"so, I've realigned the axis.."

uh-huh...

"replaced the spark plugs..."

wow..

"sealed the leaks in the intake manifolds, and recalibrated the timing belt." pearl concluded her list of van fixes casually. "as long as you ease up on the second gear, your transmission should be fine."

...whatever that means.

spinel, who was standing beside garnet had a comedic look of amazement on her face. "Wowee, pearl! ya really outdid yourself on this van thingie!" she exclaimed excitedly. pearl chuckled and blushed lightly. "well, I wouldn't say--"

"Pearl! I can't thank you enough for this!" she was suddenly met with a big bear hug from the overly grateful man, much to her great displeasure. so much so, she looked almost traumatized as she skittered backwards from him to hide behind garnet, as spinel watched in confusion. "so, now that I'm feeling better, it's about time I moved back home." greg announces. "can't be messing up more magic stuff." just then, Steven goes over to hug his father. "just in case you have trouble again.." he then hands his boy a roll of duct tape. "aw shucks, mr. greg!" spinel pouted playfully, walking her way over to your resting form. "you were really startin' to grow on us!" she then elbowed your flanks playfully. "am I right, (name)?"

no response.

"... (name)?" she turned her head to face you, only to find that your muzzle was deep in the sand. "euh.. hello..?" steven fiddled with his hands as he watched spinel prod and poke at your flanks for a reaction, prominent worry etch into his face. greg suddenly spoke up with a nervous chuckle. "she's.. probably just... worn out from today, that's all." he ruffled Steven's hair in comfort.

pearl and garnet stared pensively at your still form, pearl still clutching garnet's arm straightened herself up, having concern replace her traumatized disgust. "(name) is acting a bit off, isn't she?" she queries, to which merely amethyst shrugs. "probably a corrupt gem thing..." pearl scoffs and glares at amethyst, crossing her arms at the insensitive comment while garnet just stared at you, with her hands on her hips. "hm."
~~~~~~~~~

that night, you laid sprawled out across the ground, staring at the ceiling as you listened to the faint snores of spinel on the couch and Steven in his bed. you just couldn't sleep. too much was going through your head at once, making it impossible for you to relax. you grunt, clasping a paw to your forehead, groaning in frustration.

"(name)."

with a start, you prop yourself on your elbows, your unseen eyes scanning the room for a moment before landing on a tall figure standing by the front door. it was slightly dark but the hairstyle and visors glinting in the moonlight gave it away. you tipped your head slightly in mild surprise. what... does she want at this hour? you opened your mouth to question the gem leader, but she rose a finger to her lips into a shushing gesture, to which you snapped your jaws shut, bringing your own finger to your mouth. she smiles briefly at this, partial satisfaction and partial amusement, before she gestures you to follow her, walking out of the door. as quietly as you can, you pressed yourself through the door, and follow the gem away from the house and out to the big beach, where you find yourself grinning at the soothing sounds of the waves as the splashed against the shore and the cool breeze whipping through your mane. once you both reached the center of the beach, garnet stopped and placed her hands on her hips with her back facing you.

"now... tell me what's on your mind."

you jerk your head back slightly, eyes wide. not only were you mildly taken aback by the bluntness of the tall gem but the abruptness of it startled you. your mouth opened slightly, taking a small step back. "Er... wh-what garnet mean?" garnet didn't move from her position. all's she did was look down and press a finger to her visors, adjusting them slightly before returning her gaze to the ocean. "we all noticed that slump you had earlier today." she had a slightly interrogating tone which made your fur prick. "you've been acting off ever since Greg's come here. and I know it's not JUST from what he did." your jaws snapped shut as she turned around and faced you, crossing her arms. "just be honest." your unseen pupils quivered as her words rang in your head. it's like she knew everything you were gonna say... any forms of defense or excuses evaporated on your tongue and you subconsciously gripped at your bicep. there's no way around this, is there? with a huff, you sat yourself down with a WHUMP, casting your gaze to the ground.

"urgh... steven said he didn't feel like a crystal gem... but... truth be told, steven isn't the only one who doesn't." your voice was low, almost inaudible beneath the wave's crashing. "but unlike (name) steven isn't corrupted. and while the boy may be on the fence about it, at least steven has a clue on who he is. (name)... (name) can't even remember her REAL purpose." your clawed fingers dug into your arm as you fought back the sting of tears. "(name) doesn't even know who she truly served under... was (name) even a crystal gem at all..?" you swallowed a knot in your throat "or is she... a bad gem...?" hearing the words out loud, you felt shame as a warm tear ran down your cheek, a soft, shaky, defeated sigh leaving your maw as you slowly slumped onto your belly. a moment of silence came over you both as garnet processed your words while you just silently brood to yourself.

you suddenly felt a soft weight fall across your back along with something warm pressed against your side. garnet had sat herself next to you, with her arm over your withers. "(name). you are far more than a mere corrupt gem. and you're far from a bad gem." she placed a gem embedded palm on your hand. "the fact you still have control over yourself within your state shows just how strong you are. you are a very strong gem, (name)." she then takes her hand and parts your bangs while taking her visors off with the other, showing her 3 tricolored eyes, all of which were soft with empathy, but stern. "even if you weren't truly a crystal gem... you will always be one to us. you're our family, no matter where you came from or what you are." you didn't say anything. your pupils quivered as her words reverberated  in your head. she smiled softly at you, before patting your head and rising to her feet. "don't be out too late. wouldn't want to worry spinel or steven." with that she turns and walks back into the house, as you watched with somber eyes.

once her figure had disappeared into the dark distance, you turned back to the ocean, watching the waves as they rolled over the shore, trying to let the sound and scent of it calm your nerves.  at the same time, you tried to mull over the gem leader's words to you.

even if you weren't truly a crystal gem... you will always be one to us.

you're our family, no matter where you came from or what you are.

you found the corners of your mouth slowly beginning to curl upward as they rang out in your head. a fuzzy warmth filled your chest, prompting you to plays a paw over your chest and smile to yourself. family... subconsciously, you found your head tipping itself upward, to the black night sky, lit up by the moon's gentle glow and speckled in glittering stars. slowly, your smile slid from your face and the warmth was quickly being replaced with a dreadful tug. your eyes focused on a cluster, the one the lazuli had longed for.

the one she presumably wanted you to go.

your eyes widened as her words from a few days ago had suddenly uprooted themselves from your subconscious.

"YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU USED TO BE!"

you remembered the somber look she gave you before flying back to wherever "home" was.

why did she look so sad?

does she even know who I was?

...do I have family there..?

you tear your gaze away from the sky, to sneer at the ocean in frustration at yourself, clenching your paw into a fist. what am I thinking?? You shook your head with a huff. what would the people of her home even think if she brought me there??

after all I'm--

you suddenly flinched, your thoughts screeching to a hault. slowly, you look down at your massive hand, flexing your clawed fingers. after a moment you clamp it over your face and slump to your belly with a whine. over the waves you felt a tickle on your face, and arms. lifting your hand from your eyes, you catch the sight of a faint glow hovering in front of you. part of you knew what this meant, but you nonetheless extended a finger towards it, watching vacantly as it landed on the appendage. as it did, a bitterness stung your chest.

Even if you weren't truly a crystal gem-

You don't even know who you used to be!

Who you used to be!

Used to be!

and a small sob escaped your maw.

I'm lost.