I don't think I will ever be capable of falling in love with someone else the way I fell for you, it was only you, nothing calculated, nothing advantageous; I just loved you and still I broke your heart.

Or did I break mine more? But no love, I think of you more. After everything I have done, I can never feel sorry for myself for not being strong enough to accept and confess my feelings.

Pov 6:

It has been years and your memory still remains fresh. The love was naive and young and I am uncertain if someday I would love anyone the way I loved you. Would I be there not calculating if the person and I share the same ideology? Would I be there not worrying the date who shows up might turn out to be embedded in their toxic masculinity? Would I be there asking myself not to think further of the guy turning out to be dissing people for not being him whom I am hoping to meet for such a long time? Would I be there wanting to stay with him the same way I was attracted towards him even after I find out he is possessive and prefers controlling me? Will I okay further continuing my relationship with him even after knowing he is into substances? Would I want to stay with him after getting to know his family? Would I be able to love him regardless of how is presents himself?

The answer is simple and it's a NO, which surprisingly wasn't with you even though I broke your heart. I don't think I have a proper answer on whether I was attracted towards you, had lust or was it, love. But I would like to conclude with the latter. Though I don't get butterflies in my stomach when I see your picture or sometimes when I remember you, but every time your name pops up in my notification I wish someday I would fall for someone the way I fell for you and that day I wouldn't hesitate to accept my feelings or be too late to confess.

I haven't felt that love for a long time. Maybe I feel that when I see mountains covered with snow at night or when I hear the sound of the flowing river and birds singing or when I feel the touch of dew on the grass when walking barefoot. At such a time when the cold wind touches your face, you don't think of anything, you simply stay there and enjoy every touch of it and love it with no conditions. That was my love for you, I had no condition but only a fear of how would I feel when I hold your hand and what if everything changes, so I broke your heart love and more than that I broke mine!

Today as I see you, I hope you are happy and content with whomever and wherever you are. No love, I have no intention or desire to be with you because now I will be calculating everything even though at one time I felt for you the way I feel for a hot shower. So every time I see you, I see me, the young me, the naive me, who could love without conditions, without calculations and without any armour.

Maybe today you don't want to see me or hear from me and I would not question why but before you say goodbye, I just wanna let you know; you have a beautiful smile and you could capture any heart and I hope no matter where you end up, you don't hold hands with someone like me who is scared to tell you they love you.