before i start:
please listen to The Night We Met by Lord Huron while reading, and switch to Dream Sweet in Sea Major by Miracle Musical when you see ***, and go back to The Night We Met at the ***.

TW: su!c!de is the biggest theme of this chapter. i will provide a summary at the end if you need to skip.
—————————————————————

i'm sorry.
have i let you down?
i knew how i would end.
but i hid it from you
maybe you caught on
i didn't intend for you to
but then again i never intended to leave
the world quite like this.
-
sometime
after my half birthday
of my 18th year
i lost it.
i lost myself.
i had no school
no job
no parents.

i had nothing
no reason to stay
no reason to keep trying
in hopes for another light
to shine it's way through my door
and pick me up
tell me it will all be alright.

i hope i can be your light.
maybe you aren't feeling the best
maybe your home situation
is so bad you don't leave your room.
if you have one at all
that's why i wrote this
so i can always be the light
to tell you to smile
-
i like your smile
-
you may recall
my ways of passing time.
you know my favorite was walking.
the town might as well
have paved my footprints
into the cement
as i would take the same path
every waking day of my life.

i decided to take that path
one last time today
pay respects
to the street signs
i will never pass again
to the buildings
and it's windows i avoided
in fear of my reflection

would the townspeople notice?
will they spill whispers about me
when they stop seeing me
will they go about their days
assuming i moved away?
technically i am moving away.
but to somewhere far
and hopefully more harmonious .
***
i put on my shoes and step outside
it's dark
and snowing
and windy.
maybe a coat would have been a better choice
than my three week old
windbreaker.
too late now i guess.

i found myself humming along
to the song spinning it's way
throw my brain.
i didn't mind
it was calming.
along with the snow
and the soft, yellowish street lamp light
i feel peaceable.

i saw wreaths on storefronts
christmas lights
on balconies
and a large banner announcing the holiday.
today was christmas.
a day to be merry and bright.
how ironic,
i chuckled to myself.

and so i walked on.
i would see snowmen
snow forts
the occasional smashed snowball.
i smiled at the signs of children
who had left their playtime
for their family.
something i never did.

did i take my life for granted?
i may have.
i wish i knew
when i was in my prime
before i fell out of it.
everyone talks about the good old days
but not about how hard
it is to admit you've left them.

i felt
alone at the edge of the universe
humming the tune
swimming in my head.
what if i stepped off.
not yet
not here
i wouldn't want the children to see me.
***
and now here i am.
writing to you.
i have fallen in love with you.
maybe
under different circumstances
i would venture out to find you.
but in this reality
i am leaving the finding to you.

if you find this letter
you are the love of my life
you are the one to care enough
to stay this long
to read my story
my reasons
for what i am about to do.
i'm sorry i had to end this way

in my mind i have no other choice
yes you are out there
but i have nothing else
and if i can exist
with you
in nothing but writing.
so be it
because you are worth it.
-
and perhaps my life isn't
-
i arrived home around an hour ago.
i didn't bother to shut my door
i imagine snow has collected inside.
that's fine.
i grabbed this here paper
and my favorite pen
because you my dear
deserve the best.

i wrote my story
my plot points
my rising action
but i think my story
will end at this climax.
you can fill in my falling action
and my resolution.
i have no more energy.

i left in my love notes
and my wishes.
things i will miss
as i move to the next life
but things i hope you will cherish.
hold close to your heart.
and live by
for as long as you live.

i hope you aren't upset
because i love you
i really do.
i love the way you listened
i love the way you shared my emotions
i love the way you understood me
and i love the way you will continue
to keep my memory alive.

this will be
my one
and only
goodbye
to this cruel world.
the cruel world
that turned me
against life itself.

so goodbye
i love you.
and i am sorry
for the blood
you had to step over
to come inside
and reach me.
you understand though, right?
———————————————————————

wc;869 wow
okay
summary: the main character apologizes for this ending, and takes their last walk. the vibe of the walk matches the song "dream sweet in sea major". they reflect on their life on the walk, and return home to write the um "goodbye letter". the character reveals that they are in love with the reader because the reader is the only one who has stayed, who has listened, and cared enough to do either. they soon reveal it is their goodbye letter and apologize once more.
i am so sorry to leave this story on this note but i hope you all enjoyed. don't forget to leave a comment or vote if you would like
also please remember if you feel this way you should talk to someone. there are people that care for you, including me. take care guys :) <3