so i woke up. in the fucking hospital. 

"im so tired of being here already" i said out loud. 

screw this. i got out of the bed and took the iv stand with me. and walked to the nurses station.

"get me off this im leaving" i said to them

"your not leaving" the nurse said back.

and then walked me back to my room.

i kept walking and got back in bed. once she left i looked at the tv.. turned off

"im just taking the iv with me" i said getting up once again and heading for the elevator out. 

"get back in bed y/n"

"im fine i feel better i can leave" i said back

"bed"

i kept walking to the exit. i dont want to be here anymore

"back to your room" she said. she already had a bag ready....

"i fi..." she handed me the bag and i threw up. 

"damn it" i said. and she took me back to the bed. 

a few more attempts later and i was handcuffed to the hospital bed. 

i saw nico face timing me....

"yes nico?" 

"hows my sister doing"

"oh HI Y/N"

"hi gwen... anyway they handcuffed me to the bed... kinky if you ask me"

"why are you hand cuffed to the bed" gwen asked

" i tried to leave.... multiple times" 

"god damn it y/n" nico said.

i hung up the phone. and by hung up i mean i put it on airplane mode and let it say call failed. 

i watched the nurse put more things into the iv.... and about...... 10 minutes later i was knocked out. 

"hey chris"

"whats up nico"

"2 things 1. y/n got handcuffed to the bed for trying to leave. 2. when is redemption coming back" nico asked.

"1. thats funny as shit.... but now she will be more energetic when she gets back. 2. youll find out" chris said going to talk to the producers.

 nico saw duncan talking to gwen. and grabbed him and draggd him away.

"first things first duncan....what is going on with you and my sister for real"

"i mean nothing much i dont think...shes the person you should talk to"

"duncan....she doesnt tell me as much as you think she does. and i sure as hell know she doesnt tell you shit either. she could be having a breakdown and it takes me walking in to know whats happening. shes unpredictable sometimes."

"what do you mean by that"

"i mean if yall are dating... you better keep a close eye. i know her more then you do. and shes willing to kill for someone shes close with. ive seen it happen. you might have seen it when it was with conner. and she wont tell you anything. shes not an open person"

"well i think i can take care of my girlfriend pretty well."

"she gets jealous easy"

"wait y/n gets jealous easy"

"yes duncan yes she does... you couldnt tell... GOD YOUR BLIND"

"im not blind... but explain more"

"thats why me and my last girlfriend didnt work out y/n didnt like her. and she was a bitch to her. so that went out the window. shes driven by nothing but herself. meaning if you fuck up. shes going to show you she doesnt care and she wont talk to you. you better just realize that your done for.... she may never talk to you again. shes petty like that"

"so if i cheat..?"

"which you better not. she will idk how did the last person who cheated go... oh right. she brought in about 40 different guys to show him that she didnt need him."

"40 GUYS"

"yes 40. some her friends some just random club people. and he was pissed. he was a controlling son of a bitch. so thats why she did it. she finds out what can either tik you off or make you sad"

"what the fuck"

"yes duncan she gets hurt easy... so if she ever just doesnt want to be by you. its either you hurt her without knowing or someone else did. and thats on you to figure out."

"youll help me right"

"mmmm i dont know duncan. you were a bitch to me"

"mmmm dont act like that nico you were also a bitch to me"

"mm that is true duncan... but.... but nothing ill give you 2 times of my help."

"your helpful.." 

"i heard the sarcasm.... but sure whatever shes complicated. shes only handcuffed to a hospital bed"

"wait what why"

"she tried leaving multiple times..... i texted what else she did... and she said she also cussed out some of the nurses for not letting her leave"

"thats really funny"

"anyway duncan listen here family motto you hurt her me and chris will jump you. shit chris might even call your parole officer"

"thats low"

nico smiled and walked away. he hated to admit it. but he was a little manipulative.   he learned them from you. but the difference is. you dont know your doing it where he knows he is.

youve been trying to break that habit. and right now... your feeling a little down. nico forgot to mention that sometimes you hurt yourself... not physically but mentally and emotionally. 

you put yourself down a lot in your head.

and being in the hospital just brings bad things to you. you hated hospitals they were like a prison but prison was better.

you watched as chris walked in.

"hey how are you" chris spoke

"im fine i guess" you said back

"now i know your upset whats wrong" he asked

"i dont know.... i just dont want to be here anymore."

"well y/n... they told me they are releasing you tomorrow night or evening before the campfire elimination" chris spoke

"thats fun and all but im tired of being here"

thats when chris handed you your laptop, controller, and switch

"you brought me my games?" you looked at him about to cry.

"i mean yeah... theres not much to do here" 

"thank you"

"whoa hey stop crying.... youll be crying all night" chris said not knowing what to do. he hasnt helped you from crying since you were like 12

"chris.... visiting is over im afraid" the nurse said and chris left

"y/n its tim for your meds" the nurse also spoke to you expecting a ear full

"hey... im really sorry.. for how ive been acting" you spoke to the nurse

sometimes you have moments where you just want to apologize to everyone and the world... its the first stages of your breakdowns... but yet you usually felt them... you didn't feel one this time or maybe you did. 

"oh... its fine dont worry about it. a lot of people tend to do that.... and you just want to go home" she spoke and smiled.

while you were still crying. going over everything you would say in your head.

you had problems yes a lot. thats trama for you. but at the same time you were trying to work through it. 

you stayed up most of the night crying for what reason you dont know. you knew there was going to be a bigger one once you got back to camp.... 

it almost reminded you of the week before you tried to end it. you cried every night until you got tired of it. but you thought you were stronger then that this time. there wouldn't be another attempt but boy were you thinking about it. 

you just needed to get your mind off of it.... try and sleep... try and game... try and text....

try not to cry. 

just sleep.