ο½’ XXII ; gone ο½£

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TWENTY-TWO ; GONE

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Β  Β  Β TARON EGERTON AND ELEANOR FERRIERΒ haven't gone a week without seeing each other since they met, the longest separation being five days when Eleanor went to Hawaii with Robbie, Mary Ann, and Tim last summer. Even then, Eleanor managed to talk to Taron every day.

They were absolutely inseparable since the very beginning, there for each other through thick and through thin.

In sixth grade, Eleanor accidentally mimicked Taron's accent when he was around, which resulted in the first serious look she ever received from him. He proceeded to mock her accent, too, complete with an exaggeration of her slight New Jersey twang. They laughed for hours.

In eighth grade, Taron helped Eleanor dye her hair the first time Mary Ann didn't do it herself, which resulted in violet splatters on the bathroom floor and Taron's hands brightly stained, for he didn't think to use gloves.

Freshman year, Taron asked Eleanor to Homecoming as friends because he didn't want to ask any of the girls who were already throwing themselves at him and Eleanor avoided every other guy in the school. They slow danced together only once, for Taron kept stepping on Eleanor's toes and Eleanor couldn't stop giggling.

Sophomore year, Taron performed a monologue in theater class; Eleanor was in the same class, but she stayed away from all acting and instead stuck to stage managing. Nonetheless, she appreciated his performance, watching from the second row with her legs crossed and her chin propped on her fist.

"If music be the food of love, play on; Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting, The appetite may sicken, and so die."

Eleanor smiles; she at least recognizes the playΒ β€”Β Twelfth Night.

"That strain again! it had a dying fall: O, it came o'er my ear like the sweet sound, That breathes upon a bank of violets, Stealing and giving odour! Enough; no more: 'Tis not so sweet now as it was before. O spirit of love! how quick and fresh art thou, That, notwithstanding thy capacity Receiveth as the sea, nought enters there, Of what validity and pitch soe'er, But falls into abatement and low price, Even in a minute: so full of shapes is fancy That it alone is high fantastical."

Eleanor didn't realize that her eyes had widened slightly or her heartbeat had quickened or that she saw Taron in some new perspective until people began applauding and Taron smiledΒ β€”Β not at the class in general, but at her.

She didn't realize it at first, but she fell in love with him in that moment.

This year, Eleanor established her reputation, but more of that later. Long story short, Taron had a girlfriend over the summer and Eleanor became impulsive. Before Eleanor got in control of the "new her," she got into serious trouble; in August, she found herself locked in the bathroom of her date's house, him and his friends beckoning her to come out as she clutched her knees to her chest. Eleanor thought she would be spending the night with only one guy, but instead she walked into her date's house with at least five other guys waiting. She barely made it to the bathroom and immediately called the first person that came to mind: Taron.

Eleanor listens to the commotion outside of the bathroom door as the guys' attention shifts away from her and to an intruder. Eventually, all is silent and Eleanor hears a familiar voice.

"Eleanor?" Taron says softly, directly on the other side of the door. "Elle, it's me."

Eleanor lets out a silent sob into her hands.

"C'mon, you can come out now."

She takes a deep breath and quickly wipes the tears from her eyes before standing and smoothing her shirt. Eleanor puts on a brave face as she opens the door, finding Taron standing with a clenched jaw. All of the guys lay unconscious or incapable of getting up. He lets out a sigh of relief at the sight of her.

"Hello, my knight in shining armor," Eleanor says with a smile. Taron gives her a confused look.

"Jesus, Eleanor, what the hell were you thinking?"

Eleanor steps past him as she says, "I was thinking I was going to get laid, but then I remembered I was on my period. Super embarrassing."

Taron stares at her in disbelief before following her out of the house.

"So you locked yourself in the bathroom and gave me the SOS code?" Taron questions.

"Yeah. Couldn't think of anything else. And I needed a ride. Thanks for beating them up, by the way."

"Eleanor," Taron starts, grabbing her arm to stop her on the sidewalk. "I see your eyes. You've been crying."

"No, I'm just high off my ass," Eleanor says with a chuckle.

"Eleanor."

"Taron, I'm fine! Just unprepared, that's all. I'll invite you next time, if you're not too busy with Hayley."

"Are you drunk? Did they drug you?"

"What, would it be easier to believe I only did shit like this if I was under the influence? Sorry, Teddy, but your best friend's a slut," Eleanor declares with a shrug as she walks backward to his car, tearing up slightly.

"No, you're not. This isn't you," Taron replies as he follows her.

"Like you would know. You spend all your time with Hayley."

"What? I see you every day," Taron says. "What do you have against her? She's nice."

"She's your girlfriend, that's what."

Taron looks at her and Eleanor looks at him.

"How about we pretend that I'm drunk and have no idea what I'm doing and you take me home and we forget this ever happened?" Eleanor asks as she crosses her arms. Taron nods once and Eleanor turns on her heel, getting into Taron's car. Taron watches her for a few moments before following suit.

Once in the car, they both remain silent until Eleanor begins to cry. Taron pulls her into a hug and Eleanor thanks him and begs him to forget everything, to which Taron replied with assurances and back rubs.

He broke up with Hayley just a few days later, but Eleanor never mentioned the night again, and he learned to accept it.

The list goes on and on and on of how many memorable moments Eleanor and Taron spent together. They are best friends. They never dreamed of not being best friends.

But that was before extraterrestrials went and ruined it all.


"I'm going back to Wales," Taron says, reluctantly lifting his eyes to meet Eleanor's. The look on her face causes him to tear up again.

Completely taken aback, Eleanor blinks, shaking her head slightly and leaning back a bit.

"W-what?" she stutters.

"I need to see if my dad and brothers are okay." Eleanor lets out a breath. "With my mom gone...." Taron trails off, hanging his head for a moment before lifting it back up again. "I need to be with my family for a while."

"But we're your family. I'm your family," Eleanor says, selfishly offended.

"I know," Taron replies, putting his hand on Eleanor's knee.

"They barely even speak to you!"

"I know, Eleanor. But they are still my blood." Eleanor continues staring at him. Swallowing his fear of what will happen next, Taron says, "There's an airport in New York."

"So you're going to completely backtrack? Do you know how dangerous that is?"

"You heard the radio, all those things are dead."

"I'm not worried about them, Taron. What about the insane people like that guy who are all probably disappointed that they didn't get a chance to fight and are gonna take it out on other people? What about them, huh?"

"Your mom gave me a bat."

"Bats don't stop bullets," Eleanor says, almost angry at him. They look at each other for a few moments.

"I'll be fine," Taron finally declares. "I'll go to New York, hitch a ride to Wales, find my family, stay with them for a while, and then I'll come back. I'll come back and I'll find you, and then we'll go to Columbia."

"I'll go with you," Eleanor proposes, holding back tears.

"No," Taron says, pushing away any subconscious reluctance. "I don't want you to come."

Eleanor's shoulders curl forward in defeat as she looks at him almost accusingly.

"We just...." Eleanor starts, the pain in her voice nearly reducing Taron to tears. "Taron, you just got me, and now β€” "

"I know," Taron says. "We're just going to have to put that on hold until I come back, okay?"

"What if you never come back?" she mumbles.

"I'll come back. I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"Have faith in me, Eleanor," Taron says. He pauses as he looks up, blinking away the tears. He kisses the top of her head. "Goodbye."

Taron stands, grabbing the bat leaning against the table and slinging the strap of the rucksack over his shoulder before quickly walking out of the kitchen.

Desperate, Eleanor says, "Wait!" as she stands, not minding the pain in her leg as she limps after him, her eyes wide and frantic. Taron, who is standing by the door, turns around. "Can't you, can't you stay one more night? You don't have to leave immediately."

"Yeah, I do," Taron replies.

"Please," Eleanor begs. "Please don't go."

Taron pauses a moment to simply look at her, attempting to commit her features to memory. He has been around her so much for so long that the task seems ridiculously easy.

Taron walks forward and determinedly holds Eleanor's face in his hands before tenderly pressing his lips against hers. Eleanor holds his forearms and kisses back.

For Eleanor and Taron, finally kissing each other could be described as relieving, or unbelievably satisfying, or long overdue. It's like finally closing your eyes after a tiring day or stretching on a lazy morning. It's better than gulping down the first glass of water after days of thirst, and tasting the first spoonful of substantial food after painful hunger, and reaching that sacred breath of air after being submerged in water, and witnessing your best friend open their eyes after nearly drowning to death, and turning your head to find that the only person in the world you truly love with your whole being walk out of the door, as opposed to laying lifeless on the floor somewhere hidden.

The two of them desperately try to bring themselves down from the high of kissing each other to memorize the moment; the way their lips touch, part, then touch again, the exact details of their tongues as they slide against each other, Taron's touch on Eleanor's face, Eleanor's hold on Taron's wrists. Both of them know that this is the last time they will kiss each other for a long time and therefore are trying their hardest to remember it.

Taron reluctantly pulls away, resting his forehead against Eleanor's. They keep their eyes closed.

"'It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known,'" Taron says quietly.

"What's that from?" Eleanor asks.

"It's the last sentence from A Tale of Two Cities."

Realization hits her and she says, "You weren't talking about Sydney Carton and Lucie last night, were you? You were talking about us, weren't you?"

Taron nods.

Anxiety engulfs Eleanor as she looks at him; she isn't only touched by his comparison between the two of them and fictional characters, but also by the second part of his quote: 'it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.'

Rest. In A Tale of Two Cities, Sydney Carton says it before his death. Does Taron know that what he is about to do is extremely dangerous? Does he know that he is risking his life by leaving Boston what with the world still in complete chaos? Does he somehow know that he won't make it to Wales, or back to Eleanor, or even to New York, and thus is giving Eleanor the message through the last line of what will someday become her favorite book?

Surely it couldn't be a coincidenceΒ β€” not with the way he is looking at her.

More scared than she has ever been, Eleanor manages to whisper his name as she moves to wrap her arms around his neck. He moves quicker, however, abruptly turning and walking toward the door. The sudden absence causes Eleanor to lose her balance slightly as she opens her eyes in fear.

Eleanor catches herself, watching as Taron walks through the door and jogs down the steps. Eleanor pauses for only a moment or two before bursting through the door after him. She stands on the porch, the cold morning air hitting her face and bare legs violently.

"Taron!" she shouts. He doesn't respond as he keeps walking. Eleanor briefly squints her eyes shut before screaming, "I love you!"

Taron bursts into tears at the words and closes his eyes, but from Eleanor's viewpoint, he appears completely stoic.

Nearly hysteric, Eleanor shouts, "You're supposed to say it back!"

Taron opens his eyes, his eyebrows knitted in pain.

"I said it first!" he yells without turning around. Eleanor sucks in a breath of surprise as she racks her brain in an attempt to remember when he could have possibly said the three words, but since she was asleep when he did say them it is impossible for her to remember.

Taron quickly turns down the first street available just to escape the moment. He leans against a building out of Eleanor's sight and sobs, tilting his head toward the sky and squinting his eyes shut. He remains like this for only a few moments before he opens his eyes.

Perspective. That's what he needs.

Even if he doesn't make it to Wales, he needs to try. His family could need him. He needs to try.

Taron gazes at the clouds above him, seeing Eleanor's eyes looking down. He could glance around the corner and get one last look at her, but he knows that would be too much. He looks away from the sky and forces him away from the wall, quickly walking down the street with tears cascading down his cheeks.

Eleanor gazes down the street. She has realized that she will probably never see him again, but she doesn't cry. She wants toΒ β€” oh, does she want toΒ β€” but she hadn't cried since the day she and Robbie, only the latter in double-digits, were sat on the couch in the living room of their apartment and told by their parents that they were getting a divorce, and that they had to choose who they wanted to live with. Robbie stuttered 'mom?' and Ray left before going to court was even a suggestion.

Her heart profoundly heavy, Eleanor accepts that the tears won't come and instead collapses into a sitting position, her hand sliding down the railing after she feebly attempted to keep herself up.

She breathes deeply and continues to stare down the road, part of her wishing that Taron would change his mind and come back to her. But he doesn't.

Eleanor lays on the cold concrete and stares up at the pale blue sky dotted with gray clouds. Her heartbeat finally slows as she gazes, wishing gravity would fail just around her and nowhere else, allowing her to drift off into space all alone. Funny how that used to be one of her worst fears β€”Β floating off into space.

Taron was the better majority of her entire life, and now he is gone.

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author's note ;

hooooo boy do i love me some drama. i was so emo writing this. buckle up for part two of i don't remember how many parts, coming soon to a theater near you

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