"That's it......slowly," she softly encouraged me, whilst I felt empty and hollow with every breath I took.
Reaching the bathroom she had the bath running, grabbing a few things for myself when it's time to hop out. The water trickles down, feeling the steam emitting from the water allowing it to clear my sinuses and lungs. The midwife soon lays out some clothing, a towel and a few supplies, gracing me with a warm sympathetic expression.
"Please just......take it easy, Katsumi?" She pleaded, with an amiable manner. "I'll watch over Akira, while you recover for the time being."
Akira! I've forgotten about her again, but everything happened so fast.
Trusting the young woman, I simply nod before she opens the door. Watching her close the door behind herself, I took my ruined clothes and garments, finally sinking into the warm water slowly.
Exhaling deeply with relief washing over, I simply couldn't get over the fact I lost another life.
For the past three years living in Shiganshina, things never changed between my husband and I. What surprised me more was how much he's changed, in such little time. He's never caring and delicate anymore, never home to help, and only comes when he needs someone to and vent his rage against me. I did my best keeping a roof over our heads, food to eat and clothes to keep ourselves warm and secure.
I knew this new life of ours will be challenging, but with my daughter as my main priority.......I must do this for her......
*
YEAR 828
A gentle breeze flows down the sea of grass and flowers, as spring finally has come to blossom after the deadly winter. Freezing and food was low, we managed through it and now I'm back at the Tavern. It supported me enough for my family, especially seen my lump of a husband began wasting our money on mainly booze and whatever.
Bending down carefully, my hand rests over the baby wrap that clung from my back, supporting my one year old, second born.
Renji Yamasaki.......
He became a surprise and blessing to our home, but it also brought Akira more joy and company. She's also grown so much, running around and helping me with smaller chores. Whilst working at the Tavern late at night, I had one of my friends to babysit her and my son. It helped so much, and gave me a chance to also have time to myself once and every while.
"Momma look....look!!" Akira runs down the grassy hill, flower petals floating around her. She held a flower in hand, ".........it's bweatiful......huh? Momma?"
Bending on one knee I hum with a warm closed eye smile, strands of my raven locks drifting over my temple.
"So it is baby, do you know what that flower is called?" asking her gently, she shook her head. Cupping both her hands into my own carefully, the flower rested in her tiny palms. "It's an Azalea.....it symbolises taking care of yourself and others around you......sometimes you can give this to someone you cherish the most or care about."
Her beautiful mineral shining eyes widen in awe, "Like Big Brother Miche?"
I chuckle, "Yes, even Big Brother Miche...."
She gasps with laughter before passing me the Azalea, "Here you go, mama!"
Pecking her temple I hum softly, "Why thank you baby....." cupping her chubby cheeks, pressing smushy kisses all over. She began giggling and laughing, before I pull away. "......Now, how about we grab some food and make your favourite meal...hmm?"
"Yay!!!!!"
*
YEAR 836 - Akira's Pov:
"Come on Renji, we have to go!!!!!"
His little legs trailed beneath him, "I'm coming as fast as I can!" He whined, puckering his lips. The bits of wood clobbered together on his back, while he tried to adjust the straps to keep them intact. "You know I'm carrying heavy wood!"
Grinning ear to ear we both ran through the gates of Shiganshina, being greeted with bustling people down the streets. Surprised looks were shown to our burst of excitement, before realising the good news that has spreaded.
"Mrs Ackerman did tell us! Remember!" I excitedly panted, while we continued running down the streets. Turning the corner we ran down alleyways, before finally reaching the front of our cottage. Renji drops the wood into the wooden box, before clambering up the stairs.
Slamming the door shut we ran up the stairs, hearing people voices muffling behind doors.
Finally reaching mother's room slowing down to a halt, before watching through the slightly ajared door. Peeking through the crack, I noticed Gratia holding something in her arms. Trying to get a better glimpse, the door suddenly creaks under the palm of my hands.
"Huh?" Gratia blinks for a moment, before her expression softens. "You two may come in, and come say hi?"
Feebly we obey her and step inside while she passes mother something, before heading to the end of the bed.
Stepping closer to mom, I soon hear a tiny cry follow within her arms. Eyes widening in surprise, we both gasp in awe. Glancing up to meet mother's eyes however, she looked completely and utterly exhausted. Sweat aligned her temple, bags beneath her pale complexion, with her hair messily tied to a loose bun.
Craning her head to us both, she smiles warmly, "Come here, and meet your new baby sister," she ushered us, hoarsely. Swallowing thickly, she carefully tucks our sister in her arm. Climbing onto the side of the bed, mother gave us a better view.
A wide smile curls upon my lips, the more I take in how cute my little sister is.
"She's.....so cute!" I exclaimed, seeing cute light brown curls faintly rested flatly against her small temple.
"She's tiny," Renji commented, bluntly earning a chuckle from mother.
She nods, "Yep, like you both when you were born......tiny babies you two once were," her voice still warm and mellow, but tired was surely taking over her.
Tilting my head meet mother's gaze, "What are we gonna name her?"
"Mei.........her name will be Mei,"
Seeing her face more clearly than last she had Kenji, I soon realised something was off. She looked more frail, weaker and very malnourished in the last few days. Concern began to weigh me down, the more I watched how painfully restrained she tried to be.
Pushing myself off the bed, Gratia walks up placing a warm towel upon mother's sweaty temple.
"How about you two grab some supplies, necessities?" She suggested, hesitantly. "Just give some time for your mother to rest, hmm? We can make a nice warm soup for her, sounds good?"
Rummaging through her pocket in her dress, she pulls out a small sack of coins.
"Your mother wants you two to use this, when you go down the streets," She added, while I took gratefully. "Don't be too late, it's dangerous out there at night."
We both bow gratefully, "Yes Ma'am, and get better mother,"
"I will, take care my children,"
I really didn't want to leave her, but under Gratia's care I feel more at ease with her. Reluctantly we both headed out the room slowly, before making our way down the stairs. From there I've realised Renji's eyes on me, short glimpses of worry or staring at something.
Stepping outside at the doormat, I pause in my steps.
"If you're gonna keep staring, you might as well tell me what's bothering you," breaking the silence, he grimaces slightly before fumbling over his own words. "If it's about mother, don't wor--"
"What's that bruise on your arm?" He pointed to my right arm, that was completely covered. Did he see it? My sleeve must've hoisted slightly up, which I was trying to hide. "Don't lie to me again, and tell me the truth......!"
My jaw clenched tightly, awaiting his question as I stood my ground.
".....Did father hurt you again?"
Tears subtly stung at the corner of my eyes, that threatened to spill, as my lips slightly quiver.
"No....No he didn't--"
"Don't lie!"
"Yes!!!! Okay!" I snapped, eyes widened with anger boiling inside. In realisation I saw Renji flinch in response, but didn't move away. My expression slowly softens, lowering my eyes. "I'm sorry, but....don't tell mother about this? She's suffering enough as it is, so......it's just between us--"
"Still, he shouldn't hurt you for no damn reason!" He raised his voice, trying to get his reasoning through to me. He means well, and I know he cares deeply. "He never dares to lay a hand on me, and it's unfair! I won't accept thi--"
Placing two hands upon his shoulders firmly, I give him my most warmest smile.
"I know you care, but for now......don't worry," I assured him, before shaking the bag of coins in my grip. "Now, let's get what we need to make mother's favorite?"
He was hesitant for a moment, before giving me a weak smile.
"Okay,"
*
A FEW WEEKS LATER
"ENOUGH!!!"
Glass shattered to the ground nearby me, as things were thrown from the table in seconds within the kitchen.
Mother pleaded for father to stop, stepping her foot down while trying to be patient. Though her voice grew strong and strained with pain, he kept retaliating and was contradicting everything she said. My breath grew more shallow, while Renji was tucked under my arm, with my hands pressed either side over his ears.
"Quit patronising me!" He snapped. "Ever since you gave birth to that child--"
"Your daughter, she's your daughter!" She corrected him, her voice straining with anger. "Her name is Mei.....don't you get that?"
Mother's eyes were welling with tears, trying to hold her ground.
He scoffed, "Whatever she is, she will not be my child," swiping his hand to the side, brows furrowed with annoyance. "Why couldn't you at least bare me more sons, and be more useful, huh?"
Her breath hitched in her throat, holding a sob while I slowly guided Renji and myself further away from the kitchen.
"It's not that simple, and you damn well should know that!" She countered. "Your son is almost to turn nine.....yet, you still hurt him......and Akira is twelve years old, and not once have you shown an ounce of love or acceptance--"
"Don't you dare get me started on that little brat," he snarled, raising his index finger in front of her. His tone lowers dangerously, "She's done nothing, but bring me dishonor."
"What dishonour, huh?" Mother raised her voice, finally allowing her patience to run thin. "She's tried to hard for you to acknowledge her skills........she trained martial arts and learned everything........just so she can be ready for the cadets corps in a few months.....don't you think that's enough?"
The air grew colder to the touch, when his eyes pierces into my own.
"If I ever wished for anything....." He paused for a moment, his tone colder and threatening. ".....I wish for her to die a worthless death......because everytime I look at her......she brings me disdain, disappointed.......I wish she was never born."
My body intensely went numb, my heart stopped for only a moment. This is the furthest he's gotten, and never have I felt so weak and useless.......
Mother sent a sharp slap to his cheek, rage burning profusely across her face.
"How dare you wish death upon her!!!!" She yelled, fiercely with hot tears streaming down her cheeks.
They kept bickering and glass shattering, knowing this would only end up with him heading straight to the Tavern. He's always been like this, except this time I finally heard the truth come out, and how little I meant to him.
Is my life meaningless?"
*
YEAR 836 - 837 - AT THE CADET CORPS
Three months has passed, trained with mother and worked my best to be prepared for the cadet corps. Despite how mother was busy, nursing Mei and trying to earn a living, she managed to teach me more.
"What is your name cadet?!" The Commandant shouted in my face, forcefully and intimidatingly.
Slamming my right fist over my over my left breast, I raise my head.
"Akira Yamasaki, Sir!!!!"
"What district are you from, soldier?!"
My eyes harden, keeping myself steady and composed before him.
"Shiganshina district, sir!!!!!"
He slams his foot between my feet, "And what purpose are you here, for?!"
To prove my father my worth, but to show that women can do it. To protect what I have, and the walls.........
My eyes met his confidently, "To join the survey corps, and become strong to protect humanity!"
He nodded approvingly, "turn around soldier," whilst tapping his stick against my shoulder, I face the row behind me. "You see this young girl? A perfect example, of someone who's got guts and the blood to carry! Tch, unlike some brats, joining that damn Military or Garrison regiments just to do nothin'" he scowls, glancing over the sea of young cadets. "Tch....buncha fools you are..."
He waves his stick, heading to the front.
"Everyone you are all dismissed, the rest of yer name's don't matter just yet!"
Taking a big deep breath in, I exhale slowly and deeply trying to calm my shaky nerves.
Father's words weighed me down, ever word was like a chain being added on...one by one.......until I'm dragging heavy iron.
This is a new beginning for myself, but also the start of a new girl. For what my path lies ahead of me, I will become stronger as the years go by. This was my own choice, my decision. Other's thought I used this enlisting to my advantage, just to be pampered up.
What a load of bullshit.....envy was one thing of humanity.....
.....greed and survival were another......
.....yet, all I can do was fight and accept it.......
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