53. he froze

'You love me?'

Her hesitation was evident in her squeaky voice. What James mistook as surprise, was actually nothing but a question to reaffirm that he did love her.

And James didn't hesitate even for a second.

'I sound like a stupid person, don't I?' James chuckled, smiling genuinely as he met her teary eyes. 'It's the truth, Rae. I love you. What started as a silly attraction grew all the more to infatuation and now this. I'm sorry, you didn't have to go through such an awkward confession, but now that I have already made a fool of myself, might as well finish what I have to say.'

Rae held her hands, nervously, her heartbeats were pacing and as much as she wanted this to be awkward or stupid, it wasn't. Truth be told, she felt warm, amazed and a little more closer to what was happening in her own head. Mika lay his head on James's shoulder, eyeing her cutely, not helping her case at all.

James looked confident now when he was finally speaking up, no stutters, no nervous encounters, nothing. A simple smile, a straightforward answer, while she definitely was a nervous train wreck.

'I admit, we didn't have a good first meet.' He started, eyeing Rae, and although they were in a secluded corner of the animal ward, she felt as if she was on the moon. 'In fact, we had a very bad start, with me being a snob, and you hating my guts. When I saw Thomas so involved with you, I was a bit concerned whether he trusted the right people or not. People used everyone for clout lately, I thought maybe T was being used too but I was wrong. And thank God I was, because I met you and his friends. And although I felt at ease with the others, there was something about you that plainly intrigued me. I don't know what, till date.

'The more I got to know you, the more interesting you seemed. Every encounter with you only kept me on my toes, eager to know you a little more. And when my curiosity switched into attraction, I didn't know. All I knew was this girl just is something and all I hoped was to have a decent conversation with you but you made me so nervous and I've never stuttered in my life. Yet, whenever I tried speaking to you, I either hesitated like an idiot or spoke offish things which often was misinterpreted. This is one of the main reasons I wrote to you and didn't tell you. Being around you, even now, made me nervous. When you cried the other day, it was about your ex I suppose, I never knew someone else crying would make me feel miserable too.

'And I've only grown more attracted to you ever since you walked in my life with the eggshells on your hair and bloody murder incantation on your lips. I tried, Rae, I swear, I tried to leave. I tried on multiple occasions to not be around you or stop feeling for you, and when I was determined to leave you, that kiss happened. And the fact that you considered it as a mistake, hurt. All I knew was I was too deep in this and I still completely respect your decision and would never force you to be in a situation as this, but you must know that I cannot keep these feelings buried. If I'm being honest, I rather come out clean and you and me can part away tomorrow like nothing happened. In fact, I'm pretty sure we're not crossing paths anyway.

'All I had to say is that I really love you. And as much of a strong word that is, I know that you deserve a lot better and nicer things in life. Everything I've done so far, was all for you, you must know that. And don't worry, you won't have to awkwardly face me again, I won't be coming at Alex's for the next two days of your stay, so this way you don't have to face me or feel guilty.

'Just believe you're amazing, believe you're worth it and believe you're always loved. Because I will always hold onto you, always.'

Rae sat back with a sigh, playing with the lamp light as she contemplated on everything James confessed to her. Her finger kept switching the lights on and off, as she sat alone in the apartment and pondered on what was happening.

Imane and the others would arrive the next day from their camp, they weren't yet informed about Mika because Rae didn't wanna trouble them or anyone with this. Mika was okay now and that was what mattered.

All she thought right now is that she wasn't only lying to James about her completely changed feelings, she was also lying to herself.

She was robbing her and him of a possible future together and never had Rae felt so bad about her decision than now. It was past ten at night, and she was tired, but all she thought about was how much she needed James with her.

She couldn't live a lie.

She was Rachel Hofstetter for goodness sake, if she wasn't true to herself then she'd never be able to face herself.

And with that thought she walked out of the apartment, all she had to do was tell the truth.

_

James felt not miserable for once in these few hectic days, and now that he had outed his confession, he felt lighter and better.

Although he had work pending, he clicked his tongue, shutting it and headed to the kitchen to make something for himself. It was ages since he had time to cook something for him and he was admittedly a very good cook.

Smiling and humming to a lost playlist, he cooked for himself, feeling extremely proud. He switched on the huge never used TV in the living room and sat back with a glass of wine and his cooked food while he watched an old 90s sitcom which Momo often loved.

The bell rang when he was about to remove the brownies from the oven, and James wondered who it could be as he opened the door, his eyes still pasted on the sitcom, not wanting to miss the joke.

The bell rang again, twice as James opened the door, 'Patience, geez...'

But he stopped mid-way when he saw his favorite shorthead standing in front of him, hands entwined and looking extremely eager and nervous.

'Rae, what...'

She shushed him, taking a step closer, 'I am not going to say this again, so you better listen at once.'

He switched the TV off via Alexa, as Rae gulped, 'You're scaring me, Rae. What is it?'

Rae sighed, shaking her head, as she met his gaze. 'I cannot fight this feeling anymore, I cannot keep fighting with myself any longer, I'll collapse.' She took another deep breath, James completely lost. 'And, I've never been against myseld, I've never argued with myself ever. This is all your doing.' She said, pointing her finger at him. She then her narrowed her gaze at the set-up behind him, with the movie and the dinner.

'What? What do you...'

'And the audacity, to keep me in chaos while you relax here with this fancy dinner and a movie?' She sternly said, as James nervously gulped.

Her death glares were pretty dangerous.

'I am sorry, I didn't know you'd be interested...' He was pretty much lost for words, not understanding anything.

'Do you even know how much anxieties and stress you've given me lately?' She took a step closer, intimidating him and that tiny girl made the tall man take a step back. 'And this was supposed to be my vacation and you've completely made it into a dramatic sitcom.'

'You... I don't understand...'

'Oh you don't understand, do you?' She mocked him, completely losing her calm. 'You.. you... you're a... seriously? You tell me you love me and then sit back here, chilling while I'm drowning with my stupid overthinking thoughts... how dare you mess with my head, this way?'

James gulped, rubbing his neck nervously with his hand. 'You can join... for dinner?'

'I don't want your petty dinner invite.' She ranted, her nose flaring with anger.

'I'm completely confused then, because why else are you here?'

'BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, you dumbass.' She said, eyeing him as he stood frozen. 'I fucking love you, too.'

_

A/N

Finally. For the love of Bingus.

These two are such a headache.

Rae and not a dramatic proposal? Impossible.

Vote. Comment. Share.

Video: Rae and Ash killing Soni in Rust. It's too funny.

Also, how dare you'll chose James over my sweetheart Sykkuno? So easily you'll forgot about the owa owas, and the braincell and the Oh Jesus?!

I'm flabbergasted. Whatever that means.

Damn.