May 1999

"Steph, what are you doing here?"  Kristen and I were just leaving a restaurant, sort of off the beaten path in Santa Monica and Stevie was walking in and she wasn't alone, although I didn't recognize him.  She looks flustered to see us and her eyes immediately go to Kristen.

"Well hello to you too Lindsey."  The guy she's with has his hand on the small of her back.  " We were just about to have dinner."  She turns to her date and begins introductions, " Ted Parker, this is Lindsey Buckingham and his girlfriend, Kristen."  

"We have some news actually.  Lindsey, I can't believe you haven't told Stevie.   We're engaged."  Kristen excitedly holds up her hand to show them.  

Stevie's head snaps back to look at me and I see tears there but she swallows them back quickly.  " Well, I am sorry, I didn't hear the news.  Congratulations both of you.  If you'll excuse us," and she turns to Ted, "Let's see if our table is ready."  She grabs Ted's hand, but not before looking at us and and congratulating us again.

"Thank you!" Kristen chimes in and Stevie gives a half smile.  I am trying to talk to her with my eyes, but she won't look at me. 

"Steph, I'd love to.", but she cuts me off.

"Lindsey, it was lovely to see you.  My best wishes to you both." At that point she grabs Ted's hand and walks away and as I watch, I see her wipes the tears from her eyes.  At that point, I hear someone at another table say "Happy Birthday Stevie".  How did I forget that?

Kristen and I are driving home and I am in another world.  I haven't seen or spoken to Stevie since the tour ended.  She went away for a few months.  Engaged.  I am engaged.  I can't believe Stevie had to find out in a public place in front of Kristen and some guy named Ted.  I am not sure how I thought she would find out, but tonight was awful.   Awful on so many levels.  How did I forget today is her birthday?  Even in the darkest depths of our lives, May 26th always resonated with me.    Kristen thought she was pregnant  right after the New Year.  While we hadn't really spoke of marriage before, it's something that was important to her, and if I am honest, it was important to me too.  Unfortunately, the pregnancy turned out to be a false alarm, but I still proposed.  I can feel Kristen watching me as I make my way through the quiet LA streets.  

"Stevie looked good tonight."  Kristen breaks me out of my reverie.  "I didn't know she was dating someone?"

"Either did I Kristen.  I haven't seen or spoken to Stevie since the tour ended."    Whether Kristen will admit it or not, she's threatened by Stevie.  Our history terrifies her I think.  And I don't mean Eloise.   

"Oh, well I guess that explains why she didn't know our news?  Make sure you give me her address so I can hand it over to the planner for the wedding invitations."

"Kristen, I don't think that's a good idea.  We said we were going to keep this small.  I honestly don't know if I want any of the band there."  Out of the corner of my eye I see she wants to say something, but chooses not too.  

***

"Earth to Stevie,"  I can't help but laugh even though its the last thing I feel like doing.   Ted knows how awkward that was.  While I haven't delved into everything,  he knows much of my history with Lindsey.  He knows I was the one who ended things, but that doesn't mean seeing Lindsey with his new girlfriend, excuse me, fiancee, who is young enough to be our daughter, on my birthday no less, is making me feel like celebrating at all.  

"I am here.  Thank you for this.  I hope running into Lindsey wasn't too awkward?"  

"I know you said she was young, but wow.  I suggested this place because it's out of the way.  Of all of the people to run into.  Well, I am sorry and I hope it didn't ruin your night."

I reach over the table and touch his hand.  He's such a good man.  We met years ago actually, through my management company.  Ted recently moved back to the LA area and we've reconnected.  He's been a god send for me to be honest.  He's enough "in the business"  to know some of the crap I have to deal with, but not so much that it's all we ever talk about.   I've needed this.  Him, actually.  It's been good for me.  I can't say I am in love with him, but I do love him.  I can tell he feels awful about tonights run in. "Sweetie, it's not your fault.  Who could have predicted that?  I am having a perfectly lovely night.  Thank you for this."  He kisses my hand and gives me a wink.  

On the drive home I am trying to keep my mind anywhere but Lindsey's engagement.  Deep down, I am not surprised.  Wedding, baby.  I expected one of those for sure.  Ted is holding my hand as he drives.  It feels nice.  I feel loved.  He made my day special, which I truly appreciated.  He's not Lindsey, no, but he's the first person I've been remotely serious about since Lindsey and I split.  

"Where is that pretty mind of yours honey?"  He's looking at me out of the corner of his eye.  

"Right here."  And I kiss his hand. 

"Stevie, again, I just.." and I cut him off

"Honey,  please stop.  I had a lovely night.  Short of moving out of LA, running into Lindsey at some point was inevitable.  At some point, Fleetwood Mac will go back on tour.  Please Ted, stop.  I loved tonight and I love you for planning it for me."  

We are greeted by the dogs as we walk in the door.  

"Hello my babies, I missed you."  I pick them up and they start licking all over my face.  " Did you miss me? I missed you both so much."   Ted just laughs and starts up the stairs.

"Honey, I am going to hop in the shower." 

I walk into the kitchen with the dogs excitedly following me.  I open the sliding door onto the back patio to let them out.    I decide to open a bottle of wine for us to bring upstairs.  As I move to the wine fridge, the phone rings.   I realize I never told Karen my plans for tomorrow.  It's likely her.  

"Hello." 

"Steph, it's me."  

Why wasn't I expecting that?  

"Please don't hang up.  I needed to talk to you."  

I am immediately choked up and don't trust myself to speak.   Oh why didn't I anticipate this.  I saw him trying to get my attention at the restaurant.  I just couldn't look at him, I would have lost it.  Like I am about to do now.  

"Steph are you there?"

" Yes. "   I can't give more than one word answers.  I need to end this phone call though.  I will lose it if I speak to him.  

"Steph, I just need to see you, please?" 

"Lindsey, I don't think that's a good idea.  I can't.  I just can't.   I meant what I said, I wish you and Kristen all of the best.  But I can't do this.  Please respect that.  Please."

"Angel, I just need to..."

But I don't hear the rest, because I hung up.    I am not that strong anymore.