The next morning, I wake up, but I don't get out of bed. Instead I think about last night. I mean, at the time, it seemed so right, but I realize my earlier statement was completely right and staring me in the face. 

"We've only known each other for so long!" 

I was right. It just seemed so natural. I've basically known him forever, but he has no idea about me. My love may be a teensie bit more genuine, but we were both in the wrong.

I mean, I'd fallen for the Doctor, with his scruffy hair, his quirky remarks, his suit way too tight. And sure, he was hot. Smokin' hot. But I didn't know him. I knew him as different men in so many roles, I'd seen him on gameshows, but this was all on the screen. Who was to say who he was behind the scene?

And him, David himself. He can't love me, nor have a crush on me in the loving way. His side was all lust. And who's to say that that wouldn't wear off after time? Because I knew I would fall in love with him. Of that, I was certain. Not just because of who he'd played, but because I have an extremely addictive personality. And because I'd fall in love with him, would I, in the end, be the one with a broken heart?

But I can't just distance myself. Because if I do, he'll never get to know me, never have the opportunity to fall in love with me. I mean, what if we were soulmates or destined for each other? And I just walked away?

I would never find true love!

He would never find true love! He'd settle down with some actor, have three kids, and he would feel as though something were missing.

As for me? My parents would force me into some rich-and-good-for-the-company-look-how-you've-made-us-proud-one-son-one-daughter-perfect-life-big-house-boring-sex marriage and that life was not for me. 

I don't know what to do. I mean, it wasn't like either of us were exactly young anymore either. I was approaching 28 and he was 32. We aren't going to have many other romances.

This was essentially it, but was it?

Was this all in life?

I sit up and rub my eyes.I yank the covers off my bed and pad over to the bathroom where I take a warm shower that gets colder and colder because that's what I feel like.

I feel like my love for him and his lust for me is making me have a stone heart. And I don't want one. I've always been ridiculously empathetic. I've always felt others emotions as my own and I didn't want that to stop because I don't know what it feels like to be extremely happy on my own or depressed on my own or terribly angry on my own. I didn't want a stone heart where my own extreme emotions stay with me. I don't want to know.

I go back to my room, put on a black onesie with white polka dots on it and sit cross legged on the floor with my laptop and phone. 

I respond to some emails and have an email conversation with Ms Graci Jewell who was re-designing the Finlay Hotel in Paris.

"Red curtains? I was thinking more royal purple, you know? Luxury. That kind of feeling.

~Graci!"

"Absolutely not. What about grey? Like pussy willow or something?

Ms Finlay

CEO Finlay Hotels"

"Ooh! Then we could do so much with the pictures on the walls! You're a genius!!

For the couches I was thinking something like http://www.cre8tivedesignsinc.com/2013/03/navy-blue-tufted-sofa/

~Graci!"

"Which one?

Ms Finlay

CEO Finlay Hotels"

"The replacement one, silly!

~Graci!"

God, I am getting tired of this woman!

Bzz bzz. I pick up my phone from it's face down position on the floor. I open the messages and see one from David.

David: Hey lovely!

Me: Morning handsome.

David: I was thinking this morning about stuff. And I have two things to say; are we going out to find that magazine and can I play 20 questions with you?

Me: Hell yeah we can get that magazine and 20 questions? Okay!

David: Excellent! I imagine you need time to get dressed and such so let's start 20 questions!!!! (quiet huzzahs in the background)

Me: You're adorable.

David: :* Okay, first. What's your favourite colour?

"Oh. Sure. Listen, I need to do other things. Send me a picture of a room once you have it figured out and I'll pick it apart. Could you also get on the lobby? I was thinking mahogany for the desk and stuff.

Ms Finlay

CEO Finlay Hotels"

I get up from the floor, plug in my computer and pull out a pair of dark jeans, a purple tank top and a Rush sweatshirt from one of their tours a couple years ago, a black beanie and dark sunglasses.

Me: Purple, you? We're going for dark and unrecognizable when we get the magazine, yeah?

David: Yes. Um, I'd have to say either red or blue. Can't decide. Favourite body part?

I pull on the outfit, run down the stairs and grab a bagel from the fridge. I put it in the microwave for 10 seconds.

Me: Odd question but probably eyes. You?

David: Necks. I'll be outside your house in about 5. Out of the places you've visited, which is your favourite?

Me: Creep. Also, don't text while driving. That's dangerous! Um probably Canada. You?

I ate the bagel while sitting on the couch by the front window in my 'library'.

David: Canada! That's cool! (I'm so puny) I'm walking, silly. England. Where would you like to go?

I was confused for a second and then remembered he's from Scotland.

Me: Probably Scotland. :) And yourself?

David: I dunno actually... :) Scotland... You're adorable. I'm here.

Sure enough, I hear knocks on the door. I practically run to the door, open it a crack and let him in before slamming it shut.

'What's up with the secrecy?' He asks, laughing at my antics.

'They know I live here now! It's not safe for either of us!' I reply, very seriously.

'Well thought.' He compliments.

'Why, thank you.' We've both put on ridiculous posh London accents and it's hard to keep a straight face.

'Anytime, my dear. Do you need anything else?' He looped an arm through mine.

'Yeah, let me grab my purse.' I grab the jean purse from last night and shove my wallet in it.  'Let's go!'

'Lead on, MacDuff!' David says. I laugh at his Shakespeare reference. 'Misquote, actually. It's "Lay on, MacDuff" but I don't think that's entirely appropriate for the situation at hand.'

I chuckle as I peek out the door and when the coast is clear, I drag him out, lock the door and run down the street.