the paint glided softly across the canvas as i sat in my fur stool painting yet another picture.

it was the next day after von and Michaels argument, after micheal went home it was silent, like always.

I'm just....broken. too broken to notice my brothers non after care of the situation he suggested I do. too broken to notice that Michael most definitely had someone he was going home to every night. too broken to notice that my life was completely falling apart.

i turned down the music that played in my headphones and looked up at the roses from Dantè that stood in the window seal above my bed.

a tear rolled down from my face thinking back to everything.

"Hey sos, can we talk?" I heard my brothers deep voice ask and i hurriedly wiped the tear from my face.

I turned to look at him before nodding my head yes.

He sat on my bed quietly before he finally said something.

"I apologize ."

The words felt foreign coming from him.

His apologies usually came in money. Everybody in this family apologies came in money.

"Treyvon-

"Let me finish. I apologize for making you sit in that car and that you had to witness what you did. I apologize for having you move into here with me. I apologize for not thinking everything through. I apologize for not doing a better job at taking care of you. I apologize for bringing you so much hurt because of my lifestyle."

I looked at him before, letting out a bunch of tears, for the 20th time. And for once it wasn't because of Dantè.

I was broken to the point right now somehow I still felt responsible for my own pain and rather not let my brother take the blame for it, because only I, can carry that type of guilt.

He stood up and wrapped his hands around me, as I cried onto his grey Nike tech.

"It's my fault, not yours Michael."

"No sos, stop it."

"I'm the reason, I should've never got involved, I should've listened, I should've-

"Stop!" He raised his voice with this one and i did stop.

"It's not your fault, it never will be. Stop putting the blame on you. It's me, I did this to you. I'll fix it, I promise. Just promise me you'll stop blaming yourself." He told me.

And my hands trembled, "I promise."

He wiped my tears and stood me up.

"Get dressed." He told me and I looked at him confused.

"Where-

"Just get dressed sos, be ready in 30."

"IN 30??? DO I LOOK LIKE AN "IN 30" BITCH TO YOU?" I asked him and he laughed before shutting my door.

I sighed. Well that was something. He was never the type to apologize so I took that into consideration but I also took how oblivious everyone had been to what I was going through. It wasn't as simple.

I had blood in my hands, my lap, my car seats.

It was just too much.

I figured I'd not think about the situation for the rest of the day and just throw something on so I can leave to where ever treyvon was taking me.

I wasn't really trying to look my best.

so yes, today I was in fact a "in 30" bitch today.

I walked out my room in black and grey essentials hoodie and sweatpants to match and my grey and white new balance.

My hair was placed in a messy bun and I had my glasses on.

My brother was sitting on the couch, and once he saw me he grabbed his keys.

"You look like rich and miserable." He said and i rolled my eyes.

"Bout what I am ain't it?" I said following behind him out the door.

"We working on the miserable part, shhhhh."

"Yea right."

He opened the car door for me and let me in. I sat down and as soon as he pulled off, I went straight to sleep and then woke up to it being about 8 and us being parked in a Starbucks parking lot.

He seemed to be just now getting back in the car drone whatever side quest he was on.

"I got you that caramel frappe shit and your food is in the back, i didn't wanna wake you up." He said and i grabbed the plate from the back.

"Thank you but is this all we doing today?" I asked smiling knowing I was finna piss him off.

He looked at me, "Cuh when you finished go back to sleep."

I rolled my eyes, "You thought I was feeling you-

"SOS PLEASE." He said, i just laughed. It was fun seeing him mad not gone lie and I knew he hated that song.

"And it's not okay when he try to hurt me..."

He looked at me and I busted out laughing before taking a bite of my food.

"Alright im done im done." I Said as he started back driving.

"We both from the Bronx so I know that you dirty." I mumbled and he snatched my drink as I continued to laugh.

"Alright okay I'm sorry. I'm done. Pay attention to the road dick head."

I snatched my drink as the light turned green, I finished my food.

Then as he said, I fell asleep

I woke up to my arm being tapped by von. My eyes slightly squinting at the bright lights surrounding me.

"We here to see the Christmas lights, wake up dick head."

I screamed very loudly, "OMGGG the lights??? I haven't seen this is in ages, since I was little. Ohhhh Jesus you're the kinda sorta best brother in the world for this. You know that? Ok cool." I said as I slowly started to notice his irritation.

But still through all of that I could see a smile burning to come across his face.

He was happy I was happy and he learned that keeping me happy had been top priority.

He learned one thing of all about me, that I was the most forgiving person he ever met.

The most soft hearted and pure hearted girl he had in his life.

And now he KNEW it was his job to keep it that way.