ｓｏｌａ̀ｎａ

i stood in the shower, blood trickling from off my body to my drain that I stared silently at.

michael drove me home, it was awkward more than anything.

i was hurt and confused

as i got out and dried myself off i wrapped the towel around my body and put my hair up, staring at myself in the mirror.

why me ?

Dantè

my hands found themselves at his notebook, reading every inch and every word, tears falling down softly from page to page.

the more i learned the more my heart ached and the last page came and i smiled as i read the words fumbling across my eyes.

checking underneath my mattress, came a note and a very pretty diamond necklace with a very pretty ring on it.

i proceeded to open the note, "it was my mothers, now it's yours, keep it forever for me." were the exact wording.

I figured I'd put it on as I put my clothes on and headed to my closet and opened it only to see a bunch of lavender roses, they were gorgeous, lavender has aways been my favorite color and lavender roses were like heaven to me.

A note clinging tightly onto the heart shaped box,

"These lasts forever, never worry about them getting old, i know there's sushi in the refrigerator, stop crying and go eat, im no longer in pain sos."

i wiped my tears, but my hands found themselves shaking at everything I took in, this hurt.

really, really bad. how did he even manage-

i put on my robe, taking my hair out of its towel and looked at myself in the mirror, what has my life become ?

I've haven't had to deal with loss or grief in so long, but how could i ever forget having a boy who loved me more than than I ever got to feel. I never had to face my feelings on him until now.

I never had to think about his impact on my heart, i just shoved everything we had underneath the rug due to the fact of his decisions with Michael.

Michael...I mean how does he feel seeing me cry about a boy dying who tried to kill me.

my phone started to ding and I looked at my phone.

Michael

Is it okay for me to come back ?

yes, that's okay

I went downstairs searching in the refrigerator to find one more plate of sushi, i went to the couch and sat there and ate, my eyes watering as my thoughts started to swallow me.

He didn't get to hear what I had to say, why couldn't he stay a little longer to hear me? If I told him that I loved him then might be have stayed, might have he realized that I would've helped him.

or was he right and I love living in a fairytale and the reality was, this was his only way out.

Or was this his fault, i-if I came he wouldn't have killed himself.

the door knob started to turn and Michael came in.

He saw me and his heart ached, he had never seen me so broken and he was also confused on why I was so heartbroken over a boy who tried to kill him and I realized, Michael nor anybody knew his true intentions nor reasons behind his actions and it was my choice to tell them.

But either knowing or not knowing, Michael was here to comfort me.

It was so late, about 4 in the morning.

Michael sat down next to you and i  placed my head on his shoulder and he took my sushi out of my hand and placed me in his lap.

"Let it out sos, I won't be mad, let it out."

I fell into his chest and began my infamous uncontrollably crying, all my cries being muffled into his black t-shirt. His hands wrapping me tightly.

"It hurts Michael. It hurts." I cried and he rubbed my back softly.

"This is all my fault, I should've never came here michael, I should've stayed at home-

Michael lifted my chin up, his eyes staring into my hopeless ones.

"Don't say that sos, please don't say that. Nothing is your fault. You hear me? Don't put all that weight on you. I'm here to lift it, how many times-

"Michael that's not reality and you know it. You are just another boy i can't have due to the circumstances of me being related to treyvon. You are just another one of them and it hurts. I will never ever be able to get you."

"Do you really see me like that?" He asked and i shrugged my shoulders and started to cry so much more.

"It's the truth Michael, that's why you're not denying it." I whispered.

The more words came out of my mouth, the more tears fell and the tighter his grip on me was held.

It was quiet for a long long time, only sounds of me moving as I tried to go to sleep.

"Lift up for a minute for me." He told me and I did.

He took off his Nike tech wrapping it around my shoulders.

"Rest on me for tonight, i got you kid."