Leah had been gone just short of an hour. I patiently watched the clock as I waited for her return, flicking between the channels for something to distract me. Settling for a documentary about the current state of the climate, I moved my eyes between the television and the window, hoping to see Leah's car lights shining through at some point.

Before I met Leah, I hated surprises. I hated the idea that someone had control over something that I knew nothing about; it was a telling sign that I had a lot of growing to do, and meeting Leah seemed to be the thing that allowed me to have that growth. Nowadays, I allowed myself to be excited by the idea of a surprise, grateful that I meant enough to someone to surprise me, and comfortable enough with the safety that Leah provided to not worry about the outcome.

There she was. The car lights that I had waited for finally shone through the window, warming my heart as I thought of her just footsteps away from me. I sat patiently as I listened to her key turn in the front door, the gentle closing of it behind her, and her gentle chuckling getting closer.

"Eyes closed, please."
"They're shut." I smiled, pressing my eyes together.

I felt Leah's presence beside me; a kiss was placed gently on my cheek.

"Hold out your hands; put them together." She instructed.

I held my hands out like Leah had asked, unsure what this could possibly be. My favourite food? Some kind of console? New jewellery? The soft material of a cushion, blanket, or item of clothing was placed on my hands. It was heavy in weight—something so small but still relatively big.

"Open." She said softly.

I opened my eyes to a sight that immediately filled them with happy tears. A soundly sleeping chocolate brown Labrador with little floppy ears and the softest of fur. I pushed my bottom lip out, bringing the small puppy towards my face and cuddling it into my neck, feeling its tongue give me a gentle lick on the side of my cheek.

"Le." I breathed out, completely in love with the surprise.
"He doesn't have a name yet." She cocked her head to the side, smiling at me adoringly.
"He's perfect. You're perfect. This is the best surprise ever."
"I thought that if you do take the opportunity—which is completely up to you—it might settle your mind to know that I'm not here alone; I'll have a little Buddy here with me."
"Buddy." I smiled.
"Buddy." Leah repeated.
"You are just adorable, Buddy."

— — — —

It was now day 9 of the 14 days that I had been given to decide if this opportunity was right for me. Amanda had told me under no uncertain circumstances that I was to do what felt right for me, and whatever I decided, she trusted that it would be the right decision. Our new addition had settled in well and could often be found sleeping on top of either mine or Leah's legs on the sofa.

Stepping out of the courtroom and into the dining area, I reached into my bag to find my phone, turning it back on.

Leah
Hey Soph, I'm just letting you know I've had to come home from training. I'm okay, just the usual x

Leah
Soph, sorry, I know your phone is off, so this will probably come through when you turn it on, but please, can you bring some painkillers home?x

Leah
And maybe some kind of heat pad or something like that :( x

Leah
I miss you x

Leah

Oh, and I love you x

I sighed as I realised this was clearly another flare-up, a reminder that Leah now had this diagnosis that meant this would be with her for life. Not wanting to discuss her issue surrounded by the nosey people in the dining area, I headed out to the car to give myself some more privacy before calling her.

"Hey Soph, how's it going?" Pain was clear in her voice.
"Don't worry about me. How are you feeling now?"
"I'll be okay; you know what it's like." She sighed.
"I know. I'll be home as soon as I can, Le. I promise."
"I'm okay, Soph. I promise."

For the rest of the court sitting, all I could think about was Leah rolling around on our bed in pain. The idea that I wasn't there to give her a reassuring hand on her stomach or to fetch anything she needed for her was causing a large feeling of guilt to rise from my stomach to my throat, forming a lump that I had to swallow back anytime I was required to talk. How will I cope when I'm in a different country and she feels this way?

Rushing around the shop and picking up anything that I thought might make Leah feel better, from chocolate to painkillers, my mind was still spinning at the thought that one day she might not have me to do these things for her. I thought of calling Lorraine in that exact moment and telling her that I wouldn't be taking the offer, but I knew that it wasn't a good idea to make decisions in the heat of the moment, opting instead to pay for the stuff as quickly as possible and drive home to Leah, who I hoped would be up and about by now.

I pulled up to the house, noticing that it was in complete darkness. It was obvious that at some point Leah had fallen asleep, having been asleep long enough for the lightness to turn to darkness. I stepped inside, being greeted by an excitable Buddy who jumped around the bottom half of my legs. As soon as I ensured he was okay, I immediately crept upstairs to find Leah, armed with the bag of supplies that I had purchased on my way home. I prised open the bedroom door, finding her asleep on the bed without the duvet around her, her arms gripped tightly around her stomach, an obvious sign that she had been in severe pain before she had fallen asleep. I set down the bag at the side of the bed, gently lifting the covers back up over her and placing a delicate kiss on the side of her head. I thought of waking her up before deciding that it was better that she sleep as much as possible, hoping that she might not wake up until the pain had subsided. Just as I reached the bedroom door, the rustling of the covers sounded before Leah spoke, her voice croaky.

"No, come back." She groaned.
"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up." I whispered as I moved back towards her.

Climbing into the bed beside her, I opened my arms to allow her to rest her head on my chest, stroking the loose strands of her hair back from her face. She settled slightly, still clutching her stomach, before jolting upward.

"Fuck." She threw her head back.
"What is it?"
"It's everywhere; I can feel it. Sorry, Soph." She sighed, moving quickly to get out of bed.

Leah stood upright, she was right, it was everywhere. It didn't make me love her any less, though; it simply made me want to look after her. As she began to move towards the door, she stumbled slightly, placing her hands against the wall to steady herself. I jumped out of bed, letting her lean her body weight against me until her dizzy spell subsided—a dizzy spell most likely caused by pain, her inability to eat when this happened, and a large loss of blood.

"Hold onto me. I'm here." I whispered, placing a kiss on her forehead.
"I need to get cleaned up." She winced.
"I know, hold onto me, babe."
"Okay."

Leah's balance wasn't improving as quickly as I hoped, and my mind didn't even think for a single second before I began taking little steps alongside her to lead her towards the bathroom.

"Towel, clothes." Leah whispered.
"I'll sort them. It's okay."

"I don't know why it's so bad this time."
"They said this would happen sometimes, stop panicking. We will get you cleaned up." I smiled, feeling her grip on me tighten at my words.

I left Leah at the door of the bathroom, rushing back to our bedroom to grab what she needed. From a distance, I could hear her groan as she moved around the room, followed by the sound of the bath taps being turned on. I grabbed a towel, the comfiest pyjamas I could find, and a blanket she could wrap around her if she needed it for heat after her bath. Rummaging through the bag until I found the painkillers, I lifted out the heat pads and made my way back to the bathroom. I was greeted with the sight of Leah leaning up against the sink, her fingers gripping at the sides of it so hard that they had turned white.

"Le, can I come in?"
"Of course, Soph." She smiled, our eyes meeting through the reflection of the bathroom mirror.

Placing my hands either side of her waist, I moved her gently to sit on the side of the bath, stroking her hair as we waited for it to finish filling. Her eyes were glazed over, and pain was evident in her face, but she refused to complain.

"I missed you today."
"I missed you too, Le."

I reached across the bath, turning off the taps now that it was filled to the correct level and using my hand to test the warmth of the water for her, making her chuckle slightly.

"C'mon, let's get you in then."

She didn't hesitate in accepting my help, taking both my hands as she swung her legs into the bath and lowered her body down. The heat seemed to help, and a sound of relief left her mouth as she allowed the water to cover her.

"Can you stay and talk to me? Tell me about your day." She half-smiled.
"Course." I smiled, taking a seat beside the bath and reaching my hand over to stroke her hair.

I told her stories of my day as much as I could without giving her too much information about individual cases. We spoke of her day before the symptoms had set in, both laughing as she told me of a staff member thinking she was giving birth when she first fell to the floor in pain. While her mood definitely lifted through our conversation, the tiredness didn't subside, and it was evident in the tone of her voice that she was absolutely exhausted. Once she signalled that she was ready to leave the bath, I lifted the towel from the warmer, holding it out for her to step into, her body still weak. Deciding that she needed a better level of comfort, I ushered her into the bedroom and sat her on the side of our bed, running back to the bathroom for the heat pads. Leah smiled as I used the towel to dry her, placing kisses across each part of her skin as I checked that it was dried correctly. The idea that I could see her like this, completely unclothed in front of me, and not think of anything else other than caring for her was clearly bringing her some comfort. I placed each of her feet through the bottoms of her pyjama bottoms, letting her grab onto my neck to pull herself upwards to allow me to pull them up, slipping her arms into the top and pulling it over her head. Once she was dressed, I laid her back gently, lifting her top up to apply the heat pad to her stomach.

"About here?" I asked before letting the adhesive stick.
"That's perfect, Soph. Thank you."
"I brought you some things." I reached for the bag from the shop, emptying the contents onto the bed.
"Some things? You brought me the entire shop." She chuckled.
"I wasn't sure which you would prefer."
"You really are incredible, Soph." She smiled, picking through the items on the bed until she found a packet of cookies.
"I'm sorry I wasn't here today." I sighed.
"You're here now, and you brought cookies. Can we go downstairs and watch a movie? Buddy hasn't had much company today."
"Let's go."

I decided to wait until tomorrow to think anymore about my decision. As it stood, I didn't want to take the offer, but I knew that Leah would forever feel guilty if her illness was the reason that I didn't. Tonight, though, Leah needed affection, love, and a clear head. So that's what I gave her.