you lately?”

I laughed, and then turned my attention back to the sky. “It was named after the vain Queen in Greek mythology- it’s supposed to resemble her sitting on her throne as a punishment for her self-obsession, and forced to spend half the year upside down in the sky. Quite frankly, I don’t see it, it just looks like a group of stars to me, but-”

I was cut off by John planting his lips on mine and stroking my cheek as he did so. A little while later, we broke apart, our foreheads still together and his hand still on my face. “You’re amazing,” he whispered.

“And that’s you talking,” I replied, and I felt my heart skip a beat. (Except it didn’t really skip a beat, that’s just a saying, if it had missed one, that would not be good news for my cardiac welfare.) I told myself to calm down again, and just focus.

“What else do you know?” He asked, turning his attention back to the sky, and my cheek leant against the top of his head.

“Cassiopeia is formed by five bright stars,” I began, then lifted up his hand with mine and guided it along the W shaped constellation from left to right. “Epsilon, Delta, Gamma, Reason Eight Hundred and Forty-Three and Beta Cassiopeia.”

“Sorry… Reason Eight Hundred and Forty-Three?” John asked, pointing out my subconscious slip-up. “Reason Eight Hundred and Forty-Three for what?”

Oh shit.

“Reason Eight Hundred and Forty-Three…” I took a deep breath. “… That I am in love with you.” I looked down at the ground anxiously, cringing at how cheesy this must have sounded to him.

“You have that many reasons?” He asked, pulling away a little to look at me with wide eyes.

(A/N- I’m not a Directioner, but I think the song ‘Little Things’ really fits this scene, so if you want something to accompany it, I suggest that song. You may now proceed.)

“Yes, and infinite more,” I replied, meeting his gaze.

“That’s impossible, Sherlock,” he smiled and laughed a little bit.

“No, it isn’t, actually,” I corrected him. “Look, I’ll show you.”

“Go on then,” he smirked. “I don’t see how you could have that many reasons, though…”

“There aren’t enough stars, John. I’ll continue to list until you tell me to stop.”

“Deal,” he smiled, and I rubbed my hands together, and then found ‘Reason Number One’, the brightest star in the sky. “Number One-”

“That’s the North Star, Sherlock,” he laughed.

“Shut up and listen, John,” I sighed. “Okay, Number One- You make me human. I’d blocked off emotions from a very young age, not wishing to or seeing the point of ever feeling anything again, but then… I met you, and never in my life would I have ever dreamed I’d be so incredibly lucky.

“Reason Two- The way you smile and your cheeks do this thing.”

“What thing?”

“Oh, I don’t know…” I tried it myself, and something tells me I did it wrong.

“Do I really do that? Ugh…” He trailed off, glancing at the ground.

“No, no, I’m not doing it right. It’s just… only you can do it and… it’s, er… just bloody adorable, okay?” I blurted out.

I saw him smirk.

“Oh, shut up. Anyway, moving on-” I pointed my finger at the next star. “Reason Three- You believed in me after all this time, no matter what people said, no matter what I said myself. You never let me be alone… and you made sure I knew that.

“Reason Four- Your laugh. I don’t really like anybody else’s, I just like yours.

“Reason Five,” I moved my finger again, feeling John’s eyes upon me. Strangely enough, this was the very root of this reason. “Your eyes, they’re unique. I’ve never came across another person with such amazing eyes.

“Number Six- That face you make when you’re confused or uncertain about something. I suppose that’s because you’re the only person on the planet who can make that face without looking like an idiot in the process.

“Seven- Sometimes you talk in your sleep, and I talk back to you. I like to think we have little conversations, though some of the things you say make no sense whatsoever, I love you for them anyway… which brings me to Reason Eight, the way you look when you sleep, like you haven’t got a worry in the world, and now I suppose you sometimes look like that when you’re awake too- I’m so glad.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but I knew what he was going to say anyway, so I answered it in advance. “If you’re wondering how this got assigned to a star before we started dating, a few weeks before… The Fall…” I gulped. “I was watching Doctor Who with you (although you thought I was just thinking) and you fell asleep on my shoulder by accident… I don’t know if you remember that. Anyway, I suppose I just couldn’t help but look at you, even though I was scared you’d wake up and notice me, but… I just couldn’t stop.”

“I remember,” John said, to my surprise. “And I’ll tell you a secret…”

My eyes met his and he smiled, before continuing. “… I was awake for half of that time, I just didn’t let you know because I didn’t want you to leave…” As he said this, my heart rate accelerated greatly again and I could feel my eyes water slightly. Determined to continue, I kissed John’s forehead and tugged him closer.

“Reason Nine-” I pointed out the next star, and felt his warm head rest on my shoulder. His hair was soft and smelt good, and I smiled to myself, feeling the (metaphorical) butterflies going berserk in my stomach. “How from the very beginning, you didn’t think I was a freak- you told me what I did was brilliant, and that was the first time anybody ever said that to me.”

“In your whole life?” He sounded shocked. I nodded.

“Well then, I think you need to hear it again- Sherlock Holmes, you are brilliant, amazing and unique, and I love you.”

“And I love you,” I turned my head to kiss him briefly, and then got back to listing my reasons. I don’t know how long it took me, but he listened, surprised