THIRTY-TWO ; UP IN THE AIR

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     ELEANOR WEPT for what felt like an eternity. She half expected Robbie to text her, but maybe he knew how much this meant to her.

She is laying on her side on Taron's bed, her legs bent close to her body and her fingers slowly massaging the soft fabric. She stares into the distance with unfocused and swollen eyes.

Eleanor finally looks away from the spot she was absentmindedly staring at. She blinks slowly, wishing she'd be able to cry for a little while longer; there's a freeing sense of letting go when one weeps, albeit accompanied by tremendous devastation. Now that she is finished crying, she has to decide what to do. She can't lay on Taron's bed forever. This is why she tries to force more tears to succumb her.

But the tears don't come. Maybe she wept so violently with such tremendous heartache and pain that engulfed her entire being that she is no longer capable of the act.

Putting her efforts to rest, Eleanor pushes herself up into a sitting position. She takes a deep breath, pulling her hair away from her face, and looks around. She didn't know how much she needed to privately grieve for her best friend's absence until now.

Although her soul is scarred from weeping so violently, her heart feels much, much lighter. Maybe she can finally move on.

Smiling softly to herself, Eleanor stands and runs her fingers through her slightly tangled hair.

A moment later, the dead silence in the house is broken by the sound of the front door opening.

"I'll be down in a minute," Elenor tells who she suspects to be Robbie.

A pause follows. "Eleanor?"

Eleanor finally walks out of Taron's room and down the hallway, wary due to her disbelief. A woman is standing in the living room, her hopeful eyes meeting the young girl's almost as soon as she emerges.

"Tina?" Eleanor questions, almost breathlessly.

Taron's mom gives Eleanor a grin, her eyes glistening with tears. The two of them rush forward and hug each other. Eleanor latches onto the woman almost desperately, squinting her eyes shut and burying her face in her shoulder.

"I saw the car... and Robbie... he told me you were inside...." Tina quickly explains. "The wee one? He didn't get a chance to explain...."

"A lot has happened," Eleanor mumbles.

Tina lets go of Eleanor, instead putting her hands on the young woman's cheeks.

"Where have you been?" she questions with earnest eyes.

"Boston, mostly." Tina raises an eyebrow as if to say 'Why didn't you come back?' "I thought you were dead! My dad saw you die!"

"I'm fine, dear," Tina says, studying Eleanor's face with concern.

"You weren't out there when the attacks started?"

"Yes, I was, but I survived."

A rush of disappointment floods into Eleanor as she looks away from Tina. She is overwhelmingly relieved that Tina is alive, of course, but if it weren't for Ray's mistake, everything would be so much different.

If Ray didn't think that he saw Tina die, then Taron would have never felt that kind of devastation and he wouldn't have felt the need to go back to Wales. Maybe Eleanor and Taron could have gone on another two-person adventure to find his mom. Maybe Ray wouldn't have died. Maybe Thomas wouldn't have died, either.

Although Eleanor is seriously bummed that one simple mistake had such a tremendous butterfly effect, she quickly realizes that there is nothing she can do to change the past. And besides, without the specific chain of events — even losing those that she loves — she would not have met Thomas, and she would not have Ramona.

Tina, who gave Eleanor a few moments to process, says, "Is Taron with you?"

A glimmer of hope is behind the mask of uncertainty in her eyes.

"No," Eleanor says, tucking her hair behind her ear when Tina lets go of her face. "He thought he didn't have any family here, so he went back to Wales."

"When was this?"

"Almost two years ago."

"And have you heard anything from him?"

"Not a thing," Eleanor sighs.

Tina crosses an arm over her stomach, her other hand covering her mouth.

"I tried to get him to stay.... I tried to convince him that I was his family, too... but he felt obligated to make sure his dad and brothers were okay," Eleanor says.

"Sounds like my boy," Tina declares, wiping a tear from her cheek. "How about a cup of tea, then?"

"Yeah, okay," Eleanor replies, knowing that the two of them have a lot they need to talk about.

"Okay," Tina says with a smile as she nods and walks into the kitchen.

A few minutes later, Eleanor and Tina sit at the small, circular table in the kitchen, Eleanor clutching her warm mug and Tina stirring her cup.

"What brought you over here after all this time?" Tina asks.

"I kind of avoided it like the plague since Taron left, but I thought that since I'm off to college and all, I should stop by to sort of signify that I think I might finally be moving on." Eleanor wonders how easy moving on will be now.

"You're off to college?" Tina exclaims. Eleanor nods with a smile. "That's fantastic! Where to?"

"Columbia." Tina pauses a moment to simply grin at Eleanor with pride.

"You and Taron had that dream since you were kids." Eleanor smiles. "You best send me a copy of your first novel, Ellie. You're goin' to be a famous writer one day, I just know it." Eleanor simply grins humbly, unsure of what to say. Tina was always the only one who was ever allowed to call her Ellie. "Now, tell me everything that happened since I've been 'gone.' I've been dreadfully out of the loop," Tina says with a chuckle.

Eleanor proceeds to tell Tina everything, starting from the moment Taron came to her dad's house with a cheeky grin as he said, "I know we aren't officially speaking, but I come bearing gifts." Tina certainly approved of their short-lived relationship.

Eleanor also makes sure to exaggerate how many times Taron saved both her life and the lives of others, causing Tina to tear up with pride.

She sped up the story after Taron's departure, only failing to mention the deaths of those around her and the details of everything else they went through.

"And the little one with Robbie?" Tina questions.

Choking up slightly, Eleanor says, "She's m-my niece. She's Robbie's."

Tina nods, a bit distracted by her other thoughts. "It doesn't sound like Taron to take so long to come back."

"Believe me, I've been waiting."

"Well, I think I ought to go to Wales, then."

"What do you mean?" Eleanor asks, her eyes widening slightly. Is yet another person uprooting themselves from her life?

"If my son is still out there somewhere, I'm going to find him. I got to let him know I'm alive, after all." Eleanor simply stares at Tina with a slightly slack jaw. "You're welcome to come along."

"What? Go with you? To Wales?" Eleanor stutters.

"Well, yes, that's the idea."

Eleanor blinks, slightly baffled. She never considered following him after Ray talked her out of it, not to mention the initial setbacks of having a broken leg, not being able to survive two seconds out there without Taron, and, of course, being specifically told by Taron not to.

Even if Eleanor did go to Wales and she did find him, there is always the difficulties that Taron initially had: Eleanor doesn't have any family in Wales, therefore she would eventually feel a bit alone, not to mention classified as a runaway until she turned eighteen. She also wouldn't have been able to finish high school in Wales due to her lack of jurisdiction to enroll herself.

What if she went now? She could have an adventure with Tina, visit a country she has always wanted to visit, meet the rest of Taron's family, be finally reunited with him.... If everything works out, that is. It sounds great as Eleanor considers it.

But Ramona. Her family. The boys. Columbia — it's her dream.

Is she being selfish or just rational? She already accepted the fact that Taron has been gone for a long time and probably won't come back. Maybe it is best that she lives her life like everything is normal, and if he comes back... brilliant. She has waited this long, after all.

Of course she misses Taron. She loves him. She misses him with her entire heart and soul. But she is tired.

She's tired of waiting, of crying, of feeling empty and depressed and numb and... lost. She's tired.

Maybe Taron needs more time. Maybe he's still caught up in whatever he's doing wherever he is, and if Eleanor were to come she'd be interrupting him, and they wouldn't get the fairytale reunion that Eleanor has dreamt of. She has to give him some time to miss her, after all... as if a year and a half isn't enough.

"Hon, are you all right?" Tina asks.

"Hm?" Eleanor questions, looking at her. "Oh, yeah. Sorry. Just thinking."

She shifts in her seat, surprised that she is actually a bit mad at Taron. Eleanor can imagine the very small portion of her that is stubborn crossing her arms and lifting up her nose, declaring that Taron ought to make the effort, damn it.

"You don't have to come, you know. I don't blame you one bit. You have to go to college. Besides, I doubt your father will let you go — bless his heart. He's a good man, but I swear...." Tina says with a chuckle. Noticing the dim in the light of Eleanor's expression, Tina continues. "Tell you what. When I find him, I'll tell him that you miss him tremendously and that you'll be waiting for his call."

"That sounds brilliant, actually," Eleanor says, feeling a bit better about the situation. "If I were to go I'd feel like I was intruding."

"Oh, dear, you know you're part of the family. But I understand," Tina replies with a comforting smile.

Eleanor gazes at her nearly empty cup for a few moments, her index finger lightly tracing the part of the rim that has yet to touch her lips.

Before she can slip into a state of utter confusion, Eleanor meets Tina's eye and says, "I should probably get going...."

"Oh, of course," Tina says, standing up. 

Eleanor follows suit, suddenly feeling tremendously awkward around the woman who once had the role of her second mom. She is like a stranger to Tina — she fell for a handsome boy, and had a daughter, and watched her father die, and she didn't tell Tina any of it.

"Do you want me to give him a message?" Tina asks as they walk toward the front door.

Eleanor considers what she could possibly want to tell him as she steps through the doorway and onto the porch.

"Tell him..." she starts, looking off to the side in thought. "Just tell him I said hi."

Both of them are surprised by this; Tina expected an 'I love him,' Eleanor half expected to give a witty message that would make Taron smile, or maybe even something like 'I miss you' or 'come back' to make him feel bad, or possibly a quote from A Tale of Two Cities by Lucie Manette — if she was given access to the internet, she'd stumble upon "If, when I hint to you of a Home that is before us, where I will be true to you with all my duty and with all my faithful service, I bring back the remembrance of a Home long desolate, while your poor heart pined away, weep for it, weep for it!"

But Eleanor couldn't bring herself to say much more; by giving Tina a heartfelt message to relay to her best friend, she is insinuating that Taron is alive and well and her words will reach him. It's been so long. She doesn't want to get her hopes up.

"Okay, I will," Tina says with a small chuckle.

Eleanor decides against voicing the doubts that are bouncing around in her head: Will Tina be able to make the journey on her own? Will she find Taron?

Tina is very optimistic on the matter. She firmly believes that she will find her son and that everything will be okay, unless it is simply a front to make Eleanor feel better. Either way, Eleanor doesn't plan to test it.

"Good luck at Columbia, dear," Tina says.

"Thanks. Good luck on your trip."

"Thank you."

They simply smile at each other before Eleanor rushes forward and gives Tina one last hug. She prays to the universe that Taron's mom might be the exception to the pattern of important people in her life leaving and not returning.

☁

The nearly two-hour-long drive to Columbia was spent in near silence, save for the music playing on the radio — Eleanor didn't feel like talking, Robbie enjoyed looking out of the window, and Ramona was asleep.

Even after thinking for the entire trip, Eleanor still felt befuddled by the many topics — what's going through Tina's head at the moment, Taron's whereabouts, the possibility of seeing him soon, her decision of going to the university instead of tracking him down with Tina.... She even mentally debated with herself, wondering if she made the right choice.

After parking in front of her family's new house — one of a row of brick townhouses, the sidewalk shaded with trees — Eleanor turns off the engine and closes her eyes, leaning her head back on the headrest of the old, leather seat.

Taking a few seconds to look at Eleanor, Robbie says, "You gonna talk to me about it or should I continue ignoring what happened?"

Eleanor looks at Robbie with a blatantly exhausted expression.

"Tina's going back to Wales," she says. "She's going to try to find him."

"That's good, isn't it?"

"It just means more waiting!" Eleanor exclaims, lowering her voice for the sake of Ramona. "Waiting to hear back if she makes it okay, and if she finds him, and if he's coming back. I probably could have gotten over him a long time ago if he wasn't always keeping me waiting."

Robbie opens his mouth to say something, but Robin and Indiana cut him off by bounding down the stairs of their neighboring townhouses and jogging to their car.

"It'll be alright, Elle," Robbie tells her. She simply nods.

Robbie opens his door and greets the boys. Eleanor sits in silence for a few moments longer, gazing at the leaves of the tree above her car.

She wonders if the situation would have been much, much easier if any of the circumstances changed; if she wasn't best friends with Taron for years before they began dating, meaning they would have met by chance in the midst of the war and fell in love then, would his absence have been so painful, since they wouldn't have known each other for very long? If they never confessed their love for each other in the psychopath's basement, would she have had such high expectations to see him again, would she have been so broken up about his departure, would she be relieved or devastated that she never told him how she felt?

Eleanor believes that the answer to these questions is yes. Given the type of person that Taron is, his warm heart and gleaming eyes and captivating smile and humor and intelligence and easygoing attitude and protectiveness and charming air, she would never have been able to get over him instantly.

A few moments later, Eleanor opens her eyes and straightens up, telling herself, "No more what-ifs. No more dwelling. Just live your life. Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about him."

And with that, Eleanor takes a deep breath and ignores the dramatic part of her that figuratively collapses onto an elegant chaise lounge with the back of her hand pressed to her forehead as she gasps, "But I love him!"

☁

a year and six months ago ;

A boy walks down a Boston street with a slight limp in his step, the straps of a rucksack slung over his shoulders. A gray beanie covers his light brown hair and a healing black eye illuminates the green of his irises.

His heart pounding in his chest, Taron goes over what he will say for the millionth time: I'm sorry it took me so long. I wanted to come back as soon as I left. I missed you. God, did I miss you.

And then he would explain to her that it took him almost a month to find his family in Wales, and that they are okay, and that him and his father are on good terms, and that he thought about her every single day, and that even though he got beat up on both trips, it was worth it.

He can't wait to see her. He can't wait to tell her everything.

Taron turns onto Eleanor's street, a small smile playing on his lips — three months ago, he left her on the porch of her grandparent's house. Now that he's back, he'll never leave her again.

An odd smell reaches Taron's nose, causing his eyebrows to furrow — was there a campfire nearby? He finally lifts up his head to look around.

"No," he whispers in disbelief, his shoulders falling and eyes widening.

The whole block has been burnt down. Everything but a few foundational features of the line of houses lies in a heap on the ground. The stairs to what was once Eleanor's grandparent's house lead to charred ruins.

Taron breaks into a run, only stopping once he climbs the last step. The destruction almost makes him light-headed. She couldn't have survived it.

For a moment, everything is silent. He would wonder if something went terribly wrong, like time and space ripping apart completely, if it weren't for the chirp of a nearby bird and the high-pitched ringing in his own ears. And then he falls to his knees, tears spilling down his bruised cheek and falling onto the cold concrete below him.

Fifteen-year-old Eleanor and Taron lounge on the roof of her mother's house, Taron laying on his side as he reads a book and Eleanor staring at the city.

"Teddy," she starts.

"Hm?" he mumbles, glancing up at her as he turns the page.

"Do you ever feel... stuck? In this city?" she asks him.

"No, why do you say that?"

Eleanor shrugs, and Taron folds the page of his book before closing it and setting it aside. "I just feel like I'm wasting my time here. I don't know."

Taron sits up. Her sudden contemplations of leaving, of running away to a life filled with adventure, were common. And he had always been the one to convince her that in time, all her dreams would come true.

Looking at her friend, Eleanor whispers, "I gotta get out of here. And you're coming with me."

"Where would we go?"

Eleanor looks at him for a moment before standing up and crawling back through her window. Taron watches as she rummages for something on her nightstand before climbing back onto the roof.

"I found this thing the other day, in a magazine," she tells him as she sits back down. "Here, I tore it out."

Eleanor hands him a small photograph of a white brick cottage by the sea, surrounded by tall, green grass and wildflower bushes. Pear green windowsills match the door, nearly covered by the tendrils of a beautiful vine climbing the walls. Rain clouds hang over the dark blue water.

"It's beautiful, don't you think?" Eleanor asks him, leaning closer to Taron to smile at the picture.

"Oh, yeah," Taron