26. she cried

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26. she cried

Rae scanned through her instagram, liking few pictures, commenting on some and then she tweeted out on twitter about her anxious feeling.

'Um, how you liking Las Vegas so far?' James asked, breaking the long silence.

More like awkward silence, Rae wanted to add.

'It's good. I mean, I'm not used to such a chilly weather. It's extreme here. I'm just used to mild temperatures of LA.' She replied, rummaging through her texts. 'What about you?'

That just came off as a quick reflex, she actually didn't care but now that the question was out, she might as well act like she did.

'Oh me, I am not from around here.' He replied, riding through the chilly foggy road. 'My company's at Washington. And I've lived in Washington my whole youth.' He said. 'Came here for some work.'

'You say like you're some 60 year old.' Rae replied, looking at him. 'Aren't you like, 28?'

'Yes.' James replied curtly. 'But I feel like a 60 year old.'

'That's because you act like one.' She replied, laying her back on the seat, her eyes still directed towards him.

James raised his brows, halting at a red light. 'What do you mean by that?'

'You know what I mean.' She replied, tilting her head at him, her gaze only on him now that she pocketed her phone. 'You are always working, always behind that laptop, you go to vacation and still work and you didn't even socialize yourself with anyone. Ever.' Rae said, her voice laced with pity and disappointment. 'And on occasions where people did want to socialize with you, you shooed them ever by being all grumpy and mean.'

James eyed the road ahead, even though they were halted at a red light he didn't glance at the girl who was stating facts. On seeing him all silent, she assumed he didn't have any further replies to her statements and she looked outside her window, hoping the ride would soon end.

The starbucks became visible, and Rae was ready to leave the awkward tensed environment and when she was about to unbuckle the seatbelt, James spoke.

'This isn't easy for me.' He said, his cold voice a little more humane as Rae faced him.

She saw his black eyes pierce into hers, and waited for him to continue.

'I don't socialize. I don't mingle and mix with everyone quickly.' He said, his determined voice back again and he sighed. 'Talking and making myself comfortable with strangers isn't exactly a cup of tea for me. It's... it's just not that easy. I find it extremely uncomfortable.' He spoke, pressing his lips in a straight line.

Rae shrugged, 'Well, I get that.' She said, a smirk on her face. 'But you don't have to get rude about it. I mean, I understand not being comfortable with unknown people.' She opened the door and stepped out as James watched her. 'But being an introvert and being standoffish, is two different things.' With that she shut the door slowly and moved in the starbucks cafe as James watched her, his eyes solely focused on her, his mind contemplating what she said.

And with a sigh, James left.

_

Think about something you love when you feel extremely sad.

That's what her high school guidance counselor told her to help her class with quick crying relief and Rae shut her eyes as she thought about Mika, the plant in her bathroom and her precious garbanzo beans but she wasn't happy at all.

Tears strummed down her cheeks as she sat outside in the balcony in the dark, trying to fathom what happened that day.

The meeting with Xavier was absolute chaos. He said his side of the story, she got angry on his petty act, he then pleaded for them to get back, she denied and then they had a pretty backlash of a stupid argument.

'You cheated on me, Xavier! You cheated on me.' She said, rather softly because even though they had booked a special corner booth for them, she didn't wanna let out something as serious as this to the world.

'It was a mistake.' Xavier held her hand on the table. 'I was drunk and...'

Rae pulled her hand away, 'And being drunk does not give you the audacity to cheat on someone? I mean, what gave you the right to sleep behind my back with your best friend? Like, is this my reward for trusting you a lot?' She asked.

Janet was right, she had to confront her feelings and finish this once and for all.

'Can you really blame me though?'

'What?' She asked, appalled. Her hands gripping the coffee mug hard and if was just a little more hefty, she'd break the mug. 'What did you say?'

'Oh come on Ray. You're always fucking busy with your streams and your over popular life. We cannot go out or leave anywhere because you get caught and recognized soon. You never let me stay over because your excuse was that you share a room with two other people.' Xavier scoffed, and Rae wanted to punch him but she couldn't because his words were punching her gut.

'Wow.' She said, softly. 'So you're putting this all on me? That I'm the one who made you cheat on me?'

'That's not what I meant.' He said, his volume increasing. 'It's just, got a tad bit frustrating and I was drunk and...'

'Lower your tone, Xavier. And how dare you pine this all on me?' She said shaking her head, 'That's my job, I stream for a living. I knew you didn't like the paparazzi and hence I thought it would be better for us to not go out. You told me you didn't like the attention. And I share my house with two girls, Xavier. I feel a lot uncomfortable with it.' She said, furious and still teary eyed. 'And instead of sitting and talking about it, you go fuck someone else?'

'That's not what I meant. All I mean is it's not all me, okay. It's you too.'

Rae cried. How could she not. She knew it wasn't her. She knew Xavier was all wrong and she wasn't at fault.

But was he though?

Maybe he wasn't wrong.

Maybe it was her.

It did take two to tango, right?

Maybe it was her over burdening job, or her too uncomfortable self, or her insecurity that made him do that.

It was her.

She sniffed as she sat on the sill of the balcony, the night stars up in the sky. She had told Xavier that she was done with him, completely and she didn't wanna have any contact with him henceforth. But she couldn't just forget how it felt when she got cheated on.

Or now, when she felt like the most useless, worthless thing.

She wanted to call Leah, or Imane, or run away to her mother or just run away. But she couldn't. She couldn't. She had to face her this.

Alone.

'Hey?' She heard Sykkuno's voice from behind her and he switched on the dim balcony light. She wiped her tears, her reddened eyes still faintly visible in the dark.

'What's up?' She asked, choking on her words, her tears making it difficult for her to sound normal.

Sykkuno, Toast and Corpse gathered around her. They all looked at her, and then at each other.

'You guys... ganging up on me... huh?'

And then she found it even more difficult to hold back her tears.

Because Sykkuno wrapped his warm hands around her, Corpse enveloped her from the other side and Toast held them all.

Well, atleast she wasn't alone.

_

A/N

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I don't why but I'm just feeling really low. Maybe it's because of the heavy meds I'm gulping. Idk.

Thought I'd write something to cheer myself up.

Video: Rae talking about bad days being good ♡

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