That afternoon, after making sure your son is sound asleep in his crib beside the hearth, you found Levi in the balcony, leaning on the balustrade with two parchments in hand. But his eyes weren't on the letter, they were gazing up at the orange afternoon sky as the sun slowly bid its farewell.

"Levi," you called, breaking him away from his thoughts, blinking his eyes that were reflecting the afternoon sky as he turned to look at you before you walked up to him and stood beside him. "What's that?"

"A letter from the Commander of the Scout Regiment," he said, handing you one of the parchments. 

You knew your brother will become the Commander sooner than later, and his status as the highest ranking official of the Survey Corps made you realize that he's a step further away from you. He had always been hard to reach, even when you were kids. 

As you took the parchment, your eyes trailed on the other letter but instead of saying anything, you averted your eyes to look at the one Levi handed you. Reading its short but precise content, you can almost hear Erwin saying it. 

"You got suspended?" You asked in surprise and Levi nodded.

Honestly he was surprised too. Suspending humanity's strongest soldier from duty is like dismissing a hundred elite soldiers from duty. The impact it would pose, it's like taking away one of the wings of freedom that the Survey Corps has, rendering it flightless. 

Levi also expected something more than just a suspension. If his hunch is right, Erwin excluded something in the letter. That it would be more than just a suspension. 

"Here," Levi said, handing you the other letter. "It's from your brother."

You didn't miss the subtle change in Levi's words. One letter is from the Commander and the other from your brother. Although it came from one and the same person, the content was far different as you read the second letter.

"Is this why he suspended you from duty?" You asked, looking at Levi who shrugged his shoulders.

"He implied it indirectly," he said before hearing you chuckle. 

"That was so unlike him."

Levi couldn't hide the slightest upturn of his lips in a smile as he heard your light laughter before it died down, a smile still lingering on your beautiful face. 

"But was that the only reason for your suspension?" You asked, handing him back the parchments as Levi turned to you completely. "So you could spend time with us?"

"No, I don't think so," he said. "But whatever it is, I'm sure Erwin will tell us soon."

"Right," you said before you put your arms on his shoulders, standing right in front of him. "What's more important right now is that you'll be able to spend time with me and Lucas."

You leaned your forehead on his before you closed your eyes, letting the silence linger by as Levi closed his eyes as well. And for a moment you two stayed like that as the last golden hour of dusk turned into the first hour of nightfall. 

Time moved relatively and for you, three months felt so short. You didn't even realize that three months had passed by since you gave birth to your son. 

On the third month since his birth, Lucas had grown bigger, or at least he had grown into what normal newborn babies are supposed to look, but considering the fact that he's supposed to be three months now, he's still a lot smaller than babies who are three months old.

Ms. Florence had always visited twice a week for the past three months and she would always check on the baby's development which you are always thankful for. 

Surprisingly, unlike other babies his age, Lucas doesn't cry as much. In fact, he doesn't cry during the night, he would sometimes make small whimpers when someone other than you or Levi hold him, but not so much as to cry so loud. 

"Do you think there might be something wrong with him?" You asked that night as you sat beside Levi, holding the baby who was leaning comfortably on his chest. "He doesn't cry. I heard babies cry a lot when they're hungry or want something."

You still couldn't help but get worried about things like that sometimes. And even the smallest thing concerning your son, you always worry about them a lot.

"He's fine, Y/n." And whenever you get worried, Levi always assures you. "Just because he doesn't cry a lot doesn't mean there's something wrong with him."

You looked at the baby, lifting your hand up to him as he instinctively held your finger with his small hands. "But what if something goes wrong with him when he's older. He was born a lot earlier than normal babies, he should have been in my womb getting as much nutrients as he can. Yet, he came out earlier."

As you felt the grip of your son's little fingers around your finger, you felt your chest tightening. "What if it was my fault he was born earlier? Was it because of me–"

"Hey," Levi said a bit louder, cutting you off as you flinched but relaxed almost as instantly when you felt his hand on your face. "Don't say that. It's not your fault."

"I didn't even hear him cry when he was born."

Suddenly, it felt like Levi was drenched in very cold water. And then the memories of that day when you were in so much pain came back to him. How he chose you over the baby now sleeping soundly on his chest. How he chose you over and over again, and not once did Levi think about the possibility of having you both survive. 

That time Levi knew, more than anyone else, he knew that there was a certain point when he thought he couldn't care less about the baby. He only cared about your survival. And no matter how fleeting that thought was, it made Levi feel the strongest feeling of regret. 

He couldn't care less of his own son. No parents should think of that even for a short moment. 

And then he thought, should he tell you now? About the choice he made that day? Even when he knows there is a bigger chance that you'll get mad at him. Because you've always been that kind of person who would choose someone you love more than yourself.

"There is..." something he needs to tell you, but Levi couldn't bring himself to continue as his chest constricted and he closed his lips. 

But you already looked at him.

"There is nothing wrong with our son," he said instead. "He'll grow up just fine. He may develop behind kids his age, but we all develop at our own pace."

The slightest upturn of his lips in a rare smile made you feel your worries start to dissipate like a weight was being lifted off your chest. "You're right," you said, lowering your hand as you leaned back.

"But is there..." you trailed off, not really knowing how to put it. "Is there something you want to tell me? I don't know, I just felt like there is. But if there isn't, don't worry about it."

Sure you are Erwin's sister. Sometimes your hunch can be as sharp as his.

"There's..." Levi gulped down slightly. "Nothing, there's nothing."

And that lie that had slipped through his tongue so smoothly backfired to him when that night, he had the dream of that day. The choice he made played in his head over and over again until Levi woke up with a start. 

In the dimly lit room he could make out a figure. Beside the hearth and the lamp that provided light, he saw you holding the baby before you carefully lowered him down.

"You can sleep some more," you said and for a second Levi thought you were talking to him. "My Lucas. Sleep more. Mama always love you, even before you were born. Yes, mama loves you so much."

The baby moved in his crib, his eyes staring at you, arms outstretch towards you like he wanted you to hold him again.

"You're part of my life now, my little Lucas."

And Levi realized then, his choice that day, had you survived and the baby died, a part of you would have died with him. That also meant Levi was responsible for killing a part of you then. 

Since he woke up from that dream, Levi didn't get a wink of sleep until morning came a few hours later. 

And that morning, on the exact day Lucas was born three months ago, Erwin, Hange and Mike came back to the residence. Levi wondered then, if asking Erwin about whether not telling you about that choice he made would be better than telling, even if it meant Levi will continuously get haunted by regret.

(A/n: A huge thank you to all the readers of Little Cadet who made it possible for this story to reach 100k reads.  Thank you!)