TWO YEARS AGO

The sound of AJ's footfalls wafted over to me. I had been holding vigil for him in my room. Lately, it had felt like I was his watch guard, waiting until late in the night for my brother to come home.

Every time, it felt like later and later. I hadn't told my parents yet because I refused to be a tattletale. AJ had never told on me. I couldn't break our relationship just because I told on him for something that was probably extremely innocuous.

But was it really as harmless as I thought?

Surprisingly, AJ didn't head into the kitchen to get a bite to eat before turning on the shower. He just came into my room, and he didn't look shocked at all that I was awake.

His hair was mussed, and his eyes were droopy and heavy-lidded. I could almost smell the alcohol on his clothes from here.

"Corrina," he said, his voice low, "it's late."

"I know," I said, fiercely hugging my pillow. "Where were you, AJ?"

He came over and sat beside me. "You're not supposed to be up, Corrina."

"How about you?" I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "Why are you doing this, AJ? I-I'm scared for you."

"Hey," AJ said, taking my shoulders in his hands and staring me in the eyes. "Don't be scared. You have to trust that I'll be okay."

"No!" I yelled, shrugging out of his hands. "No. You're out of control. It has to stop. I'm telling Mom and Dad."

"What the fuck?" AJ said. "Corrina, this isn't like you."

"If you sneak in late one more time," I said, "I won't hesitate to tell them."

---

I got home from school the next day, my shoes wet from running through the puddles that the rain had created.

"Hey, Dad," I said, plopping my backpack down on the counter.

"Hey, kiddo," he looked over his shoulder at me. He was stirring something at the stove. "How was school?"

I gave an ambiguous tilt of my head. "Oh, you know, the usual."

He laughed, shaking his head in that woe-is-me way. "When will my kids ever give me a straightforward answer?"

"Wishful thinking, Dad," I said.

I wanted so badly to tell Dad about AJ's mysterious nightly outings, but at the same time I felt this unbreakable devotion to my brother that made me want to vomit at the thought of him getting in trouble.

"How about ice cream after practice?" he asked. "I might even be able to talk AJ into coming."

Ha. As if my brother would ever clear up his "busy" schedule anymore to spend time with his family.

"Okay, Dad," I said.

He smiled and turned back to the stove.

"Wishful thinking," I muttered under my breath.

---

Later that evening, I shouldered on a cloud white coat, meeting Dad in the hallway. "Where's AJ?" I asked, my voice stilted.

"Warming up the car," he said. "With your mother."

I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face, which was mostly a relieved one.

"All right, then, let's go." I started for the door, but my father caught my arm. 

"Corrina, I know you're upset about how distant your brother has been," he said. "But you should know that you've always got me, okay? I know I may not be the best person to go to whenever you want to go to the mall or to practice tennis, but I will always be here for you. I love you, and your brother does too. He just... sometimes has a peculiar way of showing it."

This was the first time in so long that my father had said anything like that to me. 'Emotionally distant' were the only two words that could describe our relationship, but now...

Now it felt like he saw me. Like he saw the desperate ways I loved other people, and like he knew how I had stayed up every night the past week for AJ. Like he knew that I just wanted to be shown love the same way I showed it to others in my life.

"Thanks, Dad," I said, trying my hardest to plaster a smile on my face. "I love you, too."

END OF CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

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xx

-Isabella