𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤, 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐞 months, they tried to get us to believe our dad was dead. They said we were in denial.

Whatever.

Denial's underrated. You should try it sometime. It's highly effective, and it's only denial if you're wrong.

It just doesn't make any sense. My dad is the last guy who would ever get lost at sea. This compass coming back to us—our father's compass, which was passed down for generations—it's a sign.

My dad's still alive. And we're gonna find him.

☼☼☼

When I wake up the next morning, I find both John B and the scuba gear gone. Walking into the kitchen, I see a note on the counter.

Taking the scuba gear back to the Cameron's.

Be back in a little.

-JB

I'm surprised that John B got up before me, but I'm not surprised that he took the scuba gear back for me. He's the only one who knows what happened between Rafe and me two years ago. He's also the only person I've told about running into Rafe the other day. Even though JJ doesn't know why I hate Rafe so much, he knows that the reason for my hatred happened while I was friends with Sarah. And because I hate Rafe, JJ hates him even more than he already did. While I haven't told him about bumping into Rafe, I figure he'll eventually find out about it. I just don't know if it'll be me he hears it from.

After deciding I have nothing better to do at the moment, I pick up the book I've been reading for the past week and take it with me to the front porch. A few minutes later, JJ drives up on his dirt bike. I set my book down next to me—only a couple pages further into it—before walking over to him, stopping a few inches away and leaning on the handles of the bike.

"Hey, freckles," he greets as he pulls his helmet off and shakes his head to mess his hair up.

"Hey," I say as JJ reaches his hand out to tussle my hair. I smack his hand away, not wanting my hair to get messed up, even though it's already ratty and knotted from sleeping on it. "What're you doing here so early? It's not even six," I ask, a smile playing on my lips as I secretly admire his ability to look so good this early in the morning. Shut up, Y/n, you're not supposed to think that.

"Uh, I needed to get out of the house." JJ takes a deep breath before letting it out, his eyes not quite meeting mine.

"Your dad?" I ask, a frown quickly replacing my smile.

"Yeah." He nods his head before swinging his leg over the bike and leaning on the side of it.

"Do you wanna talk about it or no?"

"I just don't really wanna think about him right now."

"Alright. I can work with that. Come on," I say as I stand up straight and reach my hand out, palm up. He stares at it for a second before slowly placing his hand in mine.

"What are we doing?" he asks hesitantly, his brow quirked in skepticism.

"You'll see." I quickly look down to make sure he's wearing shorts, and I'm not surprised to find that he is. Good.

"Where are you taking me?" JJ laughs as I tug on his arm, pulling him inside the house.

"Just come on. You'll see for yourself." Once we get inside, I let go of his hand and walk into the kitchen. Grabbing the cooler, I throw some snacks and some bottles of beer into it.

"Boat day?" he asks, a smirk plastered on his lips.

"Not quite." I look over at him and smile when I see the confused expression on his face. "Just you and me hanging out by the dock. I've gotta get changed, but I'll be out soon. Could you make some sandwiches real quick?"

"Uh, yeah." JJ smiles as he walks over to the fridge and pulls out peanut butter and jelly. As he grabs the bread, I head over to my room and listen to JJ talk quietly to himself while he makes the sandwiches.

After I close the door to my bedroom, I turn to my dresser and open my swimsuit drawer. Once I've dug through the many articles of clothing for about a minute, I finally find the suit I was thinking of. I quickly pull it on before throwing an oversized button down and a pair of shorts on.

While I pull my hair into a low bun, I open the door and am met by JJ, who's leaning on the door frame and somehow looking hotter than he had a few minutes ago.

"Ready?" I ask, once I finish my hair and let my arms fall back to my side. JJ's eyes do a quick once over of my body before he straightens.

"For you? Always." I role my eyes as JJ smiles, his hand reaching out for me. As his arms wrap around my waist, and he pulls me close to his chest, I let out a quiet gasp, surprised by his action. I can't tear my eyes away from his, but he apparently can. I see his gaze drop down to my lips for a split second before they return to my eyes again.

Although my heart is telling me to lean forward—to close my eyes—my mind tells me otherwise. It's the number one rule: no Pogue-on-Pogue macking. I can't break it.

Anyways, JJ probably just wants a quick hook up, and I just happen to be available.

Except I'm not. I'm not just some girl he can hook up with one day and then never see again for the rest of his life.

I'm his best friend.

Choosing to follow my head, I push my hands against JJ's chest, releasing his hold on me as I take a step back.

"We should get going. John B—he said something about stopping by Ms. Lana's later today," I say, my words coming out in short bursts as I try to catch my breath.

"Yeah. You're right." Although I try to look away, I still see the hurt look that comes over JJ's face for a split second.

No, he's not supposed to feel hurt. That was just friendly flirtation, right? He was just looking for someone to make out with. He doesn't actually feel anything deeper for me. Right?

"Thanks for making the sandwiches," I say as I walk into the kitchen and toss them into the cooler. JJ only gives me a simple nod—his eyes plastered to the floor, and his hands shoved into his pockets. After I close the lid, I lift the cooler up, gravity immediately making it heavy.

"Here, I can get that." I set the cooler down on the floor as JJ walks toward me, reaching his hand down for the cooler and bending down to lift it up. As he stands back up to his full height, he looks me straight in the eyes the entire time.

Stop it, stop it, stop it!

"JJ." His name slips past my lips without my consent. And with those two simple syllables, JJ reacts in the way my heart—not my head—secretly wants him to.

Within a few seconds, JJ drops the cooler onto the floor and places his hands on my hips, pulling me closer until there's nothing between us except the fabric of our shirts. I didn't mean for his name to slip past my lips in the way that it did. But it did. And now I have to deal with the results.

But for a second, I'm taken aback—frozen in place. My hands on his chest, I look up into JJ's deep blue eyes, and I see something that I've never seen before. Not in this way, at least.

Fear and desperation.

Yes, I've seen JJ in fear. For the past four years I've been the first person he would go to when he needed to escape his dad. And yes, I've seen him look desperate before. I can't count the times on one hand that JJ has begged me to let him sleep over so he wouldn't have to see or talk to his dad.

But I've never seen him look this way because of me.

And the fear and desperation I see in his eyes now is different then all the other times I have seen it.

And somehow, I think I know what he's thinking and feeling by the emotions shown in his eyes. I know that JJ has always sought validation and worth, and while I want to give into him even just to make him feel a little more validated and worthy and appreciated, I know I can't do that right now.

I can't do that for him. I can't do that to me.

I can't let the next time I kiss someone end up the same way it did last time. I can't do that to myself. Not again.

Pushing my hands against his chest, I once again take a step away from him, though this times, it's even more painful. When his hands drop to his side, I can see the dejection in his expression and body language.

But I don't care. I don't want to ruin our friendship, and I know that no matter how casual it would be or however much JJ just wants someone to kiss, I know that I would never be able to act normal around him again if I let him do what he seems to want to do.

Still intent on my original plan to make him forget about his dad, though, I smile as best I can and walk over to the linen closet to grab two towels and a tube of sunscreen. JJ, thankfully, catches onto the fact that I'm trying to act like nothing happened, so he picks up the cooler again and follows me out the door.

Once we get to the end of the dock, I drop the towels and sunscreen onto the floor and begin taking my clothes off. I can feel his eyes on me, so I turn around to see why he's staring.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing," he brushes off as he shakes his head. "I just feel like every time I see you, you have a new swimsuit."

"Well, I mean we do live right next to the water, and I wear them pretty much every day, so I have good reason to have so many swimsuits. Anyway, Kiara and I went shopping last week," I explain as I take my shorts off to reveal my full suit.

(Choose whichever you like better.)

"How're you so f*cking hot?" JJ mutters under his breathe.

"What?" I ask in a tone that suggests I really didn't hear what he said, although I definitely did. After pulling my hair out of its bun, I step up to the edge of the dock.

"Uh, nothing. I didn't say anything," he stutters, scratching the back of his neck as he looks at me with wide eyes.

"Okay. No need to get your panties in a twist," I say, mimicking what he said to me the other day. There's a grin on my face as I jump off of the dock and into the water before JJ can respond.

My head hits against something while I'm in the water, but it doesn't hurt too badly, so I just decide to ignore it. I kick my legs quickly, the breath in my lungs diminishing.

When I come up to the surface, I see JJ starring down at me, his shirt and boots still on and a smirk on his face. "Are you coming in or what?" I ask, kicking my legs under the water to stay afloat.

"Yeah." He quickly tugs his work boots and socks off before pulling his shirt over his head—revealing his tan and muscular abs—and dropping it on top of his boots. Man, he's hot. "You better watch out!" he yells before cannonballing in, causing the water around him to spray up in all directions—some of it splashing on top of me. When he comes back up, I can't help but laugh. He pushes his hair away from his face, causing his hair to stick up in about twelve different places, and there's a goofy grin plastered across his face.

"You're having fun, aren't you?" I ask, a wide smile on my face as I take in JJ's beautiful grin.

"With you here? Always." I can't help the fact that my smile seems to grow even bigger at his comment.

"Shut up," I say, a blush creeping up my cheeks as I roll my eyes. I can only hope that the water somehow hides my blush.

"Sorry, no can do, Routledge. You decided to talk to me that first day in third grade and now you're stuck with me for the rest of our lives," JJ says, swimming closer to me. "And there's nothing you can do about it." JJ's hands find my hips before they pull me down, my head submerging under the water. My hands flail around in the water before they land on two strong arms. I grab onto them and pull myself up until my head breaks the surface of the water. Moving my hands from JJ's biceps to around his shoulders, I pull myself closer to him until we're chest to chest. As I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist, JJ's hands instinctively grab my ass to hold me up against him. While I'd usually slap his hands away, I let them be this time, but only because the fluttery feeling that resides in the deepest parts of my core tells me to.

As I look down at JJ from where I'm lifted up around his waist, I can see the look in his eyes begin to change. Where a look of playfulness and teasing lived a few seconds ago, now resides a look of heat and darkness. My eyes flicking back and forth between each of his eyes, I feel his fingers on my ass digging harder into the flesh. The small action causes me to lift higher on JJ's waist, and my hands move away from his neck and to his shoulders, where my grip is tighter than before.

While my eyes only glance between each of JJ's, his flicker shamelessly between my eyes and my mouth. His eyes land once again on my lips, but they linger for a few seconds longer. JJ's hands begin to shift on my ass again, but this time they move higher; higher and higher until his fingers are slipping under the thin strings that tie my bathing suit bottoms together. An involuntary moan escapes past my lips, and JJ's eyes snap up to mine upon hearing the sound.

Apparently the sound only encourages him, because a second later, JJ's fingers are moving quickly and, next thing I know, his hands are under my bathing suit bottoms.

Even though there were only two thin pieces of fabric sewn together that was separating me from JJ's hands before, the feeling of his bare hands on my bare ass is somehow a million times different. A million times better.

I know JJ feels the same way when he lets out a moan at the same time that I gasp.

"God, Y/n. You feel so good," JJ groans, his eyes closed as his fingers bite into my skin under the water. Hearing the sound of his praise and adoration, my body kicks on by itself, deciding on its next actions without my head's approval. My hips push forward on their own accord, my covered front rubbing against the fabric of JJ's shorts. I can feel JJ grow harder and harder through his shorts as he moans my name louder and louder. "Y/n!" His breath hitches a few times as my name escapes his lips, his voice sounding almost frantic. "Y/n!"

As my name continues to roll off his tongue, it gradually begins to sound foggier and foggier.

Y/n!

He says my name one last time, and this time, it's crisp as a cool spring morning.

"Y/n!"

The sound of his distraught and congested voice comes through to my senses, and my eyes snap open, landing on JJ—who's leaning over me—and his tear-splotched face and glistening-eyes. The feel of warm wood planks tells me that I'm lying on the dock.

"What the hell?" I ask, still in a haze. JJ pulls me up into his arms, wrapping me tightly in a hug.

"Oh my god, you're okay," he whispers into my hair, his breath causing goosebumps to form on the skin behind my ear.

"What happened?" I ask as JJ pulls me away from him to look me in the eyes.

"I don't know. You must've hit your head on something in the water when you jumped in. It felt like you were under there for hours, Y/n. I thought I'd lost you," JJ explains. "God, Y/n. I thought you died." JJ tries to hide the tears that come to his eyes, but there are too many of them for him to be able to hold them at bay, so they fall down his cheeks in steady drips.

"It was all a dream?" I ask, both disappointed and relieved at the same time.

"What was a dream?"

"Nothing. Nothing was a dream," I sputter out, hoping that he'll just leave it at that. And he does, instead focusing on getting me back on my feet—both literally and figuratively.

"Are you okay? Can you stand up? Can you see fine?" JJ asks in a continuous stream. I nod to each question, though I don't know if I'd do any different if the answer where 'no' to one of them. JJ grabs me from under my armpits and lifts me up till my feet are flat on the warm deck. I feel steady enough to walk with JJ's help, but as soon as we take a step forward, my knees buckle from underneath me. Without a word, JJ slips his arms under my legs and around my waist before lifting me up and into his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck, my fingers hesitantly tapping over his skin in nervous energy as JJ carries me all the way back to the house.

While I'm sure JJ's thoughts are currently innocent, focused only on carrying me back to the house, mine are definitely not. My skin burns from the thoughts of JJ that plague my mind, and I'm sure my cheeks are red as poppies, so I can only hope that JJ thinks my blushing skin is due to me almost drowning.

☼☼☼

After JJ had carried me into the house and looked at my head to make sure I wasn't bleeding, he had told me he wanted to go to his house to grab some things. After whatever went on between him and his dad last night, JJ wanted to stay at The Château for a few nights. So, hoping that his dad was either still passes out on the couch or was gone, JJ decided now was as good a time as any to grab his things.

Even though he hadn't found any cuts or bleeding on my head, JJ still didn't want to leave me alone, in fear that I would pass out and not have anyone around to know. So, he grabbed a stray helmet from outside and strapped it onto my head before helping me climb onto the back of his dirt bike. After I was settled, he climbed on in front of me and grabbed my hands, wrapping them around his waist before letting them go and grabbing onto the handle bars, turning the engine on before driving us to his house.

JJ had only disappeared inside his house for a few minutes before he came storming back outside, a backpack in his hands and a scowl plastered on his face. I was given the reason for his scowl when his dad can storming out the door a second later, yelling and screaming. While his words were slurred due to alcohol, drugs, or most likely both, the few legible words that he did speak were ugly and ruthless. JJ wasted no time in turning the engine on and tearing out of the makeshift driveway, his father's voice a distant noise after only a few seconds.

I hugged JJ's waist, knowing that he didn't want sympathy or pity, only a loving hand to hold him. So I did just that, my arms never letting go of him—not even for a second.

Once we had gotten back to The Château, we had both seen the evidence of my brother's return.

After waltzing up to the front door, I lift my hand up to the handle to open the door. But, before my hand even touches the cool metal, JJ pulls my hand down to his side. I look over at him, a confused and slightly annoyed look on my face as I open my mouth to question him. I'm not given the chance to, though, as words come out of his mouth before they can come out of mine.

"DCS! We know you're in there!" JJ yells as he pounds on the door. He looks over a me, a goofy smile on his face, before grabbing my hand and pulling me to the side of the house. He drags me all the way to the first window before stopping just behind it. After a second, he lets go of my hand and jumps in front of the window, scaring my brother who's on the other side.

"Whoa!" John B exclaims from the other side of the window, where he's laying on the couch.

"Gotcha, slick," JJ laughs as he looks over at me. He looks back over at my brother and raps on the window