Chapter - 46

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It beats

It breaks

It loves

It aches

For you, only you





Present time~~~

Taehyung POV:

I finished completing checking all the reports and sign on them. I grab the last file of today's report which is about the fashion show. It's the budget list...and right now I'm really tired but this is the last file so let's get it.

After checking the list I sign it to make it confirm that everything is alright. I push all the files aside and scratch my body and yawn. Suddenly I heard a knock on the door so tell the person to come in. It was Albert and Mrs. Ann.

I smile at them and they started to give me reports about the gifts I've prepared for my babies. "Have you written the letter?" I smile and nod. "Yeah...there's just one thing you must give her. Though I'm well aware that she might throw it away. But you still gotta give her this letter and this small box."

I put the small brown paper bag on my study table and look up at Albert. "You know what to do right? So make sure to deliver all those safely. And after that, you all may go home. I'm giving y'all 2 days vacation, rest well, and don't come back to the mansion I won't be staying here tonight." Albert nods along with Mrs. Ann and after talking about a few more things they both went back to finish their job.

I get up from my seat and walk towards the giant wall window and stand there staring outside up in the sky. It's already getting dark, I hope they didn't go to sleep. I hope they'll like those gifts I've sent them.

I sigh and look down at my feet. I think about last night and about this morning. Everything happened so fast, it's hard to believe Y/n was in my arms last night and now my arms are empty. I can't even see her off tomorrow it's so frustrating.

"Damn!!!" I curse under my breath. Suddenly I think about that guy...the guy Y/n trusts so much and the guy who dared to kiss her. I feel something off about him.

To be honest the moment he was with her, originally I was planning on going towards her with a glass of water because I saw her drink heavy alcohol. I thought of staying by her side. I'm sure that guy saw me walking towards the balcony and he intentionally did all those. He saw me standing near the door, our eyes met and he smirked before kissing her. I swear he did all those to make me angry just as he wanted I did all those and in the end, I was the one to get pointed at.

Now that I think about it, 'Why would he kiss her when he knows that it might make Y/n's career in danger?' I bite my thumbnail and started to think about him and how he always sticks so close to her and my babies. Y/n even said that he was always with her during her pregnancy and he took better care of her and my babies as if he is her husband and the twin's father!!!

"WTF!!! HOW COULD SHE THINK IT LIKE THAT? HER BROTHER WAS ALWAYS THERE WITH HER TOO, RIGHT?"

I unintentionally spoke out loud. But I can't calm myself down. Who the hell is he? I don't feel like she should stay a second next to him...I should tell JaeHo to look into that guy's background. I'm sure he's a danger call for them.

As I thought about it I immediately call JaeHo and told him to look into that guy's background. He said he'll give me reports about him within 30 minutes.

I sit down on my chair and stare blankly at the bookshelf in front of me. "I wonder what are they doing right now?" I ask myself to think about how pretty my babies look when they smile. I think they have got her smile? No, did they get mine? But they do look exactly like me!! They got their mother's hair though....and the way they talk is magical...

I throw my head on the back of the head of the chair and groan louder. "Fuck...fuck fuck fuck fuck....my life sucks...I want to see them...I want to hold them again...fuck..."

I lean forward abruptly and place my palms on the table with a great force making a clap sound. I stare at my reflection on the table glass and then I grab my hair and let out a frustrated sigh. I ruffle my hair and stare blankly at nothing particularly.

"What is she doing now? Is she crying? Did she tell about us to her brother and that bastard? Did she tell about me my twins? Fuck fuck fuck..." I feel so annoyed and frustrated.

Unknowingly a tear dropped from my eyes. I close my eyes and try my best not to tear up even more but I can't help. My heart hurts...it hurts so bad...damn it.

I get up from my seat and finally walk out of my study room. I saw the mansion getting empty and there was only Albert and Mrs. Ann who were standing near the door checking if everything was already settled on the car. I walk toward them and as soon as they saw me they bow.

Bowing back I ask them when are they leaving. "We were about to go to you to tell you that we are taking our leave, sir." Albert said. I nod and ask if everything was taken or not. They said everything has already been taken and the car is already on the road to deliver all the stuff to the hotel Y/n is staying.

"Remember to call Y/n--" I pause and stare at them as they looked at each other confused. I remembered that I started to call her by her new name and everyone including me, should start getting used to it. I clear my throat and begin again, "Call Yua saying that you gave gifts from me for the children. And she'll tell you how to reach her. Her brother might help you."

Mrs. Ann and Albert stare at me, questions in their eyes. I know what they wish to know. I look down and put my hands inside my pocket, "New name..." I said silently. I look out the door and stare at the remaining things Mrs. Ann and Albert are supposed to take.

"Her new name is Yua Yamazaki. She..."

I again clear my throat. I should get something to drink my throat feels dry all of a sudden. "She took her cousin's last name so make sure not to slip her old name out of that tongue of yours." I said and they nod their head. And after discussing more this matter they left and I went out to our garden for a walk and take some fresh air.

I was walking aimlessly as I drown deeply in my thoughts.

'Was I blind?' This is the first question that pops up in my mind.

I think about everything, everything about Y/n, everything about myself, everything about my family and everyone.

'How did we come to such a point that we have to choose separate ways?' This is the second question I asked myself.

I stop walking and keep staring at my feet as I think about my past self. I feel like punching the past taehyung and slapping him and then kicking him and gahh!! I'd rather murder him...

"Shit..."

I curse under my breath. I inhale deeply and exhale slowly. My stomach feels weird, I feel like throwing up. My heart is aching so much it's getting hard for me to breathe. I immediately sit on my knees as I clenched on my chest. I felt a sudden heaviness and something is stuck in my throat which is getting hard to swallow.

"Ack.." I tried to breathe but it hurts.

Now that I remember I read somewhere idk when, where and which book but those words just hits different right now.

You'll cry at night. In bed. That's when it'll hurt the most. When you're alone.

But the only difference right now is I'm not in the bed and I've no tears in my eyes, they're just not coming out but I'm feeling sick and everything is hurting, so fucking much.

Why am I alone? Wasn't I supposed to be with my family? But I don't have anyone for me now. My parents hate me, my siblings are ashamed of me, my friends they're disappointed in me. I've my own children but I'm unable to see them, keep them by my side. And...my wife, my Ex-Wife...I've finally given her the freedom she wanted so, ofc she won't be by my side.

I lean on more and lay on the ground as I grab my hair and try to make a noise but it won't come out, my throat hurts, and even my heart. It's getting so hard for me now. I tried and tried and finally, I was able to scream out loud, so loud that the so far away neighbors could hear me. I keep on screaming as much as I could but the pain inside won't lessen. I beat my chest and keep on beating but it's only preventing me to breathe. I punch the soil and scream but the only thing I could feel now is my eyes and cheeks are wet and I'm finally shedding tears for the first after maybe 9 years later, well I don't honestly remember how many times I cried while I was drunk but this is the first time in so many years I cried while I'm conscious.

"ARGHHHHHH"

I scream and punched the ground until I felt good but it makes me feel angrier.

After a long time, I calmed down and stayed laying on the ground as I stare up in the sky blankly and my brain can only recall Y/n's face and her smile, her beautiful gummy smile. But I can't recall any perfect and genuine smile of hers in my thoughts.

Did I...did I ever actually see the genuine smile she always offered to me when we were still together? Did I ever make her happy? Genuinely? Did she ever complain?

No!! She never did...

I bring my palms close to my eyes and press them hard and let my tears fall. I cried to my heart content, my heart still hurts.

"AHHHHHH...WHY? WHY DID YOU DO THAT? WHY???"

I ask myself...I ask my stupidity. I question my humor, I question my degrees and I question that asshole who once thought that he will live a better life without Y/n.

Fuck....FUCK...

I have to live the rest of my life with guilt and regrets. Just because you are so stupid. I can't blame others, even if they're at fault for the ruins in my life I still can't when I'm the main culprit of the ruins of my own life.

I cried and screamed again, my head hurts and it's also spinning. I get up while crying like a madman. I walk inside the mansion and toward my bar.

I grab the strongest alcohol from the section and open the bottle. I didn't bother taking any glasses instead I saw two of the same brand so I grabbed both and walk toward the stairs. I put the bottle down and look at the open bottle to read the name.

I laugh in disbelief to see the same brand name I swore once never to touch. The same brand, the same alcohol which made fun of me and was the many reasons for my ruined life.

Bacardi 151...

I stare at the bottle for a good amount of time and then start to gulp the liquor. The burning sensation I am feeling right now through my throat feels good. I can finally swallow and breathe.

I finished the first bottle then the second. I walk toward the bar again and surprisingly I saw other strong famous brand alcohol on the sections.

Hapsburg Gold Label and Pincer Shanghai.

Luckily I've all of them two or three bottles. I grabbed them all and vodkas too. I drink them all taking a break sometimes and laughing at my stupidity. I keep talking to myself, about the mansion. I play music with the highest volume and sometimes I'd yell at particular no one.

My legs finally gave up and I fall on the staircase. I play with the vodka bottle and again started to drown deeply in my thoughts about my life and then about the woman, that first woman in this whole world I'd fall in love with so crazily that she successfully made me shed tears. And that's none other than my baby's mother, my once upon a time Y/n.

"How am I supposed to live now?" I said. "How am I supposed not to love you anymore? How did we end up like this?" I let the tears fall and clenched them on the bottle.

"How did we end up in here? Like I'd never know...because you are an asshole and stupid man in this whole world." I spat to myself and drink the last vodka.

I curl up into a ball and keep thinking about Y/n and slowly I started to remember my babies. I smile, "They are so small." I started to throw the bottles on the floor which barely hits the floor and break.

"Y'all are as stubborn as her too. Damn!"

I inhale.

"I miss you...what are you doing? What are they doing? I miss you...my heart... it's aching...why haven't you brake it perfectly so it shattered into pieces and never could be attached. Why?"

I feel like my eyes are getting heavy. My heartbeat raised and by now I'm already breathing heavily. But it feels good...the alcohol helped me a lot.

I'm feeling so sleepy...my head doesn't hurt nor do I feel dizzy. Let's sleep...and pray never to wake up.

I slowly close my eyes and keep recalling Y/n. I couldn't help but smile when I remembered the day she genuinely smiled and I noticed it. It was the day I was awarded and she was excited to see me.

"Bea..utifu..l..." I murmured.

I suddenly saw my babies and her playing and smiling. "Beautiful...you all are so..."

I exhale.

"So beautiful..."

And I finally give up and fell asleep like that on the staircase and keep on dreaming about my family and seeing them happy makes me happy and even more sleepy. So I shut my eyes and take a nap.

But little did I know that my headache won't go so easily when the biggest headache is coming soon...

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Hiiii guys!!!! Took me a long time to update meh!!!! Anyways thanks a lot for wishing me a birthday. Thanks for all of your prayers...I got into one of the top 5 private universities and I didn't get in the half public university. But I seriously had fun giving exams in that university.

I originally planned to update on the 1st week of Sept...but since August 28 I suddenly got sick and later (10 days) doctor said I have a heavy blood allergy reaction and I couldn't write and then I am already going through a lot...so after I started to get fine I started to go and stay at my relative's home. From 9 October my classes will start so pray for me.

Btw I'm so proud of BTS. And sorry for being late thank Y'all...I'll update soon...maybe tomorrow In Shaa Allah

Hope you enjoyed it so far...NEVER forget to VOTEEEEEEEE and COMMENT...do share with others.

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ID: iffaterika__reads

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Thanks โค



To Be Continued

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