Here. It's coming again.

You can feel it. Those ugly feelings crawl under your skin, poisoning your mind and heart, rendering you unable to think clearly.

They're slowly, steadily crashing onto you as the hour's pass, and you are unable to stop it, unable to put an end to it. Why would you be able to now? you could never before; there's no reason for you to be able to stop them now

you look into your phone. you want to talk, so, so badly, but the chat is filled with Kaidou's and nendou's gentle banter and they're still talking right now and you really don't want to come and ruin the mood and make them worry about you again, no, no, not again, please, no...

your heart tightens in your chest as your eyes burn and fill themselves up with tears you are barely able to hold. They fall down your cheeks and you let yourself sink on your bed. The cold pillow soon starts to warm up.

Calm down. Don't think about that. Try thinking about something else...

you repeat those words on a loop in your head. you try, you try so hard, but your mind is locked in a sudden masochistic spree, which keeps bringing you back to the reason for your silent suffering.

What a stupid reason to be worried anyway. you try to convince yourself. It hurts all the same.

you're stupid. A moron, and an idiot. Why must you care so much? Why must your mind always wander towards the negative side? Do you like suffering that much? Why? Why? Why?

I'm such an idiot. I'm stupid. I don't want to worry. I want it to stop. I don't want to feel like this. I want... I don't want...

What if...

I just disappeared?

"Y/n?"

you jolt, startled by a voice, you look up to see who it was "saiki?"

Then you realized you had rolled onto your side and started hugging your knees. you don't budge, not even when saiki sits on the bed beside you.

A small hand gently pats your head and cradles your face. 

his fingertips are cold.

"What happened?" saiki asks softly.

his thumb brushes a tear away. you open your mouth, yet it takes a moment to let out some words.

"I... feel like nothing can go well," you say with a hoarse voice.

your eyes dart to observe his face. 

saiki's pursing his lips.

Ah, here it comes.

A reprimand. saiki's going to be annoyed and scold you, right? Right? For being so foolish, for being so idiotic. For not keeping your emotions in check. For letting yourself be overwhelmed by your emotions.

you deserve it.

... Right?

But the reprimand never comes. Instead, he dries a tear away and caresses your cheek with renewed tenderness. His palm feels a little bit warmer than his fingers.

he leans on you and kisses you softly on your forehead.

"Don't worry. Everything is going to be alright," he whispers in your ear.

When they separate, you can see his smile.

Saiki is smiling. At you. And you can see so many things in that smile: care, trust, warmth, tenderness, bottomless affection, infinite love. Love.

your heart begins to hurt a little less. But you don't know for sure if you're really reassured. At the very least, you finally calmed down.

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hey everyone, I've been having such a shitty day and I can't handle it so I decided to update my book, enough about me, how are you guys? tell me anything!

(sorry for the short chapter!)