I wake up in my bed hours later, Harry's lips on my forehead as he tries to gently rouse me.

I fall asleep so easily these days, my body never able to get enough rest and my brain begging for a break now that it's had a taste of what it's like, catching up on years of mistreatment and pushing it far too hard.

"You need to eat dinner, love, c'mon, it's on the table," Harry whispers into my skin.

"Alright, give me a minute?" I croak sleepily and he smiles closing the door gently behind him.

Pushing myself out of bed, I catch a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror by my bed. My hair is a mess, my sweats that Katie went out and bought me for when I came home from the hospital, are sloppy on my slight frame and probably dirty. I had removed all my make up the second I arrived home from work and if I were Harry, I'd be running in the opposite direction from this hot mess standing here.

Part of me wants to jump in the shower, freshen up, brush my hair and put on some other clothes, but that sliver of me has become a dull light, swapped by darkness and instead I tuck my hair behind my ears and shuffle out to where that delicious smell is coming from.

Trudging out, I see Harry placing our plates at the table, he's found linens and scented candles somewhere, but I can tell he is halfway nervous as he waits for my reaction with wide eyes and his lips pulled to one side as his teeth chew the corner of his mouth.

My lungs fill with a drawn-out gasp and my nose tingles from unshed tears as I scan the apartment. It's spotless, the way I used to keep it and the feeling of relief rushes my body like a calming wave.

My washing is ironed and piled up neatly in a basket that sits on the edge of one of the couches, which have been placed in their rightful spots and the marks from chocolate and ice-cream have been scrubbed from the white fabric. The dishes that were scattered everywhere have been washed and put away and all rubbish cleared and discarded. By the smell of synthetic lemon in the air, I assume Harry has also mopped the floors.

For the first time in almost a year, my house feels like my home again and the feeling is almost too overwhelming to bear.

My chin trembles with emotion, my eyes welling immediately and I hear Harry curse under his breath as he darts towards my frozen body.

"Please darling, you're too beautiful to cry," he hushes as he pulls me into him, arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders and his hand resting protectively at the back of my head as I grasp the fabric of his t-shirt.

"You prefer it like this, yeah? I can put the couches back if you want?"

I nod with a sniffle, my voice cracking, "Yeah, I prefer it. Thank you, Harry."

"Was barely anything, just straightened up some furniture," he lies and wipes my tears with his thumbs.

He reaches behind me and pulls something from the table to hand to me.

"Here, put this on and we can throw that one in the wash," he points to the oversized top I'm wearing and I quickly turn around and swap it for my university sweatshirt he has had since the day he walked out of here wearing it.

It's warm and comforting and although nothing has ever felt more like 'mine,' it smells distinctly of Harry's cologne. He's been wearing it?

"Much better," he whispers with a smile as I tuck my hair behind my ear and I almost expect him to kiss me but he doesn't, instead taking my hand and guiding me to the meal he has prepared.

Pulling out my chair he quickly kisses the top of my head before jogging to throw my dirty sweatshirt in the washer and turning it on.

"You didn't have to do this," I mumble as he sits opposite me.

"I wanted to," he states and I hate how much I missed his no-nonsense way of speaking.

"Have you've been cooking?" he questions as I take my first mouthful and hum.

"God, Harry this is so good," I digress and the dimple popping smile nearly kickstarts the lifeless muscle residing in my chest.

"I'm glad," he accepts with a tiny smirk and raises his eyebrows as if he is still awaiting my answer.

"Um, yeah I've been cooking a lot, doctor's orders, no more shitty packaged salad once a day," I roll my eyes and it makes him chuckle a, "thank god."

"There were loads of vegetables in your fridge, hope you don't mind I used most them," he gestures to the colourful meal in front of me. "There's also plenty left over for tomorrow."

"Thank you, it means a lot to me that you did all this," I tell him honestly and he shakes his head.

"You mean a lot to me," he mumbles and we eat the rest of the meal in comfortable silence.

-

The movie Harry brought plays quietly but as I let him back into my life bit by bit, there is far too much to catch up on.

We lay on the couch, nose to nose, my hands covered by the sleeves of my sweatshirt and our socks are touching.

One of Harry's arms is draped over my waist and he rests his head on the opposite bicep, playing mindlessly with my hair.

"Your hair is longer," he mentions.

"I haven't been cutting it as often," I bite my lip and recall just another thing in my life I have started to ignore.

"I like it," he smiles, perhaps sensing my weird distress over the comment and I suddenly ease back into the cosiness of our little cocoon again.

"You haven't had a cigarette since you got here," I realise out loud and just as I'm about to tell him I don't mind if he does, he rolls up the sleeve of his t-shirt to reveal a little nicotine patch.

"You quit, I quit," he vows and my mouth drops open at the huge gesture.

"Can I ask you something?" he questions and I raise an eyebrow at the irony.

"Only if I can ask you something?" I bargain and his adorable smirk makes my stomach flip.

"Me first," he counters and I let him, positive he won't answer mine anyway but I have nothing to lose whereas it seems like he does.

"Why haven't you quit your job?" His face has no judgment.

"Um, I've thought about it a lot, especially lately. Dad actually encouraged me to do it a few times over the years, believe it or not, telling me my, 'efforts would be better suited elsewhere'," I put on a deep mimicking voice and it makes Harry smile. "But unfortunately for him, it only made me more determined. He actually fired me once too, but I just came back to work the next day and refused to leave."

Harry throws his head back and lets out a childlike cackle that starts to melt the ice in my veins, his eyes dancing when they return to mine.

"You're so stubborn," he grins almost proudly.

"So are you," I point out.

"I know. I love that about you."

My heart kicks painfully in my chest at his choice of words, my pulse racing but I'm not losing sight of our negotiation.

"It's my turn. What were you doing in New York?"

My whole body tingles with anticipation, the hairs on the back of my neck standing up as the tension between us becomes palpable and I envision a million reasons he can give me...all of them unforgivable.

He barely hesitates, yet closes his eyes briefly as if it's all too painful to recall.

"Disappearing," he says matter of factly, and I silently beg him to continue. "I missed you, Lexi, please believe that. Every fucking day."

"Why didn't you call?" I push my luck and see his chest expand with a deep breath. "You couldn't," I answer for him with annoyance in my voice.

He shakes his head. "I couldn't risk it, Lexi."

"Well, then why is it okay now? Has the risk gone? You go from not being able to contact me to sitting at my dining table?"

"I have my ways," he says elusively and seriously but senses my body tensing as my patience runs thin. "Something happened," he adds. "I can't explain what, but it changed things, gave me an opportunity me to come back, to see you."

"I can't do this forever, Harry. The lies, the secrets. It's not fair."

"I know, I know," he runs a hand over his face as if it's something he has told himself over and over. "I don't want it to be like this either. I will be able to tell you everything soon. I don't know if you will be happy about it, but I'll answer any questions you have as soon as I'm allowed."

"Allowed?"

"Yes."

A/N:

These two... what a rollercoaster

how's everyone feeling?

I love how invested you all are and I realllly hope you forgive harry by the end!

VOTE VOTE VOTE

WARNING: I think we have about 6 or 7 chapters to go!

Love Ruby

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