Well here it is, the last chapter, sorry if these last few have seemed a little rushed, I was suddenly determined to finish this for the watty awards, which was maybe the push I needed to actually write the end. Hope the journey's been worth it. 

Comment and Vote?

Cheers,

xo.

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Chapter 20                  Grade 12

May

“You want to know what makes me love you more than I loved him? It’s because when he got me, I was perfectly unused. I was fearless, and a hopeless romantic. When you got me I was bruised and battered. I was afraid of the world and cynical about love. And yet, you didn't leave”

-Anonymous

“We need to talk.”

I looked up from the glass I was cleaning into Michael Conner’s liquid silver eyes. To think I used to want him so bad.

He cleared his throat and I realized I hadn’t answered yet.

“I’m busy.” I muttered distractedly.

Wes was here again. He and Evan occupied a table at the far end of the room, and I was dying to go over there, to somehow explain last night. In my mind I was begging him to look up, glance over, anything to indicate he didn’t think I was a completely lost cause. Not that I didn’t deserve it.

After everyone had left I threw out all my Michael Conner memories without the slightest hint of regret. Unfortunately the boy in front of me was not so easily disposed of. He moved into my line of sight, cutting off my view of the café until I was forced to look at him.

I knew he would leave without getting his way, and this time there was no one here to deter him from pestering me until it happened. He raised an eyebrow, almost in challenge, and while I was so over playing his games I threw down my rag with a reluctant sigh.

“Fine, lets get this over with.”

With a gloating smirk he led the way outside, opening the door so I could walk out in front of him. Before leaving I spared one more glance at Wes, but I wish I hadn’t, because right at that second he finally decided to look up, to see me walking out the door with Michael. Bloody perfect.

All of a sudden I was completely annoyed. Intentional or not, Michael always seemed to be screwing things up for me, I’d already lost so much because of him, and honestly he didn’t deserve another second of my time.

But if this is what it took to finally get rid of him, than I’d just get it over with.

“Well?”

“Well, here we are.” He said with a slow smile, completely at ease and ignoring my obvious impatience.

“Yes, and why are we here?”

His smile grew, like every word from his mouth was supposed to be some kind of gift to me. “I told you babe, I always get my way.”

“Fascinating, thanks for sharing, but if that’s all you have to say then I’ll be getting back to work.”

Truthfully, I just didn’t want to spend any more time out here than I had to. I needed to get back in there fast, before Wes or Evan, or anyone for that matter, could make any assumptions as to why I’d just left the building with Michael Conner.

“Arya, wait.” He called out just as I turned to leave, and against my better judgment, I turned around, figuring it was best to just get this over with, finish the story for good, and if this was the last chapter, I was more than ready for it to end.

He expression, for once, looked sincere, no ulterior motive, no smugness, just a simple embarrassed expression that I never would have believed was possible if I wasn’t seeing it with my own two eyes.

“Don’t you think it’s time we stopped messing around?”

“I already have Michael.” I said cautiously.

“Then let me apologize for real.”

The words set me back, even more than the expression had. If I was confused before, I was baffled now, and though I’d always been a bad judge of this, for once I didn’t feel like part of a game, like the audience to his one-man act, and I had no idea where this could be coming from.

“I’m sorry for everything that happened two years ago, I got carried away in a petty grudge, but it went way to far.”

“Well.” I said unsure how to respond. “Um… I’m sorry for what happened two years ago too, but I had nothing to do with it.” I added, not wanting him to think I was taking the blame for the food fight.

“I know.” He said with a wry smile. “That was all Mandy. You know, if I’d actually gotten to know you under different circumstances, I mean, you’re not that bad you know?”

“What are you trying to say?” I asked carefully, unsure why he insisted on bringing up the past.

He let out a deep breath, running his hand through his hair in a quick jerk.

“What I’m saying is… I think… I like you.”

And there it was, the three words I'd waited so long to hear, and they didn't mean a thing. I should have been happy to hear it, if for no other reason than to rub it in his face, but for once, I didn’t see him as Michael Conner, the complete jerk who broke my heart, I just saw him as another guy putting himself out there for a girl, and I didn’t have it in me to be mean about it.

"Maybe you do Michael, but I don't. I whispered back gently.

"That's not true, you love me,” He stated, suddenly so self assured, so completely confident in his words he didn't doubt them for a second. If I'd admired it once I couldn't see why. It had been the problem all along. I'd liked him too much and he'd known it, never doubted for a second, and now acted like nothing had changed.

"You're wrong,” I said simply.

"Say it then, say you don't love me. You can't can you?"

If I'd cared at all I might have been angry, annoyed at least by the slight upturn of his lips, barely suppressing a smile, as if the idea of my being over him were absolutely ridiculous.

"I don't love you Michael." I said quietly.

His face crinkled slightly with confusion, as if he'd lost the script.

"But… no… you don't mean that… it's me"

"That's just it Michael, I was never in love with you, just this idea I had of you… but you're not that guy, not the guy I thought you were, or wanted so badly for you to be, and I've finally figured that out."

Even though I lost everything along the way to figure it out.

"I am that guy.” He insisted.

I heard it again, just the slightest hint of genuine emotion, and I couldn’t believe this was actually happening, that Michael Conner liked me.

It would be so easy to give in. To forget everything that had happened, to finally get the guy I always thought I wanted. Except that guy was Wes, and he was inside, so I had to wonder what the hell I was still doing out here.

"I'm tired of this game Michael, I'm done playing, and I’m finally over you. I can’t go back to the way I used to feel, things have changed, and there’s no going back now." I said gently.

For a moment hurt flashed across his eyes, and maybe, just maybe he felt what he'd done to me so many times before, but it was far too late. Two years too late.

"Arya…"

“Look Michael, I have to go.”

I turned away, and I knew this was finally it, the ever elusive closure I'd been waiting for all along. I was walking away from it all; all the drama, revenge and lies, but all the good times too, rare though they were.

It reminded me of all those could-be favorite books, the ones that were great just until the last chapter and then had a sad, or unsatisfactory ending. Maybe it wasn't always about the happy ending, maybe it's just about the story. I didn't have to be the heroine in some tragic love story, and I might not be the princess who lived happily ever after, but I was starting to think that was okay.

I walked back into Moonbeams feeling like a huge weight had been lifted, but the god feeling didn’t last long, because the first thing I noticed was the Wes was gone, and Evan was staring right at me looking completely defeated.

I desperately wanted to walk over there and ask where Wes had gone, and what could possibly have made Evan Larkin lose his smile, because that was definitely a cause for concern, but of course my boss was standing behind the counter, giving me the get-your-butt-back-here-this-instant look, and by the time there was a break in the crowd, Evan was gone too.

 ***

I stood in front of his house, wondering if I was still allowed to show up whenever I wanted. By the look he gave me at the café, I had a feeling Evan might not be too thrilled to see me, but it was time to stop running away and going after what I wanted.

So before I could talk myself out of it, I was walking up to the door, ringing the bell, and then it was too late to change my mind.

Like I’d hoped Evan was the one to answer the door. He looked surprised for a moment, and part of me was afraid he would just close the door in my face, but with a resigned sigh he moved out of the doorway, waving me in.

We stood there by the door facing each other, no one saying anything until Evan finally broke the silence.

“I thought you said there was nothing with you and Michael.” He said quietly.

“I wasn’t lying Evan, there isn’t.”

“But Wes said—“

“I thought Wes didn’t gossip.” I said defensively.

Evan grimaced but didn’t make any excuses for his friend. “He saw your box of stuff from Michael.”

“No one ever lets me explain.” I said ruefully. “Yeah, I kept all that stuff, but the reason he saw it was because I’d taken it all out to throw away.”

For a second Evan looked relieved, but in another moment his expression changed to confusion.

“Then why did you leave Moonbeams with him today?”

“He wanted to talk to me. I didn’t see any harm in it.”

“And what happened?”

I sighed loudly, not wanting to admit this, but I figured I owed him the truth, and hearing it from me was better than any rumors that might start.

“He said he liked me.”

Like I expected, Evan’s jaw dropped.

“I told him I didn’t feel the same way.”

Evan’s face paled, and he swore quietly.

“What’s wrong?”

“Wes heard.”

“What?”

“He heard. He must have. He went out after you and came back a minute later looking devastated. He didn’t even say a word to me, just grabbed his stuff and left, he must have heard.”

“He would walk in on just that part,” I mumbled.

He mouth turned up into a slow grin. “So does that mean you like him back?”

I felt myself blushing slightly and heard Evan laugh.

“Don’t pretend you didn’t know, I know you were all listening at the door at my house yesterday.”

He shrugged, not even trying to deny it. “We didn’t hear that part, or Wes wouldn’t have been nearly so upset today.”

I punched him in the arm hard. “Ow, what was that for?”

“If you knew he liked me why didn’t you say anything!”

“I was waiting until you were completely over Michael.”

“I told you I was.”

“Yes, but I don’t think you were really sure until you turned him down.”

I glared at him and then shook my head, thinking maybe he was right. Now there was no doubt about my being over Michael, now I’d had a chance and refused it.

“Listen, don’t tell him okay? I want to do it myself… if it’s not to late that is.”

“Trust me, it isn’t.”

When I finally left, I felt hopeful for the first time in years. It was risky and scary, and in a few weeks we would all be graduating anyway, but if we only had a few weeks, even a day, it was worth the risk. This time, for him, it was definitely worth the risk.

Despite my determined thoughts though, I couldn’t seem to talk to him all week. Every time I saw him in the halls he’d disappear, and even when I went out of my way to walk past his class, he’d already be gone, clearly avoiding me.

And before I knew it, a whole week had gone by and it was the weekend again, Saturday morning on the day of commencement and Mandy and Grace had somehow ended up at my house getting ready.

Sure, there were still exams to get through, and I was paying for my procrastination with several late nights and as many nights off work as I could get, and classes weren’t officially over yet, but it still felt like the end of the year, the last chance, and no matter what happened, I was determined to talk to him today.

We headed to the school in the late afternoon, our grad dresses tucked under our cerulean blue grad gowns, and as we got closer, I could help but be excited.

Arriving at Westover High there was nothing but a see of blue cloaks and caps, with the occasional parent wondering around in formal clothes looking for their kid.

My parents, who’d dropped us off, each gave me a hug, a rare show of affection, and walked towards the back of the school where a pavilion had been set up for the ceremony.

We spent some time taking pictures in the warm afternoon air and then I broke away to make a bathroom run and make sure my makeup still looked okay. If I was going to go embarrass myself in front of Wes I wanted to at least look good doing it.

I walked down the hall through the crowd of students, heading toward my locker and stopped where I stood and the end of the hall. Standing by my locker, a rose in his hand, was a blushing Wes.

And he was talking to Grace.

I didn’t really understand what I was seeing, but when he handed the flower to her, the message was loud and clear.

I felt tears immediately blurring my vision, all confidence gone, before I turned on my heel and walked away, blinking rapidly to clear my eyes. There was no way I was crying, no way I was letting another rumor start at the end of school, that was not the legacy I wanted to leave behind. No way. I kept walking until I felt like I could see again and found myself heading towards Paige and Mandy. Great.

Mandy smiled as I walked closer, and I returned it, earning a questioning glance from Paige.

“Come on Amanda, lets get out of here.”

“Actually Paige, I think I’m going to talk to Ary for a while.”

Paige’s jaw dropped, as if she wasn’t used to being defied. “Are you serious?”

Paige looked between us, her expression suddenly changing from annoyed to furious. “Fine. Just fine. I never liked you much anyway.”

“Classy Paige.” I said sarcastically.

“Whatever, you guys were always a bunch of losers, you couldn’t get a guy,” She said glaring at me, “and you lost yours to someone else.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Jeremy.” She said with a smirk.

Mandy looked confused, and I’m sure my expression matched hers, but after a moment her eyes widened in realization.

“Are you saying you had something to do with his breaking up with me?”

“Let’s just say when boy’s cant get what they need, they get it from somewhere else.”

“No way.” She breathed, eyes suddenly popping even wider.

“What?” I asked.

“Jeremy. That’s who Paige cheated on Wes with.”

Paige looked surprised, as if she hadn’t expected us to come to that conclusion. All this time I thought Mandy had known, but clearly this was news to her too.

Paige looked between us with a smirk, not even ashamed at screwing her supposed best friends boyfriend, and cheating on her own. I wanted to slap the smirk right off her face, but as if anticipating it, Mandy grabbed my hand.

“Don’t, it’s not even worth it.”

With one last glare at the two of us Paige sauntered off and Mandy let out a breath. “What a bitch.”

We parted ways and before I knew it, the hallways were empty. I knew most everyone was either gathered in the cafeteria, lined up alphabetically or filing into the empty seats in the pavilion outside. I was glad for the quiet.

After all this time, all these years it was happening. I was graduating, leaving the ghosts of my past behind.

I opened my locker and looked over the few keepsakes that were stuck to the inside of the door. A birthday card from Grace, a picture of me an Mandy, worn out at the edges and half hidden behind the valentine cutout from Evan two years ago. At the bottom, a poem cut out from the school newspaper. I ran my hands over all the memories, the one's I'd chosen to keep.

With a last breath I went to close my locker, and then noticed the red rose sitting at the very top of a pile of books.

No. It couldn’t be.

I pulled it our hesitantly, wondering if I was just imagining things. A small card hung from a gold ribbon around the stem and I opened it with shaking hands.

'You, it's always been you.'

-Shy Guy

I rushed down the hall, not an easy thing to do in the three-inch heels I’d chosen to wear, but I had to do this now, no more waiting.

Outside the doors to the cafeteria I saw Evan, and with a single glance at the rose in my hands he smiled and pointed towards a door nearby.

I felt like I could hear my heart beating out of my chest, the sound even louder than my heels click-clacking against the floor. It was that completely cliché sweaty palms, butterflies in the stomach feeling I never thought I’d let myself feel again.

And then I pushed open the door. He looked up in surprise, and registered the rose immediately, his face quickly turning the same color.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

We stood awkwardly facing each other, whatever confidence I’d had walking in having disappeared, but I knew this was my move to make.

I wanted to say the perfect thing, but I didn’t have the words, and then I realized Wes had summed it up exactly. You. It’s always been you.

So I pointed to the card dangling from the stem.

“It’s always been you too,” I whispered.

He looked surprised for a second, but I saw the doubt that followed.

“What about Michael?”

“He’s got nothing on you.”

He laughed, shaking his head in disbelief, and I walked the last few steps between us.

“It’s about time you figured that out.” He said jokingly.

“Sorry it took so long.” And I leaned up and kissed him.

In the books and movies this was the end, the happily ever after, but in reality I didn't know where I'd be tomorrow or two years from now, who I'd be with or how I'd get there. In reality there was no set ending, all that was guaranteed was that I could chose any road I wanted, and right now, this was everything I wanted, and that had endless potential.

The End.