- 14 - 

People always say that after the death of someone you love, during the few seconds immediately after you wake up, you forget. They're correct in saying this, but they never truthfully describe the feeling that comes directly after. Pain. Heartbreak. Numbness. I stare at the ceiling but only see his eyes. Cold, dead. Missing the warmth I'd come to be so familiar with.

My heart rips out of my chest, my hands tremble, and then suddenly, numbness. I feel my brain accepting this as my new normal, but my heart screams. Acceptance isn't acceptable. I can't let myself get used to his absence. I'll never get used to him being gone. He can't be. No.

Madame Pomfrey seems to have put a silencing charm on the curtains that are drawn around my bed. Though while her intentions are good, the curtains have shifted slightly, allowing a small stream of shouts to enter. I can't find it within me to get up and investigate. A cold breeze brushes over me, sending goosebumps over my skin, and pushing open the curtain even further. The voices grow more familiar, and I finally hear my own name.

"...let me check on Elora, and I'll be on my way."

The curtains are pushed to the side, and I use everything in me to push myself up into a sitting position. My uncle stands by my bed, and while every question in my mind is over why he's not in his animagus form, my words bubble and stoop in my throat.

"How are you feeling, Ace?" His voice is soft as if he's worried to scare me away.

"I don't... I don't know," I manage to croak out, look desperately at him. "He can't be d-" My voice cracks, a gasping sob escapes from my throat. Sirius sits next to me on the bed, his arm over my shoulder and strokes my hair.

"Don't say it just yet, just breathe." I focus on the beat of his heart, taking jagged breaths in and out. He's silent as I try to get my breathing under control. "It's going to be okay, you're going to get through this."

"Ho- how did you?" I stutter. Sirius is looking at me now, his hand cupping my cheek. He seems ready to wipe away any tears that he assumes will fall, but none do.

"Everybody grieves in a different way, you just have to figure out how you can do that." He smiles gently at me. "I can't stay. I have things to do for Dumbledore, but I'll see you soon." With a final kiss to the top of my head, Sirius disappears out of the curtains. I turn back onto my side, drifting in and out of restless sleep.

When I wake the next morning, the silencing charm Madam Pomfrey had set on my curtains had fully worn off and I can hear Amos and Margie speaking with Harry. I desperately plead for them not to visit me in my mind, keeping silent and hoping they think I'm still asleep. The thought of facing them sends my hands trembling again. When they leave, the trembling doesn't stop.

Madam Pomfrey releases me that night after dinner, at the same time as Harry. I can feel his eyes searching my face, but I walk off silently, not trusting myself quite yet. I don't blame him. I don't. I just can't look at him knowing he was the last person to see Cedric alive. As I enter the Hufflepuff common room, all eyes turn to me. The unusually, and sickenly quiet common room feels colder despite the fires that burn in the fireplaces.

"Elora," Kelby is the first to speak, drawing my attention to where my friends are sitting together. I walk over to them, taking a seat in between Kelby and Eli on the couch. Both boys grip my hands tightly, Dillon and Tommy sit in front of us, leaning their backs against the couch. For so many years I'd wondered how I'd managed to handle such a large friendship group but now it felt so small. We sat that way for the rest of the night, in silence with our hearts aching. The Hufflepuff house is in mourning, but even they look at the five of us with pity.

Time blurs together and soon Jamie is standing in front of us, whispering to us we need to go to bed. Guiding me first to the dorm, and then to the bathroom, she encourages me to shower and change. I stare at the clothes I had worn to the task as they lie on the bathroom floor, knowing I'd never be able to wear them again. When Jamie comes back in and sees me staring at the heap on the floor she holds my hand and silently casts incendio at the clothes before pulling me back to my bed.

An hour later I'm still awake, staring at the ceiling of my four-poster bed and listening to the quiet snores from the other girls. The overwhelming feeling of numbness won't leave. I find myself leaving my bed, leaving the dorm and common room, and wandering the halls.

Cedric was gone, and never coming back. Never again would he tease me. Never again would we walk these halls together. Never again would he smile at me. There are too many things that I will miss, and too many things I will never not long to hear and see. I'd give anything for one more grueling Quidditch practice, or one more conversation about nonsense. My brother was dead.

"Miss Black." A curt voice calls through the dark, their wand lighting up their face. Professor McGonagall stares at me with a blank look on her face. Her usual stern expression is absent from her sharp features. "You should be in bed."

"I-I couldn't," I try, and her eyes soften slightly. Reaching into the pockets of her robes, she pulls a vial out.

"Drink this, its a sleeping draught." She places the vial in my hand before turning on her heels and walking off. Over her shoulder, she calls out to me. "Sometimes isolation can be a friend but be careful not to drown in it. You best return to your common room, Miss Black." Not wanting to take my chances of being caught out of bed by a less forgiving professor, I take her advice. But as I reach the common room, I turn towards the boy's dorm instead of my own. Fortunately, my boys had shared a dorm since their first year. I down the sleeping draught, slipping into Cedric's bed.

 It smells like him.

*

My final week as a sixth year passes by in a blur of silence. Stares follow me as I attend my classes, and I don't speak a word to anyone other than Jamie and my fiv- four boys. In the classes I share with Fred, I know he's watching me and waiting for a chance to speak to me but I can't. My boys crowd me, shielding me from the prying eyes. Professor McGonagall's words ring over in my head, 'isolation can be a friend'. Christina writes me a letter, telling me I can return home early if I need to. But I look at the faces of my friends and know I can't leave them before the term is over. The week passes too quickly, and the night before we leave I eat dinner in the Great Hall for the first time since Cedric...

"The end of another year," Dumbledore states, silencing the already quiet Great Hall. I can see his eyes look at the Hufflepuff table, and I stare down at my lap hoping not to make eye contact with the man. "There is much that I would like to say to you all tonight," he continues, "but I must first acknowledge the loss of a very fine person, who should be sitting here," without even looking up I know he's gesturing towards the Hufflepuff table, or more specifically the seat next to me that we'd unconsciously left empty. "enjoying our feast with us. I would like you all, please, to stand, and raise your glasses, to Cedric Diggory." The hall stands, and my voice cracks as I say his name. My best friend's name. My brother's name.

"Cedric was a person who exemplified many of the qualities that distinguish Hufflepuff house," The headmaster kept speaking, "He was a good and loyal friend, a hard worker, he valued fair play. His death has affected you all, whether you knew him well or not. I think that you have the right, therefore, to know exactly how it came about." He pauses, whether for dramatic effect or to prepare the words in his throat I'm not sure.

"Cedric Diggory was murdered by Lord Voldemort."

I stand abruptly, and all eyes shift between me and Dumbledore. Whispers drift across the room. Kelby reaches for my hand, whether as a comfort or to pull me back into his seat I' also not sure. My eyes scan the Great Hall quickly, locking eyes with Cho who has tears streaming down her face with no sign of them stopping. I see Fred rising slightly and slowly in his seat, a concerned, pitying look on his face.

Pity.

I can't. I won't. No more pity.

I run.

My feet know the path on their own, darting through the corridors to the Owlery. Dune flutters down to me on my arrival, and I scribble a note to Christina. An apology. An explanation. As Dune flies out the window, I turn, stopping only once I see a figure standing in the shadows.

Fred.

"What are you doing El?" He speaks softly, I know he's worried for me.

"I-I can't. I just can't stay any longer." I start, I know that my eyes are desperate and scared. "I-I need some time."

"You're not going back to the Crams house are you?" I shake my head, "If you can't go there then come home with me, please. You shouldn't be alone." Please. I said that to him. HE promised, he promised. He broke his promise. My eyes widen as my breath gets caught in my throat. "Hey, hey. Look at me Elora, breathe." He has his hands on my cheeks, and I can feel my hands trembling again.

"I need- need to be a- alone." I stagger out, "I'm... sorry."

"You don't, please just let me help you, please." He pleads with me, his eyes desperately searching my face. "I love you, Elora, please."

I'm numb.

How can I love when Cedrics just gone?

"I need time."

"I'll wait for you."

"I know."

"I told you endlessly, and I meant that. I'll always mean it."

I think part of him knows that nothing he says can keep me from leaving. My heart breaks at the thought of someone seeing me, and understanding. Cedric was the only person that was able to before. Yet now here's Fred, who I want to love but can't. I can't feel anything. I kiss him, firmly, hoping it tells him 'I'm sorry,' and 'I promise to come back,' at the same time. My heart shatters at the look of despair on his face when I pull away.

I keep my mind blank as I sprint to the forbidden forest, not daring to look towards the Quidditch pitch. Caelin finds me quickly, possibly from the way I recklessly thrash through the undergrowth. As we soar over the Hogwarts grounds, I chance a look back towards the Owlery.

Fred's silhouette in the window grows smaller and smaller as we disappear into the night sky.

end

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