"Oh yeah? And never knowing my father is normal? Telling my friends what very little I knew about my dad and feeling so embarrassed about it is normal? Being kept in the dark is normal? Being lied to by your own family is normal? Having my mother in the hospital and never having an actual blood parent around is normal?!" I asked. I was beginning to shout with the way things were going, and I realized I was still in Kacchan's house.
I needed Kacchan and I needed him now. But he was back at school. He was angry with me. He couldn't be as angry at me as I was at myself, but it didn't matter. I needed Kacchan and he thought I could get by without him.
I was wrong.
I hadn't realized the tears spilling over from my eyes, my chest quivering as I struggled to simply breathe. Ai gathered me up in her arms and I struggled to push her away, my skin growing cold. This wasn't fair. Nothing about my life had been fair. Since the start, so why was a trying?
"I know you only had me growing up, and I wish your mother had been there too, but that's just not how it was meant to be. I love you (y/n) and I know your mother does too, and it may have been a mistake to keep this from you, but it was out of love. People can do crazy things when they want someone to feel loved and safe, we are no exceptions. I'm so sorry (y/n). No one deserves this. Especially not you."
I just sobbed. Broke down and sobbed. I collapsed into Ai's arms, finally stopping my fight against her. She sat down with me on the bed, holding my back against her chest firmly. I was slumped, nearly laid down in the way she cradled me. Tears streamed down my cheek and uncomfortably around to meet at the back of my neck. My chest hurt so badly it felt like I was having a heart attack, my body torn between squeezing in pain or finally giving up and going numb.
"I'm so sorry," Ai murmured.
She had wanted to tell me sooner, it wasn't her fault. This fight...these tears...were meant for my mom. Ai had always been there, first to know about a good grade or about the new trick I had learned with my quirk. She was always there to pick up the messy parts too. Just like now. I felt overwhelming guilt wash over the pain. She was always there, this pain was as much mine as it was hers. That was what Kacchan had been trying to tell me. It was never the same when you weren't there physically. I was wrong. My mother and I may be close, but the years spent apart could never compare to Ai. If Ai hadn't been there...I wouldn't have lasted this long. Ai needed to be the person to tell me. I wiped aimlessly at my face, rolling to my side. I squeezed around her, not daring to let go while I shakily spoke.
"Thank you for always being there," I choked and she hugged around me tighter.
"Anything for you," she replied and I let out another cry. That was all she wanted, normalcy for me. I remembered catching her say that to Kacchan when he had first come over for our project. Picking on me so I feel more normal. Little did I know how impactful that really was. I felt ignorant for not seeing it earlier. I never really appreciated Ai like I should've. She was always second to my mom, when I should've been giving her more or equal attention.
"I'm sorry," I murmured, "I know you just wanted me to feel normal. Obviously it didn't turn out that way, but you tried so hard. I need to talk to mom soon about this, but I'm glad you told me."
"I hate to burden you with this."
"It's better if I know. I'm not an ignorance is bliss kind of person. At least now I have an explanation," I said, wiping my face again. Ai handed me a tissue from the nightstand. It was still hard to take in all that I had learned about my father, but now that I had, I couldn't help but feel like all the ends were tied up.
It made sense now why I forgot him. It made sense now why I never liked him. It made sense with Kacchan too. It was something telling of my personality, which explained a lot of why things turned out how they did. Why I do what I do. I wiped at my eyes with the tissue, Ai handing me another. I didn't feel like there was something about him lurking in my subconscious and I didn't have to worry so much about him anymore. Now left the 2 bigger things in my life, Kacchan and the attacker. I had already talked to Tsukauchi and trusted he would help greatly and I was now desperate to return to Kacchan with all that I had realized.
I felt...relaxed.
"I should get back to school Ai. I had a fight with Kacchan," I said.
"Oh thank goodness," Ai heaved.
"What?"
"Mitsuki told me all about it, made me swear not to tell you I knew." I opened my mouth then shut it.
"That's fine. I just need to go back and fix some things. I feel like this helped," I said. "No. I know this helped. I'm sorry I freaked out, this makes me feel a lot better actually."
"Really?"
"Yeah. You'd think learning all the things my father has done would set me over the edge, but knowing just explains so much. I was more uncomfortable wondering," I said. She pat my head again, cleaning up my face. She helped me back to Izuku and I was sent off with a goodbye and a snack from Mitsuki. A whole new outlook from Ai.
"So?" Izuku asked.
"It's a lot."
He stared at me expectantly.
"My dad...Yoru Hatanaka. He'll never be a father to me. Abandoned me more than once. Now...made me recognize the actual people in my life."
"More than once?"
"Where do I start?"
~Caly
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