"That's not how it goes. It's still work. You can be alone, or if you wanted," Draco's insides ripped apart, "you could go for someone else. It just might not be as passionate or complete. It won't feel as good."
"And when does dating you ever feel good? I'm pretty sure there's a lot more feeling horrible and sick and stupid than ever feeling good."
"I'm so sorry," Draco started.
"I don't see a soulmate when I look at you." Harry swallowed. "All I see when I look at you is the man I've seen for the past three months. All I see is you hating me and calling me a filthy savior. I see a blank stare and eyes turned cold. I see 'Stay away from me' on a piece of parchment in my hands when I just wanted to talk to you." He closed his eyes. "All I see is you breaking down because your brain can't handle it all, and I see you in pain. Lots of pain. And I see you saying, "Why are you so damned obsessed with me.' I'm not obsessed with you," he whispered, and tears rolled down his face, "I'm in love with you. That's all I ever was! I wanted you to feel safe and loved and needed and you just thought I was going to hurt you-"
"Harry," Draco whispered, and he reached out to wipe his tears away, but Harry pushed him away.
"You want to know what I see when I look at you," he finally met his eyes and his heart burned, "I see a bloody engagement ring for Astoria Fucking Greengrass—fucking soulmate? I see you two talking at breakfast in the Great Hall, and I see you two walking each other to class-"
"Oh, Harry, you don't understand--"
"And I see you kissing her outside of charms right before Pumblechook's class, where you used to ignore me and act like I didn't even exist," he sobbed, and Draco did the only thing he could do: he wrapped his arms around him. Harry didn't hug him back. He just buried his head in his neck and weeped.
"I'm so sorry, Harry," Draco squeezed him tighter, and tears slipped from his eyes as well.
"How is it somehow you always seem to hurt me? Just no matter what you do, I'm always burned. It's always you!"
"What, you think this wasn't hard for me, too?" Draco let go of him.
"Well, you sure as hell weren't on my side of the story!"
"There are many sides to a story, Harry!"
"So you're saying you had it worse than me," Harry raised an eyebrow.
"I'm not saying that! I am not saying that!"
"Then tell me, what suffering did you have to bare? After the war, go on. After Azkaban."
"This isn't a bloody competition, Harry. I get it, you're in a lot of pain, and I understand that, but if you're asking, I didn't know... I was so confused all the time. You wouldn't know what it felt like, the way it was, but it was like I was missing half of myself. It was like nothing was whole. It's hard to explain," Draco bit the inside of his cheek, trying to think of a way to represent what happened to him. "You know when you're getting ready in the morning and you forget something, and you know it's not right and you feel really strange without it; you're looking everywhere trying to find it and you realize it's your wand? You get that satisfaction knowing you found it and that you needed it for class?"
"Erm, sure?"
"Well imagine that on a much grander scale. And imagine you not being able to find your fucking wand. And imagine throughout the day, you're searching everywhere, and you can't find it, and you can't sleep, and when you do sleep, you dream of it but it ends up being a nightmare because WHY THE BLOODY FUCK IS HARRY POTTER KISSING ME? It was like that. And my head hurt so bad, it was maddening. Pomphrey said the migraines were a part of my head trying to reconnect the memories."
"At least it didn't feel like your heart was getting ripped out! At least you could eat and drink and breathe properly! I thought I was dying!"
"Speaking of your health," Draco started, and he pushed Harry, because fuck it made him so angry, "Why the FUCK would you ever put yourself in a bloody hospital!"
"I didn't want to go! I just caught a cold-"
"Caught a cold," Draco sneered. He boiled, he couldn't even see because he was so angry. "Harry," he turned around because he physically couldn't handle looking at him. He covered his mouth and pushed back tears. "Fucking caught a cold," he shouted, and his knees felt weak. "You starved yourself! You fucking starved yourself because you found out a bloody secret of mine-"
"Why is it that every secret you have is a bomb shell? First it's that you're a bloody Death Eater, then it's that you're engaged! If you wouldn't have kept it a secret to begin with, and fucking told me, Draco Malfoy! Engaged!"
"I don't give a shit if I'm engaged or not! A hospital! I didn't know what you were doing in there! What if, " he choked. "What if you decided to... let go... What if we walked in there and you..." he let out a sob and bit his fist.
"Draco, I wouldn't!"
"Harry, you just fought a fucking war! How would we know? I asked bloody Weasel, he said he was locked out for days! You wouldn't come out and he couldn't go in. I had Granger try and break the lock but she couldn't! And you wouldn't answer! Fuck, I didn't know what to think- and I didn't even know why I was so worried about you, I just was! You had a silencing charm up and I thought you..."
"Draco," Harry breathed, and he went up behind him, almost afraid to touch him.
"God damn it," he spun around abruptly. "How could you do that! You look so sick!"
"I didn't think I would hurt anyone! I just needed to be alone-"
"That's the worse thing you could possibly do," he shouted. "You hate being alone!"
"Yeah, well I bloody hate being with you, too," Harry said but didn't mean.
"God damn it, I hate you so much! You're stupid and annoying and you push every single one of my buttons, and you piss me off on a daily basis, I get that I hurt you, but I can't help that I've lost my memory. You can help being a dick! You bring out the bloody worst in me, you do sometimes! I can't stand it-"
"MARRY ME, THEN!"
Draco froze, and so did Harry. "Excuse me," Draco asked, out of breath and almost frightened.
Harry didn't even know he said it. He suddenly forgot to breathe and an ache in his heart found its way to his knees and they were shaking. It was everything Harry wanted, and he just blurted it out in a white light and angry voice. That wasn't how he wanted to propose to Draco at all. His mind went on auto pilot, and his body went numb.
"Harry, what did you just say," Draco's voice shook.
"I said I want you to marry me," he said much much calmer, but his lip quivered.
"No, I want you to say it how you just said it," Draco growled.
"Marry me, then! Marry me if you hate me so much. I forgive you. For everything."
Draco didn't respond, but only looked at him, standing there all innocent. Draco didn't even think he could respond if he wanted.
"I want you to marry me, Draco Malfoy. I want to annoy you until you can't bloody see anymore. I want to piss you off every single day until I die, and I want to wake up next to you every single morning because I am in love with you and I cannot physically see my future with out you. For the past five months, let's face it, I've gone practically insane. That might have to do with years of abuse at the Dursleys crashing down on me; that might be because I've been running from a killer my entire life and I don't know what it's like to not be scared; that might be because I have lost so many people that I just wish I could have saved, and I deal with the guilt every time I breathe and they don't, but damn it! It's because of my stupid boyfriend that is so hard to get a hold of.
"It's because of you and your idiocy. Yes, I get my health is important to you, and I currently hate you because we should be banging each other into the mattress right now, but I really do appreciate you caring enough to drug me so that I don't have a mental break down, but I really think that you marrying me would help my health a hell of a lot.
"You are the most conceded, most ignorant, most annoying human being I have ever met. You snore, you lie about it, blame me for it, but I find that, honestly, fucking adorable. You spend hours looking in a mirror, and I just wish I could be that mirror just so I can stare at you as long as you stare at me. You barely understand what the hell just happened and how it feels right now to see you standing there as if it's all a game again and I'm going to wake up to find you sucking face with Astoria Fucking Greengrass- and don't even get me started about you never telling me about her!
"You're so fucking tall," Harry said almost breathlessly, however he used an annoyed tone, "Why? It's not fair. I can't even see over a bloody crowd and you're here like a giraffe enjoying the view. You're prissy and your bloody hands are so fucking swift and nimble, it's like you don't even have fingers, you just get shit done. Your nose could double as a box cutter, but you don't know what that is because you're a pureblooded prat who thinks so highly of himself because he was born into a rich family.
"You have made me question my sexuality probably ten thousand times since the start of this, because without you, I don't know who I would want to date or if I was gay or straight or bisexual or pansexual or asexual or any other sexual that there is because all I see is you. All I ever see is you.
"When you walk into a room, I lose every bit of sanity I possibly have. I can't see anything else, and it's so. bloody.frustrating. And you smell so nice. I swear if your cologne was alcohol, I would overdose and be dead right now. And your hair. Your bloody fucking hair. Is it even real? Honestly, your hair makes me question my sexuality within itself. Am I hair sexual? NO! I'M BLOODY DRACO MALFOY SEXUAL!
"The fucking sex within itself is incredible! You know me. You do. And the thought of anybody else touching me makes me want to throw up, and the thought of anybody else touching you makes me want to kill them. I never thought that sex, especially with you, would be so... so... fuck! I can't even describe what sex feels like with you! That's another thing I hate about you! I can never think properly!
"You don't know how to cook. You leave you clothes around as if I'm your bloody servant! You're not open minded. Your smirk makes me feel uneasy sometimes. I hate that you're a liar and you deceive me and everyone you know in one way, shape, or form. I hate you! I hate so many things about you.
"But what I hate more than you is being away from you. I hated and I mean hated that year and a half away from you! Those days in the forest were probably the worst days of my life! When I saw you at Malfoy Manor, I wanted to choke you with my bare hands because fuck you! These past five months when you were in Azkaban was worse than the war. It was like walking through hell, literally. Actual hell. I would have rather gone there than went through that.
"When you lost your memory, it felt like dying. It felt worse than the cruciartus curse, and I should know it! Every day I had to look at the back of your head in class wondering what was in it," Harry choked and tears sprung in the back of his eyes, "I had to watch you hate yourself because of the things you did in the war when I knew the other side to it. I couldn't help you! I had to watch you be hurt by other students because I couldn't defend you, because if I did, you would have hated me more that you do! I had to watch and wait and think that I could never touch you again, or hold you, or kiss you, or have a bloody conversation with you for two months! That's 61 days! Fuck! And I remember coming home from the Weasley's to find you gone with a note on the door saying there was a Death Eater on my premises, but there wasn't! It was just you! I can't even imagine how scared you were! And I can't even handle the thought of you in Azkaban!
"And fuck! Right now, I'm wearing your clothes, and I love it! I don't know why I got angry at you for seeing me naked, but I'm not! I only want you to see my naked, in fact! These things are too big for me, granted, but I find it so fucking cute! So cute! And I'm so happy you did this because you're right, these are warm and lovely and I want to wear them forever."
"What I'm trying to get at is that you have taken every single thing from me, every experience and twisted it to fit you! My first kiss, my first relationship, my first breakup, my first time, my 23rd time, laughing, breathing, existing! And you have so many flaws and so many things I hate about you and it makes me love you even more every day. I fucking hate the face you're making right now! I'm terrified that if I stop talking, that you'll say you don't remember me and us and everything we ever had, but I'm never going to forget that face and I'm going to love it for the rest of my life and I just want to kiss you so bad, so what I need is an answer.
"Draco Malfoy, will you marry me?" He waited for a response, his heart beating so loudly, he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to hear it. He waited and waited and waited, his hands shaking and tears in his eyes, because fuck he loved Draco. But then there came the answer, and it hit Harry like a brick.
"No."
Harry's face dropped and throat closed. "What?"
"No, Harry."
"W-what? Why not?"
"I want a proper proposal," Draco crossed his arms.
"You want a fucking proper proposal," Harry bit. "Fine. Meet me at the stone circle tonight."
"Really?"
"Yes. Really."
Draco reached down and smashed his face to his. "Love you, Harry," Draco whispered, feeling so safe and content and spent and warm and happy.
"I love you, too," Harry kissed him on his cheek, and pulled himself out of him. Draco thought that he was going to ask him to marry him again, but he didn't. He just climbed next to him, wrapped an arm around his chest, and snuggled his cheek into his shoulder. He whispered a cleaning spell, and did it wandlessly..He finally could do wandless spells again. Hell, maybe he could even cast a patronus!
What caused Draco to shoot up and take Harry with him was Harry's stomach growling. "I'm so sorry," Draco called, looking for the tray of food. Somehow, it had found itself right where it was to begin with: on the top of the platform where Draco put it while Harry slept. "I totally forgot! You're eating, right now."
"But Draco," Harry whined, and although his heart jump started, his eyes were still heavy. He lay back down as Draco stood, put on his briefs, and almost ran to the platform, and he climbed the latter barely, just enough to get the tray.
"Damn you and your temptation! Put some clothes on!"
"Make me!"
"Oh, I will," Draco growled and put the tray in front of him. Harry didn't move, in fact, he stretched, but still didn't move as he look at Draco dead in the eye with a smile on his face. "Put clothes on!"
"Why?"
"Because I said so!"
"Because you're afraid of getting another boner by the look of my naked body?"
Draco stuck out his jaw and cocked his head to the side. "Would you just put your bloody pants on?"
"Ask me nicely." Harry smiled, just because he could, because he was with Draco after all this hell.
Draco crossed his arms, looked him up and down, smirked a cute smirk, uncrossed his arms, wiped his bangs out of his face, took a breath, took another breath, and finally proceeded to jump on top of Harry and wrestle him. Harry tried pushing him off, laughing in the process, but Draco wouldn't budge. He reached for his briefs and tugged Harry's legs, throwing them in the air so he could force them on. Leg by leg, they eventually ended up where they should have been, somehow, because Harry kept kicking and giggling and squirming.
"There," Draco smiled, sitting between his legs. "Better."
"Not yet," Harry said.
"What now," Draco asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Just this." Harry tickled him, catching Draco off guard. Draco immediately squirmed and tried getting away but Harry grabbed him by his hips and pushed him down, Draco laughing and squealing and making the most amazing sounds.
"Stop it Harry! Stop," he laughed as Harry got on top of him and tickled him mad. "H-Harry!" He arched his back and struggled and kicked his feet, but Harry weighted him down. "Please- HA! Harry!"
Harry laughed. Oh, he laughed, and thats what made Draco want to be tickled. Harry enjoyed it. Harry was happy. Draco wanted Harry to be happy.
But he hated being tickled.
He hated it.
So, Draco grabbed Harry by his sides and threw him off, only to make him roll on top of him and kiss his neck."Damn it Harry," he laughed, and Harry wrapped his arms around his body.
"I've missed you so much," Harry smiled. He actually smiled, and Draco moved to Harry's cheek just so he could kiss it, his smile.
"I've missed you, too," Draco smiled, and he kissed his lips sweetly. "Now eat!"
"Will you eat with me?"
"Yes," Draco said, "Whatever makes you comfortable."
He pulled the tray closer to them and got off of him, but he laid on his stomach and took off the cover to reveal all the delicious treasures from the Great Hall.
"God, Draco, you didn't have to bring the entire kitchen up here," Harry said, and Draco kissed his shoulder.
"I know it looks intimidating, but I'll eat whatever you don't if that helps," Draco kissed it again.
Harry nodded, and grabbed a pastry. He moved to take a bite, but instead turned to Draco and put it by his mouth. "Bite?"
"Sure," he nodded, took a small bite, and moaned to the taste. "Harry, you need to try this. It's like a treacle tart."
"Where'd you get this?"
"I gave the recipe to a house elf. My mother used to make these. Try it," he egged him on. Harry took a bite, and it was warm and gooey and chocolatey and reminded Harry of Draco.
"Mmm. It tastes like vanilla," he sighed and took another bite.
"I knew you'd like it," Draco dragged his nose along Harry's neck and cheek.
Harry nodded and swallowed. He stared at the pastry in front of him, but lost himself in though. Draco watched him
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