I am running through the forest towards my pack house.  Leilani draped over my shoulder, laying limply.  Her dangling arms hitting my back like a pendulum on a clock with every step I take towards my destination.  I can feel the stickiness of her drying blood on my shoulder as it seeps from her open wounds.  The train of her black jeweled dress wrapping around my legs as I run, and run.

        As I see the house, I notice as Alex is running towards us.  His eyes glassy from tears.  Hysterical once he realizes it is his sister I am carrying.  I watch as he drops to his knees, pulls at his hair, and screams silently.  It is as if the pain he is feeling has consumed his voice.  But I didn't have enough time, I run past him.  Leaving him there a teary mess.

        I kick the front door to open it, causing the door frame wood to splinter at the force.  I take Leilani off of my shoulder and carry her like a baby towards my bed.  I roar for Steven, our pack doctor.  As I am placing her on my bed, Steven comes running in.  Out of breath, I see his eyes widen taking in Leilani's condition.

        I watch as he frantically cuts off Leilani's dress, her body naked besides her black lace underwear and her own blood.  My wolf going into possessive mode instinctually because another male is seeing what is only his.  I quickly stomp his reaction down, knowing that Steven had to access her wounds.  I watch as his meticulous, steady hands assess her wounds.  I look up to his face, waiting expectantly for him to tell me if she would live or die.  And I see him there, his mouth moving, but hearing nothing.  Everything is mute.

        I keep staring at him, and the moving on his mouth becomes more animated.  It isn't until he grabs my upper arms, shaking me, that his words are able to finally pierce the fog in my head.

"Damien! Go to the room I was staying in, and get my bag!  I need it, go!"

        I bounce into action, and run and grab the bag.  As enter my doorway again, I see the doctor as he lifts the sheet over her face, and turns around with sad eyes.

"I am sorry, Damien." He says.

And my world stops.

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        I shot up in my bed, sweat pouring off my face.  The sheets surrounding me, drenching and damp from sweat.  My breathing coming out in shallow breathes, panting.  I could feel my heart beating so hard, it felt like it would explode out of my chest.  My stomach tense, their muscles cramping and spasming under my sheet.    I take my hand and scrub it down my face, taking deep breathes.  Trying to calm myself down.  I laid back down in my bed, and stared at the ceiling of my bedroom.  Looking at wood of the open rafters above.

         These nightmares, I have had them for the last three weeks since the incident in the meadow.  Three weeks since Rachel's death at my hands.  Three weeks since I nearly had lost Leilani.  These dreams haunted me, eating away at my soul.  Every night, the same dream repeats, always ending with me not saving her on time.  Worse yet, some of the dreams I watch as I couldn't get to Leilani on time, and Rachel plunges the knife into her.  I would watch her die, every night in my dreams in one way or another.  Sometimes, I would watch her life seep away from her eyes, making them dull with death.

        Even-though I knew that these dreams weren't real. They felt real.  I knew Leilani lay in her bed less than a hundred feet away from, in her own room.  She was the living, breathing testament to me getting her back in time to save her.  But sometimes, when I woke up, I would believe the dream for several seconds, and the guilt I felt caused me to falter. 

        The guilt was so hard to deal with most of the time.  Especially when I looked into Leilani's eyes in the last few weeks, and saw the doubt there.  Saw the wariness.  Could I blame her for that? No.  Everything I had done, up until the day she almost died, had proven her doubts to be true.  I wasn't dumb enough to think that my spilling out my heart to her the day she woke up, would make everything magically okay.

        Ok, being honest here, I still had arrogance issues, and I did initially think that we would immediately have our 'happily ever after' ending.  But reality is not like fairy tales.  Forgiveness is not instant.  It is worked at, and I had a lot of work ahead of me.  Not only with Leilani, but with Alex as well.

        His anger at me was warranted.  I hadn't immediately told Alex about us being mates.  I had waited until Leilani had awoken from her coma to brooch the subject.  And if I were being completely honest, I also held off because I was too much a coward to tell him.  Afraid that I would not only lose Leilani, but my best friend as well.  I couldn't imagine surviving losing them both.  So I had waited.

         Thinking back, I can still remember his words and actions when I told him.

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Flashback

        Walking into my office, I noticed Alex staring out the window, with his back facing me.  One arm extended and holding onto its frame.  His head slightly resting on his arms.  I saw his shoulders shaking, as he silently sobbed.   Leilani had just opened her eyes, and spoke to us for the first time in a week since she had slipped into a coma.  I padded towards Alex, and placed a comforting hand on his shoulders.

"Why Damien? Why did she do it?"

I felt myself stiffen at his questions.  And I knew then, it was now or never to tell him.  I wouldn't have the courage again to tell him the truth about his sister, and his best friend.

"She did it because of me Alex." I state, and watch him lift his head and look my way confused.

"What do you mean because of you?"

"She's my mate, Alex."

"No, Rachel is.  You marked Rachel."

"No Alex, Rachel wasn't my mate.  Leilani has always been my mate."

I watched as Alex straightened his back, his hands fisting at his sides. His jaw clenching and unclenching in barely controlled rage.

"You are lying to me.  Tell me you are lying to me Damien."

"I am sorry, I can't do that brother."

"Do not ever call me brother again.  How long have you known?"

"Two years, since she was 16."

"Two fucking years.  Two fucking years you have known.  Is that why she was sad this whole time?  Is that why I caught her looking at you all those times?  Is that why her eyes were sad? Is that why her health deteriorated?"

"The answer to all those questions are yes.  I am sorry." I hung my head in shame.

"Fuck you Damien.  Fuck you.  You stood by for two years, as my sister suffered silently.  Fucking that slut that was never your fucking mate.  Letting her sit there and watch as you mated and petted another.  Fuck you."

I flinched at every word he spoke, at the seething nature of his voice.

"I know, and all I can say is sorry Alex.  I can't do anything else, but say sorry."

"I am not the person you should be fucking saying sorry to.  It is my sister you should be saying sorry to,  You should be on your hands and knees begging for her forgiveness.  You sorries to me, are falling on deaf ears.  Whatever friendship we once had is now gone.  You have not only betrayed Leilani, but you have betrayed me as well."

"I am sor..."

I felt my head snap back violently, as Alex's fist connected with my jaw before i could finish my sentence to him.  Then I felt it snap back, as his other fist collided with my temple.  I fell to the ground at the force of his blows.

"Fuck you Damien.  Fuck your sorries.  Just shut the fuck up.  Unless it is about pack business, do not ever fucking talk to me.  And stay the fuck away from my sister."

"I can't stay from her Alex, and I won't. She is my mate"  I state as I am spitting the blood that has pooled in my mouth, out on the floor.

"Yea, and your 'mate' was also Rachel too as you were fucking her, huh? I may not be able to keep you away from her, but you will NEVER get my blessing."

I watched as he stomped out of the room, but not before he spit at my face, as I sat on the floor.  My wolf wanting to tear out his throat, and show his dominance over the subordinate pup in his eyes.  But as a man, I knew I deserved it.

End of Flashback
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