47. he quit

'I don't feel anything for you.' She gulped, fisting her hand which rested on either side of her short form. Her breathing was as normal as could try, although she really was feeling very nervous. 'That kiss was a mistake.'

Firm. Bold. And a very good liar.

Rachel Hofstetter was exactly as her kindergarten teacher described her to her mother. And right now as she stood in front of James, the guy who was awfully still, she firmly looked him in the eye.

There was no point in stretching something that wasn't going to happen. And, if the other end meant she losing Sykkuno's friendship, then she didn't even wanna try.

And better finish something now than wait to stop it from getting more messier, right?

She looked at James, hoping he'd be okay, expecting a very mutual and calm encounter and an end to whatever happened between them. Even though it had just started, and she wasn't sure why she couldn't get him out of her head.

It had been a day since their weird kitchen encounter and it took her an entire day to come up with a conclusion. She didn't even know whether she felt for him, and what she didn't know, she didn't wanna venture more on.

Imane wanted to make sure she was in on this plan, whether she was sure on leaving James and her confused feelings out without even understanding them but Rae hadn't heard a single thing. She wasn't sure on how Sykkuno would react to it and knowing how James and he share a tainted relationship, she didn't wanna taint her friendship too.

'You sure, Rae?' Imane sighed, pressing her lips in a straight line. 'Because, if you actually like him, and he does too, I don't think Sykkuno would have any problem with it.'

'You don't understand Imane.' Rae shook her head, not understanding herself. 'Firstly, I don't know whether I like him. It was just a kiss. Second, Sykkuno will be affected by this. I know him.' Rae took a deep breath. 'And, I cannot have this messy feelings again, Imane. I...' She gulped, close to crying. 'I cannot have another broken heart to tend to. Okay. This is just not for me.'

'Rae, Xavier was an asshole. James isn't.'

'How can you vouch for that?'

'You can't. But, then that's the best part isn't it. Trusting each other along the way...'

'Well then, Imane, I don't trust myself. I don't.' Rae was determined, she wanted nothing more. 'And I am ending this before it ignites further.'

What sounded so much better and firm just last evening, was thousand times harder now that she faced James. She had texted him, told him to come up on the terrace of the building and before he could even greet her, she straightaway told him what she had rehearsed.

James stood quizzically, his hands in his pockets and his breathing firm, his demeanor was so different and difficult to comprehend. Rae wasn't good in reading people's faces, and James was all the more tough.

There was a mere silence of a minute or two, which felt like eternity to Rae. She hoped that he'd say nothing, understand and leave, her fingers crossed. Although her stance was completely giving confident vibes, her insides were in a huge turmoil.

James took a deep breath and stopped examining the girl across from her. To say he was broken was an understatement, but he had been broken before and this was nothing. Although, he knew he was fooling no one but his ownself by stepping in the same mess all over again. He knew the consequences, he knew the effects and he, in all his consciousness, agreed to go with it.

And here he was.

Once again, withdrawn.

Alone.

'And before you say why,' Rae answered a question he wasn't going to ask. 'It's...'

'It's Sykkuno.'

She was startled to hear him answer, a subtle humorless chuckle in his voice. She noticed the disappointment lacing in his voice, she noticed that this was the first time he addressed his twin as his streaming name.

'James...'

'Save it.'

Of course it was because of his twin. James could understand why this was a red flag, because as much as it hurt, he knew Thomas was more attached to Rachel than him. And James knew how much his twin adored this girl, she was like a comfort place, a safety blanket to his socially awkward twin.

'It's cool.' James smiled sadly, running his hand through his messy hair, trying to tuck it. Rae knew it wasn't cool, not even close to being cool and it just hurt. 'I get it.'

Rae knew he would be hurt, of course, he liked her. But why was she hurt? Why did she feel like the most miserable person on the entire planet? Like, she'd pained a part of her than him? Like she was only hurting herself in this process.

'It's just... Sykkuno means a lot...' She rambled, completely panicking and hurt. 'And I don't even know what's happening between us and...'

'And, there's nothing between us.' James smiled at the anxious girl. 'You're right. Even I don't know what was there, but I know T wouldn't like this.' Rae stopped her nervous rambling, 'And this will stop, I promise.'

With that he stepped back, a slight nod, a fake smile and a heart clenching burial of emotions, and he was gone.

He should have known better than getting heartbroken by the same woman twice.

_

'Tough day?'

Rae looked up from her cell to Imane who sat on the sofa besides her. She made some space for Imane to sit and then placed her head on Imane's lap.

'I hate this.'

'You did what you thought was right, Rae.' Imane massaged her head, as Rae buried her face in Imane's lap, hugging her.

'But it feels so wrong, Imo. So much wrong than I expected.'

Before Imane could comfort her, Alex walked on them from his room. 'Sometimes I feel I'll lose you to Rae, Imo.' Rae chuckled, Imane smirking at the suspicious guy. 'You both always scare me.'

Rae sat up, 'That's right Alex, you hurt my girl, and Imma steal her.' She said, and Imane nodded, seconding that. 

Alex narrowed his gaze at the duo and them glanced at his mobile, completely taken aback by the news.

'Fuck.' Alex spoke aloud, 'James quit the plan. Argh. He bailed out from the weekend trip we agreed upon.'

Where Alex was dissappointed, Rae and Imane shared an eyelock, knowing why he must have done that. 'He's not picking my calls! That son of a bitch cancelled on the one plan we ever agreed on!'

'I'm sure he must be busy.' Imane vouched, sweetly, easing Rae's miseries.

'I know, babe.' Alex shook his head. 'That man's always busy you know. In these three years that I know him, he's always busy, always working.' Alex said, feeling bad for James not joining them. 'He's never taken a break for himself. And I thought we were friends... I swear he's going to take that laptop to his grave.'

'Alex, come on.' Imane waived his dramatic sighs. 'James is a busy man... he must have some work.'

'What do you mean he's never taken a break for himself?' Rae asked, meekly. Her soft small voice making Alex a bit curious, yet he ignored that.

'He's always worked since forever, you know, always preoccupied with work. Hardly gone out ever. Even on Sundays, he's working.' Alex shrugged, shaking his head in disapproval. 'The one time he agreed to come out and here we go... I wonder what happened. '

Imane looked at Rae, who buried her face in the stack of pillows, feeling much worse than ever now.

'I wonder too.' Rae said, hating herself right now.

_