Y/n L/n was staring off at the distance on the roof of pk academy, they were gazing at the beautiful candlelight hues of the sunset that had just begun to show itself, in a weird way she related to it; during the day the sun was scorching hot and utterly uncomfortable but in the sunset, it was perfect not to hot and not too cold it felt comfortable.

the noise of the rooftop opening surrounded the small area but Y/n ignored it, they were too invested at the sight before them "Y/n, a-are you okay?" A meek voice stuttered, The (h/c) haired individual finally took the time to look behind them only to notice Shun Kaidou with a worried look on his face. 

He walked closer to Y/n, before standing directly beside them. His short arms reached out to put a comforting arm around their shoulder. Since kaidou was shorter he had to use his tip-toes to reach Y/n's full height, The (e/c) eyed person chuckled slightly at this. Since the height difference would be a problem Y/n and kaidou sat down on a nearby bench not too far from where they once were. 

The bench wasn't all that comfortable it was made out of wood and painted in cheap white paint, Y/n could even notice small portions of the paint chipping off. Kaidou was gently inching closer to Y/n before pulling them towards himself, before he knew it Y/n was already resting their head on his shoulder, but this comfort didn't make them all that happy their face was glum and bitter.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kaidou asked sounding more serious than usual, definitely knowing that something is going on, whatever it might be. Y/n stared straight ahead, lost in the whirlpool of thoughts that were racing through their mind. This feeling, this agonizing feeling in their gut, that terrible feeling they've felt so many times already, was now present in their stomach it was churning. They hated this feeling so much, but they were stuck with it, just like how they were stuck with themselves.

After a few minutes of silence, kaidou spoke up again. "Y/n, please, tell me what's going on. Maybe I can help. I won't know what you're feeling unless you tell me." He speaks softly and with love, which almost makes Y/n want to cry. It's not like they don't want to tell him, hell, there have been so many times where they had almost told him. But it's hard. Especially since they didn't know how he'll react.

He reached out and gently began to stroke Y/n's hair, his hands were firm and manicured in midnight black nail polish. Y/n took a large shaky, deep breath, before pressing their face in his neck and asking softly, "What would you do if I say I wish I were born a boy?"

Kaidou didn't speak, but he also didn't stop stroking Y/n's hair. Instead, he pulled Y/n in a little bit closer to him. After a short moment of silence, he asks carefully, "Is that why you've been wearing that binder?" Y/n's eyes widen slightly before falling He saw?, "Y-yes..." they admitted a tint of blush covering their cheeks, Y/n began to look at the ground from the feeling of embarrassment. 

"I'm sorry.." Kaidou didn't say anything, He just smiled softly before lifting Y/n's chin forcing them to face him "You don't have to be embarrassed". Y/n simply smiled at him sadly "I know, it's just... not easy" the (h/c) colored person started fiddling with their fingers "they- I'm envious" kaidou raised his eyebrow's in curiosity, "You feel jealous?" the blue-haired boy asked "i-in a way, yes" the confused person stuttered.

He once again raised his eyebrows. "How?"

Y/n straightened up, pain and misery on their face. "The past few years, I've been wishing I were born a boy. Being jealous of men. People with flat-chests, people with masculine features, people who can look feminine but still look male, people who are not considered 'she'. I've been so jealous of them, it's agonizing." 

"This pain in your heart when you know you'll never have what they have. There's a reason why people call it gender envy. I envy their gender and the aura around them. I want to be a boy. I want to wear t-shirts without a bump, I want to have short hair, I want to be a boy with piercings, painted nails, and chains. I don't want a small waist and broad hips, I would be grateful even if I were built like a straight plank. I don't want people to consider me a girl. I want an adam's apple, I want visible veins on my arms and I want toned arms."

Y/n stopped to catch their breath they didn't dare to look at kaidou's face, they were too afraid of the expression on his face. "But I'm stuck with this." they gestured towards their own body with hate. "the sin of greed would fit me well." Tears begin to well in the corners of their eyes.

"kaidou, I really can't stand this. I want so many things, but it feels impossible. It feels like I'll never be truly myself. I'm scared of other people's opinions, but I also couldn't care less if people know I'm trans. I'm proud of the fact that I'm trans, yet at the same time, I absolutely detest it. I'll never be cis, I'll never have a natural deep voice. I'll need to have procedures if I want to get rid of this feeling. But who knows, it might not stop this feeling. Am I feeling dysphoric, or do I just hate myself in general?"

Y/n clutched their fists into a ball while looking at their lap.

"I don't know anymore if I'm doing this for attention or if I'm really feeling this way. What if I'm just doing this-"

Suddenly kaidou cuts them off. "Don't you dare say that-!" He grips their shoulders, looking at Y/n's face with fury. "I can't relate to what you're feeling, but don't you dare say you're doing this for attention! The pain on your face speaks louder than words."

their eyes widen and then slowly began to narrow, and tears start to roll down their cheeks. Y/n gripped his shirt and rested their head against their chest, sorrowful wails escaping from deep within them. "Kaidou, I really don't know what to do anymore. I hate this feeling, but I can't seem to get rid of it!"

He stroked Y/n's hair, "I know, sweetheart, I know." he pulls them into a hug. "I can't change the fact that you're feeling this way, but know that I'll do anything to help you, okay? I still love you, and I will always do. I can go with you for a haircut, and I can see if I can make you look more masculine with make-up. I'll go shopping with you, okay? So, please, don't cry. If I can make it happen, and you want it, we'll make sure you get top surgery or start hormone therapy. Okay?"

Y/n sniffed before nodding. "Thank you... that means a lot to me."

Kaidou smiles softly. "Of course. I'll support you all the way, so no worries. Nobody is going to hate you for this."

"Hm." they wrapped their arms around his chest. "Thanks."