My head rested on the kitchen table as I silently prayed for The Lord to come and deliver the bad thoughts from my mind or to come calm my screaming child down. Whichever one He wanted to do was fine with me and I was really praying for the latter. Junior had been screaming and whining for two weeks now. At first I thought that he was doing it because he was sick so we went to both the doctor and emergency room and nothing was wrong.

Day in and day out he screamed. He took his first steps screaming his head off. Only when he was eating or sleeping was he quiet, other than that we had noise.

I was cranky and beyond tired. It took all that I had not to get angry at Junior because I couldn't figure out what's wrong. I stood and swooped him up in my arms. "I wish you could talk. What's the matter?" I said. He stopped his crying for a second before falling out in my arms. I sat him in his playpen that sat in the living room just as the doorbell went off.

"What's up, Bebo?" I asked the little five year old boy from next door. "Uh-uh-uhh, hold on." He held his finger up and left back home. "mi mamá dijo que ella puede pedir prestado un palo--" "English, Bebo." I reminded him. He swore that I could speak Spanish. "My mommy said do you have butter?" He finally got out. "Yeah, one second." I went to get a stick of butter and handed it over to him. "Thank you. I can teach you Spanish if you want." Bebo smiled before grabbing my hand and swinging it. "We will see about that and you're welcome. Tell your mom I want some of whatever she's making." I said before he ran off. After making sure he was in, I returned back to my loud mouthed child.

I sat on the couch with my knees tucked to my chest and my head rested on my knees. I was waiting on Don to text or call me back. Hopefully it would be soon since I had to tell him that it was a true emergency. It had been three weeks since I saw him last and since I guess what you would call our break up.

Toys were flying out of the playpen and across the room, hitting the hardwood floor. "Adonis, stop throwing your toys before you break something. You know better." I got up and sat the toys back in the playpen before going back to my seat. Thankful that he was quiet for a bit while he played. Five minutes later he was back at it and throwing his toys. Just when I got back up to stop him, one of them hit the coffee table- knocking over a vase causing it to shatter against the hardwood. "Are you kidding me!" I shouted, stomping away to get the broom and dustpan.

"Why is he just yelling like that?" Don asked coming in the house. "I wish I fucking knew." I said sweeping up the glass. "Don't start Britni." He said while picking Junior up who immediately stopped crying and tucked his head into his father's neck. I shook my head once realizing that he was crying for Don. I guess he was missing him, I don't know why or how that could be when he hardly ever saw him. "Don't start what? About how you need to stop abandoning your child when we have issues between the two of us? I'll start on that."

"I don't abandon him." Don said. "Whatever. I'm going to have some me time. When you leave, turn the bottom lock and it would be great if you took the kid with you because Momma need a break." I told him before grabbing a wine glass from the rack and a bottle of wine from the fridge. "Are you for real?" Don asked when I walked past. "Yes now if you'll excuse me." I shut my room door in his face.

Once I was in the room I went and started a hot bubble bath, turned on the 90's R&B station on Pandora and lit me a few candles before I submerged my body into the water. I could feel every muscle in my body loosen up and let myself enjoy the feeling before pouring a glass of wine. Forty-five minutes later, the water was barely warm and my bubbles dissolving making me move to the shower to clean my body. After moisturizing and making sure that everything was off I pulled on leggings and a sports bra before climbing in bed.

-----

"Get your ass up!" Don yelled while bringing his large hand down on my ass. "No. You're not even supposed to be here, go away." I groaned. "Just get up, I want to talk to you before I leave." I silently cursed in my head before sitting up. "Wait a minute, I have to use the bathroom." I said before going to handle my business.

"So what's going on?" I asked him when I was back in the room. "Take a seat." He said patting the spot beside him on the bed. I moved and sat with my back against the headboard. "I miss you." I looked at him and then focused on the pattern of the comforter that covered my bed. "Did you hear me?" "I heard you loud and clear but, you can't say that." I sighed. "Why not it's the truth." He said calmly.

"Because we can't keep doing this make up to break up, I hate you and I love you, one step forward and two steps back thing. It's confusing and tiring." I admitted. "That's what happens when people are in love." He said. My head shook side to side. "That's what happens when we are in love. I've never witnessed such a bipolar love like this before, Don. We're either up or down, hot or cold. Which one is it gonna be? One of us hurts the other and it's just not right." I tried to argue.

"Fuck that. Maybe we are like that because we didn't come into this relationship correctly. I would like to do something about that- maybe see if we are worth saving or if we should just walk away from it all for real this time." He said. "Like what?" I asked after a moment of silence. "In ninety days I want us to learn one another all over again. I want to date and laugh, do simple things and take my time with you- slowly. I want to talk more, we do family things with our son. We can work, B. I know we can."

"That sounds nice and all but like I said, it's tiring. We get good and then we're bad-" "Why are you looking at the negative side? I can come up with reasons that we should and we could be together and a whole book on why I love you." He whispered, grabbing my hands in his own. "I can do the same but I-" My words became lost as his lips pressed against mine.

He licked my bottom lip for access and I wouldn't allow it. His right hand snaked up the front of my body and to my right breast that he squeezed making me gasp. His tongue fought and wrestled with mine until I gave up the fight. He pulled me closer as he lay back, making me straddle him and never breaking our kiss. It wasn't until his hand found it's way into my leggings, I pulled away.

"I can't do this. We can't." I breathed out while removing myself from his lap. I pushed my hair from out of my face and looked at him while he looked back at me. "Why can't we?" "See? You just said that you wanted to learn me all over again and take time. We can't do that if we fuck before then!" I threw my hands up in the air. "Just please leave before we complicate things even more." I said to him. He stood and nodded. "Alright, I will. Promise that you'll think about it?" "I promise that I will." I assured him.

I walked him out of the room and waited for him to get a sleeping Junior from upstairs. "It's almost midnight so that means day one starts soon." Don sang as I handed him the diaper bag. "Whatever." I shrugged. "I'm not playing with you, girl." He grabbed my face between his hand. "Don't put your hands on my sexy face." I slapped his hand away and gently pushed him. "I'll keep him until the birthday party on Saturday." Don called out on his walk to his car. "No you keep him until Sunday after the party." I yelled and hurried to slam the door shut before we could go back and forth again.

----

I lay awake in bed reading the latest EBONY magazine that had came in the mail when my phone rang with a text. It came from Don with a link to a video. Another text came through and read: Starting the new journey with a song about us...

I rolled my eyes and clicked the link and a soft song began playing

A definite silence

You're almost exactly what I need

A definite maybe

Is sure to entice my curiosity

I can't help but think that this doesn't add up

I'm trying to separate the facts from all the fiction

We're living in a world of contradictions

And if baby you're the truth then I'm lying next to you

You're the desert sand, I'll be your water

And you're the perfect plan I never thought of

I don't wanna do this on my own

And you shouldn't have to be alone

I would rather be alone together

Be alone together.

Well my heart's been racing, chasing after you

You're the sweetest dream my incredible you

You're the star so bright, you're eyes the lightest blue

I can't help but stare at you

So soft your lips, the wind blows in my hair, yeah

Come closer let me whisper in your ear

'Cause what will be will be every chance you give to me

You will see yeah yeah

You're the desert sand, I'll be your water

And you're the perfect plan I never thought of

I don't wanna do this on my own

And you shouldn't have to be alone

I would rather be alone together

Be alone together.

I always keep you safe in my arms

I will guarantee that I will never break your heart

I'll always put you first cause you deserve the world

I wanna know you

I wanna hold you baby

I wanna show you

You're the desert sand, I'll be your water

And you're the perfect plan I never thought of

I don't wanna do this on my own

And you shouldn't have to be alone

I would rather be alone together

Be alone together.

You shouldn't have to be alone

I would rather be alone together

Be alone together baby.

I smiled at the song once it was over. It was cute to say the least but I didn't allow my mind to actually read into it. Deciding that I would give it another listen in the morning when my head was clear and that little conversation with Don was far away from me. I wasn't really up for this idea but I just can't leave him alone which is why I said that I would think about it.