ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ
𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐛𝐲 𝐁𝐞𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞
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Houston, Texas
Wed. Nov. 8th, 3:12 pm

10 years ago...

Screaming was heard inside the delivery room. The pain was excruciating and unbearable, however, she had to do it. There was no other choice.

"Aahhhhh!" Susan shouted, tossing her head back pushing hard. She felt the burning sensation down in her area and couldn't possibly deal with the pain anymore.

"Ughhhhh!" she continued shouting, tears cascading down her cheeks. She wasn't sure how far she pushed so she stopped to relax herself.

Susan shook her head repeatedly. "I can't." she muttered. She reached for William's hand, holding it tightly. She shut her eyes while tears kept running down her cheeks. Will leaned down, wiping her tears.

"I know babe, I know." he whispered to her, wiping her tears again. He didn't know the feeling she was experiencing right now but he could only imagine. He never wanted to see his wife in pain, so this sight was far from pleasing.

What was supposed to be a memorable experience turned into a devastating nightmare. If only they could go back in time and make a different choice then they wouldn't be here. They wouldn't have been told the dreadful news that their son had died on the womb. That he didn't have a heartbeat and that she needed to give birth to him. Susan wouldn't have to go through all this pain only for her not to be able to take her child home. She wanted to do back.

"Okay, Susan, I want you to give me one more push. And give it your all." Dr. Cruz told her. Susan nodded her head then looked up at William. He gave her an encouraging smile that told her that she could do this. She desperately wanted this to be over.

"Susan, on three give me a big push." Cruz told her. He counted and soon as he reached three, Susan shouted loudly while pushing hard. Her final and last push. Ever.

Susan managed to push the baby out. She rested back on the bed, her eyes shut again as her tears rolled down her cheeks. William let go of her hand in order to cut the umbilical cord off their son. There was no crying from the newborn. No heartbeat or breathing either. His lips were black and his eyes were still shut like he was sleeping peacefully.

"Would you like to hold him?" Cruz asked. Susan wiped her face then nodded her head. The young nurse in the blue scrubs approached the bedside. She pulled down the gown while Cruz carefully placed the baby boy on Susan's chest.

His skin scaly and cold. The nurse placed a blanket over the baby then fixed the gown to cover him up. Susan looked down at her son who rested on her chest. She placed a kiss on his forehead, letting the tears kept falling down her cheeks. William leaned down, kissing Susan's temple and rubbing their son back.

Why?

That was question she asked all the time.

Why?

Why was this happening to her?

Why her out of all people?

Why?

Susan sniffled, wiping her tears. She had secluded herself in the bathroom in order to take a pregnancy test. Only for it be yet negative again. She wasn't pregnant. Susan took a deep breath, wiping her face again then leaned back on the toilet. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she tried to gather herself. You think she'd be used to the disappointment but it still hurt her 'til this day. One successful pregnancy ended with her son being a stillborn and the rest of her tests being negative.

She couldn't win.

"Babe! I'm home!" She heard William shout. She let out a sigh, remembering that he had taken a half-a-day from work.

"Susan!" William shouted again since he didn't receive a reply.

"In the bathroom!" Susan yelled back. "Hold on!"

She wrapped the test in tissue then placed it deeply in the trash can. She stood up, fixed herself, then took a big breath. She needed to get it together before stepping out so Will didn't question her. She walked out the bathroom once she was good and made her way to the front of the house. She saw William was in the kitchen, looking through the mail.

"Hey," William spoke, glancing up for a second. "I'm thinking we eat out tonight. Get dressed up and head over to Steak 48. We haven't been there in a minute."

Susan hummed, slowly nodding her head. She wasn't paying much attention since her eyes were on the big envelope in William's hand. She already knew who it was from just by the green line on the edge of the paper. She didn't want William to see where it was from because they'll only lead to an argument. An argument she didn't want to have.

"Is that cool or what?" William asked, glancing up. Susan nodded her head again, still not giving him a verbal answer.

William stared at her for a second. There was obviously something wrong which explained why she wasn't speaking. Hell deal with it later. William went back to looking through the mail, finally coming upon the big envelope. Susan lowered her head, knowing what was about to happen. This was what she wanted to avoid. Staring at the envelope from Lab Corp, William knew what this was about. He looked at Susan, holding the envelope in his hand.

"I thought we made an agreement, Susan." he mentioned. Susan shrugged her shoulders, looking up at him.

"I couldn't-" she paused, shaking her head. William sigh, slamming the envelope on the counter.

He rested his hands on it, leaning over a little. "Susan...we were told years ago that it's not possible. You can't keep doing these tests just to find out the-"

"The results can change though." she cut him off. "The results can change. The doctor told me so, William. You were there when she told me that."

"She said it was a possibility. It wasn't confirmed...we don't even know the actual cause of you being infertile. They've been having issues trying to figure that out for some years now." He raised his voice a tad bit. He wasn't angry just needed his wife to understand the problem.

However, Susan wasn't having it. "It doesn't matter! It's not fair for me to not have a baby with no explanation as to why. I thought you wanted to have a baby, William? What happened to my husband that wanted to keep trying and trying until we got it right? Where did that man go?" Susan yelled, her voice cracking at the feeling of anger and sadness.

William look Susan in the eyes then shook his head. "That man didn't go anywhere-"

"So, why aren't you fighting like me?" Susan cut him off. "You lost all faith in me. You stopped trying with me. We were in this together and you just stopped. Am I not good enough, huh? Am I not good enough to have your child? Diana is though right?"

William bite the inside of his lip, looking away from her. He slightly shook his head when his ex was mentioned. It wasn't the first time she was brought up. And it wouldn't be the last if Susan's infertility was still brought up. It was never-ending.

"You desperately wanted to have a baby with her. You fought hard to have one but she ended up giving another man a kid. I can't give you what you wanted from her and that's why you stop trying with me." Susan continued.

"Susan, I'm not going to do this with you." William spoke. It may have came off as him being insensitive but he was tired of the conversation. He cared about having a child and wanted one, but if there possibility was slim to none then it was nothing he could do.

Nothing.

Susan scoffed. She tossed her hands up then walked off to keep herself from going off. She headed up the stairs and to her bedroom, slamming the door shut to show her anger. William sigh to himself, lifting his head up and shutting his eyes. Sometimes he wondered why he even tried.

🏀

Susan sat at her vanity, reading the lab corp paperwork throughly. It said the same thing like the others, fertility percentage low. She shook her head, putting the paper back in the envelope and leaving it on her vanity. She blew out a breath then began brushing her hair. It has been a few hours since her argument with William. She had been in her room since then, crying her eyes out and wondering where she went wrong.

She never smoked during her first pregnancy. She's been drunk either. She went on maternity leave and only did small stuff around the house. She made sure she ate her fruits and vegetables, drunk her water, and stayed fit. She did everything right, so why was she suffering such a tragic and devastating outcome? She couldn't answer that question. No one could and she was starting realize that. Maybe this was her end. Was she willing to accept that? She wasn't sure.

As she went into her thoughts, the bedroom door opened and William entered. They made eye contact in the mirror before Susan looked away. William tucked in her lips, shutting the bedroom door behind him and then approaching Susan. He moved his hand from behind his back, revealing the bouquet of flowers he bought her.

"Susan..." he called her name. She ignored her, pushing her hair back into a ponytail then wrapping it in her slip scarf.

William stared at her as he thought about how to approach this situation. He was done with the arguing and fighting over the differences in their views. He was on his wife side one thousand percent and needed to tell her that. Knowing how he was about to do this, William walked to the bed and sat on the edge. He placed the flowers beside him then folded his hands.

"I-" he paused, making sure he had the right words. "My love for you is more than just having a baby, Susan. It's creating a foundation and building off that. I didn't fall in love with you because I wanted to have a child. It's because I genuinely love you and I still do despite us having our issues. I can't say that I'm not upset because I am. I do want a baby but if it's not meant to be then it's not meant to be. I'm not going to throw our entire relationship down the drain because of it. I know it may have seem like I stopped trying but you can't blame me, Susan."

William swallowed the lump in his throat then continued speaking, "It's just hard knowing that no matter what we do we're always going to end up unsuccessful. I can't keep seeing you cry every time a negative test comes back. I can't keep walking past our son's footprint on the wall every day knowing he's not here. I can't keep pretending that everything is going to be fine because it's not. It just isn't and that's something we need to accept sadly. I stopped trying because when we do try, we don't get anywhere. It's exhausting, Susan. It's exhausting."

The room went silent. Susan stared at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were starting to water, a single tear dropping onto the vanity. William looked down at his folded hands, his attention landing on his sliver wedding ring. He instantly remembered that day and his vows.

"Remember my vows?" He broke the silence with his question. He look up at Susan who was wiping her face.

She nodded, "Yeah," she replied and turned to face him. "Yeah, I remember."

William smirked, looking back down at his ring. "I made a lifelong promise to you that'll do whatever it takes to make you happy. And I mean whatever." He said.

Susan let out a small chuckle. "You said you'll even jump out a plane."

William let out a chuckle as well. "Yeah, even though I'm afraid of heights..." he paused, making eye contact with her again. "Did you notice I promised to do something I'm completely afraid of just for you?"

Susan lowered her head. William continued, "I would literally sacrifice my life to make sure you're happy with life, Susan. I encouraged you to go out and proceed your dreams regardless of what your parents or sister thought. I took your mind away from the comparing between you and your sister. I moved us down here so we could start a new life. I even offered to have Shai come live with us because I knew that would make you happy. Whatever you asked for, babe, I got it for you. There was no question about it. I don't ask for anything and I don't want anything either."

"But...a baby..."

William shook his head, standing up and approaching Susan. He kneeled down in front of her and held her hands, staring her in the eyes so she knew he was serious.

"I don't care about that anymore." He told her. It was a little harsh but it was what she needed to hear. "Susan, we can go out and adopt a kid if it's that important. I just want you to be happy and I know having a baby isn't going to make you happy. You're only doing it because you feel as though that's what I want, and I don't want that anymore. Trust me when I say this, I'm happy with just the two of us babe. If it's meant to be then it's meant to be. You can't force something. I'm not telling you to completely give up but understand that it's not the time. And that's alright. Trust me."

Susan sniffled then started nodding her head. She understood and trusted him. She tossed her arms around his neck, crying on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." She apologized, William rubbing her back.

"It's okay. I'll love you forever."

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Discussion Board:
1. I figured I take the attention off Shai and Dess and place it on someone also important

2. feelings and thoughts on Susan and William?