All weekend I think of how I will face Aurora, but the simple answer is, I don't. When Monday does roll around, I do everything in my power to avoid her. I even send her a text early in the day to say that I won't be able to walk home together due to a family commitment, just as a precaution.

Thankfully, our Calculus final isn't until Wednesday, so I will be able to avoid her just fine. And it's a half day. No worries about seeing her at lunch. It's only the hallways I need to be tactical about.

Before my first final on Monday morning, I stand outside with my friends in the cold, reviewing a few notecards, but also catching up on the weekend.

"What did you do this weekend?" Juliet asks.

"Studied," Hazel answers for me.

"That's not true!" I say. I quickly shut my mouth. My friends stare at me, expecting me to detail something other than studying I've done, but I don't want to mention the tree lighting with Aurora. So instead, I clear my throat and say, "I walked my dog this weekend, too."

"Oh, of course," Hazel says. "A riveting weekend for Callie."

As they talk, I keep glancing left and right, over my shoulder, making sure that if Aurora is in the distance, I can find an escape route. I drown the conversation out, feeling myself growing nervous. I should be nervous about finals, instead of seeing one person.

"Looking for someone?" Abigail asks.

I flinch, and turn to look at her. Abigail looks at me in concern. She always seems to know when I'm in a bad mood.

"You good?" Abigail asks. "You look ready to flee."

"Nervous for finals," I respond.

I shuffle my feet, stating it's from the cold, when really I feel like a bundle of nerves ready to burst. Because what if one of my friends decides to ask at this moment if I like anyone? What if I suddenly just blurt out that I'm a lesbian? I thought acknowledging these parts of myself would make me feel better, but now I feel like a bomb about to burst. I know eventually, all of this is going to spill, one way or another. And if it doesn't, I think my insides may just eat me out.

Strangely, I'm calmer by the time my final begins because it gives me something to focus on. I complete my two finals for the day in pristine time, and afterwards, I quickly make my way out of campus, having successfully avoided Aurora all day.

As I lay on my bed that night though, clutching a pillow close to me, I realize how lonely I felt during the day. Perhaps that's just the nature of finals. All academics, no time to talk. But Aurora and I have been walking home regularly, and so not having that routine feels strange, especially when we had such a nice weekend together earlier.

I let out a groan and bury my face in my pillow. My brain feels at war with itself. With Isabella, I did not allow myself to have these thoughts. This time, I want to be able to feel these emotions without guilt, but it's still hard. I don't know what it is I want deep down because nothing will happen between Aurora and me anyway. Even then, a tiny voice whispers in my ear that maybe...maybe something will happen this time if I only allow it to.

After another set of finals the next day, I slowly place my books away in my locker. My brain is fried, but I know I still have one more set of finals to finish the next day. And of course, Calculus has to be one of those. I have no idea how I'm going to be able to study well tonight when my mind already feels at its end.

I've let myself linger too long because I'm suddenly very aware of a person standing next to me. I jump when I notice Aurora. A small shriek escapes my throat, and I slam my locker and let out an exhale while Aurora giggles beside me. That stupid, also kind of adorable, giggle.

"Jeez, you sure scare easily," Aurora says. "Though I should have guessed you'd be zoned out, it being finals and all."

I have not seen or spoken to Aurora since our excursion this weekend. Because of this, I hold my textbooks close to my face to mask the growing blush in my cheeks. With Isabella, I only had to see her a few days a week for classes, so managing this anxiety was easier. Why did I have to get a crush on Aurora right when we started to become close?

"H-How were your finals?" I ask.

"Good, good," Aurora says gleefully. "I'm guessing you've done well, too?"

I slowly nod.

"Well, Calculus is tomorrow, so I figured you'd maybe want to study in the library before heading home," Aurora suggests.

I want to agree. A part of me desperately does, but instead, I lower my head. "Oh, um, I'm not feeling that well actually. I think I'll just have one of my friends drive me home." I try not to make eye contact with her to avoid witnessing her disappointment. That is, if she even is disappointed. I don't want her to form an emotional connection with me, right?

"You're sick? Is it because it was cold at the tree lighting?" Aurora asks.

I find myself hushing her without meaning to, mostly because I see some of my friends walking by. Thankfully, they don't notice me, but I fear that if anyone catches me with Aurora now, they'll somehow know of my feelings for her.

"Sorry. Headache," I offer as an excuse. "I'm going to head home now. See you tomorrow."

"Okay. Feel better," she says, offering a small wave as I walk quickly down the hallways out of school. A part of me feels guilty for pushing her away, but right now, I need some distance considering everything that has happened in the past few days. Hopefully, Christmas break will calm these feelings.

I can't avoid Aurora forever though because she takes the seat right next to me during our Calculus final exam.

"Trying to cheat off of me?" I tease.

"What? No!" she exclaims, though she relaxes when she realizes I was only kidding. "How is your head feeling?"

"My head?" I suddenly remember that was what I offered as an excuse the day before. My eyes widen, and I laugh it off. "Oh, my headache went away overnight. I feel better now."

"Good." Aurora looks like she has something else to say, but at that moment, our proctor begins to take roll, and I look away, ready to finish my final so I don't have to look at Aurora again for another two weeks. It's silly, thinking the feelings may subside in that time, but if I'm lucky, maybe they will, and I can forget this whole ordeal ever happened.

I stretch my limbs after handing in my last exam. Thank goodness it's all over. Now, I have Christmas movies, hot chocolate, and sleeping in to look forward to. As I grab my things, Aurora follows behind me outside the door, immediately beginning to converse with me about the exam.

"I think it went pretty well. How do you think you did?" she wonders.

"Pretty good," I admit.

"All that studying together must have paid off," she says, flashing me a smile.

"Yeah," I say.

"Hey, are you okay?" Aurora asks.

"Huh?"

"Well, you've been acting off lately. Are you mad that I took you away from studying over the weekend? Did you do poorly on a final because of it? If so, I'm so sorry!" she exclaims.

Now I suddenly feel guilty. She has noticed that I've been avoiding her, and she's begun to think she's done something wrong. I want to tell her that she's done nothing wrong, that even if she has something to do with my behavior these days, it's myself that I'm upset with. But instead, I shake my head.

"I've just been stressed lately because of finals, that's all," I tell her. I watch her visibly release a pent-up breath and feel my nerves decreasing.

"Well, shall we?" she asks, meaning for us to walk home together.

I gulp. "I can't. I'm getting a ride home so I can go pick my siblings up from school. They have a shorter day today, and they need to get home quickly to get all done up for their Christmas recital tonight." This is actually the truth. I don't know that if I didn't have other priorities I would still walk home with Aurora, but either way, I can't today.

"Oh well. Have a good Christmas break, then," she says as she walks away.

That interaction felt strange. No hug, no overly huge smile. Perhaps I've come to misunderstand Aurora's character all this time. My heart sinks slightly. She implies that we will not see each other over break, then, which is what I should be okay with, thrilled with even, but still...

I watch her fade into the crowd of other girls in uniforms before I turn and head home, not sure what this Christmas break will bring.