We never realize how frozen we are,

Until someone starts to melt our ice.

The letter:

Dear my babies mother,

I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to address you from now on so I'm going with this...

Now then, tell me how are you? Well, I'm asking this to the current you who is happy with her life...I never got to ask you that, sorry for being such an asshole. Be honest sweetie I don't want to hear any lies from you. Lie...doesn't suit you. ;)

There are a few things I wanted to tell you and to do that I chose to write a letter to you...you see I love letters, you can pour everything on this thin paper without being interrupted, without you having to think twice about whether you should go on or not, or whether you should lie anymore. In other words, letters are beautiful truth.

So I'm going to pour everything on this thin page today as we are finally...for real parting away. I think you should, no actually you have got the right to know the truth I've been hiding for so long. This letter...isn't my intention to hope to see you change your mind instead...it will help you lead a better life in the future. This is my 8th trial to write using perfect words.

Everything has been a mess, I made a lot of mess...and I hope from tomorrow on everything will go to the right place. So please no matter what never blame yourself and if you are smart enough not to. You can hate me even more for doing all those and I won't stop you. Because you see, I'm crazily in love with you. I've hurt you enough and now all I wish is to see you smile brightly and that from afar. So promise me you will live a better and happier life.

I love you, I've been in love with you since the day we met. I read your letters that were meant for me and sweetheart that was so cruel of you to not send them to me we could have been childhood lovers, not fair. I like the nickname you chose for yourself *invisible girl,* indeed so invisible that I couldn't even see...probably was color blind yikes. How would things have been if you for real sent them to me and that young taehyung would have gone crazy finding the invisible girl of his life? I wish to know about their story now? I think they would have been happier, no?

Honestly, ik I'm circling this a lot however, IDK how to put all those in words. And it's confusing me even more IDK how you will take this and if you can take the truth or not. I don't wish to hurt you any more than I already did. Let me start from the beginning...

I already said I'd been in love with you the day we first met...yes 25th November never forgot that date never, you remember how our first meeting was? You wore a sky and dark blue mixed dress with your hair up styled in a cute ponytail. You came with your father and an aunt to a friend's reunion of our parents. I never saw you or your father attending any than I heard it was because of some family issues you guys were out of town. I still remember that day clearly...if I didn't find the letters I think I would have forgotten about it with the masses happening in our life. I remember you did not even bother to look up at any children who were there playing all you did was cling with your aunt. I was observing from afar...you wanted to drink something so I hurriedly run towards you with a hot chocolate and I don't even know if you liked one. That's when our eyes met...I couldn't stop staring at you...you still have those thick eyebrows and big doodles eyes. I had to go to my friends so I gave you the cup and ran towards them but I didn't forget to tell you about my favorites. Do you remember them? I wished to meet you soon. And we met as you mentioned on the letters, the blue handkerchief, the small words exchange we had, however, I was never as cold when I was a kid you mentioned on the letters but I don't blame you because at that time I was as scared as you were to even speak with me...that Doki Doki I felt oh my god!! I'm never in this life forgetting...I nearly died, damn.

About Heejin...if you've suffered a lot because of our relationship and me. I also know that you are aware of her side story however it's sad that you didn't even bother to ask me how I felt...I was waiting for you to ask me about her, about our relationship and why I misbehaved with you because of her...my part of the explanation was needed wasn't it? But I don't mind anymore as it's not your fault and also you thought it's none of your business which isn't true. It is your business and it always has been your business to know about your husband, everything about your husband is your business.

If you are surprised why I'm still calling myself your husband instead of your Ex-husband...let me explain everything step by step.

Heejin was my first girlfriend and my second love...I lost you by staying silent but I couldn't possibly do that with the other one. You can call me a psychopath but I was so in love with that woman without any questions. How can you possibly think that when your girlfriend told you she'll come back and later her brother tells you that she's married to someone else and when you see her for the first time after 5/7 months she is pregnant with another man's child even before their marriage and not react? Not think everyone around him is his enemy because my family must be the best but for them, my hard work wasn't enough...I did so much for her...I bought a house that I was a beginner-earning person who couldn't afford...I sacrificed my dream of becoming a navy force for her, for my family just so I could let them stay in peace and don't have to leave their side for too long, how do you want such a person to react? I was not only heartbroken but mentally I couldn't even process anything...all I did was bury myself with those company papers works and build the company in such a higher position so that I could throw money on that woman's face...but now she came with her explanation? After 10 fucking years? After giving me hope when she was due to her delivery? I was a married man didn't she know? Ofc she did...why do you always consider a woman's emotions something huge...what about men? What did I do wrong to be treated that way? How could anyone expect me to forgive her? All I wanted that time was to earn a handsome amount of money and live with her...she didn't like the house I worked day and night for, I had to look for another best...if she told me that night that she was sorry instead of giving me hope I would have at least come back to sense...all I wanted was a peaceful life but instead I got to live in hell.

Then I was put under pressure to marry you...I swear I refused from the very beginning...I told my family that I'm still not in the right mind I can't possibly ruin your life with mine...I fucking loved you once and I can't even think of hurting you...you were way hurt than I was. But later my father told me that because your father died there's no place for you to stay...you need someone by your side, someone who could provide you with everything. I still didn't understand their words so I thought of going to you and talking about this matter...unfortunately I overheard your conversation with someone on the phone when I went to your apartment 2 weeks before our marriage.

You were telling them your financial problems and how you needed a  job to pay the bills and all. After that, the next sentence...that swept my mind into something evil...I heard you telling them that you don't have to worry about money anymore as you'll be marrying me soon...you can hope for a better life with me. That stunned me I turn around to ask you what do you mean but when I saw you smile I stopped...all I could think was "women are always ready to do anything for money even if it means letting an unknown man get inside them or force a man to marry them. Money is everything a woman wants in their life." I came back and told my father that I was ready to take you as my wife...but deep inside I was planning every possible way to punish you and heejin. Both the women I loved turned into something so disgusting I could never imaimaginet made me laugh and even morse. WhoThe whole weeks I stayed out drinking, clubbing but I never slept with than another woman never touched heejin the whole time we were in a relationship. My first time was you and tbh I'm glad it was you but the situation and timing answered.

And after our marriage yo,u know how I treated you. It wasn't like I never knew what you were doing and how you were spending your days. It hurts a lot to know that you've been waiting for a person who meant nothing to you. That day I told you that it would be nice if you didn't consume my child, I said it because as a human it hurt my pride knowing a person like me will give birth to another devil and I can't ruin your life even more...I didn't mean it any other way than again we didn't hadhavech a good relationship to have a good conversation right?

Now about that night, when that accident happened which wasn't meant to be. I was drunk as you remembered. Yk Ok said it before that Heejin gave me hope when she shouldn't have...it was that time when I started to come back home two or four days later and was always smiling. You heard my conversation with Jimin over phothe ne few weeks later, I said that she promised me she'll come back to me after giving birth. I was on a business trip, when I got so drunk and started to recall old days, I couldn't bear all those that happened so to hear from her I called to end all this once and for all. But I never knew instead of giving me a proper explanation she would give me hope. She said she'll come back to me. She still loves me a lot. After her delivery she'll need 6 months for her baby and she will come back to me.

I wanted reassurance from her, she said that's a promise. I understand Y/n that what her family did with her was wrong. She didn't deserve all those, she deserves happiness and love but that just doesn't give her the right to play with my feelings that way. It's not like she didn't knew that I was married with another woman. I was stupid and dumb, I have ego problems I get that, I'll take all the blames but not everything that happened was my fault. However, everyone is showing their victim card while I stand as a criminal.

I called 10 months later and she told me that suddenly she fall in love with her husband and she couldn't leave her child. Well that's funny though, few months ago you wanted to get rid of the guy and now you're in love with him?

Later, I went crazy, Ive only one damn heart and everyone is breaking it. I couldn't stand anything. You were always the best wife, you never demanded anything from me, never asked where I was even though you knew I was at the bar or maybe with a woman. You never questiond me, never complained and all you did was just wait and always made sure I was fine. Albert always did his best to inform me and tell me how you always felt and your thoughts about me. Albert took a great advantage of that moment and while reporting me about household he'd tell me what you said about me each days. Gradually, all his hard work paid...I started waited for him to bring me news about you. My thoughts about you started to change and that's when i thought that I will brake off this ridiculous marriage which started with my misunderstanding and wasn't even the start of my new life.

I wanted to start a new life with you by ending this marriage which was forced for me. So I planned a divorce and a month later I will propose to you on your birthday. But who the hell know I'd meet that woman a week later in the restaurant I had get together with the boys. And that day she was reminded to give her explanations to me. It made me angry so angry. I couldn't possibly take it on her so I told her to scram and left the restaurant and went to the bar. I order a very high quality alcohol which made me so drunk to the point I don't remember how I came back home, how I went to our room, how all those happened and I Don't remember what I said to you. I promise I don't...if I did I would have run to you and apologised.

I swear Y/n-ah I would have begged for you to forgive me. I would have begged for you to come back but it was too late. I thought you went to your old house or aunts place and thus I waited till 1 month and didn't contacted you.

And this was my biggest mistake

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To Be Continued