Esther had spoken those words out before thinking, for that was the only way she could take this conversation where she intended it to go. She was herself not too confident, apologising, begging, those were among the few things that were not Esther Sherbourne's forte and Edward's reluctant self was hardly helping. 

Before he had walked into the chapel, Esther was almost certain she did not want anything out of all this. She believed her motives to be selfless and her intentions pure but now, having him in front of her eyes and watching him leave made her realise how selfish she truly was. She wanted to keep him, make him stay, irrespective of all things in the world. 

Somewhere deep down in her heart, she knew, he too wanted to stay. 

She must have been insane but she did not anymore have the senses to notice any of that. 

Calling him by his name, his true name, and the reaction he presented post hearing it restored all the confidence she ever, if at all, lacked and needed. She felt powerful inside out and she knew she was going to win this one. 

It was only uphill from here, she was certain of it. 

Edward's head however was a mesh of confusion and questions that he somehow seemed to know the answers to yet felt unable to find them. 

Esther was being too honest of her feelings, but again she had always been honest, dishonesty was his forte after all. This, however, was beyond all the honesty she had ever shown him, she was clearly telling him to stay, despite all that he had made her go through, she was asking him to be a part of her life. She was asking him to do just what he desired the most. It was maddening how he could not accept the one thing that he had ever felt the strongest desire for in his entire existence and that when it was right in front of him to grab. 

He had to take his eyes off. 

He could not waver.

"I apologize, madam, for my arrogance and audacity but I must leave, now and forever." He all but whispered, his eyes pinned to her feet than her face. "It is for the best." 

He heard Esther whimper, very faintly, and that was all. He was expecting more protest, after all he was stripping Esther Sherbourne of something she deeply desired, she was not one to give up so easily. 

Or perhaps, he had over assumed his importance in her heart. 

He could feel her eyes on him, unwavering while his were on her feet. The candlelight behind her was rendering her dress useless, giving out the flawless curves of her legs. He wondered what it would feel like to touch them, kiss them, spread them apart-

No. He had to stop. And leave. 

"I wish you a happy life and hope that you will someday be able to forgive me for making the past season the worst of your life." He added and turned around without another bow. 

He strode down the aisle of the chapel, the door was only steps away now and Esther seemed to have given up, finally. He had assumed he would be happy, but as it seemed, not so much. 

"Give me what's mine, and then you shall leave," Esther said the moment Edward laid hand on the door's handle to pull it open. He stopped at her words, most obviously and turned around with questions in his eyes. 

"Pardon me, I am afraid I do not understand. What is- yours?" He worded his curiosity hesitantly. A part of him was pushing a rather pleasing yet disturbing answer to his mind, surely she was not about to say it was him that belonged to her, that would be wild. 

Esther chuckled very faintly as if his eyes had been giving out all his thoughts, before starting to walk up to him. That was one long walk and the waiting was causing Edward to want to scream. Curiosity must have killed the cat no doubt.

Esther stopped just in front of him, her eyes keeping him imprisoned. "That thing in your hand, isn't that supposed to be mine?" She whispered back. 

Edward's fingers clutched tighter around the velvet-coated little box, he had no idea he was carrying it in his hands on full show all this time. He had no intentions of imposing such a burdensome thing on her but now that she was asking for it herself, he couldn't help but allow himself to be a little selfish, just a little. 

Very gently, he brought the box up and held it to her, all the while his nerves were working against his will, forcing him to take his hand back down while there was still time, but Esther didn't need telling. She picked it off his palm before he could prevent it and pulled the lid off almost immediately. She did not wish to put it off anymore in the name of stupid anticipation, she was done waiting, besides he seemed too eager to give up and end it all any time now. 

Her jaw dropped when she saw what she saw. The diamond-studded ring that stood all too well in its case resembled the very 4 leaf clover ring she treasured so much, and to the finest details, it was bewildering.

A million emotions flooded their way to her face like she'd opened the wrong window in an old farmland tower and hit a strong summer wind. She could feel it all raw beneath her skin, the excitement, the disbelief, the confusion and the stupid, unexplainable faith in some goddamned unreal fate. 

That certainly explained the uncalled moisture in her eyes.

It couldn't be a coincidence. No one knew of the ring apart from her parents and her brother, but of course, the one who gave it to her all those years ago. 

"Was it you?" She heard herself demand impatiently. 

Edward's eyes crinkled in confusion, her question was hardly self-explanatory. 

"Was it you who gave me that clover ring all those years ago?" She asked louder this time and with more impatience than earlier, "and do not lie to me, you have done enough of that."

Edward breathed heavily at her demands. She certainly knew how to have her way around a man. "It is not the past that matters, Miss Sherbourne, it's the present that makes all the difference." He answered vaguely.

Esther bit her lips at his very clear confession. "That is right." She agreed calmly, a sharp contrast to her laboured breathing. "It is indeed the present that makes all the difference, as it must." 

Edward looked at her in sheer confusion as she talked so smoothly as if they weren't in the most compromisable situation with emotions all exploding in their heads, causing them to go insane and be on the very edge of losing it all for the worse. Her hands pulled the ring out of its case and a long fine chain that ran through it fell and hung it in the air.

"Oh," she gasped. "I was afraid I wouldn't be able to wear it for long, looks like not," she added.

"You do not have to put it on at all. I understand that it is an inappropriate gesture and it was the most foolish of me to have done something so useless." Edward blabbered and hastily reached out to pull the jewellery out of her hand. The case soon went flying off to some corner of the church however Esther was successful in wrapping her fingers around the ring as she pulled herself back, though she was careless enough to not care where her legs were going, or if they were at all.

Her feet twisted and slipped on the dry floor before she could heed the consequences. 

A feeble squeal left her dry throat as she closed her eyes and pulled her fist to her chest to protect the ring if nothing else. 

But of course, she was not hitting the floor any soon. Edward had by then mastered the art of catching a falling lady with no sense of balance. Spending a season with Esther Sherbourne seemed to do that to a man. 

His arm wrung around her waist and her chest thrashed in his as he pulled her from falling yet again, only her tightly clenched fist and the ring in it keeping them from feeling each other's heartbeats in their own chests. 

This time Esther did not take long to recover and Edward himself did not let that moment drag. 

"I assume it is time you learn to be mindful of your own feet." He said looking anywhere but at her. Esther all but blushed at his statement. 

"Really?" She asked dramatically, "I assumed it was finally time for me to stop minding my feet at all. The blame, of course, goes to a certain someone who keeps saving me. I never got to learn my lesson." 

Edward was not amused at her effortless switch of emotions. His head was still hovering around the thought of kissing her lips senseless ever since he had pulled her to safety and they stopped only far enough for him to sense her hot breaths on his mouth.

"Would you put this on for me?" Esther asked unclenching her fist to disclose the ring on her reddening palm when he did not seem even remotely amused by her joke. 

Edward first stared at her face with a look that asked loud and clear if she had gone insane, and then at the piece of jewellery in her hand that was clearly inviting more trouble for both of them than they could deal with once the sun would come up, but in the dark of night that had already begun to fade, the sense of resistance seemed to almost not exist. The ring was beautiful, he noticed as he looked at it, he had not found a chance to appreciate it before for every time he put his eyes on it, he only thought of putting it on Esther's delicate skin and one would not be able to focus on mere lifeless stones when the thought involved her. 

Even, in reality, all the four-diamond studded leaves together still did not hold a candle to the pulling glow of her bare skin, and the blue glimpse of veins that lined it. The lack of gloves on her fingers showed how hurriedly and insensibly, she must have left for the chapel and neither the sight nor the reason behind it was helping the situation. 

"Take it now, before my hand goes sore!" Esther's voice brought him back to his senses, barely. 

He picked the ring off her hand, making it certain that his fingers don't brush her skin, even slightly, and walked around her to stand behind her back. One last gesture of gentlemanship before he walked out of the door to never turn back, he thought, knowing damn well how much more he did not believe and wish for it than he did. 

Her hair was damp he noticed as he slid them with a light hand and let them rest on her shoulder, she must have had a bath before she decided to write him a note out of nowhere, or perhaps she wrote him a note and then had a bath? He cursed him for letting his mind hover over such unnecessary thoughts instantly after they came to his mind. 

He tried to keep his breathing shallow but a sniff of her hypnotizing scent had already filled his senses and that was not a good sign for his self-control. The sooner he got this over with the better. 

Very swiftly, he unlocked the hook of the chain. Had this been him from two days ago or before, he would have broken such a weak thing into pieces than put so much struggle into opening it, but at that moment he could be half asleep and still unhook tens of them like nothing. He had spent the past one day rehearsing it. Not that he was ever hoping to get an opportunity to put it around her neck with his own hands. 

The moment her hair was out of the way, Edward could see Esther's shoulders rising and reclining rapidly, she was practically panting. The single fabric of her gown was sticking to her upper back, her skin wet and transparent with sweat. 

She was igniting his imaginations to limits he did not wish to cross and at this point, he was not the only one to blame at all. 

He gritted his teeth and clenched his jaws to keep his focus as his hands went ahead around her petite head with one end of the chain held in each, the ring dangling at its absolute depth. Slowly he descended the ring and it, he pictured while he could see none of it, rested in the very centre of her bust. He had been too distracted by the picture in his head when one end of the chain slipped off his fingers before he could hook them together and rested just below her neck on her back. 

He went ahead to pick it off before he could think it through and however indecent it was, he would have never realised any of it had Esther's panting shoulders not hunched and her head turned on her neck so sharply, the moment his blazing fingers brushed fire on her cold skin.

That was it, there was no stopping him anymore. Before he could think straight and sensible, and his guilty conscious pushed him back and away, he landed his lips on hers. 

Or perhaps it was her who reached up to him before he could. 

It happened too fast for both of them to assess, besides there was no need for it anymore anyway. 

The chain slipped through between the heat of them and landed on the floor with the ring still beaded in it.