Zane's P.O.V.

March (1st Month of Despair)

I didn't want to know how many times I've heard the pleads and cries of my family and friends to get out of my room and go outside.

I knew it was March already.

That's as far as I could know.

I still went to school, though, since I didn't want to destroy my future and there's a certain university I'm aiming for. Plus, my Mom wants all her children to at least graduate high school.

Even this way, I retracted from society; only sometimes eating with my friends... most of the time, I'll be in the empty halls or at the parking lot.

That's the only time my friends saw me, aside from classes.

At home, I would only go out to eat or drink food. That's it.

I remember how my Mom cried at the depression I was in. She couldn't blame anyone since she knew it would come to this once I knew what did happen.

Every single day, more than 5 people will knock on my door to plead me to come out of my room and talk.

Most of the time it's Mom, first runner-up would be Vylad, and then Garroth, then finally, my Dad.

For my friends, it varied everyday.

From going here by themselves to going in groups. Even the Golden Daggers visited more than twice!

I didn't care, I didn't answer.

At one point, I heard Kawaii~Chan crying at how I wouldn't come out.

It was already the middle of March.

Vylad would always wait outside my room for me to come out, either sitting against the door or the wall... he was always there.

One time, he had a cold. But he still sat, leaning against the wall beside my door.

When I came out at 12 midnight to get some food, I saw him fast asleep beside my bedroom door. Nose red from his cold.

My heart ached for the effort of my brother, so I carried him into his room.

I placed a warm wet towel on his head, and put medicine and water on his night stand.

"Z-Zane?" He called out, "Just go back to sleep, Vylad." I said, closing the door behind me before he could say anything else.

Inside my room was a different story. I was a mess.

The room hasn't been cleaned in a long time and my trash bin has been filled with tissues and tissue boxes.

Every night I would fall asleep crying.

My room was always dark and my covers were always burying me.

I didn't touch my phone, only did if it was important.

I avoided my ponies to my dismay... it reminded me too much of her.

Our spot is where I would go when I needed to think, it always ends up with me crying, but what could I do?

The My Little Horsies Play-shop, on the other hand, I still went there in my free time. Trying to bring myself to happiness around them.

I haven't been ice skating, though... my body doesn't have the energy to do it.

Sylvana has been trying to text me, I don't really answer them.

Then again, I don't answer any texts...

My eyes were bloodshot and I had eye-bags, my hair was always messy, and my skin was paler.

Mom would sometimes put food outside my door in case I was hungry.

My friends would always leave little small gifts and things when they would come by.

Their efforts are all meaningful to me...

I'm sorry, guys.

April - Spring Break (2nd Month of Despair)

As expected, my two-week long spring break isn't really going to be eventful.

April is the month that my friends thought I would finally come back to them.

But the month of April is where I would always feel nostalgic and sentimental.

I wasn't really recovering due to this. But my life isn't as dark as March.

You could call April the time when I would think back to a lot of things.

My life, my friends, what's going on with me, the events that led to this.

So my despondence is still running wild.

There was this poem I wrote for English class that my teacher put up in the school newspaper.

When my friends read it, they all went to my place after school. Asking me to please hang-out with them so I wouldn't feel alone.

The poem had a dark and slice-of-life theme. Something you would write after a teenage drama book.

The times I communicated with people grew minimal this month.

I was more thinking to myself every time, spacing out everywhere I go.

I wasn't crying as much anymore. It's more of reflection.

The 2nd month of my despair.

"Zane... you haven't been with anyone in two months, you're keeping to yourself. It's April now and we all know how you get during April... please."

Cadenza's soft voice pleads from the other side of the door. I continued to gaze out of the window to stare at the wonderful and light spring.

April is beautiful.

Just like Aphmau.

"Please, dude... we're all crazy worried about you, especially your Mom; Zianna can't handle any of this, not one bit." Jeffory calls out.

I sit on my bed and continued to listen to their voices I miss so much.

But not as much as I miss Aphmau's voice.

"Zane, we got you cupcakes. It has a Pinkie Cake design on them... you love those, don't you?" Zoey calls out, her voice cracking a bit.

"Guys... we all know Zane won't answer us," Teony says, her voice tired and sad.

"We're going to leave the cupcakes in your kitchen, okay?" Zoey continues, I heard Vylad direct her to where the kitchen is when Zoey asked him.

I heard footsteps leave; thinking all of them are gone, I lied down on my bed again, but a voice spoke.

"To be honest, Zane, we know you're hurting and we understand. But, please talk to us; there are a lot people worried for you." Jeffory says in a soft voice.

A tear rolled down my cheek.

You guys don't know just how much I miss you.

Aphmau, why do you have to forget about me? To leave me like this?

May - Graduation Practice Month (3rd Month of Despair)

It's just the start of May... the month of Graduation.

In a few weeks, I would be a high school graduate.

Do I have any regrets?

Yes, yes I do. A lot in fact.

If for many, it's the month of Graduation. For me, it's the 3rd month of my despair.

It's only May 2, though. Today, we have a full-day practice.

I didn't attend, we will have more in the future anyways.

I cleaned my room already and I'm surviving with my grades.

I've been talking to my Mom, my friends... not really. I'm still lost and in need of help. I still cry and think to myself. I still drift back to the time I learned about Aphmau's amnesia.

I'm lost but my friends are trying to be my navigator... why am I not accepting their help?

Aphmau wouldn't want that.

So why am I holding back from being happy again?

My world revolved around her and the idea of her forgetting me is something that kills me everyday.

But they're offering to help me back up.

I know for a fact that I will regret not spending my last month of Senior year with my friends.

Yet will I be complete without Aphmau?

She's the piece of metal that holds me together, she's my strength, she's my medicine when I have a headache.

I fell in love with my best friend but I lost her because of it.

Am I feeling guilt? Am I feeling like I don't deserve anything good?

It hurts to seem like my life will never be back to normal because of just one event.

And I won't ever even know if Aphmau feels the same way.

Sure, she kissed Aaron... but does she really like Aaron?

The bond we shared is unbreakable, she and I know that.

Aphmau wouldn't want me to be like this. To waste the good effort and love my friends give me.

Because if I do... I'm just losing more and more people from my life.

If Aph was in my position, she would take this as an opportunity to begin again.

Yes... Aphmau.

Aphmau always led me into the right path,

And this is the path she's pointing to.

Knock. Knock.

"Zane?" Nicole calls out after she knocked, "You weren't at practice today." Kenmur continues with a strained voice.

"This is our last month of high school, Zane... we miss you. We miss our best friend." Lucinda says, her voice cracking.

Best friend?

I'm their best friend?

"Please come out, for Aphmau." Kiki continues, her voice cracking as she said Aphmau's name.

"She would want you to be with us, y'know?" Brendan says.

I involuntarily look at a picture of the whole group. Aphmau and I at the middle of the picture.

Call me a masochist... but I didn't really remove anything from her or of her.

"I know you're depressed because of Aphmau... I know she forgot about you... I know you have every right to be like this..." Emmalyn starts, determination and reluctance in her voice.

I always cling on to the feeling that she would remember me.

"But... she could always remember." Katelyn finishes, and my eyes widened.

After all, her amnesia isn't full and it says that the memories of the person they forget can come back...

"You need to keep moving, Zane~Kun; don't let your depression eat you up." Kawaii~Chan says, and I feel her ears and tail droop.

"Come on! We miss your pale-looking, emo-sufficient face!" Teony insults, making me smile a bit. The others laughed.

I smiled.

For the first time since how long.

"We just want you to be happy. C'mon dude, I miss having 5 boys in the gang!" Brendan exasperates, making me roll my eyes at the humor.

Humor. I miss it.

"Yeah, I need my fellow silent-dude back!" Kenmur calls out, making me nod my head and the rest chuckle.

"So what do you say?" Zoey asks, knocking on the door again. "Come out of the door and be with all of us again like the old times?" Kiki asks, as well.

"Now, I want you to get your ass up from your damn bed and come out here right now before I make you." I could hear their snickers as Nicole cracks her knuckles. I chuckled at this.

I chuckled...

I chuckled in the first time in 2 and a half months.

"We're here for you, buddy. Just like how Aphmau would've wanted it." Vylad finishes off.

And that's when I do it.

I stood up and ran to the door, I opened it up, seeing the faces of my friends.

All the smiles on their faces.

And so I hug them.

The relief and happiness on their faces was seen once I did the action.

"Finally! I thought we needed to take out the back-up speech!" Jeffory thanks the dimensions, making all of us laugh.

Even if Aphmau forgot about me, I still got my friends.

And I know me and Aph's story won't end there.

Though, I sometimes wonder who is the other person she forgot about...

I shrugged it off for the time being and enjoyed the time with my friends.

And we're back on track!

~~~~~

Again, I'm a sucker for happy endings so there's more to come! ;)

I hope you all enjoyed this bit. It was angsty to make but I hope you enjoyed it.

Any clue who else she forgot? ;)

Thanks for the support and love!

Please vote, comment, share and all the good stuff!

Until next time.

-DreamsCPape