The ride back home is silent. I am staring out the window, seeing trees and pavement, but not really seeing them. My mind is everywhere and nowhere at the same time, no coherent thought forming, no specific topic on my mind. I can't focus on anything.

I wish Ellie would turn on the radio so I wouldn't have to hear the rumbling of the car or the whizzing of the wind blowing past us. I would do it myself but I feel too depleted to even move and reach for the radio button, so I remain completely immobile. I can tell my neck is going to hurt by the time we reach home but I can't move. I don't want to move. It might wake me from this trance I am in, pull me out of this world I am locked in and I don't want to be anywhere else but in that world. A world where I don't think, where nothing exists, where nothing matters.

Ellie pulls in the driveway and only then do I snap out of it. Without waiting for her, I walk up to the door and twist the doorknob, pushing it open. Thirsty and mildly hungry, I decide to make a quick trip to the kitchen before retreating to my room.

But the moment I enter the house, I can tell something is different. I'm not sure what it is but something is not quite as usual. Carefully, I take a few steps into the living room, peeking carefully but nothing seems out of place. No broken TV or lamp. Then as I am about to head to the kitchen, I smell something. The sweet smell of... shrimp rice. And not any shrimp rice, the kind my father makes. The thought makes me frown and I wonder if I've gone completely cuckoo. Turning left, I head for the kitchen.

And am assaulted.

I stumble backwards as a tiny little being jumps at me, wrapping itself around me and not letting go.

"Tracy!" It squeals.

I recognize Lucy's voice. She hugs me tightly, burying her face in my shoulders. Without hesitation, I wrap my arms around her and spin us around happily, my previous mood forgotten upon having my little sister with me.

"Lu!" I squeal with her, "Oh my gosh! I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow."

Finally, I quit spinning us and put her down, sinking on my knees to face her. I take her beautiful face into my hands and smile at her. Somehow, my heart finally leaves the bottom of my feet and comes back up where it belongs.

I hug her again. "I can't believe you're there," I say, tremendously happy.

"Dad wanted to make you a surprise," she says with a wide grin as she turns back to face our father.

He's standing by the fridge, looking at us with a wide smile on his face. As I get up to go hug him, he rounds the counter and without warning, picks me up and twirls me around.

"Dad," I laugh, "put me down."

He complies and doesn't wait for my feet to touch the ground before he enfolds me in his embrace. "Missed your old man?" He asks.

"Of course," I say and try to ignore Lucy's squeals in the background as she probably throws herself at Ellie. I pull away from my dad. "I didn't even see your truck outside. Where did you hide it?"

My father doesn't answer and simply winks at me. "Now, I can't share all my secrets with you, can I?"

I roll my eyes at him. "As if you ever kept secrets from me, Dad." My father and I have a close relationship, one that revolves around honesty at all times, and openness. We tell each other everything.

He winks again. "You don't know that."

He's about to talk again but something behind me has him raising his eyebrows. I turn around, wondering what it could be. And I wish I hadn't.

My eyes land on him just as Lucy asks, "Who are you?"

I see Yann crouch down to be at my little sister's level and he does something I've never seen him do. He smiles. I watch, fascinated, as two dimples grace his cheeks. "I'm Yann," he says.

I can hear the frown in Lucy's voice as she says. "Tracy's never talked about you." Then she turns to me, "You've never said anything about Yann."

Reluctantly, I swallow. I am about to answer when Yann does. "That's because she didn't know me until two weeks ago." He explains.

But Lucy isn't having it, "Yeah, but she still didn't say anything when she called."

My father must sense my discomfort because he says, "Lucy, say hi to Will."

My little sister shuts up about Yann when she notices Will standing behind him. Running towards him, she opens her arms and he scoops her up like she weighs nothing. "Hello, little thing," he calls lovingly as she hugs him.

"Will," she says, "you have to convince Tracy to go do everything that's on my list. She listens to you." I try not to roll my eyes at the conniving little thing.

Will chuckles as he puts Lucy down, "I doubt she'll listen to me. She doesn't even listen to Ellie."

Lucy then turns to me with a pout and, running towards me, wraps her arms around my waist. "Sissy," she pleads, "please, please, please."

Next to me, my dad bends down and picks up Lucy, throwing her over his shoulder, stopping her from being any more annoying than she already is. "It's time to eat," he says. "Will, Yann, are you staying?"

"If you cooked Mr. Graham, of course I'm staying," Will says. Though he's never had any dish cooked by my dad, my father's reputation as a fine chef – even though he's a mechanic – precedes him.

When my dad smiles up at Yann, he only says, "Thanks, but I think I'll go home."

His eyes flick to me for the briefest moment and I look away, at my dad. My father however does not miss the subtle movement and gives me a quick look in confusion. He picks up on these things fast. When I avoid his gaze, he knows something is wrong. Still, that does not stop him from saying, "Nonsense, boy. You have to stay. Dinner's ready, anyways. I insist."

Without really waiting for Yann to answer, I start towards the pantry to get the silverware and plates out. "Ellie, give me a hand, please?"

I hear her footsteps on the floor just as I hear Yann say, "Sure, I'll stay then." And my heart drops again, but this time it stays somewhere around my waist, as if stuck between my upper and lower bodies.

I can feel Ellie's eyes on me as we set the table. She's not voicing any questions but I know that she is dying to. I can tell she knows something went down between Yann and me but I wonder if she knows. We weren't standing so close as to make it look like we were kissing but we hadn't been that far apart either.

Back in the kitchen, Lucy is blabbering incessantly, annoying my dad then Will then Yann who surprisingly, talks to her. She's probably only been there for a couple hours and already, she's talking like she's been mute all her life, as if making up for lost time. At some point, Ellie leaves me alone to go fetch the glasses and I finish setting the table for six people.

I can sense his presence in the room but I completely ignore him. I keep moving around, putting forks and knives on each side of the plates, arranging the salad bowl in the middle of the table, focusing on folding the napkins.

Waiting for Ellie to return as I wonder what's taking her so long, I stand at the other end of the table and put as much distance as I can between Yann and me. I would go back to the kitchen but I'd have to pass him by and I don't want to do that.

I cross my arms over my chest and peruse the table arrangements. It's all good. There's nothing left to do even though my fingers are itching to do something, just to forget about him there, staring at me. I can feel his gaze on me and it makes me want to look at him to, to look into those electric blue eyes that I love. I try not to, I really do. But I cave in.

It seems like it's all he's waiting for because the moment our eyes meet, he says, "I thought you didn't like me, Graham."

I thought my heart couldn't go lower than my toes, but I was wrong. It can. And at that moment, it goes deep under my toes, under my feet, deep into the ground all the way to the core of the Earth, all 4000 miles from where I'm standing to the very core of our planet.

He begins to look away, to leave, but I say, "Yeah."

He turns to look into my eyes again and as I tell myself I love his eyes when I shouldn't, I can't help when my voice breaks. The words come out croaked and distorted, "You really got me."

I can feel the tears at the rim of my eyes and I refuse to let him see me cry. I refuse to cry, period. I start walking past him, all the while looking into his eyes. I think I see regret in there but I'm not sure, my blurry vision is playing tricks on me and everything is warped. I feel his fingers brush against my arm, as if he's trying to hold me back, to stop me from leaving. But I jerk my arm away as if his touch singes me and run out before anyone can see me.

I make it to the bathroom and, holding my head back, my fumbling hands reach for the toilet paper. I can't find it with my fingers. I can't find it and it's pissing me off. I need to let my head come down and look for it but I know that the moment I do that, the tears will spill out. I keep searching blindly, then curse out loud when I can't find it.

"Tracy?" Ellie's voice comes through the door. "Dinner's served. We're just waiting for you."

"Yeah, just a minute," I call back.

Finally! My fingers yank the paper out. I can feel the tears coming out, heavy drops at the corner of my eyes ready to fall. My hands reach up quickly and I dab away at them, wiping away all trace of my sadness so that no one can see. But I know there's one person I will not be able to fool. My father will never believe everything is alright even if I used makeup right now – and I'm good with makeup – because he already knows something is wrong, because he saw how Yann looked at me and how I avoided his eyes.

Back in the dining room, I am relieved to find that I am sitting next to Ellie and that Yann is sitting next to her. Good. I don't have to see him in front of me nor next to me. I almost stand up here and there and thank the Lord.

"Sorry, girl emergency," I lie. I avoid looking in my dad's direction because I don't want to see the questions on his face.

Soon, we fall into conversation and Lucy doesn't stop treating us all with her nonstop talking. Her jabbering doesn't get on my nerves the way it usually would and I find myself staring at my little sister in awe, wondering when she grew up to become what she is today. Her lips move faster than the wings of a hummingbird and I can't help but think of a time when it was me. Ten years ago, it was me talking incessantly at our dining table, in a house that's ten minutes away on foot from where I am right now, sitting next to my two parents.

I'm so lost in my thoughts that I almost miss when my father asks, "So, Yann. Where are you from?"

For a moment, everyone is silent at the table. I don't expect Yann to answer, after all he doesn't talk about himself. But he surprises me by saying, "New York, actually."

My father looks surprised and questions him again. "Really? And what brought you to a small town like Harlem?"

At that moment, I kick my dad under the table softly. His gaze drops on me for a moment and I give him a subtle shake of my head and he gets it.

"I just like it here," Yann says but I can tell he's lying.

My father doesn't ask any more questions and as soon as he's quiet, Lucy is more than happy to resume her chatting. I watch her little face, her sparkling brown eyes and wide smile. Had she been born ten years earlier, she and I would have been identical twins. This is exactly what I looked like ten years ago. My pigtails were reaching my mid-back like hers do right now and I always had pink hairbands like she does too – even though she swears she hates pink.

"Tracy, I never asked," my dad says, "did you go to our old house? Do you know who lives there?"

I frown at him. "I thought you knew who lived there."

"Not really. The real estate company is in charge. I merely discussed a few things with them."

"No," I lie, "I didn't go."

I hate lying to him. I hate lying in front of my friends because Will and Ellie most definitely know that I went there and that I know who lives there. I don't want to admit it to my dad though. But as I said before, I don't need to admit anything to him. My dad knows things without having to hear them from me and I know that later, he and I are going to have a little chat that I am already dreading.

When we're done eating dinner, Will and Yann excuse themselves, saying they have to go home. I make sure I am nowhere near them just so I don't have to see him. I can hear as they say goodbyes and after a moment, I think they are gone but a few seconds later, I hear someone enter the kitchen.

I take a deep breath in. Then I hear his voice. "You okay?"

I let out a breath in relief as I turn around to face Will with the fakest smile I've ever given. "Yeah, I'm alright."

"Cut the crap," Will says, "Ellie told me something happened though she doesn't know what. It's got something to do with Yann, right?"

I shrug and that's enough of an answer to him. He doesn't say anything and just comes and pulls me in. "I'm here if you wanna talk, Tracy." He lets go of me and plants a kiss on my forehead before walking out.

***

Later that night, I am helping my father make the bed in the guest room. Ellie, Lucy and I will be staying in Ellie's room – thank God it's a king size bed – and even though she says we might be all a little squeezed in for the night, she refused to let my father sleep on the couch, saying, "it's not a proper way to receive your guest." I didn't argue with her and when I had said I would go sleep on the couch, my father had interjected, saying that if anyone were to sleep on the couch it would be him.

I am about to leave the room when my father calls me. "Tracy."

I don't turn around as I keep walking. "I'm just gonna take a shower. I'm –"

"Tracy."

There's a command in his voice that I cannot ignore and I stop in my tracks. I wait for him to say more but he doesn't. I turn around and close the door, not wanting Ellie or Lucy to hear the conversation that will undoubtedly follow.

"Do you want to talk about it?" My father asks as I take a seat on the edge of the bed.

"There's not much to talk about," I sigh.

"If it bothers you, there's plenty to talk about," my father insists. When I remain quiet, he continues, "It's about Yann, isn't it? You like him?"

I laugh a little. "You know, Dad, not all girl's guy-related problems are about having a crush on them. And no, I don't like him."

My father shrugs. "I was just asking. You didn't look at him once." Thank you for being so observant, Dad. "What is it?"

I sigh. There's no point in denying it. He already knows. So I tell him as much as I can, as much as I know. I tell him how he makes me feel, how he reminds me of Ollie. And when I reach the part about what happened today, I hold it back. He points it out to me as he says, "You're not telling me something."

I want to tell him but I find what Yann did to be so low and repugnant that I don't want to tell my dad about it, not because I feel humiliated, which I do but because like Ellie, my dad believes in people and tends to give them the benefit of the doubt. Tonight, he saw a more polite version of Yann and even though I just told him that Yann is everything but polite, I don't want to let him in on the kiss. There's the usual rude Yann and then, there's the Yann who did what he did today.

"I don't want to tell you," I admit. When my father opens his mouth to talk again, I say, "I'm tired, Dad. I just want to go to bed."

He nods and doesn't insist. Pulling me into his arms, he says on top of my head, "There's nothing you can't tell me, honey. You know it."

I smile against him, "I know."

•••

Hi guys! Chapter 19's up.

Personally, I hate Yann in this chapter but oh well. What did you think? Let me know :)