[ wow gotta love having ideas when you're kinda like,,, dissociating lmao // song is by midtown

warnings: language, mentions of drugs, addictions, withdrawal, and cravings. not rlly a lighthearted thing

concept: tour life means you see things you don't want to, and memories you've repressed float to the surface again.

stay safe,
lew. ]

——————

"Hey, Logan?"

Lewis' voice barely carried through the bathroom door, although Logan knew his bandmate was sitting right on the other side.

"What's up?" He responded automatically, cracking open the door. Just like he thought, Lewis had pulled the desk chair all the way across the room and sat cross legged in it, wrapped up in a ridiculously large hoodie that he always swore belonged to either his ex or his brother, he couldn't remember which.

"I think I'm gonna do something bad and stupid if you leave tonight," he murmured hesitantly, shifting his weight in his chair.

"Talk to me, buddy. What's going on?" He spoke gently, throwing open the door the rest of the way. He dragged the chair over to the bed, so he could sit and be on (close to) the same level as his friend.

"Right after the show, I accidentally went into the wrong room. And just laying there-" He took an almost shuddering breath in, then pulled a small bag from his pocket. His hands shook as he held out the object to Logan, who took it without hesitation. "I'm really sorry but you need to get rid of that for me."

Eyebrows raised, he opened his hand to look, immediately frowning when he realized what the baggie of white powder was. "Lewis..."

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, I took that but I didn't use any of it, I promise," he stammered out, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Please don't tell my mom."

"Hey, it's okay, take a deep breath. I'm proud of you for telling me. Let me call Zack, I'll have him do something with this so I don't have to leave you alone." Logan's steady voice always helped calm him down, and it was only a matter of seconds before Lewis' hands were away from his eyes. "Before I call, do you have anything else you need to give me?"

Hesitantly, his hands went back to his pockets, pulling out a spoon and a syringe, which were quickly taken from him. Again, he refused to make eye contact, instead opting for staring at his lap.

Logan kissed the top of his head, then stood up and went to stand by the door. A hushed phone conversation ensued, followed by the door opening, another quiet conversation, and Logan coming back, pulling Lewis out of the chair and onto the bed.

"Why'd you pick that up?" Whispered practically into his ear, the question set off that anxious shaking, even as Logan held him close.

"I dunno."

"There's gotta be a reason, plantboy. I just wanna help."

He had to take a deep breath to steady himself. "It's been like three or four years since I started that shit. I've been clean for like a year and a half or longer? But I've seen so much shit recently it's making the cravings hit me a lot harder."

"What can I do?" He asked, just letting Lewis cling to him, hand running through his hair.

"Hold me? I dunno, sunshine, I don't wanna piss Harry off, but I think I need someone to hug me for a while."

——

He didn't even realized he had fallen asleep, until he woke up to the sound of a hushed argument over the phone. His head still rested on Logan's chest, and the younger boy's hand still ran through his hair.

"I'm sorry I can't facetime with you right now, baby, but I'd have to turn on a light, and it'd wake up Lewis. We've had a really rough day."

An agitated sigh accompanied his next words, "I can't tell you why because that's not my secret to share. He trusts me, and that means I'm not telling his secrets."

Then, Lewis decided that now would be a good time to let Logan know he woke up, so he stretched a little bit and made a small noise, letting his eyes flutter open.

"I gotta go, babe. I love you, I'll talk to you in the morning." With that, Logan ended the call and set his phone aside, still messing with Lewis' hair as he gave him a tired smile.

"I'm sorry I woke you up, dude."

He dismissed it with a slight wave of his hand. "It's okay, you didn't. I'm sorry 'bout being so needy all the time- it's not your responsibility to watch over me-"

"Hey, stop. I promised both you and your mom that I'd look out for you, and I don't intend on breaking that promise."