"Why is that so surprising?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because it took Clarice years to learn the ones she knows today, and you knocked out three as if they were nothing more than a light read."

"But...they were a light read."

"Of for Saint's sake – where's Siscilla's magic hands when you need them."

She stares at me in absolute horror. "I'm not sick!"

"Oh I don't want her to look at you, I want her to look after you."

"Why?"

"Because if Darius finds out then he's going to tear down another part of this forest because he's been struggling to learn just one in the past - who knows how many years, and if Clare finds out that you know more than her, she's going to need to be put unconscious before she smothers you with questions and drains your brain cells to feed her own."

"What if I want to be smothered?" Her cheeks redden with sly embarrassment.

"Why would you want to be smothered by Clarice?"

She opens her mouth to answer, but then she snaps it shut. The color in her cheeks deepens, only this time the teasing in her eyes isn't there before she lets her chin fall to her chest. Her hair dips with her, hiding her face behind its curtain. I try to get her to look at me, but she turns her head away further, chewing on her lip like it's dinner.

"Roseia. What is it you're not saying?"

"It's nothing," she says quickly.

"If it was nothing, then your conscience wouldn't be telling you it's something." She gives me a seething glare.

I honestly thought that was pretty witty of me to use her own little educational speech against her. Here she was trying to lecture me about the voices in my head, and only a few minutes later I prove to her that she was right. Honestly, I wish she wasn't. The thought of what my conscious says being my deepest thought isn't really comforting considering where they can sometimes put me.

When I still wait expectantly, she sighs and gives in.

"It's just...ever since Darius and Clarice took me and my siblings beneath their wings, I...I was left alone with Levi and Mira for so long and they took us in without a second thought. I tried to shut out what I started to feel, but after we went to the House of Jade and I didn't know whether I'd ever see them again, I couldn't shake the feeling."

"What feeling?"

"I.." Her mouth purses with the effort to share her secrets. I just wait patiently knowing that prying will only force her to keep it hidden and lie. "I had known them for only three days but - I was desperate and hopeful - and Mira and Levi were so happy that I...I realized that I held onto them.  My parents left and I was scared that Darius and Clarice would leave too, so when they kept being nice and giving us things and caring for us, I prayed to the Gods that they wouldn't let me lose them too. I thought of her as a big sister, at first, but hope turned into something more, and I... She wasn't the first to be kind to us, but she was the first to tell me that I didn't have to raise Mira and Levi on my own - and that was on the first day we met - it was like she looked into my eyes and saw my biggest fear.

"They were the first people to show me that there was hope for us to live. I thought we were going to die on those streets after our parents left. I wanted to tell them what it all meant to me the day they took us to the House of Jade, but I was scared that they'd laugh and tell me I wouldn't have parents to hold onto ever again. That it'd just be me forever."

I nod, knowing how I felt when Fauna gave me a safe space to just be myself for the first time in my life. I was unsure about it all at first too. I mean, she was only the Ebony Nightingale to me then, but there was something about the way she told me that I could trust her that made me believe it. I'm not sure if it was the promise or the way her eyes never left mine when she told me, or just a gut feeling, but I did it. I didn't sleep much that night, having stayed up to consider her words and debate if she was toying with me and would chop off my head the second I relaxed around her, or if she was being truthful.

When I woke up, I decided to choose the safe route and stick to the formal manners of all the servants. She instantly got on my ass about it and that's when I knew. Her words were like law to her, and so I let myself forget all those formal words and actions. Never once did she scold me for being me and I became indebted to her because, oddly enough, the Ebony Nightingale was the first to ever want to hear and see me. She was the first to give me hope too. 

What Roseia describes to feel towards Fauna is different from how I felt, but they root from the same thing. Fauna's ability to always bring out the best in people and then protect what they've finally told the world. I think of Fauna as a best friend and a sister. Roseia, I think, kept both Fauna and Darius at arm's length as best she could for as long as she could, but with the way she holds onto the book tighter and looks out at the forest, a plea yet again trying to bargain with the Gods in her stare, I'd say this little strong and smart girl misses them more than she cares to admit to anyone. Even herself.

"If I'm being honest," I say, turning to the leafless trees. "Clare would've laughed, but it wouldn't have been because she knew you'd never have another mother. It would've because she would've felt that she was the least qualified person for the job." She looks at me in disbelief as if the thought alone was completely ridiculous.

"Clare's never one to give herself the credit she deserves. And as far as Darius, he probably would've been scared shitless at the thought of having a child - not because he doesn't care about you - if anything, I think he's fallen in love with you, even in the short time you and your siblings had with him. But he barely handled the news of his mother being pregnant well, and he constantly worries about being completely unworthy to be a big brother. They wouldn't run away if you told them. They're just young, Roseia, and now they have the fate of the world on their shoulders and powers people keep telling them are extremely powerful.

"I'm not saying you shouldn't tell them and add to their plate. I'm saying that you should tell them in spite of all of that. With all of this madness that seems to be descending onto us, they could use all the love and family they can get. They'll be scared of the idea of having you be their responsibility, yes, but I honestly think that they've already decided that you were and that you're not going anywhere without them anytime soon - aside from the current distance thing," I amend when her eyebrow shoots upward in contradiction.

She sighs and stares back at her feet on the step below the one we sit on. "I should've told them."

"Maybe, but you'll get your chance to."

Or at least I hope she does - that we all do. Sure, we're going to beat the hell out of Fauna and scold her for the rest of her life, but we all have things unsaid to her. Despite the fact that she's the only one absent, there are many things left unsaid between everyone here and everyone in Fernweh. We have all the opportunities to tell people what they mean to us and thank them for what they have done, are doing, and will do for us, and yet we're too scared to do it and end up regretting it once we're told that we can't say the things we want to.

"I wanted to go with Alex," Roseia confesses quietly.

"You and me both. What was your reason?"

"I wanted to tell Darius, just in case..." She doesn't finish the sentence, but I hear the end of it anyways. A common fear we all had when Neven and Alex left. "Is that weird? To think of people who are not much older than you as parental figures?"

"Of course, it's not weird," I assure her, setting a hand on her arm. "Though I thought you saw Reynald as a father figure?"

"Oh, Gods no. He just reminds me of my older brother who left us after our parents died."

My jaw drops again. "Wait, you had an older brother?"

"Yeah, but he was never as kind to us as Reynald is. That's probably why I like him so much. He's the brother we never had."

At this rate, my jaw will be in a constant state of shock.

"Well, fair warning, don't go telling Darius or Clarice that. They'll ditch the fight against Xaxias to hunt him down to burn and drown his ass."

"That just makes it tempting," she says with a laugh.

I imagine the two scaring the boy so much that he wets his pants and laugh along with her. "Just a bit, yes."

We drift into a comforting silence, watching as Thomas now has a backpack and a front pack that both giggle happily.

No, I don't think it's weird that Roseia wanted to replace her parents with the first two people who not only made her feel safe again but promised to never leave her on another street. If I were her, I'd likely be doing the same thing.

Parents are hard people to replace, even harder to find someone who makes you feel similarly to the way they did. I don't remember much about my parents, but I do know the importance of them. I know that without them you feel lost. I know that while others grow up and go to school to meet their friends, and then come home to hear their parents ask how their day was, you'll find yourself wondering what you did wrong to deserve the Gods taking that from you, and then you wonder if it was all your fault. Guilt is a nasty thing, and it ate at me for years.

Fauna will likely laugh when Roseia admits her feelings, but give her a minute to get it out, and she'll be crying and cradling the girl so tightly that Roseia wouldn't be able to breathe. I know that Darius already feels responsible for them and the title will only make him feel more pressured to live up to it, but he will. He leads with his heart, and he'd do just about anything for his friends and family.

The Bhaltayr will be the crazy uncles who let you get away with anything, I'll be the aunt who slides you sweets beneath the table and takes you wherever you want to go. Lance will be that uncle who distracts his sister while you sneak out the back door to go meet up with a boy or girl, and then cover for you while you're out, and sneak you back in. Siscilla will be the godmother of our huge family, and she'll pinch your cheeks and slap your ass when you call her old. Blight and Julyan will be the people who go spy on the person you like or someone who likes you. They'll find out everything about them, and then tell you so that you can impress them with your ability to remember such things. Thomas will be the babysitter who doesn't get enough sleep but wouldn't want to do any other job.

And that's just the immediate family. After that, you got Svenja and her crew of funny savages, and then anyone else who manages to join our happy parade.

It's odd to know that within the one month that Fauna and Lance had been with us, they ended up making a family out of a bunch of strangers who only saw each other in passing. The servants were never noticed by the royals, and the healers were greatly valued but underused at times. The guards were all seen as men who didn't see enough women in their days of duty, and orphans on the street weren't given a chance. No matter how many times I say it, it still amazes me how quickly the two most feared assassins in all of Ker changed our world for the better.

"Can I tell you something?" Roseia asks after a long while of us just sitting outside and enjoying the semi-fresh air.

"Of course."

"I know what your conscience tries to make you believe, and therefore, something you try to believe deep down, but you should know that those voices can go away now because you have all of us. You were an orphan, like me, but you have a family now too. If you leave, then you're an orphan again. I don't know about you, but I like this better."

She holds my gaze, letting every ounce of honesty pour over her, and for once in my life, I don't hear the denying words my conscience has to give.