Chapter 21 ~ Wishes and Revelations

I hummed softly to myself, I felt like I was under some kind of spell. The kind that couldn't be broken. I skipped down the lavish castle halls, passing the shining suits of armour thinking about the past few days. It was weird and I was scared more than anything.

I knew that this euphoria wouldn't last forever, it might just last a few more seconds, so I decided to savour it.

I was on the lookout for Juliet, or maybe my mother, just someone to help my feet stay on the ground. I didn't want to do anything stupid. I continued to skip around, soon seeing someone the grand castle entrance. I stopped and tilted my head as I tried to recognise her.

She had lovely, rich skin that reminded me of Simone and bright blue eyes that had a cunning glint to them. Her hair was braided and put into a bun and she looked like she was on an agenda. She met my eyes and I knew only one person could be this hauntingly beautiful.

I felt like I had been punched in the stomach repeatedly and that a ton of bricks had landed on me, I couldn't move. My breaths became quiet, short gasps and my body was rendered immobile.

What was she doing here?

I hadn't seen her in years and I was hoping to make that duration an entire lifetime. She can't just come into the castle like that! Someone must be setting her up!

I had the urge to whisk around and to continue to forget about her but nothing in my body would move. My body was refusing to cooperate with the orders I was giving it so I remained gobsmacked. The woman wasn't nearly as gobsmacked as I was, she was slightly taken aback but she just narrowed her eyes. She probably wasn't expecting to see me here even though she knew my connection with the Royal family and she had to be living under a rock not to know about my new relationship with the Prince.

I slowly reached out to my wrist, trying to find some comfort but I realised it was bare. Maybe I had left it at home... I began to feel even more nervous. My insides were churning and a wave of nausea washed through me. I accepted that I couldn't move so I hoped that she would leave - go back outside or further into the castle, just so I couldn't see her anymore. However, I could tell by reading her body language that she wasn't planning on going anywhere. She must enjoy seeing me suffer, knowing what she's like she probably just came for that. She must have seen that life was doing me favours so she came back to crush me into reality.

"W-what a-are you... doing here?" I croaked, unaware that I had spoken until the words had come out.

She rolled her eyes at me, already annoyed. "Wow, you're more pathetic than usual. My business here is none of your business, so run along. You're already giving me a headache."

I flinched at her harsh, nasally voice. It was the same as it had always been but maybe a little more annoying. I was hoping to never hear it again.

Fury began to multiply at the pit of my stomach and I could feel tears burning at the back of my eyes, Cynthia always managed to bring out every negative emotion within me. I growled under my breath, I was surprised I managed to make such a noise. "You're always a ball of sunshine, aren't you?" I snapped. "It's good to see you haven't changed." I felt my head starting to pound, and I told myself that she wasn't worth my time. I commanded my body to turn around and to start walking away and luckily, it started working.

"You know nothing about me." I rolled my eyes and continued to walk, I could easily list 10 facts, none of which she could dispute. "Just carry on walking. I know what you're thinking that you're so high and mighty because you're in the palace."

I stopped for a moment, contemplating her idiocy, she couldn't be serious. She was the one who told me to run along and now she wants me to stick around so I could get worked up over nothing? I continued to walk away, pretending that I didn't hear her. I need to be the bigger person, I didn't want to stoop down to her level.

I could hear her footsteps behind me, it was beyond me why she wanted to start something now. It had been years since we left things as they were. It was better for everyone, we're all done with that tiresome cycle. "You know, it's weird to think we actually got along, all until... until I realised who you really were."

I closed my eyes, my feet knew the way around the castle pretty well. I tried to think of something pleasant whilst my blood boiled but I couldn't think of anything. There wasn't anything in the entire world I despised more than Cynthia. Her very being sparked anger within me that I didn't even think was possible.

"If only the Prince knew who you were exactly..." she trailed, the cunning glint that was usually in her eyes, coloured her voice. I could feel myself faltering. No one else belonged in this mess, not even the other people involved. Christopher probably didn't even know about Cynthia's existence, he didn't need to waste his time on someone as aggravating as her.

I tried to ignore her but it was only getting harder and harder, her voice was taunting my mind. Bad memories started to surface and guilt started to course through me. We were supposed to move on... let dead dogs lie as they say.

"You know you can't run from this forever, come on Arianna no one wants to see that pathetic, little facade anymore. Just face the facts, face how much of a terrible person you are."

I tried to tell myself that she was deliberately trying to get to me. She had every intention of seeing me blow up. She probably didn't think much of what she was saying, what had happened was complicated and we can't point fingers.

I clenched my fists and stopped for a moment. I turned my head so I could see her, she was smirking. "Are you done? Can I carry on with my day now?" I questioned harshly, with an arched eyebrow.

She huffed. "Ah look at that, typical Arianna. You have no time for other people, you only care about yourself, don't you?" I continued to look at her unimpressed, after a moment I started walking again. I knew if she was bothering me too much, I could call the guards. "I mean it's always been about you, you, you! You don't care about anyone else, not even your poor brother Nigel."

I blinked, everything in my body stopped moving. Rage ignited in my heart and spread all across my body in nanoseconds.

She didn't.

I tried to calm myself, to think of something that could take my mind away from what she had said but there was nothing in me that could push the thoughts away. I turned to face her fully, her pout twisted into a smirk and she crossed her arms over her chest after shifting her weight to one leg.

"You have a lot of nerve coming here and picking a fight with me," I hissed. "And for your information, it's wasn't me, you're the reason he's dead. You couldn't control yourself for one night. Isn't it horrible to see your boyfriend's blood on your hands?"

I knew that I shouldn't point fingers, the entire thing was unclear. But she was asking for it and I wasn't good at self control. I could barely stop myself from running away from Christopher a few months ago.

"It wouldn't have happened if he didn't go out in the first place. You just had to put yourself first didn't you? Not once thinking of the things that could happen to him and to make it worse, it was over something pathetic."

I could feel the tears blinding me but I forbid them from falling. I will not let her see me cry.

"That's not what happened, you wouldn't know, you weren't there at the beginning! You should have stayed away from him, you were bad for him from the start!" I tried hard to keep my voice level, but it kept on rising a few octaves higher.

There was a twinge of satisfaction in her eyes. I tightened my fists, ignoring the nagging pain my nails caused from digging into my palms.

"I was not bad for him, I kept it real and he needed that. You and your family were bad news for him, he needed someone good in his life and I'm glad it was me!"

I blinked in disbelief. Insulting me is fine but my family? She has crossed the line!

"Oh you're just so full of bullshit, can you get over yourself? There's nothing good about you, nothing, zilch, nada! Do you understand? Or is your head so far up your ass you can't hear?"

My chest was heaving and I was afraid that I would start seeing red. I tried to calm myself with a few deep breaths but the look on Cynthia's face didn't help. Her satisfied eyes were now accompanied by a smirk which was stretching as the seconds past.

"You're just lovely, aren't you? Arianna Sofia Irving, the next Queen of Syvenia! You really can't let things go. No wonder you didn't want to marry the Prince in the first place, scared you'd mess things up? I don't think the country needs someone like you, especially with that kind of temper and language," Cynthia asserted. Her eyes averted away from me to behind me. "Don't you think so Prince Christopher?"

I felt like a bucket of icy cold water tipped over me. With a smug expression on her face, she curtsied and left. I stood frozen, the urge to scream and punch something overcoming me.

"Arianna..." I heard a voice trail. I closed my eyes. I knew Christopher wouldn't change his mind about me but that didn't stop me from wishing he would. He did deserve someone better - I can't run a country as a queen. I can't lose it if I don't like someone but that's what I do.

A reassuring hand perched onto my shoulder but I shook it off. I didn't want to be consoled. I would much prefer feeling sorry for myself. "Arianna," he repeated. I didn't respond.

"I'm not mad at you if that's what you're thinking..."

I shook my head. I wasn't thinking that. Christopher's too nice to me for me to think something like that.

"Can you say something please?"

I shook my head again, not wanting to say a word. All I could think about was the incident a few years back. Was it all my fault? I knew I was selfish, but everyone was, right?

It wasn't in my control. It wasn't in my control.

But I started it didn't I? I told him to go out. If he didn't go out that night he would probably be alive right now.

Someone shook my shoulder, it took me a moment to realise it was Christopher. He was still calling out to me and concerned.

"I'm fine..." I breathed out, feeling my throat constricting.

"Can you tell me what you're thinking?" He asked, his voice was as soft as a whisper.

"You wouldn't understand."

"I could try Arianna. Please, I don't want to see you like this."

"Go then," I whispered, my haphazard heart feeling hot and bothered. Why couldn't he leave me alone for once?

"...Arianna?"

"Go! Just go away Christopher! Just leave me alone, I want to be alone!"

Christopher was startled by my little outburst, but didn't move away. I wanted to know what he was thinking and why he was still here. But that didn't matter because everything began to shake or so I thought, it was just me.

I blinked, the unshed tears in my eyes falling. I couldn't tell if they were for hatred, anger or sadness. I started to move away from Christopher, I needed to find a confined space and get my emotions in order.

Christopher didn't leave me though. He jogged ahead of me and walked backwards in front of me, I tried to push him away but he was so goddamn persistent!

"Why can't you leave me be?"

"Because Arianna," He started as he walked backwards so he could face me. "You're crying, you're upset, you're angry - I'm not going to leave you like this. Who was that person exactly? I don't think you should listen to anything they said - you would make a great queen and I'm not just saying that so you'd marry me -"

"You don't understand! You don't understand Christopher! You don't know everything about me, so stop acting like you do. You don't know why I don't go home most of the time or what I'm thinking! You don't know about the things that have had a tremendous effect on me. I may be okay and fine on the outside but you don't know what's in my head. There are so many things that you don't know about me but she does. You've only known me for a short amount of time... so please. Stop acting as if everything is going to be alright - that I'm going to be alright."

I met his gaze at the end, knowing that if I had said anything hurtful I'd feel bad later on. I don't know what he saw in my eyes, seeing as I was confused about my own whirlwind of emotions, but it made him falter.

"Arianna..." He murmured, his voice sounding defeated somehow.

He stopped walking backwards, allowing me to brush past. I wished I could read his mind, I wanted to know if he was thinking about the betrothal or me. But then I shook my head, it didn't matter. I just needed to calm down, I don't want to descend back into chaos. I do not want to descend back into chaos.

I closed my eyes as I continued to walk, hoping to stop my shoulders from shaking and lips from quivering.

"Arianna..." I heard him say again his voice louder this time. I shook my head hoping that he'd leave me alone but my body didn't feel the same way. My shoulders slumped and I stopped moving, my body felt too heavy to want to cooperate. I sniffled as I waited to hear what he could say. "I'm sorry Arianna," he whispered. I could hear his footsteps coming towards my direction making my cold body crave his warmth. He stopped in front of me, my gaze was trained at his shoes because I didn't want to look up. "You're right. There is a lot I don't know about you. I don't know what's in your heart or how you feel. But please, don't push me away. I may not be the person you want but you still can rant, cry, complain, be angry in front of me. Please don't push me away. I don't have to say anything. Just tell me to shut up and I'll stop talking. You can pretend that I'm not here, if that's what you want. I just want you to know that I am here."

I tried to relax my breathing as his calm words resonated within me. I let out a sigh once I felt that my voice was strong enough to speak without cracking. Without looking up, I spoke. "She's right you know. You don't know what you're getting yourself into... are you sure this is what you want?"

"Arianna. I've never been more sure about anything. I love you. You know I do. But this isn't only about me. You're not only going to be a wife, you'll be Queen. Is that what you want?"

I couldn't answer. I wanted to make a change. I wanted to give Christopher what he wanted. But was I really right for the role? I wanted to love Christopher as much as he loves me, but will I be able to? Will I be able to cope?

My mother had once told me once you start to love things get easier - even if that's just your perception of how things are. Being a Queen is hard - living is hard, but loving Christopher would make things easier for me wouldn't it? I already loved Syvenia and the people and they appeared to love me and with Christopher, I know I'm getting half way.

I don't know if it was my pride, but I didn't want Christopher to give me a choice. I didn't want to admit that he may end up being what I wanted. I let out a sigh as I clenched my fist. I didn't want to say no either, that it isn't what I want. I don't know. I really don't know.

I took in a deep breath and raised my head even though it was spinning so I could meet Christopher's gaze with my own. His golden hazel gaze brimming with concern but at the same time powerful and held me as I was. "You're asking me that too soon," I whispered, my lips curling up into a regretful smile.

Christopher returned it, but his was more sad. "You still don't love me, huh?"

I didn't answer the question because the answer was obvious. I didn't but that didn't mean I couldn't. "Are you going to take me on another date?"

"Of course, I have some work to do first but I'll pick you up around 7 o'clock. There's apparently going to be a sighting of a meteor shower later on tonight and I know the best spot."

My smile tipped up marginally and I could feel my salty tears starting to dry on my cheeks. "I'm looking forward to it."

Christopher's smile grew too and he raised his hands to cup my face, an action I would've denied him in the past. "If you're still feeling upset, I'll be in my office. You can come whenever you want, don't worry about bothering me."

I nodded continuing to look at his eyes and feeling his words almost against my skin. It was only after a moment I realised how close we were. Heat rose on my cheeks, my and Christopher's lips were only inches apart.

I blinked, trying to look away so I didn't embarrass myself. "I feel better now, don't worry about me. I'll bother your sister instead, I haven't seen her since yesterday," I murmured. My eyes involuntarily moved back to meet his, his gaze being exactly how I've always wanted to be looked at.

"Okay," he settled and moved his thumbs to wipe away the drying tears on my cheeks. "I'll see you later."

I nodded and waited for his touch to leave me but instead he moved forward. Before I could protest or close my eyes, I didn't know which one I would've done first I felt Christopher's lips press against my forehead. Then he moved back and I remembered that Juliet had said that if Christopher and I were ever going to kiss properly, it would be me who would make the first move. He didn't want to lose the chance he had with me.

He took a few steps away, his gaze lightened up. "I'll see you later Riri. Remember to dress warm," he said. I nodded, my own smile widening.

"Okay, later," I responded and watched him walk off.

I sighed, a smile still on my face and the knot in my heart forgotten for a moment. Had I really gone from Christopher, I would have found a place to cry and feel sorry for myself but he stayed and admittedly, didn't do much except promise that he'd always be there. With something as simple as that I managed to calm down.

Things are meant to be like this, aren't they?

I felt my head had stopped spinning and my mind had begun to settle. Any thoughts about Nigel or guilt leaving me, just as quick as they came. I let go of my clenched fists and rubbed my eyes to ensure that there were no more tears, even though I knew if Juliet or my Mother looked at me they could tell.

I started to count my breaths and got into a rhythm of breathing deeply before I felt that I was fine. The previous euphoria was gone and now, I was fine and that will have to be enough. However, I can't shake off the feeling that there was something planned about seeing Cynthia. Almost as if something wanted me to be off guard.

I stopped walking and considered it for a second before shrugging it off. It's not worth my time. I breathed out and began my search again for the Princess, hoping to get my mind off everything until tonight.

* * *

Time flew by and before I knew it Juliet was forcing me into my room to start getting ready for my date. Admittedly, I still felt a bit weird about them. I mean, just over two weeks ago I would have laughed at your face if I told me I was on track of one day becoming Prince Christopher's bride. Everything still felt like a blur and I was convinced that sometimes, I must be in a very realistic dream.

After the impromptu meeting with Cynthia, I sought after Juliet but she was out of the castle fulfilling some of her duties.