the lapse of time. his ring is a dark silver, it's rather unique. i like it. "and it's real this time?" craig questions in his usual manner of speaking. bland. "you best believe that i got myself a mrs. mcelroy! she helps me out with the buisness side of running a buisness- she's my gorgeous knight in sexy armor." he speaks joyfully about his wife. but that's not how i remember the saying goes.

bebe seems overall uninterested, but she isn't rude at all. she listens attentively and nods her head along, but she doesn't contribute to their catch-up talk. nichole acts similarly. kenny and stan however, are over-joyed. they speak so fast i can barely see the words leave their lips. chef is unfazed. well i guess his name is charlie- isn't it?

stan reads my mind. "who's charlie- on your sign outside. it's called chef charlie's." he asks. "oh it's an alias. brings in more customers and has a better ring to it- not that i don't want my own name up on my own restaurant." he explains. if his name isn't charlie than what's his real name? i'm not going to ask.

"you guys want your picture on the pillar?" he looks around at the table to gauge their responses. it's a resounding yes. all of the current photos are of younger children, presumably those who had the opportunity to meet chef, but that does not hinder our group. we take one large photo, curtesy of a busied server and then it's tacked onto the wall with the rest of the polaroids. kenny and stan both get a personal one to take home. and then we're off. chef gives the boys a tight squeeze before we make the trek down the hill, this time in the dark.

"this fucking blows." kenny kicks a rock and watches it roll the entire length down the road. it's barely visible through weak overhead lighting from the scattered streetlights. "dude, shut up." stan shoves him a little, angered by his incessant complaining. he's had to have announced how bored and tired he was like four times already."i have to agree with stan. it's not that long of a walk; shut up." tolkien pitches in. bebe audibly laughs (even though she tried so hard to hide it) and kenny looks over with a defeated expression. he pats stan on the back and skips over to our group on the other side of the road.

"boys, am i right?" he rolls his eyes and wraps his right arm around bebe's shoulders, playfully resting his head against the side of hers. "okay kenny." she attempts to escape from underneath him but eventually gives up.

"what have you been up to?" i ask nichole once we've all finished staring at the couple's strange interaction. "well, last night me and tolkien went to this fair a couple miles out and it was so fun! we went on the ferris wheel at sunset and it was so beautiful." she answers cheerfully and pulls out her phone to show me some pictures. she's right, the sunset was beautiful. they are so cute together!

i catch up with nichole all the way until we reach the dock. turns out, her and tolkien have a bucket list that they've been working on! "i'm tired." kenny announces again as we all ride home in silence, the loud drumming the motor produces filling the air around us in place of conversation. "then sleep?" craig states with an annoyed tone. it seems like everyone's fed up with kenny today. except for maybe bebe.

"and how would i do that?" he responds flatly and craig stares at him pointedly. "well usually you close your eyes.." kenny groans and throws his head back at craig's joke. "shut up dude." craig looks over at me after kenny says this and gives me a soft smile, amused with himself.

"we're a couple minutes out by the way." tolkien tells us. his voice is quiet underneath the volume of the boat's noises, but he's still understandable and heard by the group. "let's go swimming." stan proposes to everyone. he's met by blank expressions, characterized by heavy eyelids. i guess he didn't talk over his plans beforehand. "we're literally in the middle of the ocean right now." bebe states, skeptical of his idea. obviously he didn't mean right now.

"not here bebe. at the beach, when we get back." he explains. bebe's not always the smartest, but i'll justify her comment with the fact she's also tired. which is strange considering she sleeps all morning. i will say that the boat ride is comforting though. it's like falling asleep to the news channel cranked up all the way. it's easier to sleep when your focus isn't on the world around you, and when it's solely on yourself; your breathing, your stirring thoughts. life's kind of like that too.

the motor stops abruptly, and then i notice that we are at the island's dock. we file off the boat one-by-one again. we walk down together to the end of the landing, bidding eachother goodnight. then stan runs off and splashes into the sea. kenny isn't far behind, and soon enough we've all collected on the beach instead.

i didn't wear or bring a swimsuit and i don't really want to get another day's worth of clothes wet again. bebe came prepared. underneath her red baby tee and denim skirt (she has to have at least four), was another bikini. nichole did a similar thing. how did they know there were swimming plans? i'll just sit this one out.

soon enough, everyone's in the water. it's kind of awkward standing on the shore watching them but bebe gave up on coaxing me after a minute or two.

stan and kenny completely disregarded the fact they'd have to walk home with dripping shorts and clinging shirts. currently they're doing the best to drown the other. tolkien floats around with nichole a little farther out from the other boys. they link their fingers to eachothers as they lay on their backs, never drifting too far from eachother. bebe talks with heidi and craig lingers behind them, uncomfortably turning to look at tolkien every couple seconds.

eventually stan and kenny give up on dunking eachother and face eachother civilly. together they walk closer to the shore where bebe, heidi, and craig are. kenny starts talking to the group and stan waits behind him, looking around in a similar fashion to craig. eventually he spots me and gives me a confused expression. "i don't want to get wet." i explain, yelling what i thought was loud enough for him to hear me, but his face only contorts into one of further confusion. he walks up to the beach to meet me.

"i don't have a swimsuit and i don't want my clothes wet." i reiterate. i'm not a fan of repeating myself, but i think i hate it more in theory then actuality. "what?" he responds, coming even closer and leaning forward towards me. his jean shorts are drenched and i sure hope he didn't have his phone in his pocket. "i said," is all i can get out before i'm quickly lifted off of my feet. my immediate response is one of fear, but i quickly ease as he spins around with me in his arms bridal style. we both laugh although i'm not quite sure why.

then he stops spinning and i can hear his lips part. "let's go." he whispers into my ear. i'm not sure where he's taking me, but currently i think i would let him take me down into the depths of hell. or a bedroom. not that much different are they?

we're both smiling at eachother. then he starts walking forward. "stan!" he continues into the ocean ignoring my shouts of apprehension.

i lock my hand together around his neck, resting them on his right shoulder. i will not be dropped into the ocean. he shivers slightly, from the mixture of cold water and cool air no doubt, but his smile doesn't falter. i could pretend to be angry, but i'm not. this is fun in some way and thrilling in the other. "i won't drop you." he tells me confidently. i don't believe him, but i don't say anything.

i feel like my body is emitting light, i'm humming with luminescence. i can feel the wind scampering against my skin but the sensation doesn't chill me any further than skin deep. i am unsettled in an excited, adrenaline rush, kind of way. it feels weird to essentially be floating and i'm sure if i was dropped right now i would continue floating. i might just ascend into the sky- actually i might already be there.

"are you ready?" he asks me. for what? i process quickly, and then realize his grin isn't so empathetic or caring anymore, and it's more of a 'i'm going to let you go and you're going to fall into the cold ocean'. "stan. no." i shake my head, making pleading eye contact. how could you hurt someone when they're staring straight at you, clearly understanding your harmful intentions? it's like kicking a puppy. "come on." he tries in a weak effort to persuade me. i hold my hands even tighter together.

his blue eyes look black, much unlike his new hair. he still hasn't gotten it fixed, but in a strange way it suits him. it's jarring and grunge and coveys a disinterested attitude- at least about his hair. maybe it only looks good (overstatement) because he's cute enough to make up for the odd colour.

he continued wading further into the ocean and i've given up protesting. i don't think i ever cared that much anyways. "fine. are you going to put me down?" i give in. i'm hovering just above sea level. he thinks for a moment before responding, "as you wish." he relents, bending down to submerge himself and by association, me.

the water is a lot colder than i thought it was going to be, and i thought it was going to be cold. "holy shit!" i breathe out shakily, my lungs frozen underneath the temperatures. stan pops back up to the surface, the water rippling around him as he stands up.

he pushes his soaked hair back so he can see again, and then he clears his eyes. water droplets cling to his face and race eachother downwards, beading down his body. i think my staring at him is more so of a scowl, and he notices. stan just simply shrugs in response to my discontentment. i'm not mad, if anything i'm elated. completely happy with this moment.

truthfully, sometimes i think to myself what is the point of all this? living for what sake? at what cost? and then i hang out with the people i love and for a brief moment i understand. the existence of life is proof of love; our love, their love, and the generations before. life is actually, entirely love. earth is a planet of love, created and ruined.

"i love the ocean." i tell him quietly, not needing to speak any louder thanks to our close proximity. i say i love the ocean, but it's not the ocean that is capturing my attention right now. but i think saying 'i love you stan' is too much. maybe in a perfect society where love wasn't deemed so intimate, but simply our purpose. something we owe to ourselves and everything else on this planet- then i would tell him i loved him. but then i'd have to tell the sunsets and the trees and my next door neighbor how much i love them too. and i would be the most honest i've ever been in my life.