"Vee, your fingers," he replies, and I look to my hand. Clearly the alcohol mixed with the adrenaline from getting Julian to his room is starting to show, and Kitsune me is fritzing out a little—my hands glow violet, brightening and dimming every few seconds. Now that I listen to my body, I can feel the energy thrumming under the surface, waiting to be released. I shake out my fingers and tiny sparks of electricity shoot onto the floor, making Allie and Lee jump back.

"You need to go outside somewhere and let that energy out, Vee," Allie says. "I should go, though. Filch already doesn't like me for some reason, and we don't want to be seen as abusing your permission by having two of us come with you."

"How will you get back?" I ask as we exit the kitchens, tiptoeing along the carpeted hallways. "You may not be able to come with us but if Filch finds you by yourself, that's worse."

"I think I can be of assistance," someone says regally from behind us and we turn—but no one is there.

"You see anyone?" Allie whispers.

"Pssssst," the voice hisses, more exasperatedly. "Up here."

We look up, and there he is.

Sir Francis.

"At your service," the knight says, bowing. His armor clangs together loudly, and an elderly lady dressed in emerald robes in the painting beside him strides over, whacking him over the head with—a lamb leg? —before stomping back into her own painting.

"Sir Francis, I haven't seen you in ages!" Lee whispers happily, grinning up at the man.

Sir Francis removes his helmet, shaking out his blonde locks dramatically before looking down at Lee and smirking. "Ah yes, Sir Lee. After Sirius Black broke into the castle and scratched up the paintings, I was a little shak—I mean, I decided my work may be more valued elsewhere. So, I took a leave of absence for the remainder of the year. I have yet to be officially stationed somewhere on guard duty in the castle, but Dumbledore gave me permission to patrol and keep watch for him."

I fight the urge to roll my eyes at the knight's savior complex, instead nodding kindly at him. "Well, Sir Francis. We would love it if you could escort Allie back to Gryffindor tower, please. We would come, but—" I stop, glancing down at my hands. Thankfully they're covered by my sweater, but if Sir Francis looked carefully he would see the faint pulsing of purple light from my fingertips. I don't want any of the paintings knowing about me, because then everyone would know—paintings are bad at keeping secrets.

"—I've got explosive diarrhea," Lee interjects, nodding confidently at his 'save'. "Yeah, Vee is taking me to the infirmary. It's like a fecal Jackson Pollock, I'm telling you."

Sir Francis nods sagely, and Allie coughs to hide her laughter. "Madame Pomfrey will be able to sort you out, Sir Lee, don't you worry. Magic hands, that woman has. Magic hands," he says, trailing off as he stares dreamily into space. Ew.

"Well, Sir Francis, you must understand that Lee and Vee have to get going, so if we could go as well, that would be great," Allie says, gesturing down the hallway. She looks over to me and grins with eyes that say, we'll talk about this all later.

The pair leave, and we turn in the opposite direction, heading for the courtyard. We walk quickly, our lumos spells bathing the hallways in a soft glow tinted violet by my fingers. Once we get outside, I inhale a breath of fresh air and instantly feel better—but I need to be in open space, I decide. I tell Lee this and we keep walking, eventually emerging into a clearing.

I roll up my sleeves and shut my eyes, letting the energy take over and making my body glow purple quickly. My limbs tingle and my lungs feel warm and I feel so much better. I conjure up tiny sparks and play with them, rolling them over my fingers and throwing a few at Lee every now and then as we keep walking. Eventually we arrive at the Black Lake, and the lake air makes me feel so much calmer. I'm mostly sober now, but the drunk-buzz and the Kitsune-buzz combined make for an interesting combination.

Lee picks up a rock and throws it skillfully at the lake. We watch it skip once, twice, four times before dropping into the inky water, and Lee seems satisfied by this, sitting and leaning against a piece of driftwood. I sit beside him, throwing a few rocks of my own and continuing to let my Kitsune side do what it wants—sparking and glowing every now and then with a comforting hue of purple.

"Okay, I'll bite. What's up with you, Lee?" I say after I turn to look at him properly. He watches the pale moon with this far away, whimsical look in his eyes. Like longing.

He shakes his head, chuckling as he runs a hand through his dreads. "Don't worry 'bout me, Vee. I'm just drunk."

"No, you're not. You barely touched the bottle. And don't tell me not to worry!" I retort, nudging him softly with my arm. "What are you thinking about?"

Lee shakes his head again, more adamant this time. "Can we not, Vee?"

"No, we can't not! What is it?"

"Vee..."

"Lee, what is it? Tell me!"

Lee grows more frustrated with every push from me, but I can't seem to stop. We've never kept anything from each other, and this silence is driving me mad. "Drop it, Venus," he whispers.

I soften. "C'mon, Lee. Please."

"It's Angie, okay?!" he exclaims, surprising himself with his loud volume. The Kitsune energy fades from the surface and I stop pulsing violet.

"Angie?" I repeat quietly.

Lee looks away, and then back at me. He smiles sadly. "It's always been Angie."

"B-but," I stutter, unable to process it. "She's with George."

Lee lolls his head to one side, looking at me pointedly. "Kinda why I'm sad." Lee looks down and fiddles with his hands, sighing deeply. A heart sigh. "I don't want to break them up. They're so happy—" he stops himself, smiling bitterly. "She's so happy."

"Why... why did you never tell me this before, Lee?" I ask, frowning.

"I did. In my letters."

I pause, remembering for a moment. "In second year, Lee."

"Well, since then—not much has changed, I guess. Also, I didn't tell you because you're with Fred."

I see his point. Me dating Fred is like a conflict of interest, I guess. Would I have done the same thing if I was in his position? Honestly, I don't know. This is why I refrain from getting more upset that he didn't tell me; I still have to say something, though. "I get it, Lee. I get why you didn't tell me—but I still wish you had. I mean, this has been going on for so long and I had no idea. I think I'm just more mad at myself for not being a trustworthy enough sister."

This sounds like me trying to guilt-trip him for not telling me, but it's really not, and Lee realizes this. He shakes his head. "No matter how good of a sister you were—and you're the best, by the way—I still wouldn't have told you. I was okay because I knew she didn't like me back, but I think when she started dating George it began to eat away at me. Honestly, I didn't realize how upset I was until everyone started talking about the Yule Ball... then tonight I was looking around at everyone and I realized I'm the only single one, and I don't even have a date."

"Harry and Ron don't have dates," I respond quietly.

Lee rolls his eyes, leaning his head back against the log. "Harry and Ron are pre-pubescent, and besides... Ron is all subconsciously hung up on Hermione, and Harry's too busy drooling over Cho. They don't count. Plus, you know what I mean."

"Yeah," I reply, sighing softly. "Yeah, I do."

Lee looks up at the moon again and picks up another rock, tossing it into the water with force. "I feel better talking about it. Man, I just feel so guilty as well. Having feelings for my best friend's girlfriend?"

I nod. "It would make you a worse person if you acted on it."

"I would never," he replies immediately, shuddering. "Doing that to George? No. Plus, Angie wouldn't either. Why disturb the peace? They're happy."

"So, you don't want to tell Angie at all?" I ask.

"No, no," Lee says. "Look, the way I see it, if I tell Angie it'll seem like I'm trying to get in between her and George— and it would seem right. If she's happy, I'm happy."

A pain goes through my heart when I see his expression. "But you're not happy," I murmur, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Lee shivers, but not from the cold. Slowly, he shrugs my hand off and looks up at the moon again, lifting his head and resting it on the log once more. "I guess not," he says softly. From my position next to him in the darkness it's hard to make out, but I swear I see a tear slip from his eye. He looks away and wipes his face, forcing himself to smile instead. It's an empty smile.

"Lee..." I say, trailing off. For once, I'm at a loss for words.

"It's fine, Venus. Really," he says. "I've had these feelings for Angie for years now. Long before you came. Every now and then, it just hurts more, that's all."

I watch him for a minute longer before I look up into the vast black sky, peppered with specks of pure, white light. The moon is almost full, and it illuminates the inky water which reflects softly—like a caress of a long-awaited lover—onto my brother's face.

In moonlight, black boys look blue.  

(yes, i  know, we will address the pain i *hopefully* just made you all feel, but first...)

you know how in the last chapter i said when i hit 50k i'd piss myself? well...

I'M AT 55 NOW!!!!!!

the wattpad algorithm works hard but my readers work harder :')

you've all heard the acceptance speech shit from your authors 3832083 times by now, and i always used to think they were BS, but now i get it. i'll never be deserving of the praise you guys give me, even just reading my story is a feat in and of itself. i'll probably get more sappy at 100k, so if you want to see how i write when i'm sobbing, recommend this to your friends :) anyway, on with the A/N!

1) so... uh... what did i have for breakfast today? uh.... KIDDING! i feel like we should probably address the whole making-Lee-be-in-pain thing. First i should say canonically Lee is attracted to Angie, aaaaand this has been planned since i decided to make Angie a secondary/main character (to any Angie fans, yes, she will have more prominent scenes in the future - but only if you want them)

2) i didn't want to get too into that whole scene. i had a very clear image of it in my head so i hope i did it justice... i'm kind of tired (and i think you all are too) of Vee realizing things dramatically and being like 'something's coming' and all that shit... i wanted this to be a filler chapter more or less but with actual humour to advance the plot, and i was about to do something ELSE to Vee and her friends in this chapter... i decided to wait.

3) I also decided to split this chapter into two- we were originally going to keep going but then i was on a roll and realized i hit 5k words no problem. we're getting back to longer chapters (hopefully) people!

4) why am i getting back to longer chapters, you ask? ITS BECAUSE I'M FINISHED SCHOOL. that's right, i broke up for christmas holidays on Wednesday and all i've been doing is writing music, writing Chaos and catching up on The Flash. and it. is. amazing.

5) i had finals so i had no time to write at all, but it's also good because a) it makes me appreciate writing - and you guys - even more :) and b) my grades actually ended up good??? not to jinx myself here kids but i'm on a roll this year. 

6) btw, remember our not-so-favourite musical director Lisa? remember how she's gone? WELL, we officially approve of her replacement. Darren. he is very very nice, very very good at his job, AND he lets me eat cookies while we block songs :') he really... gets my vibes

7) i decided to make mandrake seeds smell like skunks because i feel like when JK Rowling was making up magical creatures and their abilities she was HIGH AS A KITE and was like spinning some wheel or something, like: "okay and now... hmm... it's gonna be called a boggart... and it's gonna... morph into people's deepest fears. far out."

8) GUYS I BARELY REMEMBER MY OWN STORY AND ITS HARD TO KEEP TRACK OF WHICH CHARACTERS WE'VE SEEN, WHICH WE HAVEN'T ETC. who do you want to see that we haven't seen a while? is there anything you miss from old chapters? comment here! i was gonna make the squad play a good ol' game of paranoia or truth or dare, but i realized i had no tea for them to spill... careful though, a pot is brewing :)

9) i'm so excited you all have no idea... guess why.... anyone guessing... anyone reading... nope... oh well. IM EXCITED FOR NEW YEARS EVE. i love new years eve. so. much. christmas? we like her. Halloween? don't mind her. Thanksgiving? antiquated and rooted in  colonialism but go off i guess. New Years? no rules, no regulations, no expectations. you know what the funny part about new years eve is for me? it's never even that good!!! like all my New Years Eves have been mediocre at best, and yet i still look forward to it EVERY SINGLE YEAR. the mark of a good holiday

10) i know i'm rambling but you all can fight me.

11) you remember that photo of an arctic char i put on a recent chapter that i was losing my shit at? yeah, it's a meme now. i sent it to my best friend and she edited a photo of me crying over a fisherman holding an arctic char, and now both my mum and my brother have it as their screensaver. btw, the fish's name is arctic charlie. hehe.

12) speaking of memes, CAN SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE CHAOS MEMES I BEG OF YOU. i mean, good, funky fresh memes. i'm talking vine references, i'm talking reaction pics (the shocked pikachu one being a personal favourite), i'm talking LITERALLY rolling on the floor laughing. make them, send them, i'll make them the covers for chapters, you'll get famous and go on Ellen. it's a win win. 

13) i got another tattoo yall and this one i didn't do myself :') it's two diff types of leaves wrapping around my right wrist with a snake intertwining through it. it's super thin and fine lines and it looks fucking SICK sorry chief called and said this is it guys

14) YES THE LAST LINE IS A MOONLIGHT REFERENCE BECAUSE IT SPOKE TO ME AND IT'S BEEN IN MY NOTES SINCE I DECIDED I WAS MAKING THIS SERIES ABOUT THE JORDAN TWINS :') IT HAS A DOUBLE MEANING IN THIS CHAPTER THANK U, NEXT

15) i just found Tim & Moby fanfiction and now I wish i was Jared, 19

SONG: Water Fountain by Alec Benjamin. Guys i found this song literally this afternoon, i have played it 23 times and can play it on three instruments, and i am booking tickets for alec benjamin's concert in April. that's how much i love it. listen to it while you're reading the last scene. read it and weep girlypops

oh, and also... happy holidays!!!!!!! i hope you all have a super festive break and more importantly a VERY happy New Year :) 

-Em

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12.23.18